Forget It All

"Don't do it!"

Alex's voice echoed through the moving tour bus. Despite his protests, I didn't turn around or obey him for that matter. I continued running towards the bunk areas, ignoring him.

"Fuck June! I swear to god!" I could hear him get up behind me and start to run.

Laughter and giggled escaped my lips and my hand quickly flew up, stifling them in. I got towards Alex's bunk and hopped in, closing the curtain behind me. I held my breath as I heard his steps run past me. I smiled widely.

Alex thought I was going to go to the back lounge and tell everyone about the drunken kiss he stole from me a week ago. The morning after it happened I confronted Alex about it- mainly telling him how shit like that can't happen anymore.

The curtain drew back, causing my to jump. A loud gasp came out of me and I tensed up. This time, Alex was the one laughing. He smirked deviously and hopped up into the now crowded bunk. Almost as if it was a natural instinct, both Alex and I laid back down, relaxing. Alex wrapped an arm around me and let out a breath.

"You can't tell anyone. You know that right?"

I sucked in a breath and stared at the ceiling. "I'm aware."

"It's just that if it gets out sooner or later it will get to John and the shit will be beaten out of me. " He laughed lightly, but we both knew it wasn't very funny.

The thing was, I wasn't worried about John finding out. What killed me most was Garrett. His face when he saw the kiss; his blue eyes digging into my heart; the way we haven't even made eye contact since the kiss.

"I still can't even get over I did that," Alex chuckled, interrupting my thoughts. "I'm a pretty ballsy guy when I'm drunk, aren't I?"

"You sure are."

I was scaring myself. I had been since the kiss. I was slowly and gently gravitating myself back to the way I used to be. I was shy and timid around Alex again- which really just wasn't an option. I had to be stern and a bitch around Alex or well, he would just manipulate me into a kiss or something worse.

I wanted to blame Garrett, which was ridiculous- trust me, I'm fully aware. He made me nervous whenever I saw him now. Every glance made me believe that he was judging me slowly: degrading me.

I swallowed hard and looked at Alex. He cocked an eyebrow and then his face softened. "Are you okay?"

I licked my lips lightly. I was so done with lying to people all the time. I wasn't okay; something was seriously wrong with me again. I needed someone to talk to.

"No," I shook my head, the words escaping my lips as a bare whisper. "not really."

Alex's eyes flickered gently and reopened with compassion and sympathy. I don't know what really happened- maybe it was the way he looked at me or the way it seemed like he actually cared.

The guys I had hooked up earlier in the year didn't care and to be honest, that was the only thing I wanted. I finally had what I wanted though and I could clearly see it in his eyes. I felt like I had Garrett again. He used to have the same look in his eyes.

Alex's lips gently and hesitantly brushed up against mine. His bottom lip carefully connected with mine and then our tops touched instantaneously. We were one after that. Slowly and passionately kissing with no guidelines and no rules. I closed my eyes and thought I felt Garrett for a minute, but I knew it wasn't him.

They kissed differently and suddenly I felt like the biggest shithead in the world. Alex's lips were warm and strong. Garrett's were as fragile as mine, but they were home- they were what I felt comfortable and in love with.

It didn't matter though; I still continued kissing. Alex's hand placed itself on my cheek; warm and whole against cold and empty. I felt myself pressing harder and harder against this lips- the kiss becoming less of want and more of need.

Alex didn't mind though. He fully accepted this, his hands slowly moving towards the back of my head and knotting his fingers in my chocolate hair.

My stomach dropped abruptly, causing me to pull away from Alex and curl up against the bunk wall and as far away from Alex as possible. I shook my head and stuttered for a moment, struggling with not only my words, but what I exactly wanted to say in general.

"No."

Alex sat up, nodding his head. "I know. This can't happen."

I shook my head. "No you don't get it." I turned to him as he held a puzzled expression. "it's not about John whatsoever. For me at least."

Alex didn't reply.

I sucked in a breath. "I don't want to be some band slut just because I'm not over my ex-boyfriend Alex. I know that's the reason everyone knows who I am. I know that's why everyone wants to hook up with me. I know that's the only reason you were interested from the very beginning."

"That's not why at all June."

I swallowed the knot in my throat and shifted past Alex. Before hopping out of the bunk I turned to him, shrugging. "It doesn't really matter either way, does it?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harper stood there, eyes wide and clearly judging me in her head. She didn't say anything, which was comforting and unsettling at the same time. I cleared my throat, urging her to say something; anything.

"You made out with Alex?"

"I know it sounds terrible, but-"

She cut me off shaking her head. "You're damn right it sounds terrible. How could you do that? You hate him! He's such a manwhore- you've said it yourself before. What's going on with you? You've been so off lately. You're not the June I know."

I was suddenly furious at her words. "That's because you don't know who I actually am Harper. Okay? You don't know me."

She furrowed her brow, clearly getting annoyed with me. "Of course I know you; you're my damn best friend."

I rolled my eyes. "Well I'm going to go talk to a real best friend who knows who I am and doesn't care is I don't drink at a party." I snapped, whipping around on my heel and strutting out of the venue.

I huffed as I got outside. I wanted to find Halvo or Kennedy, but to be honest, I hadn't a clue to where they would be. I walked aimlessly outside of the venue for about ten minutes before hearing familiar voices from behind a parked trailer.

"You need to do something then!"

That was Kennedy's voice. A small smile presented itself across my lips and I started forward. The next voice though caused my feet to come to a dead stop.

"I don't know though. I'm so confused."

Garrett.

I sucked in a quiet breath, evidently knowing that I should leave. Yeah. Leaving would be the appropriate thing to do. Reluctantly, I turned around, but stopped once I heard his voice again; this time quiet and weak.

"It's just that, when I saw him kiss her- even if he was drunk and even if she didn't care- I felt like shit. I felt like that should be me still. I'm such a fuck up. I shouldn't have broken up with her, but she's clearly different now and smarter. She's too good for me- plain and simple."

They were silent for a moment and I was hanging on every breath. Kenny finally cleared his throat and I heard him mumbled something- most likely a curse.

"You're damn right she's too good for you Garrett. She's too good for everyone. That's why Alex wants her and almost every other guy. And don't even give me some shit about how you don't notice all the guys staring at her and hitting on her."

Garrett laughed lightly. "I notice alright. Just yesterday she walked by these two guys working at the venue and they starting talking about her. I nearly flipped a shit."

I couldn't help but smile. I held it back though, remembering I wasn't suppose to be here or hearing any of this for that matter.

"You still care about her." It was a question that fell out of Kennedy's mouth; it was a statement. A statement that drove me crazy.

I held onto my breath and waited anxiously for Garrett to say something.

"Sound check. Come on you guys!" Pat hollered from somewhere.

My shoulders slumped over as the two walked inside and I realized I wouldn't be getting Garrett's response. I sighed loudly and sat down on the pavement, pursing my lips.

I couldn't handle this much longer.