Untitled

I'm Not Dreaming

I inhaled deeply.
The first time I met you… It was after our ‘Tell Me Goodnight’ tour. I remember watching you through the gig, you were at the middle back but I saw you. I saw you screaming the lyrics at the top of your voice, singing like the songs were your life too. That was what drew me to you, your passion for us, for me.

We played an awesome show, afterwards the boys and I wanted to stick around and say hi to all of the people who had come to support us.

I remember you coming up and saying hello but from the moment I first gazed into your eyes, I was lost, I fell into a pool of chocolate and there was no sense in telling me anything. I couldn’t see past my own lust. We spoke of music and I commented on your MCR hoodie, I was witty, I made you laugh. Finally as we were forced to say our goodbyes I watched as you walked away and as you did, you took every memory with you, you took your name and my being away with you.

I know that look in her eye
The stare that says you’ll remember me
And it’s just a reminder
Her way to say ‘I’ll never set you free’
Another magical moment
Just for the thrill of the chase
There’s nothing that could save you

*********

I sit with my back turned away from the train that has just pulled up at the station. I don’t want to risk her seeing me waiting for her, watching for her. There is a small crowd of people, all of them rushing towards the gates to get out into the city and then I spot her. She has her ‘The Black Parade’ tee on and a reasonably plain black skirt with Grey and purple striped leggings on. Her MCR bag is bumping gently at her hip and I can almost hear the click of the dozens of badges as she walks. I wait until she passes through the gate before I stand up, so she doesn’t see me, then I too pass through the gate.

I can see her black hair bounce as she walks and heads to the lifts, Oh how I long to travel up with her but I don’t, instead I hurry up the stairs to reach the roadside before her. I watch as she emerges from the elevator and steps towards the traffic lights and for a split second our eyes meet, my heartbeat quickens and I feel my breath speed up. I look the other way and try to steady myself, how can one woman make me feel so, so…

I watched her from behind as she crossed the road, why couldn’t I just speak to her? This was crazy, I'm Pete Wood, lead singer of ‘The Hot Lies’, I can do anything I want, I can get anyone I want. And yet still I feel lost for words, I can barely speak to her. I know that she’s a fan. I think to myself as I head back to my car hiding beneath my sunnies and hoodie. I’ve seen her at at least three of our gigs, singing every word and dancing like there’s no tomorrow.

“Damn it!” I yell kicking the tire on my car.

“Excuse me? Oh wow, it is you! Petey from the hot lies huh? Can I get a picture? Wow, I can’t believe it, my friends will never believe it either!” I looked at the young girl in front of me, wearing her underwear shorts and a skimpy pink top and I couldn’t help but sigh.

“Okay, but be quick. I have to get going.” I see her smile widely and hold up her phone to take a picture.

“Okay! Smile!” I hear my phone ring and am relieved.

“Sorry, I have to take this.” I say quickly as I climb into my car and lock the door watching as the teenybopper waves until I turn away and answer my phone.

“Yeah?”

“Pete, where are you? Rehearsals started 15mins ago.”

“Yeah, sorry, I'm just on my way out of the city now Jared. I’ll be there as soon as I can okay?”

We watch in wait here’s hoping
Catching the cursed bouquet
A dozen roses a dozen names
It’s catching

“Hey guys. So what did I miss?” I say as I step through to our rehearsal room. I receive a chorus of hey's and hellos from the boys until Jared rushes over to me. I feel him grab my arm and pull me aside.

“What’s going on with you man? Running late to practice, your head has been in the clouds since, well since our last gig. What is it?” I looked away from his face, there was nothing I could say.

“Pete, come on man. Do you want this or not? I mean cos if you don’t, you need to let us know now before the tour starts. We have the album launch in less than a week. Tell me Pete, what is it that you wanna do?” I had been waiting all my life for this, I wasn’t willing to give it up, I would fight for everything I wanted until the end of the earth.

“I'm in it for the long haul man, I would never leave you guys. I'm sorry, I have been a bit tied up lately, I promise that things will be different. Okay, lets get started. What are we working on first?”

“Hey. Hows it going?” I look up from my Vienna to see her sparkling brown eyes looking at me, looking at me like I had looked at her so many times. I take a moment to regain composure.

"Hi. I’m pretty good. Do… you want to sit?” I ask her boldly as she pulls the seat out from across from me. We just sit for a moment and take a sip of our coffees. I don’t know what to say to her, all the times I had played out our meeting in my head, it had not been like this.

“I’ve been…”

“So I just…” we both began to laugh,

“I'm sorry, you go first.” I say to her trying to cover up the heat rising into my cheeks.

