Forget It All

"Wake up."

My eyes flickered open only to find John standing above me. He then turned to Halvo and kneed him in the gut. Which, of course, and naturally, Halvo groaned out in pain. "SHIT!"

"You're on the wrong bus." John snickered.

I sat up straight, only to discover that the bus was teetering back and forth. I looked up at John in a panic, "We're moving?"

He nodded his head, "We have been since six this morning."

Halvo rubbed his eyes, "And what time is it now?"

John pulled out his phone form his back pocket, sucking in a breath. He peered down at the phone, "Eleven seventeen."

I put a hand on my head, "Shit. I gotta call Harper."

I moved over to the window, allowing John to sit down next to Halvo and turn on the tv. As I dialed Harper's number I realized how much shit I was going to be in. Everyone on All Time Low's bus will realize that I'm not there. And then they'll think about what I did last night. They're going to put the pieces together and come to an incorrect conclusion and haunt me for it.

I didn't even get to say hello.

"You dirty slut!" Harper squealed.

"It's not what you think." I droned on.

I heard Jack from the background, "SHE GOT IT ON WITH JOEL! GO JUNEY!"

All I could think was shit, Alex. Poor Alex. Will they shut up? Where's Alex? Oh God, Alex. No.

"So, tell me, how is he? You know, he's so skinny, and I've never been with a skinny guy before, so is it like, I don't know- do you control the situation?"

"Harper, it didn't happen. I didn't go back to This Century's bus."

She gasped, "Oh my God, are you guys still in California? Are you at a motel or something?!"

"No, I'm on Rocket's bus."

"Hm," She took in the phrase, "how racy. On another bus, eh? I'm sure that made it only hotter."

"We didn't have sex, Harper." I snapped.

My face turned at least three shades of red as I looked over at my brother shooting me daggers. Halvo was simply chuckling and pointing at me.

"Oh." She sighed, "Well then why are you on Rocket's bus?"

"I had to talk to Halvo."

She didn't respond for a moment. I then heard as she inhaled a sharp breath, "Right. You have to tell him everything first."

"Don't be like this, please."

"Fine," She grumbled, "so how was it though? The date."

I thought back to last night, "Really, really good. It was really nice."

She laughed softly. "Aw, good for you, hon. You deserve it. And once we get to the venue I expect to hear every detail."

I laughed, "You will."

We hung up and I started watching whatever my brother and Halvo were. After about ten minutes, I sort of woke up and turned to John. "Wait, what are you doing here?"

He shrugged, "Got drunk and passed out. It happens quite often."

"Right." I scoffed.

"There's some coffee up front if you want it. Not everyone is up just yet."

Halvo groaned, "Then why for the love of God did you wake us up?"

My brother shrugged, "I was bored and needed company."

I ignored the two of them, leaving them in the back to their argument. I made my way to the front lounge, walking through the bunks of many snoring band guys. It made me laugh softly, but I shook it off. When the doors opened for the front lounge, I discovered Nick at the counter, making coffee for himself. And-just my luck-Garrett passed out on the couch next to him.

"Morning." Nick said, and offered me a cup of coffee.

"Oh, thanks." I took it and placed it on the counter, adding some milk. Taking a sip was one of the most glorious things ever. Not that I was awake after that one sip, but God it felt great.

I'm not sure why, because I really don't like Nick, but i sat next to him on the couch across from Garrett. Maybe it was because I wanted to look at the passed out boy. Maybe it was because it reminded me of the time I woke up only to find him sleeping on the floor and mumbling my name in his slumber. Maybe it was because I was a freak.

"So your date with Joel was good?' Nick asked, taking another sip from his cup.

I questioned his motives. Why did he care? I nodded my head, "Yeah. It was nice."

I placed the cup of coffee on the counter next to me and sat back. Nick turned on the television in the right corner of the bus, the flicking to the news. We watched in silence and to be honest, we both seemed fairly relaxed with one another. That is, until Nick seemed to get a little closer to me. Our arms were now touching, and the next thing I knew his hand was on my knee.

"What are you doing?" I asked, looking at the unfamiliar hand lazily. When he didn't respond, I turned my head to him. Our faces were close and I could feel his breath on mine. He leaned in, but suddenly the bus came to an abrupt stop.

We were at the venue.

Nothing changed, though. No one got up. No one moved-Nick certainly didn't.

And the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine and his tongue was exploring my mouth. His hand was in my hair, his other now on my hip, slowly moving it's way up my torso.

"Fucking hell."

Nick pulled back, and as a reaction and punched his shoulder. It wasn't until I noticed Nick's wide eyes that Garrett was now awake, looking at us from the couch across the way. He shook his head and exhaled heavily.

He stormed off the bus, slamming the door behind him. I stood up and looked at Nick, "What is your issue?"

He shrugged, "You made out with Joel, didn't you?"

I scoffed, then stormed off the bus after Garrett. He was off in the distance of the parking lot. My bare feet smacked against the pavement as I chased after him. The soles of my feet endured my different rocks that hurt terribly, but something about it caused them hard to feel.

"Garrett!" I yelled.

He spun around, "I don't understand why happened to you! Who are you now? I don't know you."

"He kissed me." I replied.

