Your Way With Words Is Through Silence

I got up the next afternoon around 1 still feeling tired and upset. I rubbed my eyes and basically dragged myself out of bed. I walked into the living room to see Marissa walking out of her room and Chris getting up from the couch.

“Hey Nicole!” I waved, running my other hand through my hair. Chris smiled and waved after greeting Marissa with a kiss.

“Where are you guys going?”

“Band practice.” Chris responded while grabbing a banana off of the kitchen counter.

“Wanna come?” I smiled at him trying to be nice even though him and Marissa both know how I’m feeling right now.

“Thanks but no thanks, you two have fun though. Don’t forget about the bonfire tonight.”

“We will! We won’t forget!” Marissa yelled before her and Chris walked out the door. I sighed.

What am I going to do today? Usually Jeremy is dragging me with him by this time. I went in my room, hoping a shower would make me feel better. I grabbed a navy blue tank top with a white anchor on it out of the closet with a pair of light wash skinny jeans since it wasn’t hot like it usually is in Florida. I showered, got dressed and did my make up then put my iPhone on my portable speakers. I put my iPod on shuffle and Runaways by The Swellers started playing. I smiled and sang along as I packed everything except for pajamas for tonight and an outfit for tomorrow.

By the time I finished showering and packing it was only 4 o’clock, I had three hours to kill before the guys were coming here. I turned my music off and grabbed my laptop before walking into the living room and out the door onto the balcony. I sat on one of the chairs, overlooking the beach with my laptop on my lap. I watched band music videos and before I knew it I heard a knock on the door then my name being called. I closed my laptop and went inside, seeing the guys standing in the living room.

“Hold on.” I went to my room and put my laptop away, knowing I won’t be using it until I got home to New York. I slipped on a pair of navy blue TOMS, matching my shirt perfectly after fixing my hair and makeup. I walked back into the living room, seeing the guys standing near the door.

“Ready to go?” Jeremy asked and I nodded. We made our way out of the hotel and to the beach.

“It’s not even that dark yet, why are we here so early?” I looked around to see that the beach was deserted.

“We have to set up the bonfire!” Neil, Kevin and Alex went to Neil’s car to get the firewood out. I sat on the sand, drawing patterns in it while the guys set up the bonfire. It took them almost an hour to set everything up and by the time they were done it was dark. Neil started the fire and we all cheered.

“Look who decides to show up!” Josh yelled and waved as Marissa and Chris walked down the beach, hands entwined again.

“Band practice ran late!”
We sat around the bonfire, Jeremy was on my left and Josh was on my right. Everyone was talking and when it started to become quiet I felt like I should finally tell them.

“So we have something to tell you…” Marissa looked at me, knowing what I was about to say. I looked around and everyone’s eyes were on me. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

“This is our last night in Ocala….we’re leaving tomorrow morning.” A chorus of “aw” and “don’t go” came from everyone but Jeremy, who was silent. He had an angry, almost blank look on his face. He stood up and walked away from the fire and towards the shore, walking along it.

“Well who stole his Midol?” the group laughed at Marissa’s statement. I would have too if I knew that Jeremy was okay. When I caught up to him he had his hands in the pockets of his black Blink-182 sweatshirt and he was looking down at the wet sand beneath his bare feet.

“Jeremy.” He stopped walking and turned to face me, he had an upset look on his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving tomorrow!?”

“Technically I did tell you, just now.”

“Funny. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!”

“Why does it matter!?” my voice was gradually getting louder. I saw his face started to turn red from anger, even in the dark.

“I-Well…I-it doesn’t matter. The point is you should have told me sooner!”

“Well i-it slipped my mind!”

“How did it just slip your mind?!”

“It didn’t okay! Did you ever think that it would upset me if I told you guys that we were
leaving?” I could hear my voice getting shaky.

“Did it ever occur to you that I’d be upset too?” he whispered, as if he were ashamed to be telling me.

“Why would you be upset?” He shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. Were you ever going to tell me you were leaving? Or did you not care about me enough to tell me?”