“Thank you.” I watched her smile broaden as she placed her coffee on the table.

“I just wanted to come and say hi and re-introduce myself.”

“Oh really? Cool, so what is your name again?” I ask a little too eager, this had been the moment I had been dying for since the first time I saw her.

“I'm…Pete.”

“Pete? I ask with considerable confusion.

“Yeah, Pete. Pete…

“Pete, Get out of bed you lazy ass. We have things to do today and there is no way Im letting you get out of it!” I rubbed my head, I had been dreaming. It had all been just a dream, I sighed and pushed back the covers.

“GET OUT OF BED PETE!” Jared’s voice echoed through the house.

“Alright, I'm up. I’ll be out in a minute Just, give me a minute.”

“I pulled my body up and out of bed. I was so tired and as I got up, I allowed my thoughts to trace over the lingering remnants of the dream. It had all felt so real, I had been so close to her, close enough to reach out and touch her.

I picked up my towel and opened my door. On hearing the commotion down stairs, I was relieved to find the bathroom free so that I could have a shower. The water gushed out of the faucet and swirled towards the drain. I slipped out of my boxers and stepped into the steaming water. What wouldn’t I give to spend some time with her. I thought to myself as I rubbed shampoo into my hair. All I could think about was getting to know her. I knew that this whole thing was becoming an obsession, it was spiralling out of control and I didn’t want to stop it.

“C’mon man, I need the shower too. What are you doing in there?”

I'm sitting just outside the train station today on those wooden benches, its during school hours so all the little scene kids are mostly absent. I see her face in the group of people, she’s chatting on the phone and laughing, it must be one of her friends. I have to tell myself that or else I will begin to go crazy, I need to think of her as available, free to be mine, not with some looser, so she can be mine. I can see she has a headphone in her ear and her bag looks heavier today. I can hear the clicking of her bag better today, I’m closer, getting more strength to get closer to her.

“I know!! Its only four more days dude! I can’t wait, The Hot Lies man!” I hear her squeal at the idea of seeing us at the album launch, I know that she will be there now, I will work towards meeting her, I have to meet her.

I’ve been watching you through the windows
trying not to fall
I’ve been watching you through the windows
Now its curtains for us all

“Pete? Pete, are you listening? Earth to Pete?” I looked up at Jared’s questioning face.

“Sorry guys, got lost in the music, where were we?” Jared was watching me,

“Take five guys, go get something to eat. Pete, we have to talk.” I followed him out the back.

“What is it Jared? Honestly I’m fine.”

“No, your not. Your barely eating and sleeping even less, why are you so obsessed with her?” I tried to look away but his hand caught my face and brought me back.

“Pete. Talk to me man.”

“I don’t know what it is. I want her, I want her to be mine, but for some reason I can’t, I just can’t seem to get the courage to talk to her. There just never seems to be the right place or time to speak to her.”
His eyes grew dark, he had seen me like this before, only once when we first had begun our endeavor to become The Hot Lies.

“Pete, I know you, when you put your mind to something you get it. I know its just you live inside your own thoughts until the time is right, but you need to focus on this week, we need this to get to the next level. C’mon man just go get it out of your system or something, talk to this chick, I don’t care what you do, just make sure when we practice next that your head is in the right place.”

“Okay, I will sort this out. I swear.”

“Alright, lets go grab some food and get back in to it.”

I watched her from far down the platform as she climbed onto the train and took a seat at the back of the train. It was a bit late in the evening so it was easy to blend in. I made sure she wasn’t looking as I hurried on as well and sat behind her. I could see her headphones were in but I was disappointed that I couldn’t hear what she was listening to. I reached across the seats, allowing my hand to hover over her shoulder but her phone rang and as she went to answer it I sat back into my seat and looked out the window.

“Hello. Good, what? Oh yeah, she was good. Yeah, I know! I'm sooo excited too! It’s the Hot Lies man, that’s our band!” Her excitement bubbled over making me wish I were able to be involved in the conversation.

“I know! I just hope our Mr Wood has shaved off that facial hair… Yeah, maybe. Oh really? Yeah, I’m almost home, just leaving Bogan station.” I had to cover my mouth so as not to start laughing, not only was she beautiful, and a fan of My Chemical Romance, she was funny too. A more perfect woman could not exist.

**Two Days Til Launch**

The days were getting closer, we were getting things ready to set up at ‘The Gov’, we had the guys from ‘The Open Season’ and ‘Mere Theory’ calling us to no end, for set up tips and chatting to us about the gig, excitement was buzzing through us all, it was only a home gig, but here at home we could feel the love from the fans, and from her. I was the model lead singer, I made it to practice on time and did well to keep my head in place, after all I wanted to make you scream for me when you would hear how good we sounded. I wanted to play ‘Under your skin’ for you, I knew what it would mean to you and what it meant to me.

