Forget It All

I woke up next to Alex, his arm slung around my waist, pulling me close to him. My heart ached at the thought of our conversation last night. I wanted things to be simple; to be easy. But I was smart enough to not know that they couldn't be. When my eyes flickered open I had a pleasant and peaceful view of the sun shining through the window. I had no idea where we were; none whatsoever. I stopped keeping track about a week ago, but wherever our bodies laid now sure was wonderful.

I found myself wondering what life would be like waking up next to Joel. I thought of how his nose crinkled when he laughed and how he always smelt nice. But other than that, my imagination couldn't fill the gaps and questions that I had. I didn't know what life would be like waking up next to Joel mainly because I hardly knew Joel. How could you picture a life with someone you barely knew? Not that I was looking to spend my life with him. It was just interesting to think about.

My mind wandered to Garrett and waking up next to him. If I woke up next to Garrett, I would be facing him. My eyes wouldn't see the sunrise, they would see him. They would see his lovely eyes and his adorable smile. I could feel his timid fingers on my waist and his cautious eyes to make sure what he was doing was okay. I could see him sitting up and stretching then reaching over and falling on me, laughing. I could see us getting up and having breakfast. I saw us with our moms and I saw us with our friends.

Before I could turn around to wish Alex a good morning, the hotel room's door opened. I didn't have time to move or even jolt from my position. Instead, Jack walked into the room, dropping the baseball hat in held in his hand to the ground. He stared at us for a good minute, his lips parted and his brown eyes wide. Finally, after a devastatingly long moment of silence, he exclaimed, "You guys have got to be kidding."

Alex sat up, rubbing his eyes and groaning, "It's not what you think, Jack."

His band-mate rolled his eyes, "You two are basically naked and in bed next to each other. I think it's exactly what I think it is."

"It's not-" I began, but was cut off by the guitarist.

"Alex," He started, "John is going to slay you. Oh my God and Joel! Joel! Are you an idiot?! She has a fucking boyfriend! And Garrett-shit fuck, Garrett. I can't believe this. I can't believe this."

I leaned over to the side of the bed to grab my clothing and slipped back into it. "We didn't sleep together," I muttered. "We almost did. But we didn't."

Jack seemed to believe me, but he didn't lighten up, "Why? You have a boyfriend, June."

I ran both of my hands through my hair, gripping at the roots and looking at the boy now in front of me, "I know that, Jack! I know!"

I started towards the door, but my hand was caught by Alex who must have jumped up from the bed in the mean time. He turned me back to him and gave me a half-hearted smile, "I'll explain it to him."

I held onto Alex's hand, not wanting to let it go. He was so comforting. Who knew that the guy who irritated and hit on me more times than I can count is the one I felt comfortable with. I barely nodded my head in a response to him.

"Don't forget about what I said last night," He whispered and once again I nodded my head. Carefully, he leaned in and pressed his lips to my forehead.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As I folded shirt after shirt, placing each one in it's own designated box, my stomach grumbled with hunger. Sighing, I placed a hand over my stomach and started to rub it as if that would somehow help the situation. Despite this, I went on with my work in a lethargic and dazed state. The only two things I could think about was last night and the impending plan of breaking things off with Joel. Just the thought of seeing his face as I say the words "I think we should break up" is nearly enough to make me hate myself even more.

Working like a dog, however, at least gave me something to do as apposed to sitting around and thinking about all the other things that I can add to the list of reasons why I hate myself. I pushed aside my hunger, not really caring enough to take care of it and also knowing I really didn't have anything to eat outside of the bus. There was no way I was walking over to All Time Low's bus and getting food. I really just didn't want to deal with anyone at the moment, which is why I told Harper to take off and hang out with Flyzik for the day. Without hesitation, she took off.

After a solid three ours of unloading boxes and then loading some up and then organizing tonight's merch booth, I decided getting some food would probably be the healthy thing to do. I walked into the venue to find All Time Low sound checking. Sighing, I began to search for Joel and ask him if he wanted to stray into town and find somewhere to eat. Unfortunately, he was sleeping and was about to go sound check in fifteen minutes. I wasn't too devastated; I mean, I might as well distance myself the best I could from the person I wanted to break up with.

After searching for someone to eat with me, I soon came to the discovery that it was probably something that I would have to do on my own. Even Halvo, who was always up for food, was scheduled for an interview and therefore, would have to skip out.

I didn't mind eating alone. What I was most concerned about was getting lost. I still hadn't figured out where we were exactly, but I'm sure once I walked out into the nearby town I would find out.

Just as I was about to leave the lot, I spotted someone sitting up against the fence looking down into their nap. As I got closer I realized that they were on their phone. As I got even closer I realized that, of course, it was Garrett.

