Forget It All

"You can't tell me you aren't the slightest bit excited." Harper glanced over at me as she pulled her car into Matt's driveway.

I gave her a weak smile and shrugged. "I am. I just can't stop worrying."

She put her rusty, old car in park and looked over at me. "You have nothing to worry about. I'm here for you. I'm sure everything will be fine anyway."

I nodded my head. "You're right."

We got out of her car, leaving our few bags of luggage in the car. I followed Harper up Matt's walk way and towards his house. I questioned why Matt would own a house and never offer Harper to come live with him. They were going out for years now.

I guess Harper enjoyed staying in her dorm though. I shouldn't be thinking about that though- I wanted Harper to stay with me.

Harper opened the front door without knocking then called out, "We're here!" We strutted into the kitchen to find most of the crew and band. "Where's Matt?" Harper asked.

"Upstairs. I think he's attempting to finish packing." Rian answered.

She sighed heavily and shook her head. "I told him to do that last night," She turned to me and rolled her eyes. "I'll be back."

As Harper left the room I sat down at the kitchen table next to Zack. We made small conversation while waiting for the rest of the crew and band to get here. The bus arrived along with everyone else about a half hour later.

Everyone hauled their equipment and luggage onto the bus, claiming bunks and areas as their own. Harper and I were the last to get on the bus after putting our bags in the compartments on the outside.

"There's two bunks left in the back for you guys." Matt told us all while rushing around and trying to get last minute jobs done.

We walked towards the back and sure enough, there were two bunks. One on top of another.

"You can use the top. I'm sort of afraid I'm going to fall out."

I chuckled lightly. "That's fine."

We climbed in our bunks, taking in the new scenery. I leaned towards the end of my bunks, then hung upside down and peered in Harper's bunk.

"I like this."

"I told you that you would!" She grinned and laughed.

"I meant the bunk," I laughed as well, "but this is pretty cool so far."

The bus started, jolting slightly and earning a couple yells from several crew members. Others laughed and found themselves in the front area of the bus. Harper and I decided on taking a nap. A majority of our night was spent packing and doing last minute necessities so we didn't get much rest.

My eyes flickered open after about an hour of sleep to the buzzing of my phone in my jeans pocket. I groaned lightly, annoyed that my rest was disturbed. Despite this, I took out my phone and let out a groggy "Hello?"

The voice on the end got right to the point. "You're going on tour with John?"

I sighed heavily. "I guess you talked to Mom."

My brother Shane was at sleep away camp along with my other brother Ross. The two of them had phone privileges at a certain hour each day. They were allowed to call friends and family. But for Shane, most of the time it was my Mother calling him, not him calling her.

"Does he know?"

"No."

"Well, are you going to tell him?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm planning to make it a surprise."

Shane groaned. "You two are so fucking lucky. I'm stuck here at this boys only camp for the entire summer tying knots, playing in mud and other shit."

"Don't worry," I yawned. "You'll get here eventually."

I could picture Shane rolling his eyes right now. "So," He began, a hint of enjoyment in his voice. "you're going to see Garrett, aren't you?"

"Most likely," I tried picturing the moment, but failed. It was unimaginable. "But not if I avoid him of course."

"Like that's going to happen." He laughed.

"What are you trying to say?"

"You always sucked at hide and go seek."

I sighed. "Okay, I'm ending this conversation."

"Fine. Ross says hi."

"Tell him I say hi back."

"Alright," Shane muttered, "Tell John I said to call me sometime. I haven't even spoken to him since last month."

"Try February."

"Really?" He paused. "Whew. That's rough. Whatever. Bye."

"Bye Shane."

I hung up, a million thoughts buzzing throughout my head. "Why is he so annoying?" I mumbled quietly to myself, turning over on my bed and cuddling into my pillow.

I pulled out my phone once more, now going through my email. I scrolled through to an email I got around this time last year from Mrs. Nickelsen. I had saved it.

I opened it, holding my breath as I found the picture's of Garrett and I at Prom last year. He had his arms wrapped around me, smiling. Even then, when he was planning to break up with me and I was pissed at him for ignoring me we looked so happy.

I shut my phone off and pushed it back into my tight, skinny jeans, shutting my eyes tightly and trying to forget the picture I just saw. I wasn't looking forward to see him.

What would I do? I could see me babbling like an idiot. But then again, this break up was for us- so we could move on with our lives. Yet, I hadn't moved on. If I had moved on I wouldn't have just looked at our Prom pictures.

Not that I wanted anything to do with him. I was just afraid of what will happen. What if I break?

I was stronger now. I wasn't the weak, fragile girl I used to be. I feel like if Garrett walked back into my life I would melt and turn into her again.

I slowly fell back to sleep, trying my best not to think about him or what was to happen in the future.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I got up around three hours later. Harper was still out cold. I laughed at her expression and how she held a pillow close to her.

I walked into the front lounge and sat down next to Rian and watched whatever movie he and the rest of the guys were watching.

"We're spending the entire night on the road?" I asked, pretty much knowing the answer already.

Rian nodded his head. "Yeah. We should be at the first venue tomorrow around one."

"I'm warning you now," Zack, who sat on the other side of me grinned. "It's gonna be a long night- especially with these two." He gestured over to Alex and Jack who were laughing uncontrollably about something and guzzling down beers.

"Fun," I noted and Zack simply chuckled.