“So where do you want this?” One of the stagehands asked, interrupting my thoughts of you.

“Just there man, Cheers.” Excitement was flowing through me. This was our first album, I only hoped that you would like it as much as I did. The boys from the other bands had already been and done their sound checks and as I stood on the tiny stage at ‘The Gov’, I pictured your face singing along to everything you already knew, there was nothing to hold me back tonight, I would know your name, I would talk to you tonight.

There is no world before these pictures
She wears upon her arm
And all the people are staring
Because they cant resist her charms

There were a few hours left till curtain, we went our ways getting ready and tending to our own pre-gig rituals. I stood in front of my closet and looked at my shirts swinging on the coat hangers. As I took out the shirt, I wanted to think that it would be a shirt that you would like.

As I showered, I thought of you and what you were doing. Were you listening to our music? Were you getting excited too? Were you putting on makeup? Were you thinking about me too? Once I was dressed, I pulled on my Vans and half skipped out the door to the car that was waiting for me.

“Hey Pete, you look happy. Excited about tonight?” Leaton quizzes me as I jump into the car.
I look over at him and smile, “Yeah, Tonight is going to be amazing.”

“Hey guys how are you doing tonight?” I smile slightly at the chorus of screams directed my way, but there is only one scream I want to hear. I can see her with her best friends, they are only a two people from the front, her camera is there in her hand and I see her smile, the smile for us, the smile for me. I speak to the crowd but I'm really only speaking to her.

We launch into song after song, I see her melting into the crowd, into the barrier, singing along to what she knew and listening intently to what she doesn’t yet know. Soon, soon you will know this too… I pose above her for pictures, allowing my ego to interfere. I feel her reach out to me, her hand on my thigh and it sends shivers through me. I want nothing more than to slide into the crowd and melt into her eyes, arms and heart. It's in this moment that my life becomes more hazy then ever before, is this what I do this for? Am I really this vain?

The song finishes and quietly I thank god, I turn and take a big mouthful of water. I can feel all their sets of eyes following my every move, my heart beats faster and my breaths quicken I smile slyly to Jared and turn around.

“This is a song that we hold close to our hearts, Here’s ‘Under your skin’…” I sing the words but they feel like so much more to me, I hope they feel the same to her.

After the encore, I announce that we plan to stay behind and have a drink and stuff with our supporters and fans, but really I’m planning on meeting her again, speaking to her again. People, teenagers and adults alike bombarded me as I searched the crowd for her face. I couldn’t see her anywhere at all, I saw Pixie and Jared, Leaton and Luke were out back still winding down but you were nowhere to be found. I paused and spoke to those around me, meaningless conversations that were both uninspiring and draining.

At one point I look up, my focus stolen by a feeling and as I follow that feeling, my heart stops beating. I see you, your at the bar getting a drink, a warm feeling grows in me. Your hair is messy, your makeup is smudged but I can see that your happy, I can’t help but smile and the silly fan girl that I’m speaking with thinks it’s because of her. I see you move towards someone, someone I recognize, its Jared. You start to speak to him laughing about something, god how your eyes sparkle when you smile… I see you take some pictures, your getting ready to move, I have to speak to you, I have to know your name.

“Excuse me. It was nice to meet you but I have to be moving on.” I say as politely as I can to the girl in front of me. I can see that she is disappointed but its something I was willing to risk. I walked in the direction of the bar to look for you, but it had been inevitable, you were gone. And I was left here.

The guys and I went to the Enigma Bar afterwards to celebrate the launch but I wasn’t feeling like partying, instead I buried my head in a glass for the night.

The next morning I woke up on the couch with a thumping headache and a cotton ball mouth. I stumbled to the kitchen where Jared was fixing coffee, he poured me a cup and set down the asprin in front of me. I groaned as I tilted my head back to take them. After I had taken a mouthful of coffee I looked over at Jared, he looked surprisingly cheerful all things considered.

“So Jared. The show last night was great huh?” I forced myself to breathe normally and keep my voice in check as I spoke.

“Yeah, it was. The crowd went off!” he smiled at me unknowingly, unquestioningly.

“So,” I said as casually as I could, “there was a girl I saw you speaking to after the launch. She was gorgeous did you happen to catch her name at all? Jared rubbed his head trying to think.

“Pete, which one do you mean? I had so many come up to me and I was drinking all night too. Seriously man, I'm lucky I remember my own name, let alone someone else’s.” I felt ill, and I was sure that it wasn’t from the mass alcohol consumption.