His head popped up when I was about fifteen feet away. For a moment, it looked like he was about to smile, but instead he kept on a quiet and solemn expression. He was most likely thinking about what I said to him last night. About how "I was done."

I cleared my throat and quietly said, "Hey."

He pressed his lips together, nodding his head, "Hi."

I glanced around the lot for a minute in hopes to buy me time to think of something to say. "What are you doing out here?" I asked.

"I don't know. Everyone was kind of bothering me. I needed privacy."

"Oh," I nodded my head.

I listened strictly to the noise of the cars and trucks passing on the road behind Garrett. It was the only thing to listen to. If it wasn't there, there would only be a silence among us. I started to bit at my nails as I glared down at him. His head was turned and looking at the phone in his lap. Not meaning to, I let out a rather loud, heavy sigh.

"I was gonna go into town to get some lunch. Do you wanna come?" I asked, pointing over my shoulder with my thumb.

His head raised, along with one of his eyebrows. I could almost make out the curl upward of the corner of his right lip. He caught himself, though, remaining composed. He shrugged lightly. He must have been so confused.

"Yeah, uh, I guess I'll come."

He hoisted himself up, pushing his phone into his back pocket and walking forward to me. We walked side by side quietly into town not saying anything. Normally, being in the silence with Garrett was never a problem for me. In fact, being with Garrett in the silence was nice. This time, though, was horrid. He was obviously confused due to the harsh words I gave him last night and he was clearly thinking about that. And then I was thinking about him thinking about that.

"Wanna go to Panera?"

"Huh?" I asked.

He cleared his throat. "Panera is right there."

"Oh," My eyes widened, "Yeah. Okay."

We crossed the street and walked into store. Both of us waited on line in silence, ordered, got our food and sat down at the table. Then, we ate in silence.

After ten minutes, just as I was finishing my sandwich, Garrett broke the silence by sighing loudly and smacking the table with his hand, "I don't get it."

I looked up at him, my mouth full of food.

"Last night you freak out on me because I was trying to act like everything was okay between us. And now you're acting like that never happened and that everything is okay between us."

I swallowed slowly, the food having a difficult time making it down. I sucked in a sharp breath, "I know-I just," I stopped myself, not knowing what to say.

He shook his head, his eyes pleading, "You confused me, June."

"You confuse me." I muttered.

When I looked up from my plate, a cheeky smile was beginning to form on Garrett's lips. Soon, he was laughing. The next thing I knew, I was laughing. And then together, we were both laughing. Hard.

I gripped the edges of my table, trying to compose myself, but was having major difficulties. Garrett did the same as well, but it didn't seem to work for him as well. We must have laughed for a good five minutes before taking gasping breaths and coming back to normal.

Garrett sniffled a little, "Remember when you hid under a table?" He started to laugh again.

I smiled wickedly, "Remember when my brother beat the shit out of you on our front lawn."

He snorted, covering his mouth and then gasping for air, "Okay, but that's not as funny as one of the first times I went to your house and you nearly crashed into me and got all embarrassed because you were wearing your retainer."

My jaw dropped lightly, "I was not embarrassed!"

He rolled his eyes, "Please, you were embarrassed about everything back in the day."

"Oh, and you weren't?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Not really." He squinted.

"Don't even give me that. I could probably make an infinite list of the amount times I've seen you blush."

"It's not my fault I blush easily."

I shrugged, "It's alright. I do the same."

And just like that, something shifted. Something was different. For the first time in a more than a year, I looked at Garrett as a friend. The guy I was friends with before things became serious.

I bit my lip, glancing down at the brown tiled floor for a minute. When I looked back up, Garrett was watching me. "Can we forget everything? Can we just go back to being friends?" I asked.

He let out a steady breath after pursing his lips, "I don't know. It can't be that easy."

I shook my head, "Look at us, though. We're laughing and having fun, right? We weren't just always a couple, Gare. We were friends for a long time."

This time, he was the one shaking his head, "No, you were friends with me. I never saw you as a friend. I saw you as my crush and then my girlfriend. I've never viewed you in a different light and I don't think it's possible for me to."

"We can start over though."

He stood up from his seat and pushed in his chair. He hung onto the back of it for a second, gripping it so hard that his hands appeared to be changing to a shade of purple. "I know you don't want to hear this. I know that you're ready to move past this nonsense. But I'm stuck in it. As long as I'm staring at my ex-girlfriend with another guy, there is no way I can be friends with her. It just sucks to much."

"That's not going to solve anything though," I looked up at him with intent eyes.

He licked his bottom lip, then shrugged, "I think it's best if we're just acquaintances then."

I let out a breath, "I rather be a stranger to you then pretend."

He nodded his head, "Strangers it is."

As he walked out of the store and back towards the venue, all that I could think about is that the last thing I wanted was for Garrett Nickelsen to simply be just a stranger to me.