Forget It All

"No Harper. I'm not going!" My voice rose as we stomped off the bus.

"Oh please June. Please! I'll be the only girl. And you already told me your summer is gonna suck!"

"I can't do it, okay? I'm not ready."

"When are you going to be ready then? What are you scared of anyway? Your friends? I'm sure they'll understand. John is your brother and that's family. That shit doesn't break. And Gar-"

I cut her off, shaking my head in the process. "I abandoned them, okay? I couldn't face them when they left for tour because he was there and at that point I wanted nothing to do with him. I was a horrible friend."

"And if family doesn't break then why are my parent's getting a divorce? Oh yeah, because they fucking despise each other!" I hissed.

I walked over to the bus and leaned against it head first. I didn't look at Harper, but I heard her steps come toward me. Her warm hand placed itself on my back, soothing me.

"And Garrett? From what I heard it seems like that break up was pretty mutual. Why wouldn't you want to face him?"

I turned around, now the bus against my back. I rubbed my eyes, not caring about my makeup. I sighed heavily and slid down the bus until I was on sitting on the pavement.

"I didn't tell you everything about the break up." I mumbled.

Harper sat down next to me, eyes curious but gentle. That's what I liked most about her. She was a little pushy and obnoxious at times, but when it came to being a friend, she was the best. She knew how to make anyone feel better and no matter what, she wouldn't rush anyone. She let them explain the best they could. She was patient when people needed her to be.

"What happened?" Her voice was small and light.

I swallowed hard before answering. "I mean, it sort of was mutual. I knew that ending it was for the best. And he did too. Yet, when he actually broke up with me," I bit my lip and then released it, sucking in a sharp breath. "I didn't take it very well. I resisted it and I fought with him. I didn't want it to end in a way. And then I left,"

I paused remembering the night so well.

"I love you Garrett. I really do."

"Right after I told him that I loved him."

Harper wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to her.

"I felt like if I faced him again he would bring me down. I promised myself that I would be strong and I couldn't go back because he was my only weakness. I feel like an idiot," I shook my head.

"You're not an idiot June," Harper gave me a comforting smile. "I completely get what you're saying. Hell, I probably would have done the same thing."

"You didn't know me back then though. I was so weak," I closed my eyes. "So unconfident and uncomfortable with myself."

My eyes flickered open. "And god, it was the right thing to do, because look at me now. I'm strong and I'm happier than I was then. I told John some complete bullshit, but it was the truth in a way. I didn't have a mental breakdown. I just did it to leave everything behind."

We stayed silent for several moments before Harper offered her proposition once more. "I promise that I'll always be your friend and if anyone is an asshole to you I'll beat them up."

I tried to picture this, but failed. Harper was skinny and short with pale skin. She could never take on a fight. Even her eyes- big and green- reminded you of a puppy dog. She was just too adorable for anyone to pick a fight with her. Plus, the fact that she dyed her hair a different color every month just made her instantly likable for whatever reason. Right now she has her hair a grayish white color- a personal favorite of mine.

"I'm sure everything will be fine, okay? You can always just hang out with All Time Low too. I mean, you may have the risk of getting hit on by Alex, but," She shrugged and laughed. "That's not too bad considering who your brother is."

I rolled my eyes and laughed. "I doubt he'll try anything stupid."

Her eyes lit up. "So, does that mean you'll come?"

I sighed, defeatedly, "I guess so."

She stood up, pulling me with her and wrapped her arms around me, jumping up and down and laughing. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you soooooo much!"

"Love you too," I hugged her back. "So, when does this tour start? I need time to notify my mother."

"And your brother." Harper smiled.

"Oh, no." I shook my head.

Harper cocked an eyebrow. "You're not going to tell him?"

"Well," I began, "If I tell John he'll definitely tell the guys and I really don't want some welcoming party of angry friends."

Harper sighed heavily and gave me a disappointing look. "Fine," She shook her head. "I'll tell everyone not to tell John because you're planning for it to be a surprise. Fair enough?"

I nodded my head. "Thank you."

"Come on. Better go tell the guys."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You're coming on tour with us?" Jack's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Yes we are!" Harper grinned, leaning her head against Matt's chest. I found myself absentmindedly staring at the two of them.

Sure, I was envious of what they had. I mean, who wouldn't want that? They were so cute. I only had one boyfriend my entire life and I only experience that once. Sometimes I wondered about who I would end up with.

Sometimes I wondered what it would have been like if Garrett and I never broke up.

It wasn't like I thought about him everyday. His face, his eyes, his voice simply just echoed through my memory like a haunting ghost- constantly reminding me of what happened and the stupid mistake that we made.

If I could go back I would change it. I know I could have stopped him. I could have reassured him. I could have had him right then and there.

But then again, I'm pretty confident we would have found ourselves at a dead end anyway.

I really didn't know my feelings towards Garrett at all. I couldn't figure out if I meant what I said about loving him. I couldn't figure out if I hated him. I couldn't figure out what I would do if I saw him.

I snapped out of my delusions and sucked in a deep breath. I looked around me and watch the guys in All Time Low celebrate- although there really wasn't much to celebrate.