“She was beautiful, punky black hair, Grey tee with one of those things, you know the things with the buttons? And I'm sure she had friends there with her too. C’mon Jared, think!” I was becoming frantic, I had to know, he had to remember. I watched as he stood and moved to leave the room.

“I just don’t know Pete, sorry man.” He gave me a look as he headed up to his room. I had to go for a walk, I had to clear my head, and I had to learn how to breathe again.

I don’t know how long I walked for, but my feet knew where they were going.
The Train station.
The one place I could feel close to her. The one place I could breathe and know that somewhere near by she was breathing that same air. I placed my ticket into the machine and strolled through the gate. The station wasn’t busy so I was able to wander past each of the platforms. Number 7 was where the Grange train was stationed.

I could feel my heartbeat speed up in anticipation as I walked past each of the windows, looking inside, praying to see her face, praying for the courage to walk up and say hello to her. Frustrated I pushed the hair from my face, this was crazy. I reached the front of the train without seeing her face. I shook my head and turned around. I had to get out, I had to stop this, this wasn’t real how could she possibly feel the same way about me. I was just a boy from some band.

“Pete! Hey, stop a second.” I look behind me. She looks so beautiful, her eyes sparkling in the light and her hair softly framing her face.

“It is you. I thought I saw you there. Are you catching a train today?” I watched as a broad smile crossed her face.

“I was just…” I looked over at the Grange train, I knew that was where she was going, now was my chance, now was the time to catch that train and ask her name.

"Yeah I’d love to catch the train with you, what was your name again?” She smiled at me, her mouth opened and I knew there was sound coming out, she was telling me her name but the roaring of the train coming up platform 6 was all I could hear.

“I'm sorry…” I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in my room, I was dressed in yesterday’s clothes and I could taste the alcohol I must have had last night. I tried to force myself out of bed but on moving I felt my stomach turn. I groaned and closed my eyes. When would she stop haunting my dreams? Would this be a game we play forever?

So would you scream for your safety?
Dropping yourself to your knees
There’s nothing to say that could save you

“Pete. Are you okay man?” I looked up from my food.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay? You have been really distant lately.” I looked up at Leaton. It had been two weeks since our album launch, since I had seen her… I sighed.

” Yeah. I'm fine, just feeling burnt out I guess.” Leaton shrugged his shoulders and walked over to the sink. I was tired. I had been fighting against myself so hard. In the two weeks, I had managed to stay away from the train station and away from all forms of temptation that I was able to link back to her. The worst was the thoughts, and the dreams. Her face it haunted me, it didn’t matter how hard I tried to forget, how hard I tried to push her from my affections, it didn’t matter how hard I sang or how many gigs we played. It just didn’t matter. She was always there. I would see her in all that I did.

“Couple of days we’ll be opening for ‘Good Charlotte’. It’s going to be great, the pictures alone will be worth it.” I looked over at Leaton who was taking a seat at the table too.

“Yep, it will be good to play at the entertainment center again.” I said to him. I was relieved for small talk, it meant that I would have something mindless to ponder over instead of her, it saved me from going mad.

“Just these thanks.” I say as I place my shopping items on the counter.

“Pete, I almost didn’t recognize you!” I look up to see her smiling back at me.

“Hey, wow. We seem to just keep bumping in to each other huh?” I said to her completely taken aback.
I allowed myself to look where her name tag was but found it blank.

“You know I have spoken to you so many times, tell me, what’s your name?”

“Pete, wake up.” No, not again… I open my eyes to find myself in the passenger seat of Pixies car.

“I was dreaming again.”

“C’mon man. We have to be in there in 10 minuets.” He jumped out of the car and around to the backstage entrance. I took a moment to compose myself.

I looked out to the crowd. They weren’t here for us, we were just the warm up act. I took the microphone into my hands and opened with ‘Burn for me.’ I walked the stage trying to hype the crowd more and then I saw something. I saw these two girls with dark hair dancing along to the music, our music. Screaming along to the lyrics and then I saw her. It was her. She was here.

Her camera flashing away while she sang, moshed and lived every lyric. I smiled slightly walked the stage to in front of her and her friend and thrust the microphone in front of me. I could hear them singing, screaming out to the band. We sang a few more songs and promised to spend some time meeting people after the show, as we went to leave the stage I saw her and her friend weaving their way out of the crowd, I smiled, they looked wrecked like the gig had given them so much more. I headed out the back for a smoke, and to have a drink and sit down.

