Forget It All

"I'm dying."

"Shhhh."

"I'm telling you; I'm dying."

Halvo rolled over to face the cushioned side of the couch. He muttered some profanity under his breath as he did so. I rolled my eyes, then proceeded to punch his hip bone. He muttered another curse before hoisting himself up and rubbing his eyes.

"I'm trying to take a fucking nap here."

I ran a hand threw my hair, sighing heavily. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being annoying but you're the only person who knows everything and I-"

I stopped as Halvo placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently. It was times like this that reminded me how much I loved this kid. He never thought negatively of anyone. You could be up his ass half the time and he still wouldn't care. He was my best friend-hands down. And he comforted me and made me laugh and made me feel better. He was just great.

"It's okay," He started, "I know this whole tour is weird for you."

"I'm starting to wish I hadn't come."

He furrowed his brow for a moment, scanning my face intently. "Don't say that."

I bit my lip then released it slowly as I thought about my words. "It's just that if I hadn't come I wouldn't have to deal with Alex and I wouldn't have to worry about hurting him. I wouldn't have to feel guilty about kissing Joel and thinking about someone else. And I wouldn't have to see the way Garrett looks at me."

Halvo didn't respond, so I continued. "He knows that I've changed and I absolutely hate who I've become. I'm whiney and the center of attention. Guys grab my ass and take second looks at me and I don't even notice anymore! This time last year, I could barely talk to any guy outside of our immediate friends. I'm a whore now and-"

"This is where I need to stop you." Halvo looked at me, giving a small smile. "You are the same person that I left last summer. You're still weird and shy and beyond awkward. You still blush like crazy. And you still have horrible social anxiety. You're just better at hiding it."

"Garrett doesn't know that."

"Well Garrett's being a dick and a half." He replied, sharply.

I laughed, shrugging. "Joel doesn't know any of that and he's going out with me."

Halvo let out a light breath, "Well, that may be true. But do you wanna know someone who knows who you are and likes you a shit-load for it?"

I pressed my lips together, avoiding eye contact with Halvo for a moment. I bit the inside of my cheek and played with the hem of my shirt.

"Alex."

My heart sunk into the pit of my stomach. The chills sprinting up and down my spine ran at an incredible pace. I swallowed the knot in my throat and looked at Halvo, shaking my head.

He simply laughed, "He does. I can see it. He looks at you the same way Garrett looked at you before you guys went out. It's that hopeless look. That I'm-never-going-to-get-you look. He knows you because he was the first guy to hit on you this past year. And from my extensive knowledge of your actions, I'm going to assume you were a nervous, uncomfortable, awkward wreck the first time he called you sexy and offered to buy you a drink."

He was right. Completely right. The very first time I met Alex, which was at some house party, he placed a hand on my hip and whispered how pretty my eyes were into my ear. I, being the frozen statute that I was, was unable to reply in any way. So I followed him, counting my steps as he held my hand and brought me into the kitchen to pour me a drink. I was a wreck. He noticed. He gave me looks. Looks that told me that seeing a girl act like this at a house party wasn't very common. Looks that insinuated how different I really was. Looks that told me that Alex was pleasantly surprised by me.

So Alex liked me for who I really was. Yet, for some idiotic reason, I let the kid fall flat on his face.

I looked around the A Rocket to the Moon's dressing room. Halvo and I were the only ones in there. I gripped the edges of the couch and nodded my head, mainly to myself. I turned to Halvo with tired and weak eyes, "I think I'm ready to let go."

"Let go?" He asked.

I was still nodding my head as I slowly stood up. "I'm ready to let go of Garrett."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The rest of the day was a haze due to the one plan I had constantly running through my head. I unloaded the merch, worked the stand, watched all four bands play and then went out for drinks with everyone.

At the bar, I stayed to myself, worrying about the future actions playing out in my mind. I only drank a Coke, knowing that getting drunk tonight wasn't a good idea. I also kept a close watch on a particular someone to make sure they weren't drinking heavily. Surprisingly, they were not.

Once Joel realized that I was going to be boring he wandered off to the guys from A Rocket to the Moon, pretty much hanging out with them for the night. Harper came over a couple of times, but as always, ended up wandering back to Flyzik several minutes later. John and Jared sat with me for a bit, but I decided to go to the bathroom and when I got back, they were gone.

We were staying at another hotel tonight, which was beneficial to my plan. Harper and I were sharing a room, but just like last time, Harper was already planning to ditch me for Flyzik.

As my plan was running through my head at around eleven, I was cut off by a voice that surprised me.

"Is everything alright?"

Garrett stood next to me, drink in hand, and peering down at me.

I gripped the glass that held my soda, looking down at it for a moment to avoid his blue eyes. "Uh, yeah. I'm great."

He bit his lip as he sat down on the stool next to me, "Are you sure?"

Anger boiled inside of me, and just as the words spilled out of his mouth, I erupted. My head snapped over to him, "What the fuck do you want Garrett? Because the last time I checked 'you weren't really sure.'"

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fucking dandy." I stared at him dead on, for once not intimidated by his eyes. I sucked in a sharp breath, preparing to tell him what I had been waiting to, "And while you're here, I think it's time to tell you that I'm officially done. I'm moving on. You have lost me, Gare. I'm gone."

He shook his head slowly, "I'm not okay with that."

I let out a heavy breath, my shoulders falling, "You lost your chance."