“Are you serious? Jeremy I cared about you before I even met you! Obviously I was going to tell you, I spent two months of my life wi-“

I was cut off by his lips on mine, roughly as if he was taking the anger out of our argument and putting it into the kiss. I kissed him back with as much passion I could offer. He put his hands on both sides of my face gently and I stepped closer to him, putting my hands on his arms. I felt we were like that forever and it honestly felt amazing.

We both jumped and pulled away when the fireworks started, I was blushing and giggling.

“Why are you giggling?”

“Your beard tickled my face.” He chuckled and pulled me into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around my waist. I wrapped my arms around his torso.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that.” He leaned down and whispered in my ear, I felt butterflies in my stomach as cliché as that sounds.

“How long?”

“After the second night we hung out. I just never had the courage to do it and I had a girlfriend at the time.” I looked up at him to see him smiling at me. I smiled back before I shivered. He let go of me and pulled his sweatshirt off, handing it to me. I shook my head.

“Aren’t you cold?” he shook his head at me. I took his sweatshirt and pulled it over my head, the hood messing my hair up in the process. Jeremy chuckled at how big the sweatshirt was on my tiny body. I fixed the hood and my hair before bundling the sleeves up to my nose and inhaling deeply.

“What are you doing?”

“It smells like you.” He smiled and laced his fingers with mine, walking back to where everyone was. They clapped and cheered when we got there and I looked away smiling and blushing.

“We watched the whole thing, it was so cute!” Marissa squealed when we sat back down, Jeremy’s arm around me. He had the biggest smile on his face.

“Where’s Kevin?” Right when I asked he came back holding bags of marshmallows, a box of Graham crackers, packages of Hershey bars, and roasting sticks.

“Smores!” we ripped apart the packages like kids and we each placed a marshmallow on a stick to roast. A minute later Neil got up, holding his stick in his hand running and yelling.

“My marshmallow is on fire!”

“Wave the stick around!” Jeremy called out. Neil did what Jeremy said to do, causing us all to laugh because he could have just blown the fire out. He sat down, pouting.

“It’s almost burnt.”

“Here.” I handed him my stick with a perfectly toasted marshmallow on it. We exchanged sticks and I grabbed Graham crackers and chocolate, making my smore.

“I like it almost burnt.” I took a bite of it, getting melted chocolate all over my fingers. I ate my smore then cleaned my fingers. I looked up at Jeremy and he chuckled.

“You have chocolate on your face.”

“I don’t believe you after what happened yesterday at the Golden Corral.” I smirked at him. He reached up and wiped the corner of my mouth with his thumb and showed me that there was chocolate on it before wiping his hands together.

“Oh.” I felt a blush slowly creeping on my cheeks. He smiled and leaned down to kiss me, which gives me butterflies on the inside. I could hear Neil and Kevin yelling sexual comments to Jeremy. He pulled away seconds later, giving them an evil glare while I felt a blush creeping onto my cheeks again.

“This is perfect!” I turned to look at Marissa who was holding her iPhone in her hand. She handed it to me and I looked at the picture, it was of Jeremy and I kissing and there was smoke from the bonfire around us. It looked like one of the couple pictures you would see on Tumblr and wish you had that kind of relationship. I smiled and sent it to Jeremy’s phone and my phone before handing Marissa’s phone back to her.
Around midnight Marissa and Chris stood up.

“Where are you guys going?”

“Oh, uh I’m tired.” Marissa yawned. I could tell it was fake. I smirked at them.

“Right, I’d be tired too if I was all over someone all day! Good night you two.” Marissa started to blush and Chris chuckled. Marissa hugged all of the guys good bye except for Jeremy, she told me she guarantees she’ll see him again before we leave. They walked away and towards the hotel, Chris’ arm around Marissa’s waist.

I looked over at Jeremy. He was staring straight ahead, he looked like he was thinking. I wrapped my arms around his body from the side, inching closer to him so I was leaning against him slightly.

“What are you thinking about?” he looked down at me, he had an almost sad expression on his face.

“I really don’t want you to leave. I finally did what I wanted to do and now you’re leaving. I probably made you leaving harder for the both of us now.” He sighed, I could tell he was over-thinking, something we both do frequently. I sighed too because I didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t want to leave either.” I didn’t notice the guys weren’t sitting near the fire anymore until we heard Neil yell.