“Did you see those girls in the front? They were going off! Its so awesome to see fans at a gig like this.” I over heard Luke and Leaton chatting away as they cooled down.

“Maybe they will stick around and come and say hi.” I joined in enthusiastically.

“It would be nice to meet fans like them!” I had started getting butterflies, to think that there was a chance I would get to meet her, I couldn’t help but get nervous. I grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat from my face, I had to stay calm. Yeah she was here but that didn’t mean anything at all, this was a Good Charlotte Tour, she had paid to see them. I pushed my hair out of the way and watched the guy’s head out their different ways to the lobby to meet our fans.

I drank some more water in the aim to take my time, I don’t want to appear too eager, so I wait and I wait and I wait. People come and go, offering comments on the show but there is only one person I want to see, only one I long to be near.

I see a small group of people in the circular lobby, they had already seen the other guys and were now waiting for me. I served pleasantries and signatures to those that were there, at least to those that had the nerve to ask.

I felt my eyes be drawn away from the close family friend that I was speaking with, only to see her walking towards me her friend in tow. Even from this distance I could see her smile, nervous, anticipated, excited all at seeing me. I looked their way as they stood a few paces back allowing the privacy that the woman had obviously intended. To my left was a young couple holding a camera phone, pen and their concert tickets. One guess what they were there for.

I turned back to my time thief (so named for the precious time she stole from my unnamed beauty.) and worked at feigning interest in her monotone voice.

“Well anyway I should let you go.” finally!

“Yeah, it was nice to…”

“Oh hang on, I wanted to talk to you about…” For Fucks sakes. Ten minutes later I was freed from my captor allowing me to approach the only reason I even wanted to be out here, her.

“Hi.” I said feeling exasperated. I knew there was a tired look on my face but I hoped that she would look past it.

“I know you don’t I?” I asked her, I knew that I did, but I wanted to play it cool. She had been the only thing that occupied my mind and dreams.

“Yeah, I go to all your home gigs. I just wanted to come and say how well you sang tonight and show you some of the pictures I took. We have been fans for a few years, and we just wanted to come and show our appreciation.” I smiled warmly at her, there was so much enthusiasm in her voice I knew she meant every word.

“Thank you so much. You don’t know how much that means to me.” I saw a blush form on her cheeks as she hurried to change the subject.

“We can’t wait to go to the gig at the ‘Night Train’, do you know when the tickets go on sale? There is advertising on your MySpace but we haven’t been able to purchase them yet. There is no sale date.” I lost myself in her voice as she spoke.

“Um, no, I don’t know when they go on sale but keep checking you will get them.”

“Show him the pictures!” I heard her friend say, she was pushy but her heart was in the right place. I watched as she pulled her camera from the bag and I stepped up beside her so that I could look over her shoulder to see the footage.

“Leaton told us to show them to you, he seemed surprised at how clear they were.” Leato had spoken to her? I stored the thought into my memory, later I could ask him about her. As I leant in closer to her, the scent of her hair filled my lungs. Sure there was the smell of a hundred different people’s sweat, but beneath that there was the scent of cigarettes and then there was her, a sweetness, something thick and touchable. By the time she had finished showing me the pictures and video I was dizzily drunk on her.

“Pete, I know you are probably sick of this kind of thing by now but can we grab some photos with you?” I heard her friend interject once more snapping me back to reality.

“Sure.” I said as casually as possible. I held her in my arm while her friend made an attempt at getting the picture right, for those few moments I was in heaven.

“We should let you go,” she said to me as the two friends moved away.

“Oh, okay then see you at the night train next month.” I waved to her as I watched the girl of my dreams walk out of my life once more, but this time I was certain I would be seeing her again.

I stepped out of Cotto happy. I pushed the key into the door of my car and climbed in. I put my coffee in the cup holder and my pastry on the chair next to me and as I pulled out of the driveway I saw her. She was with her friend, obviously one of her best friends, going into Cotto. I slammed my hand down on the steering wheel. What was with my timing?

I pulled onto the road taking the next left at the lights. This girl seemed to be destined to slip out of my hands, fates cruel way of tormenting me with the one thing I wanted but seemingly wasn’t allowed. I had to know her name, I was literally being driven insane. I ate as I drove and thought about the conversation I had had with her last night. I had been mildly conversational, there had been something I had needed to remember. Leaton… She had mentioned him, what had they said? What was it they had spoken about? I pulled to the side of the road and grabbed my mobile.

“Leato! Hey man, hows it going?” I said, trying to keep it light.

“Yeah, not bad Pete. What’s wrong?” I laughed a little uneasily.