I stood up and walked away leaving my drink and Garrett behind me. I made my way over to where Jack was sitting with Halvo. I sat down next to Jack and scanned the bar carefully for the face that I was looking for. As I did so, he draped an arm around me and then whispered into my ear, "I think you just killed Garrett."

I looked over at Garrett who sat in the same spot, peering down at the bar. I didn't let it bother me, though. I shrugged and said, "Things happen."

Jack squeezed my shoulder and grinned, "You are quite the heart breaker, aren't you?"

I smiled up at him.

Not for long, I thought.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I stared at myself in front of the length-view mirror on the wall in the hotel room. I sucked in a quick breath as I observed the pair of panties and bra I had on. They were both purple silk with black lace over them. It as the only pair of ''lingerie'' that I owned.

I ran my hands down my freshly shaved legs, still staring at myself in the mirror. A year ago, this wasn't the girl looking back at me. A year ago, I was wearing plain black underwear. I licked my lips hastily before stepping away from the mirror and walking to the bathroom. Once I was in there, I applied a light amount of cherry lip gloss and put on some eyeliner and mascara.

After, I slipped on a pair of jean shorts and a blue tank top. I then put on flip flops and slid my room key into my back pocket. I swallowed the knot in my throat as I walked out of my room and down the hallway. Every step that I took caused a hurricane inside of me.

I finally got to the room. As I knocked lightly on the door, I closed my eyes, breathing steadily. Soon, the door fell away from my fist. My eyes flickered open to find him standing there.

"June?"

I gave a weak smile, "Is anyone here with you?"

"No. Jack passed out in Zack and Rian's room while watching a movie. He was my only roommate."

Tonight was working out too well.

I let out a shaky breath and nodded my head. Before I could say or do anything else, Alex asked, "Did you want something?"

I barely nodded my head, "I did."

My hand crept onto the door, sliding it back so I could get in easily. Once I was inside, I closed the door behind me, my eyes never leaving Alex's. After hearing the door click shut, I pushed off of it and into Alex. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips tightly onto his.

He was frozen a moment, most likely due to confusion on his behalf. But soon, he melted into the kiss and his hand wrapped around me and his fist bunched my shirt. He walked backwards, and me being attached to him, naturally followed. Soon, we fell backwards onto the bed, my body on top of his.

He pulled his lips away and looked at me, "What's going on?"

I placed my hands on both sides of his face, "I didn't realize how much you cared and I didn't realize how much I cared."

Without a seconds hesitation, Alex rolled me onto my back and was hovering over me. He kissed me neck and his hands ran up my shirt, cupping my breasts. I pushed him away for a moment, taking off my shirt and throwing it onto the floor. Alex grinned, then pushed me back down onto the bed and continued where we left off. As he sucked on my neck, I pulled off his shirt, then shimmied out of my shorts.

"I cant' tell you how long I've waited for this," He breathed out, his hot breath on my skin.

"Mmmm," I let out as he kissed me down my chest.

I played with his best buckle for some time before getting the nerve to unbuckle it and pulled his jeans off completely. I pushed him over onto his back and straddled his waist. I gently grinded my lower body into his. I sat up for a moment, reaching behind me to unclasp my bra.

Alex then abruptly sat up as well, "Wait, wait, wait. Hold on."

I stopped myself, my hand falling to the side.

"What about Joel?"

"I don't feel the same way about Joel as I do about you. And I know you care about me more."

I instantly went back to kissing Alex, my lips feeling numb just from doing so. He pulled away, stopping himself from moaning.

"I'm not going to have sex with you, June."

I let out a breath, "Why not?"

"Because I don't think I'm ready to take your virginity yet. And not like this either. Not when you're cheating on your boyfriend."

"But I'm not a virgin!"

For whatever reason, the room seemed a whole lot more silent now than it did before. Alex looked at me dryly for a moment, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not a virgin."

"Yes you are."

"No. I'm not."

Alex shook his head, "Like five months ago when I was on that Spring Tour and you and Harper came and visited we all played truth or dare and you told us you were a virgin."

"Well, things happen in five months."

He continued shaking his head, "Things don't happen with you, June. You're not going to let some random guy take your virginity."

"And maybe it wasn't a random guy."

He stared at me and I stared at him so much so that I saw his Adams apple bobbed in his neck as he swallowed. "It was recently, wasn't it? And I somehow highly doubt that it was with Joel."

I stayed quiet.

"You slept with Garrett." He muttered, "Which basically means one thing."

I dared to ask, "What?"

"You still have feelings for him."

I shook my head, reaching out for Alex, "No. It was impulsive and stupid."

"You're not an impulsive person. You wanted it to happen just like you wanted this to happen. You planned this, didn't you?"

I shrugged, "Is that so wrong? I wanted to tell you how I felt. And sleeping with Garrett was a mistake and we fought about it and I told him tonight I was done with him because.... well... because I was....." I trailed off.

"You were tired?" He asked.

I nodded my head, "I was tired."

He pressed his lips together, then reached out a hand and cupped my cheek. "Being tired isn't a reason to give up."

I didn't reply. I sucked in a deep breath and looked at Alex, "Why are you doing this?"

He shrugged and let out a breath, "I don't know. I care more about you than myself I guess."

"Why?"

"Because you're good," he let out another heavy breath, "you're a good one, June."