“Shit!” I looked over to see Neil sitting on the damp sand, small waves crashing against him. Alex, Josh and Kevin were laughing at him, trying to dodge the water Neil was trying to splash them with.

“Well I’m glad I’m wearing my bathing suit! Do you guys want to swim with us?” I realized he directed this question to Jeremy and I. I looked up at him and shook my head.

“Alright, well you’re missing out on the fun!” Neil, Josh, Kevin, and Alex took their shirts off and threw them onto the sand near us before running back towards the water and diving in.
I leaned my head against Jeremy’s shoulder, keeping my arms around him. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt him lean his cheek against the top of my head. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind of everything.

***

I guess I fell asleep because when I opened my eyes Alex was pouring water on the fire and Josh was cleaning up what food was left from our smores.

“Are you going to wake her up?” I heard Kevin ask Jeremy. I yawned and sat up, stretching my arms above my head.

“I don’t have to.” I could feel one of Jeremy’s arms still around me.

“We’re leaving?” he nodded and I checked the time; 1:30. We got up and walked up the wooden ramp connecting the boardwalk to the beach. When we got to the top I stopped and looked out at the beach we were just sitting on.

“I’m really going to miss it here.”

We started walking towards the hotel, slower than usual. This is the last time I’ll see these guys for a while as far as I know.

“You guys need to move down here to Ocala.” Neil stated as I took one last look of the little shops that lined the boardwalk. I felt Jeremy slide his fingers in between mine, lacing our hands together.

“We can’t Neil, our families live in New York and we have jobs.”

“Can’t you get other jobs here?”

“I don’t know.” The truth is that drastic changes like moving to a different state than where I’ve lived my whole life scare me. I always feel that at any moment I could change my mind or regret my decision. I’m never always confident with the choices I make in my life since I over think things, I always come to the conclusion that things are going to end in the worst way possible. I guess you can call me a pessimist.

I sighed, seeing that we got to the outside of the hotel. I looked at the guys, tears filled my vision. I guess they saw how upset I was because moments later I was squished in a group hug by them. When they let go of me I gasped for air, seeing that my face was squished into Neil’s chest.

“You guys have no idea how I’m going to miss all of you.”

“Well you have our numbers, you better text us every day! Well, at least me because I’m better than they are.” Everyone smacked Josh upside the head at his comment. I couldn’t control my laughter.

“I should probably let you guys go.” I looked at them and sighed, I know I’ll see them again but living in a small town in New York doesn’t offer many fun things to do. These guys are the definition of fun, something I desperately need in my life. I hugged Josh, Alex, Kevin, and Neil. When I was done with them I looked at Jeremy. I bit my lip, not knowing what to say.
“I can stay tonight if you want since I’m pretty sure Marissa has company.” I was so relieved to hear him say that. I nodded and the guys waved good bye before walking to get Neil’s car. When we got upstairs to the hotel it was quiet and the lights were off. We went into my room and I shut the door. Jeremy looked around.

“Your room looks empty now.” During the whole trip I took countless pictures of us and the guys and I posted some of them around the walls of my room. They were packed away now.
“I’ll be right back.” I grabbed my shorts and tank top and went into my bathroom. I changed and wiped my make up off before walking into my room with my clothes in my hands. I threw my clothes in a pile next to my bed. When I looked at my bed I couldn’t control the smile growing on my face.

Jeremy was lying on the bed with his eyes closed and his hands folded behind his head. I grabbed my iPhone off my dresser as quiet as possible and snapped a picture since the light was still on. I put my phone back and turned off the light before lying next to him. There was a full moon and its light was shining in the room, making it easy for me to make out Jeremy’s face in the dark. He turned his head towards me, opening his eyes and smiling when he saw me.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” I couldn’t help but smile at him. “I’m sorry you can’t change into anything so you’re more comfortable.”

“It’s okay, I can sleep in basketball shorts.” He hesitantly moved closer and put his arms around me, almost as if he was unsure about it.

“Are you comfortable with this?” I nodded and settled into his arms, leaning my head against his chest.

“Good night Nicole.”

“Night Jer.” I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent until I fell asleep.