“Wrong? Why would something be wrong?” I swallowed had as I waited for his reply, I could hear him sigh on the end of the line.

“Your calling me at work Pete. You don’t usually call unless something is wrong, not during work hours anyway…” Shit, Shit, Shit.

“Sorry man. Completely slipped my mind. Anyway, I’ll see you back at home later ok?” In all of my craziness towards her I had forgotten the rest of the world was still moving.

“No problems Petey, see you later.”

“Yeah, later.” I said to the empty receiver. After my disastrous call to Leaton I decided to cancel on my family, opting to instead go home, maybe I could find something productive to occupy my mind there.

“So Petey. What was all of that earlier, what did you want to talk about?” I stared up at Leaton from my back on the couch, I could feel my head pounding.

“Oh that? It was nothing. I just wanted to ask about a couple of girls that you met at the GC home gig.” I pulled myself into a sitting position and pulled my shirt down at the back then ground the sleep from my eyes.

“The ones with the pictures? They were crazy. Big fans, you know they came to see us, only us. Crazy fan girls, they said that they wanted to come and say hi then planned on leaving after that.” I watched as he shook his head all the while smiling, smiling about her, having a happy memory of her.

“Did you catch her name at all?” I asked him impatiently as his smile paused and dropped.

“Her? Which one Pete? Man, what’s going on with you lately?”

“Just answer the question. Did you catch their names at all?” I was standing now leaning in close to him, moving into his personal space, trying to be as civil as possible.

“Why is this so important to you? What is it about this girl that has you so worked up?” I forced myself to breathe as hot tears poured down my face. I fell back into the sofa and placed my head in my hands.

“I don’t know. You don’t understand Leaton, this girl… Man, she plagues me, she fills my thoughts, my dreams. Every waking moment is of her and I don’t even know her name. What am I going to do?” Leato sat beside me, I heard him sigh heavily.

“Jared, Luke and Pix have been talking about this a bit lately. I wasn’t sure if I should have believed it, you know how boys talk and all… but I guess I should have come to you sooner. Do you love her?” Is it even possible to fall for someone like this?” I wiped my face with my hand.

“I just don’t know what to do. I have tried to move on, I have tried to ignore it, I have tried to think about something else. Nothing seems to work. What can I do Leaton? Help me please? Help me.” I felt so desperate, she had driven me to this and I knew deep in my heart that she was the only one who could release me from it.

I didn’t see her for over a month, it wasn’t until Kisschasey at the ‘Night Train’ that I saw her.
I had Leaton to thank for that, he had been the one to keep me sane, he saved me from the withdrawals. I was walking down from Currie Street towards the ‘Night Train’ Pixie was with me and so was his girlfriend and friends, we had our own little group. I had my sunnies on but even from this distance I could find her in the line up. She didn’t see me at first, she was talking to her friend but I saw that when she did there was a smile playing around her lips, it was for me, she was happy to see me too.

I kept walking casually around to the back entrance, I didn’t want to be mauled by all the little pre pubescent scene kids. I felt myself take a big breath as I leaned on the door from the inside.

“You alright Pete?” I heard Leato ask as he stepped towards me.

“Yeah, hardest part is over right?” I saw him nod as he passed me a bottle of water.

“Im going to go out and watch ‘Horsell’ for a bit ok? Will you be okay?” I smiled at him to let him know I would be then watched as he headed out. He would see her, she would take the time to say hello to him, she was like that. I desperately wanted to go out there too but I knew what it would be like if I did so I waited and watched from backstage, watching him, watching them find him.

I stepped out onto the stage allowing my eyes to scan over the crowd of teenagers. It was an all ages gig but you wouldn’t know it by looking out over all the young people in the crowd, there was an energy, everyone screaming, girls pushing to get closer to the stage, closer to the band.

“You know we have been listening to our friends Kisschasey telling us how great their home gigs are, but let me tell you now, it’s a great feeling to be home, lets show them how we have a good time in Adelaide.” I felt the rhythm play through me as the song started, I could feel Jared’s steady drum beat, Leato bass and Luke and Pixie’s guitars flowing through my body carrying me away with each note, the words came to me without a falter, I felt the pull of the crowd as I opened my eyes and all I saw was her, her eyes staring into mine her mouth moving to the lyrics like mine, pulling me deeper into the song.

Without even thinking I leaned into the crowd, her face was centimeters from mine, I could feel her breath on me as she screamed the lyrics to me, meaning every word as she did. The world stopped around me, there was only her and me, and this is what I wanted. I tore my gaze from hers and climbed back on to the stage forcing myself to concentrate on the music. I sang to the crowd, I sang for them, I sang for me but most of all I sang for her. I watched her every chance I got, she was dancing and swaying, her mouth never faltered, she knew every word to every song, she was no ordinary fan.

