Forget It All

"God," Harper laughed. "You're a mess."

I rolled my eyes and collected the cash just given to me from a fan. I sighed heavily and shrugged. "I'm just a little flustered. That's all."

She chuckled lightly, folding a t-shirt and placing it back into the cardboard box. She closed the box and leaned against the counter, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

I glared at her. "What?"

She smirked, picking up two boxes and placing them on the counter. I did the same, awaiting her answer anxiously.

"You were like in some other world when The Maine was performing. You just kept staring at him."

"I was not!" I objected, grabbing a box and walking towards the exit. Harper followed suit, a box in her hands. We reached the trailer and stuck the boxes inside.

She turned to me. "The how come you hardly pay attention when he isn't on stage?"

"What are you getting at?"

We walked back into the venue grabbing a couple more boxes and making our way back outside again. It was an unusually cool summer night in Massachusetts. The wind bit at us, giving off a shudder and goosebumps occasionally. The tour was officially in full swing- tomorrow being the anniversary of the third week.

"All I'm saying is that-"

I cut her off, practically throwing another box in the trailer and turned to her. "You think I'm not over him. You think I have feelings for him," I nodded my head. I sucked in a breath and ran a hand through my messy, untamed hair thanks to the wind.

"Well guess what Harper? I am. How could I possibly still have feelings for him? We have barely had a conversation since this tour started. He dumped me on Prom night. He was-"

This time she cut me off. "Your first love."

I stayed quiet, my eyes averting to the ground. I kicked at the pavement. "I didn't mean that. I was just being impulsive." I mumbled, still not looking up at her.

I could feel Harper roll her eyes at me. "Please June, I know what it feels like. I love Matt. He is my first love and only love and despite all the shit that's been going on between us, I can't picture myself without him.

"I know what it feels like."

I sat on the edge of the trailer, finally looking up at her. I licked my lips and swallowed hard. "I don't have feelings for him."

"You'll always have feelings for him."

The second she said it I knew it was true. I was instantly reminded of all the things that made me like Garrett in the first place. His quirks, his dreams, his hopes, his personality. I remembered those glasses that he peered at me through the first time I ever met him. I could picture him sticking his head through my bedroom door grinning. Him taking my hand and pulling me into him. How his hands flew up to his face and he covered his eyes the time he saw me in only a towel after a shower. The look on his face when we managed to get John on stage to sing karaoke. When he mumbled my name when he was sleeping. The fear in his eyes before he kissed me the first time.

Something dropped into the pit of my stomach and I looked at Harper, biting my lip.

"Oh god," I made a face. "You're right."

Harper slumped down next to me. "I know. Terrible, ain't it?"

My eyes were fixated on the ground, my brow furrowed over carefully contemplating all of this. "It fucking sucks."

"It's the only reason why I can't bring myself to break up with Matt."

I suddenly snapped out of my daze. I looked over at Harper in amazement. "What? You're breaking up with Matt?"

She bit her lip, looking off in the distance. She stood up and looked around. Nobody was in sight- crew members were inside taking down equipment, band members were in front of the venue with fans, which technically meant Matt was also out front.

She took a seat back down next to me, letting out an exasperated breath. "I have to." She shrugged. "I can't deal with it anymore. The last time we even kissed was a week and a half ago. And I know- with something like that I can totally take the initiative, but it's like he doesn't even want me!"

"It's fucking hard June. It's the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I love him so much, but I don't think he feels the same. I'm just wasting my time."

"Aw Harper," I said, hugging her from the side. "you do deserve better."

She licked her lips. "The worst part is I have to wait until tour is over. I doubt he'll pay me for working and god, I certainly don't think he'll let me stay on the bus. Plus, it will just be extremely awkward."

"You got that right."

She sucked in a breath and stood up. She quickly brushed off her jeans and turned to me, smiling. "I'll be okay though. I can do this."

"I know you can."

"I'm going back to the bus. You coming?"

I bit my lip for a moment. "I'll catch up. I'm gonna go hang out with John for a bit."

Harper and I parted ways. I traveled through the venue and out into the side parking lot were most of the fans were located. I leaned against the brick wall, watching all band members of every band outside talking and taking pictures with fans.

