Forget It All

My brother and Kennedy danced aimlessly and without any care in the back lounge of The Maine's bus. Techno music blared through the speaker system and different bands and multiple people randomly attended what I assumed to be this "bus party".

I stifled a laugh and simply shook my head. Alex was curled up next to me, a beer in one hand, his other placed securely on my thigh. At any other time this would have been a red flag. But right now my brother and pretty much everyone else was too drunk to notice. And me? Well, I just didn't have the heart to tell Alex to fuck off.

I wasn't drinking tonight- not with Garrett walking in and out of the room. Every time he strutted into the back lounge, Alex's hand felt foreign and cold, but when he left the hand went back to being comforting. It was weird.

I was in a skimpy dress thanks to the likes of Harper. At this time, Harper sat across from us, making out with Matt. A sigh escaped my lips and my shoulders fell. I didn't know what she wanted anymore. One minute she hated her boyfriend, the next she was utterly in love with him. I rolled my eyes and looked over at Alex.

"You look great tonight." He commented without his usual cheesy and sketchy grin. This time it felt like it was pure.

"Thanks." I nodded my head enthusiastically, but my voice was small and barely audible. I couldn't even decipher whether or not Alex was drunk. I could definitively smell the pungent stench on his breath, but I knew from past experiences that the boy held his liquor well.

"Wanna get out of here?" He asked and I exhaled heavily, not wanting to leave my comfortable and safe spot on the couch. I looked over at Alex and his pleading eyes. I didn't want to make anything of this. I didn't like Alex in that way even if we shared saliva at one point.

I looked back up at my brother just as he fell back onto the couch, panting and then reaching over to grab his drink from the shelf above him.

"I'm okay," I nodded my head, "but it's fine if you want to leave."

His face softened along with his lips, his smile falling drastically. "Oh," He responded then stood up."yeah, I'm pretty tired. I'll see you in the morning."

Alex walked out of the bus and I sucked in a breath whole running a hand through my hair. Everyone around my was engrossed in conversation or a make out session. Some people I hadn't even met before. I stood up reluctantly and made my way into the bunk area. I searched each bunk carefully until I was sure I had found John's. I climbed into it and snuggled into the covers, taking hold of a pillow as I did so.

I desperately wished I could block out the obnoxious music playing throughout the bus, but it seemed like an aimless idea. I lied in John's bunk, casually letting out long sighs and wishing I could do something. I shouldn't be bored; I was on tour with a bunch of bands. There had to be something for me to do, but then again, it seemed like the only way to have fun was to get drunk.

And quite frankly, I really wasn't in the mood.

Suddenly, the curtain drew back causing me to jump and exposing Garrett with wide eyes. "Oh!" He let out a small breath and blinked repeatedly. "Oh," His voice fell as well as his shoulders. He furrowed his brow, "Sorry."

"I was just trying to catch up on my sleep."

He nodded his head awkwardly and then scratch his already messy hair. "Yeah," He sucked in a breath and bit his lip. He looked uncomfortable. "This is my bunk."

My cheeks were on fire. I swallowed hard and sat up. "It is?" I smoothed my skimpy dress although there really wasn't any need to. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "It's fine. I just wanted to grab my phone."

He reached over me and into the shelf on the side, grabbing his phone. How had I not seen that before.

"I thought this was John's bunk."

He coughed out a dry laugh. "Any particular reason why?"

This time I was the one to shrug. "I guess it just seemed familiar. Homey."

He bit back a smile. "Did it now?" He stepped back lightly, allowing room for me to jump down. I did so, feeling my dress fly up in the back. Luckily, Garrett hadn't seen, but it didn't matter. I was still as embarrassed as hell.

I hadn't been this way in a long time. I wasn't use to my old self, but I sort of missed her. I hated thinking that though. I knew this stronger girl that I had become was for the better, but sometimes I wanted to shrink back up into who I used to be. It didn't matter though. There was no way I could go back now.

I swallowed the lump in my throat along with the thoughts lingering in my head. I needed to show Garrett I wasn't the same anymore. I was different.

I stood up straight and cleared my throat, nodding my head and started to walk towards the front lounge. A silence lurked the bunk area and the darkness didn't really help. I could practically hear Garrett's breath as I walked away. For whatever reason, I cringed. I hated that I had made out with Alex and all those other guys this year when I knew I really only did it because I wanted to have someone like Garrett again.