“Are you calling me a liar,
if I never say I miss you too?
When the lights go down.
Are you gonna leave a light on,
When it's over?”

I stepped back to where Jared’s kit was and took a long drink of water, her eyes pulled me in, begging me to keep going, begging me to sing forever. We sang our last song and said our thanks to ‘Horsell Common’ and ‘Kisschasey’ though here we really didn’t need to.

“We’ll be up the back there for anyone who wants to coma and say hi, introduce yourselves and whatnot. Thanks heaps guys.” I hurried off stage and out the back to cool off.

“Hey, so that was her huh?” I felt Leaton’s hand touch my shoulder, something to bring me back to reality.

“Yeah, that’s my girl.” The moment the words left my mouth I knew them to be true, she was mine, or at least she would be.

“Promise me one thing Pete. Promise me that you wont forget to ask her name tonight?” I shook my head, tonight I knew that everything would be okay. I watched as the guys all headed out and were practically mobbed by the dozens of fan girls, I peeked through the curtain watching as my girl passed each of them having her cd and new Tee signed, I knew she would be asking me once I came out. She took a moment to chat with Luke, he made a surprised face and laughed a little then smiled and waved as they said goodbye. I saw her get caught up with Leaton and Pixie, they seemed to be having a good chat about something, I could see the happiness radiating off her, this was where she belonged, here she was home.

I heard the crowd go crazy as Kisschasey walked on stage and began their set freeing up the floor for me to go out and not be mobbed. It didn’t take long for her to notice me come in to the room, I tried hard to pretend like I didn’t notice her but it was so damn hard. Fans surrounded me instantly, I was seemingly trapped. I saw her fan her friend down with the cd that was in her hand they were laughing at the irony. I smiled over at her, it looked like they had been enjoying themselves and I took the time to say so.

“Hey Pete,” She said with a smile on her face.

“Yeah?” I said back, smooth Pete, real smooth.

“Would it be okay if you signed my cousins Cd and my shirt? Sorry to ask…” I smiled at her, didn’t she know that there was never a need for her to apologize to me?

“Sure, this is to… Pop?” I laughed at the name for her cousin but signed it with my own little comment then took the time to sign her shirt.

“Great show, can’t wait for the AA one tonight.”

“Oh wow, so you guys are coming to the next one too?” I asked a little too enthusiastically.

“Yeah, we love you guys, you’re our band!” I felt my stomach flip, our band… She really did love the music, it wasn’t just some thing, it was the whole thing.

“I have some more pictures and some video too, would you like to see?” she asked as she held the camera up and turned it on, I stepped up beside her as she asked me about a new song they had heard about.

“Actually,” I said as I stepped closer to her and began whispering into her ear, “We are playing a Noiseworks cover tonight.” I stepped back and watched her hands shake as she recovered. It was nice to know that I had the same effect on her.

“Wow, that’s cool.” She said as she held the camera towards me and flicked through the pictures, I held my hands behind me hiding the fact that my hands were shaking just as much.

“I have to go, “ I said as I saw Jared call me over.

“But I'd love it if you would send some of those to our email address. Listen, maybe after the show later we can have a bit of a talk more then?”

“Sure. Well we’ll see you later. Bye.” I watched her walk off before I headed over to Jared who talked to me about something random. My head was spinning as I tried to bank everything into my head, remember everything. SHIT! I almost slapped my forehead, I had forgotten to ask her name. I sighed exasperatedly. I was lucky though, she was coming to the next show, I could ask her after that.

I couldn’t help but be happy, she was here and she was coming back. I hurried to the edge of the stairs and saw her with her friend sitting on the sofa at the bottom, I jogged down the stairs and at last minute decided to slide down the banner, I heard her laugh lightly as I walked past her.

“Bye girls.” I said as I passed her, I heard them say goodbye back and I smiled. I couldn’t stop this feeling that came over me in waves.

“Hey Pete, did you grab the keys for the car?” I looked absently at Pixies girlfriend and shook my head.

“No, I forgot! Its okay, I’ll head back up and get them.” I hid my smile this time, I had a reason to go past her again, I ran up the stairs feeling the itch on my back from her eyes watching me, I knew she couldn’t help but look, I felt the same way about her. I grabbed the keys and ran down the stairs, I didn’t pull the same trick twice but I did say goodbye again as I hurried out the door to grab some food.

“What do you mean she almost didn’t get in?!” I said sharply to Leaton, my head was swimming.

