I've Got the Guts to Say Anything

Monday lunchtimes always seems to drag on. Maybe it’s because of how drained and tired and bored everyone looks as they walk through the centre of town, or maybe, it was just today, because I felt ready to run away from everything as soon as Joseph had revealed that he wanted to be married by the end of the year and considering it was nearing the end of October right now, I knew that there was only so much of my life that I could enjoy before it was over completely. Although I wasn’t really that fussed about trying to live it now.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

“Josh, I just need some time alone right now.” I sighed, but he ignored me and sat right down next to me.

“What’s up?” He asked, taking hold of my hand, which I snatched away, mouthing ‘not here’.

“I’m getting married at the end of the year.” I said bluntly, there was no need to beat around the bush today.

“What?” Josh asked, “When did this happen?”

“Last night, when I came home and he knew I’d been to see you.” Josh raised his eyebrows as if to ask whether he suspected anything, “I don’t know,” I sighed, “But whatever impression he got from me, it wasn’t a good one, because when I came back from my shower, he’d laid all these wedding magazines out and told me by Christmas we’d be married.”

Josh stopped to think for a moment before speaking up, “you know I’m still going to do my hardest to get you out of this, don’t you?”

“I had a feeling you’d say that.” I sighed, tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear.

“Why don’t you come over later?” He asked, “I’ll cook dinner.”

I smiled and accepted, telling him that I would be over at about seven, before giving him a quick hug and heading back to work.

The rest of the afternoon went pretty quickly and I soon found myself in my car on my way home, typical for me to hit traffic though. I put on the handbrake and fiddled around with the radio dial trying to find a station when I heard another car beep it’s horn from behind me, I looked up to find the light was on green and wasted no time in driving off, but as I did, I heard another, much louder horn and looked to my left and saw a massive great lorry hurtling toward the passenger side of the car, the last thing I remembered was letting out a scream as the lorry collided with the side of my car.



JOSH

Seven thirty. Paige was meant to be here half an hour ago. I knew I shouldn’t have been too surprised that she’d be late, I’m sure Joseph had plenty to ask her about where she was going and who she was going with, but half an hour was starting to leave me a bit tetchy.

I sat myself down at the small dining table I had in my apartment and sent her a quick text asking her where she was and decided I wouldn’t worry until I hadn’t received a reply.

As I sat waiting for my phone to buzz, I let my mind wander to think of Paige, as it usually always did. I couldn’t help but think about her situation, about how her parent’s had literally forced her into an arranged marriage and how there really wasn’t anything I could do about it. It frustrated me so much that she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever set my eyes on, and I wanted her to be mine and mine only but I couldn’t have her, which made me hate everything so much more.

“What the hell is taking her so fucking long?” I muttered to myself as I checked my phone, “Something’s up.”

I threw on my jacket and as I was about to leave the apartment, my phone rang in my pocket, in my haste to find out if it was Paige, I was disappointed to find it was Max and for a moment I considered ignoring it, but I was both glad but completely devastated when I did.

“Mate, have you turned on the news this evening?” He asked as I closed the door.

“No Max, I’m on my way out.” I sighed, just wanting to find Paige.

“Well, I think you better turn the TV on.”

“Max, I’ve just got out of the house!” I shouted, “Whatever it is that’s obviously so fucking important on the news, can you just fucking tell me now?” I was irritated and I really wanted to find out what was wrong with Paige.

“It’s Paige.” He whispered.

“What about her?” I asked, becoming intrigued.

“She’s been in a car crash.” He said, a bit louder than before, “A lorry ran straight into the side of her car, she’s been taken to hospital in a coma and they aren’t sure she’s going to make it.” I was silent on my end of the phone, “Josh?”

“How do you know it’s her?” I asked, not wanting to believe any of his words.

“I saw her number plate, you know how I am with those things, they stick.”

I felt a feeling creep its way into my body, one I’d not felt in my life ever before, one that was so foreign, I was almost petrified of what it was. I said a quick goodbye to Max and ended the call before he had time to reply. I fumbled with my keys, dropping them on the floor twice as I tried to get it into the lock, finally succeeding, but not getting further than the living room before I collapsed to my knees and starting sobbing, the feeling becoming familiar, a feeling I’d never had on this scale before. It was heartbreak. But heartbreak on a colossal scale that felt like my heart wasn’t even beating in my chest anymore and had been ripped out of chest, stabbed and burnt to ashes in front of me.