"Wait," His voice was crisp and clear and the second I heard it my feet came to a complete halt.

His steps followed mine and I turned around, my eyes wide with questions. In one swift movement, my back was up against the wall behind me, Garrett pinning his hands on either side of me. He looked my directly in the eyes and I could barely make out his piercing blue in the dim light.

"You've changed."

I looked him up and down. His hair was red, his nose ring was gone and he was wearing a leather jacket.

"So have you." I muttered, my breath spilling out over my lips.

"That's not a bad thing, June." He looked at me, his jaw softening.

"You're right," I barely nodded my head. "It wasn't bad. But then I had to run into you again."

I watched as his adam's apple bobbed in his throat. He licked his lips and his forehead crinkled. He let out a breath. "We all have to change."

I shook my head. "You don't like the new me. I know you don't."

He didn't respond.

My voice was light and airy; barely audible. I sucked in a breath. "But that's okay," I nodded and pressed my lips together tightly. "Because I don't either."

A tidal wave composed of nostalgia hit me as his lips crept up onto mine. It wasn't as if any of us had problem. It wasn't like he broke up with me on the night of our prom. It wasn't like I told him I loved him. It wasn't like all the pain he caused me.

It was the happy stuff. The day he took me to the rain and kissed me abruptly. The time we went to the movies and I was scared as shit. When I hid under the table. When he snuck into my room.

It was the times that made me feel like I was actually living. That my life wasn't just a pile of shit. Even then, I was my old self. I didn't have to be this independent, hard ass to be happy. I enjoyed those times. All I needed were my friends, my brother and Garrett.

I pushed harder against his lips, my hands making their way up to his hair and getting tangled in it. I felt as his hands traveled down and settled on my waist, slowing moving underneath it and holding onto my bare skin.

Everything about it was wonderful. I didn't care about what would happen later. For just this moment I was living in the past; something so terrible to do only when you're not actually doing it.

Garrett's hands grabbed onto my behind and he picked me up. I grabbed my legs around his waist as he carried me to his bunk. He placed me in carefully, then followed suit, closing the curtain behind him. He hovered over me steadily, his lips giving mine small pecks over and over again. I pulled off my dress, only leaving me in a bra and panties and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his body onto mine. His warm, familiar hands grasped the sides of my stomach and then found themselves on my breasts.

Neither of us were thinking. We were simply going back to what our prom night should have been.

I wrapped my legs around his waist yet again, pulling his closer to me. I wanted more. I wanted so much more.

Garrett's lips pulled away from mine and he let out a breath, running a hand through his messy hair. "What the fuck are we doing?" He groaned, shaking his head and closing his eyes.

I sat up, my back leaning against the wall. I thought for a moment before moving closer to Garrett. "Closure," I whispered, my lips almost touching his, "we need this."

He pushed his lips onto mine once again and tackled me to the bed. I could feel him smiling under my lips, which made me stomach fill what seemed like waves crashing against rocks. I let out a soft moan and then Garrett pulled away.

"I'm not like this." He muttered. "I mean, I just can't do this. It's going to drive me fucking crazy later."

I swallowed hard, not wanting to hear the answer to the question lingering in my mind. Either way, I said it anyway. "Why?"

He glanced over at me. "I think it's pretty obvious."

I bit my lip, sinking back onto my back. I grabbed my dress and pulled it over me.

"This isn't going to solve anything. This is stupid if anything. We're just reliving something that isn't going to happen. I was a jerk to you June. You shouldn't want me back," He shook his head. "And even if that's the case, why would we get back together? We haven't even had a decent conversation this entire tour. We clearly don't belong together."

I bit my lip and slid out of the bunk. "You're right." I nodded my head and took one last look at Garrett.

"Nothing ever mattered to you, did it? You don't remember any of the moments we shared and even if you do, you most likely don't give a shit. We could have made it Gare, we really could have." I sucked in a breath. "And you know what? I can't be with someone who doesn't have faith in anything. I don't know why I wasted my time so hung up on you."

I walked out of the bunk area and eventually off the bus. Tears stung in my eyes, but I simply rolled them away, annoyed with myself.

"Fuck." I muttered, kicking at the ground.

That was a mistake.