“It’s okay Petey, she is here. Actually she is right up the front this time, there will be no missing her this time.” I breathed a sigh of relief, I couldn’t imagine what I would do If she wasn’t there.

“Thanks man, I know you did something, thanks.” I said as I went back to some warm-ups for the gig. I saw her moving slightly to the sounds of Horsell Common but I knew she was saving her energy for our gig, saving her energy for me. As we played it became apparent that most of the fans were here for Kisschasey, the pit was dead except for my girl and her friend, and they danced and didn’t stop moving until the end of our set.

“Hey girls, hows it going?” I asked once I finally had the chance to escape all our friends from out the back.

“Awesome, you guys played awesome, as per usual! What was with the crowd though?” I shook my head, I had no idea. There had been times where I had tried to get the crowd up and moving but to no avail.

“Who knows.”

“I got some more pictures and video for you guys, I’ll send them to you as soon as I can. We just wanted to come and say thanks for the show and stuff.”

“You guys aren’t staying to watch Kisschasey?” I asked feeling a little surprised.

“Nah, we are Hot Lies fans all the way, you guys are all we are interested in seeing. Anyway, I realized that we have met a few times but we never really met so, I'm Belle.” She said to me as she held her hand out to me. I smiled at her.

“I'm Pete Wood, nice to meet you Belle.” My heart was beating a million miles a minute, I knew her name now. Belle.

“Well see you later Pete, see you at your next gig.” She waved to me as she and her friend headed down the stairs.

“See you Belle.” I whispered as she left the venue.
I pinched the skin on my arm, “I'm not dreaming now.” I said as I took a mouthful of the drink I was holding. I walked over to Leaton and the other guys who were all watching me intently.

“Well?” Leato asked expectantly.

“Belle. Her name is belle.”

For the next week I walked around with my head in the clouds, I dreamt of seeing her and all the conversations we’d had since that first meeting. She was the only girl for me, Belle, My belle. My chemical Romance was on a week after the KC gig and I was pretty pumped, I was a big fan of their music, they were poetic geniuses. I stood at the monumental flagpole talking on my phone before I was lunged on by some strange girl.
I recognized her as Belles friend, the one she went to all the gigs with.

“Hey! Sorry to interrupt you, but I wanted to show you this!” She lifted her arm to show me her wrist as she spoke in high speed to me about how she and Belle had said that they were getting Hot Lies Tattoos. I had seriously doubted that they would do it but it was time to eat my words.

“Belle has one too! Belle come here!” she called out, “We only got them on Thursday and the pit kind of trashed them, now all the scabbing has come off but we will get them fixed and…” wow this girl had energy. I wanted to pay attention but she had caught my eye and I couldn’t look away. I watched as Belle walked towards me all smiles.

“Can I take a picture of this?” I asked as I grabbed her friends’ arm and took a picture with my camera phone. “Cool, and yours Belle? Can I see yours?” She showed me the heart monitor line and I nearly died then and there.

“What does it say?” I asked her feeling dizzy.

“I’ll be under your skin…” she said with a smile. I was gone.

“No way! I have to get a picture of this, hold your arm still.” I said as I grabbed her arm and moved it to take the pictures.

“You guys are amazing, Listen I'm going over to the Gov for a few drinks, do you want to come along? Id love to get to know you better belle…” I said, my nerves falling apart in front of her eyes.

“Sure, that would be great!” she said, I let out the breath I didn’t even know I had been holding in.

“Oh, can I grab a smoke off someone?” I asked eying the one sitting on her lips.

“Here.” She said casually as she passed me the cigarette and a lighter.

“Thank you so much!” I said to my dream girl, I wanted to ask her so much but it was too soon, I had to think, there had to be a way to spend time with her.

The Gov was a little busy on account of the concert but I was able to get us a quiet outside table, one small enough to give Belle and I some privacy while her friend hung out with the other guys.

“So tell me about yourself Belle, I want to know all about you. You have me intrigued.” Her eyebrow raised in amusement as she pondered my question.

“There’s not much to know. I love music, in fact I live it as much as I can. I swear, I couldn’t get through the day without it. I want to be a Tattooist but until I can get there, Im looking into bakers apprenticeships.” She stopped and took a sip of her drink.

“What about you Petey? Tell me about yourself, I want to know more about you.” I couldn’t hide the smile on my face, she had called me Petey…

“Listen, I know that this may be a bit forward, but I was wondering if maybe you might like to have lunch sometime with me?”

That night was the beginning of the end, I remember you giving me your phone number without too much hesitation. Who would have thought that My Chemical romance would be the beginning and the end of this beautiful tale? And as they say; and they all lived happily ever after.