He shook his head, "You went on a date with Joel. Every guy is like, obsessed with you. Apparently you've been making out with dudes all year. I have no idea who this girl is."

"Oh fuck you!" I yelled, "Who are you? You apologize for how weird all of this has been, take my virginity and then just ignore the situation and go back to being an asshole. What is going on in your head? You are driving me insane!"

"You're driving me insane! You think I like seeing you with other guys? Seeing Alex kiss you made me sick to my stomach. And now Nick? You're moving from guy to guy." He shook his head, his expression held disgust.

"This is the most you've spoken to me this entire year, Garrett. I don't know what you want from me. I am so confused. Do those guys even matter? I told you how I felt. I told you that you were the one I loved, and you know, lately I've started to question that. Why do I love a guy who won't even make an effort to work any of this out?"

He ran a hand through his hair. The wind whipped around us, causing the my body to shiver. I didn't know what state we were in, but it was cold as fuck and being barefoot in this skimpy dress of mine wasn't really the best attire.

He swallowed hair, "I can't look at you without hurting. Every time I see you I'm just reminded of the stupid mistake I made. Looking at you know makes me hurt. In that dress.... I mean......"

I took a step forward, "Then fix the mistake. I told you I loved you. I slept with you. I gave you my virginity, Garrett. What more can help you make this decision?"

"I don't think I'm good enough for you."

We looked at each other blankly for a moment, then I swallowed the knot in my throat and started to say something. Nothing came out though. I didn't know what to say.

He sucked in a breath and looked around, "June, I'm sorry I had sex with you. It was confusing and I don't know, I just got caught in the moment, I guess."

I was going to be sick. It didn't mean as much to him as it did to me. Having sex with me was just a routine thing. Just fulfilling his needs. My eyes stung and something caught in my throat. I could barely breathe.

"I care about you. I do. I wasn't lying when I said that. But we can't be together."

"Then why the fuck are you making a big ass deal about Nick kissing me? Or that Joel and I went on a date? What the fuck do you want, Garrett?" I spat out, a fire raging inside of me.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not really sure anymore."

"Well sort your shit out the next time you make a commitment to a girl like that. Didn't that mean anything to you? Didn't having sex mean anything?"

His shoulders fell, "Of course it did."

"Then why are you saying this shit?"

He pressed his lips together and thought for a moment, "I'm just going to hurt you. I'm always going to hurt you."

I couldn't handle this anymore.

"Clearly!" I shouted before marching over to All Time Low's bus.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A pair of arms snaked around my waist, pulling me into a tall, skinny torso. I looked up to find Joel as the owner of these arms, smiling down at me. He kissed on on top of my head. I snuck around and pressed my body against his. "How are you?" I asked.

He kissed my entire face; everywhere except my lips. "Splendid. And you, Miss?"

I smiled, "Grand."

It had been another week of tour since Joel and I's first date. Everything was running smoothly and nothing too exciting had been happening. Alex wasn't as miserable anymore. John and I hung out quite often. Halvo made a lot more jokes than normal. Nick left me alone. And I barely saw Garrett.

"Are you almost done?" Joel asked as I folded several more shirts under the counter.

I spun around, "Done."

He grinned, "Wonderful," he took hold of my hand and guided me out of the booth, "let me take you on an exciting journey."

"How exciting."

"Oh, it is." He winked.

It was a pretty nice day out: a couple clouds in the sky, warm but not too hot, sunny but not the sunny where you can't see anything. It was going on afternoon and most guys were starting to do sound check, but This Century had gone already so that left a lot of time for Joel and I.

He took me to his bus. Luckily, no one was inside. In the front lounge, a blue and white blanket was on the floor along with a basket. I laughed lightly, "A picnic?"

"Yeah! Looks great, right? We have the place to ourselves."

I laughed, "Great!"

We sat down and had our meal; an assortment of fruits out of one of those plastic containers and bagels with butters. It was lovely put together and Joel continued to make comments on it. "Are you proud of me?" He asked.

"Extremely proud."

And the next thing I knew, we were making out. We hoisted ourselves up onto the couch. I laid with my back on it, while Joel hovered over me, kissing me with a lot more fierce than usual. Normally when we kissed he was sweet and gentle, but today there was a hint of something more. Not that I truly cared. It was nice, and I suppose there was a lack of passion in our relationship, but then again, we were only a week in. But whatever. I went with it.

It started to get heated. The only time I can remember anything being this heated was with Garrett. Joel kissed me and slipped into tongue in between my lips. He grabbed at me sides, eventually placing his hands on my breast.

"Gare," I breathed out, getting a little too into it.

Joel stop instantly, sitting up straight with wide eyes. "Oh."

I placed a hand over my mouth, "Shit. No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

He bit his lip and looked at the floor, nodding his head.

I closed my eyes, sucking in a deep breath. I couldn't believe that I had just done that. I tried to explain, "Look, Joel, it's just that I've never been that intimate with someone other than Garrett. I'm not us-"

He cut me of, shaking his head, "I'd rather not hear about how intimate you were with your ex-boyfriend."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just-"

"I know. It's fine. I'm over it."

"I'm really sorry."

He looked over at me, giving a weak smile. "It's cool."

I knew it wasn't. It wasn't for him and it wasn't for me.