I've Got the Guts to Say Anything

It took me three days to eventually pluck myself up from whichever dark place it was that I’d put myself in and go to the hospital to see Paige. I knew Joseph would be there and I knew that by going there I’d probably cause the biggest argument that could possibly happen, but I didn’t care at that point, all I cared about was seeing my Paige.

I looked a mess and I knew it. I hadn’t showered since Max had told me about the accident and the sleepless nights that followed were only worsened by the endless stream of beer that I seemed to gobble into myself to try and numb the dull pain in my heart every time I thought about what it would be like to lose her. Not that it should bother me very much, we’d had sex once, which was hardly ground-breaking stuff considering adults and increasingly more often, children, were doing it every day. There was just something about Paige and myself that I couldn’t quite fathom. It was something a lot more than lust and sexual attraction. I even thought for a moment that I might even love her. But then, I’m sure I have no right to love someone who was already engaged to be married.

When I got to the hospital, the young nurse was hesitant to let me know which room Paige was in, and I had to lie and tell her I was a cousin for her to even think about letting me through. Outside her door, I could hear nothing, but knew that Joseph was in there, although I’m sure it was only to keep up appearances, I’m sure he couldn’t give a shit whether she woke up from that coma or not, because frankly, if she didn’t, he knew he could move on and have his pick of plenty of women who would throw themselves on the floor in front of his feet.

I didn’t bother knocking on the door; I walked straight in and saw Joseph sat by Paige’s bed, reading a paper. He wasn’t holding her hand, like I would have, he wasn’t talking to her, telling her it would be alright, like I would have, in fact, he looked almost pleased that she was led on that hospital bed, and that made me sick to my stomach.

“She’s no better doctor, I don’t know why you even bother to check in on her.” I heard him say from his chair, not looking up from the obviously riveting story in the paper.

“I’m not a doctor.” I spoke, which caused him to slam his paper down and stand up, all in one movement.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here, prick?!” He hissed, moving closer to me.

“I’ve come to see my friend,” I began, putting extra emphasis on the word ‘friend’, “Because I’m pretty sure she’d rather see my face when she wakes up than yours.”

“I really should have taught you a lesson while I could!” He shouted, moving even closer to me, wielding his fist.

“And I really should have encouraged Paige to throw her engagement ring at you and leave with me on Friday night.” I countered, slipping around him to see Paige.

“I’d move away if I were you.” He threatened.

“Or what?” I asked, looking at him, “I’m sure you wouldn’t want to cause a scene and then have to explain not only to Paige, but to my parents, my band mates, my management and my record label why I can’t play show.” I smirked.

He backed away from me, leaving the room altogether. I sat down in his chair, moving it closer to the bed that Paige was led on; I held onto her hand, she was ice cold despite the thick blankets they’d covered her bed with. I looked at her face, and although she had two pretty big cuts that looked angry and red, one across her forehead and the other from the bottom of her left ear to the corner of her mouth, she was still as beautiful as ever. She was the colour of crisp, fresh paper, a colour of skin I’d probably have associated a cancer patient with, but without they grey undertone.

“You need to leave.” Were the words that brought me back from my day-dream.

I stood up and turned to face Joseph, “I think I’d rather stay here, thanks.”

“Do you take pleasure in rubbing me up the wrong way?” He asked.

“No, not really, I just think you should be thinking of Paige right now, and who she’d rather see when she wakes up.”

“If she wakes up,” He countered, “The way she’s going, there’s no hope.”

“How can you say that?” I gasped, “She’s your fiancé, you should treasure her!” I shouted, “I can’t believe you’re just going to give up on her like this!”

“The only reason I’m giving up is beca-” I cut him off.

“No!” I boomed, “There should be no fucking reason for you to give up! You’ve got a beautiful fiancé, who would do anything for you, the least you could do was act like you cared!”

“Josh?” I stopped dead in my tracks and her voice, although strained and laced with pain, instantly soothed me, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing babe, Josh was just leaving, weren’t you?” Joseph asked me, pushing me out of the way to get to Paige.

“Actually no, I wasn’t.” I spoke.

“Joseph, I want to talk to Josh.” I could tell Paige was straining to talk, which broke my heart because her dickhead fiancé would obviously want to know why, but I take it she put on her pleading eyes and he left the room in a storm, leaving me with her.

I walked over to the side of her bed and moved the chair closer so I could sit down. I took hold of her hand and stroked it with my thumb gently. She tried to clear her throat but groaned in pain instead.

“Just take it easy.” I cooed, stroking her hair, “You don’t have to talk right now.”

“Josh, I need to leave.” She strained to say, I was about to protest, about to launch into a lecture about how in her state, she wouldn’t make it to the doors of the hospital without having to be re-admitted, when I realised she was talking about Joseph, I had no idea what it was that I could say to her to make it any better.

“I know you do.” I sighed, “But I don’t know how to help you, Paige.”

She turned her head away from me and tried to lift her hand to scratch her nose, which earned another groan of pain. I put my hand on the one she was trying to lift to push it back down onto the bed and then moved my thumb to rub over the area she was trying to reach for. She let her face rest in the palm of my hand and I realised she was crying.

“Oh God Paige, please don’t cry.” I begged, “I just don’t know what you want me to do.”

“Get me out.” Was all she said, when I went to reply to her, she had fallen back to sleep. I kissed her forehead gently and then leant down and kissed her lips.

I walked out of her room and closed the door gently, glaring at Joseph as I went out of the front doors. I knew what I needed to do. I needed some advice. And who better to give me said advice than the four guys I trusted my life with.