I met the guys within the first two weeks of the school year. Harper, who was born and raised in Maryland was Matt's girlfriend even back then. She invited me to a concert, informing me that the band we were seeing was from Maryland and widely popular.

I recognized the name the second she told me. John had told me about them. Although The Maine hadn't been on tour with All Time Low last summer, they met through other bands and friends. Apparently, the instantly hit it off.

When the guys found out who I was they wouldn't believe me. I didn't look anything like John, let alone act like him.

"Ready to go? We have a big day of packing tomorrow!" Harper swung her keys around her finger and smiled at me.

"Yeah. I should probably call my mom and tell her everything."

"Sounds good to me. I'll just say bye to Matt and meet you outside."

I nodded my head, said goodbye to the band and crew and left the bus. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and quickly dialed my mother's number.

"June?" She picked up.

"Hi Mom," I smiled despite not being able to see her.

"You're calling awfully late don't you think?" She commented.

"Oh sh-" I caught myself before uttering a curse in front of my mother. "Sorry Ma, I forgot about the time difference."

She sighed and laughed lightly. "You've been away for a year. I thought you'd be able to get it by now."

"Oh well, you know me."

"I sure do. Now, why are you calling? Is something wrong?"

I sucked in a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair. I noticed Harper exiting the bus. She walked towards the car and leaned up against it, waiting for my call to end.

"I sorta got a job for this summer."

"Oh really?" Excitement filled her voice. "That's great honey! What is it?"

"It's actually helping out a couple of my friends who are in the band....." I bit my lip and cringed. "I'll be going on tour with them."

"Oh," was all she said and I felt a pang of guilt hit me. I would be leaving her all alone.

"Look Mom, I don't have to do this."

"No! Don't you be silly! "

I looked over at Harper who was getting impatient. "Are you sure you'll be okay? I'm going to be gone the entire summer."

She laughed lightly. "Honey, I'll be fine. I have plenty of people keeping me company! Sarah and I have been planting a lot lately. And she makes a fantastic cup of coffee."

Sara? I swallowed hard. As in Sarah Nickelsen. As in Garrett Nickelsen's mother.

"Really?" I paused. "I didn't know you two were so close."

"Oh we are. You just haven't been home in a long time. She always talks about you and it was such a shame when you and Garrett broke up. He was a sweet boy June. And you never told me what happened. Sarah is just as clueless as me."

"Uh," I stuttered for a moment. "It's a long story Mom."

She sighed heavily. "Well you'll have to tell me some time. Now," She started another topic. "Is this the same tour John will be on?"

"Actually," I began, "It is."

"Oh that's great!" I could hear the smile in her voice. "Well I should get my beauty sleep. Call me tomorrow, will you?"

"I will."

"Love you, sweetheart."

"You too Mom. 'Night."

I hung up the phone and walked over to Harper who was already in the car. I hopped in the passenger seat just in time to hear her groan, "God, your mother is such a talker."

I shrugged. "She can't help it I guess."

"The complete opposite of you if I must say."

I rolled my eyes.

"You're a woman of few words June."

I sighed heavily. "That's what you think."

She grinned and pulled out of the parking lot and down the street. Back to the University, but of course, not for long.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"God dammit," Harper muttered, "When did we get this much shit?"

"Hey, at least you live in this state," I sighed heavily. "I have to spend a shit load of money sending practically all of this back to fucking Arizona."

Harper chuckled and placed a box on her stripped bed. She hummed along to the mix CD I made her, which was playing on my radio.

"You know I'm gonna have to packed that soon." I gestured to the radio.

She ran over and hugged it. "No! Please save it for last."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine."

"So, tell me you're at least excited for this tour."

I shrugged. "I guess so. I feel bad for leaving my Mom alone though."

"You said she's hanging out with your ex-lover's Mom though. That sounds like a shit load of fun! Be happy."

I narrowed my eyes at her when she said 'ex-lover'. I sighed heavily, "It scares me, that's what it does."

"You over think too much. Live a little, will you?"

"You live a little." I shot back then laughed upon realizing how stupid I sounded.

Harper laughed too then sat down on my stripped mattress. "So, what's the first thing you're going to do when you see him."

I started to talk, but Harper cut me off.

"Oh yeah, I know. Run up and kiss him."

I rolled my eyes, starting to get irritated. "Never, okay?" I huffed and scanned the boxes I had packed. "And in all honesty, I going to do my best to ignore him. As for the rest of the band, I'll just have to try to get them to like me again."

Harper was the one to roll her eyes this time. "Will you shut up? Everyone likes you June. They'll totally get it, if not, they probably didn't even realize you didn't say goodbye."

I sighed. "It's not that I didn't say goodbye. It's that I was a complete bitch for not making an effort to call or contact any of them. They probably think that I don't want anything to do with them."

"June," Harper narrowed her eyes at me. "When you came home for vacation they were on tour. There was no possible way to see them. You were busy with school, they were busy with tour. You can barely even stay in contact with your brother, how are you suppose to stay close with your friends? You're way too hard on yourself sometimes."

I closed my eyes and let out a breath. I shook my head.

"I know."