I smiled as my eyes spotted the girls around my brother. They hugged him eagerly and constantly asked for pictures. He, of course, remained calm and kindly accepted their offers. I looked around at the other bands members- Jack jumping up and down around his fans, Alex making a couple girls laugh, even Halvo, swinging his arm around Nick's neck and making fun of each other.

My thoughts were interrupted by two girls coming up to me.

"Hi," One said to me, a friendly smile on her face.

"Hi." I replied, cocking my eyebrow. I let out a light laugh. "Can I help you guys with something?"

"You're Alex Gaskarth's girlfriend, right?"

The question shocked me, but overall amused me to no end. I let out a laugh and shook my head. "No. Alex and I are just really good friends."

"Oh," The other girl replied and then laughed lightly. "Sorry. It's just that there are so many rumors."

I shrugged. "That's a new one for me. I'm actually not really involved in many rumors around here," I paused for a moment, a question popping into my head. "Who do you think I am?"

The one girl shrugged. "We don't..... actually know," She bit her lip. "A couple pictures of you and Alex were floating around and I guess people assumed...."

I nodded my head. "I get it. Don't worry. I'm actually," I stopped myself, contemplating if this was a good idea or not.

Fuck it.

"I'm actually June O'Callaghan," I pointed towards my brother. "Johno happens to be my twin."

The girls' faces lit up. "No way." One said, her eyes not leaving me.

I smiled. "I know we look nothing alike, but-"

The other cut me off. "No, no. I know it's you. I've heard so much about you."

"You have?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes of course! You're John's sister- everyone loves you! The whole fanbase worships you."

I folded my arms across my chest and took a step forward. I let out a laugh, but couldn't help but remain somewhat serious. "What? Seriously?"

"I feel like an idiot because I didn't even recognize you! We all love you!" She smiled, getting anxious.

"Can I ask why?"

She shrugged. "Well I mean, you're pretty and smart and everyone loves your blog."

My blog? I hardly update that thing.

"And you were lucky enough to go out with Garrett Nickelsen-"

I cut her off before she could go on any further. "I thought you guys would hate me."

The other girl sucked in a breath. "Well, there are a few. Mainly stupid, ignorant girls who think you broke Garrett's heart."

"That's ridiculous! He's the one who broke up with me!"

I regretted the words the second they came out of my mouth. Their eyes lit up like lanterns and smiles grew wider.

"So you guys did go out?"

I shrugged. "Briefly," I bit my lip, rocking in my shoes. "It was nothing. Hardly anything. We're friends now anyway. Best friends in fact!"

"See," She gleamed. "that's what we love you. You're so sweet and kind. And we know how close you and John are. I've seen so many pictures-"

I cut her off again. "Where? How?"

This time, she shrugged. "Oh you know, the internet. Blogs."

I sucked in a breath. "Blogs." I mumbled under my breath.

"Anyway!" The girls smiled. "We just think you're great. And the fact that you're friends with other bands that are friends with The Maine is so awesome."

"And Alex Gaskarth!" The other girl chirped.

The girls said goodbye and ran off, giggling and chatting leaving me in a complete daze.

"What the fuck?" I mumbled under my breath, shaking my head. I went back to my place on the wall, sucking in a breath and slowly sliding down the wall. I sat on the ground practically freaking out. People I didn't even know knew personal details about me. And that blog I had? Jesus christ I only put up pictures of animals and other shit. I occasionally write about things- but nothing personal

What have I gotten myself into?

"You okay?"

I looked up to find Alex standing over me, a look of concern on his face.

I couldn't even answer his question properly. "People I don't know, know me."

Alex chuckled lightly, taking my hand and pulling me up. We walked back to the busses. "You didn't know that already? Everyone knows about you June."

"But why?"

He shrugged. "You're Johno's hot, forbidden sister. In this scene everyone loves a-"

I cut him off, shaking my head. "I'm not hot though. I've never been hot or pretty. I've always been me- just," I paused. "Me and only me. I know I've changed and I'm not awkward or unsocial anymore, but looks wise-"

Alex rolled his eyes. "Sometimes when you're with the same people for a long time you never get to realize how different you actually are. You had to go out and experience the world to find out who you really are."

"But I don't understand how people know me."

He shrugged as we arrived at the bus. "When you're associated with people who are popular you are too. It's sort of inevitable."

I bit my lip and sighed heavily. "I don't want people to know me or notice me."

"I know it's scary June, but to be honest," Alex sucked in a breath and then shrugged. "they already have."