He was right; the All Time Low bus seemed to turn into a club as the night rolled on. They weren't even on tour yet, technically. They were celebrating for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

I couldn't help but wonder if The Maine did this. I could certainly see my brother getting a little tipsy after sucking down some beers- I could also see him put his ridiculous dance moves to good use. Or rather not- I'm sure no one would be pleased to watch him.

Harper got up at nine o'clock and joined me on the couch, laughing at the band and crew. We sang along to the blaring music and Harper even decided to get up and dance with Matt. There wasn't much room- everyone's bodies were pressed up against each other.

I suddenly felt alone. I didn't want to dance, but it was like I was putting myself in misery by not. I sighed heavily and ignored my nagging mind. I was being selfish- all these people were my friends. I was the one being a bitch by not engaging in the activities here.

But I had to admit, I enjoyed watching. Every now and then I would sneak a glance at the bus driver, feeling sympathetic towards him. How could he possibly drive during this?

Suddenly, Alex fell down on the couch next to me, putting his face inches from mine and holding out an unopened can of beer. "Wanna drink?" he asked, licking his lips and almost out of breath.

"I rather not," I smiled. "thank you though."

Alex chuckled and lied on his back, placing his head on my lap. "What's going on June? Where's the party animal I know?"

"I'm not a party animal." I responded.

Alex rolled his eyes and sat up. "When you have some alcohol in your veins you certainly are," he chuckled. "I can't even count how many guys you must have hooked up with this year."

I huffed. "I was drunk. I have an excuse."

"I guess so," He answered. "We're alike, aren't we?"

"Oh, I think you hook up with a lot more girls than I do with guys."

It was true; I had turned into quite the party-goer this year. I'm not sure why- I guess I sort of done it because I wanted company. All I did was make out with a couple guys and that was it. And it was only when I drank a lot. All my friends had partners- I didn't. I just wanted some fun, was that a crime?

The old June wouldn't approve of this. God- the old June wouldn't even think of this! But I was different now. And I liked who I was.

Alex shrugged. "Yeah. You're probably right," He paused and looked at me. "Why are you just sitting here? Something wrong?"

"Not really in the party mood. That's all."

He rolled his eyes. "You're on tour. We have a party every night. You better be in the party mood."

"I will, I will," I argued. "I promise."

Alex huffed, "Fine." He mumbled something to himself as he lied down and place his head in my lap once again. "Now you made me tired."

I looked at my phone. "Well it is midnight...."

Alex rolled his eyes. "You and I both know that's not late for us."

I sighed. "You're right."

He smiled and closed his eyes. Everyone around us seem to calm down. A couple lied down on the couch around us, crashing and falling asleep while others, like Matt and Harper went back to their bunks- it had been a long day.

"We should play a game." Alex whispered lightly, eyes still closed.

"What kind of game?" I asked, slightly nervous.

"Firsts."

I furrowed my brow. "Firsts?"

"Yeah, like you tell me about your first boyfriend- I'll tell you about my first girlfriend. First kiss, first time you had sex..... you know."

I palms started to sweat just thinking about all of that. I mean, god, I haven't even had sex yet.

I swallowed hard, "Okay, you go first."

Alex sucked in a breath and a light smile came across his lips. "Her name was Olivia. She was great. I met her in my freshman year of high school. She had dark brown hair like yours, and these intense blue eyes that seemed as if they were staring right into you- it was like she knew everything about you. She was the nicest person I've ever met though."

Alex continued on, telling me all about Olivia- how they were together for a year, then broke up, how they went miniature golfing their first date, how she was his first kiss.....

He told me everything.

Alex yawned when he was finished, his eyes still shut. "Your.... turn." his voice was toning down and I could tell he was about to fall asleep.

"Um, well," I bit my lip knowing that Alex had to know Garrett. But still, the poor boy was about to fall asleep on my lap. I was sure he wasn't even listening.

"Garrett," I paused and sucked in a breath. "that was his name. He was the first guy to even acknowledge me for a reason other than the fact that I was John's sister. He made me nervous, he made me happy, he made me feel whole again. I was in pieces my entire life and no one could seem to help me. For whatever reason he made me, me again."

"I wish I could thank him for that." I looked down at Alex, he mumbled something softly under his breath.

"Sometimes I wish we didn't break up. I wouldn't admit that to anyone though. Especially my brother. If that was the case, he be beating the shit of Garrett,"

His name felt so good coming out of my mouth; it felt so natural.

"I still think about him every now and then. Well, I've been thinking about him a lot lately. We broke up around this time a year ago. It was hard on me, but I sort of hid it. I pretended I was okay because in all honesty I wanted to be okay. But I knew- and I still know that the break up was for the best of us. I do question it though, but it's so complicated. Every time I think about it I feel like pulling my hair out."

I laughed to myself. "He was great though," I nodded my head to myself. "He really was."

I looked down at Alex who was passed out on my lap. I bit my lip and sighed heavily. I slowly slide away from him, placing his head gently on the couch before heading back to my bunk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I peeled myself away from my bunk the next morning dreading today's events. I knew what was to happen, yet I tried to ignore it. As if that would work anyway.

I walked into the front lounge as the guys groaned, kept to themselves and stayed quiet.

Hangovers.

I laughed quietly to myself as I sat down on the table and pulled out my phone. I played around with it for a good fifteen minutes before Harper got up and joined me.

"These guys over did it last night." She commented as she sat down next to me.

I nodded and laughed. "Sure did."

"Matt just told me we'll be there in about twenty minutes so these guys really need to get their act together."

"Twenty minutes?" I asked, my eyes nearly ejecting themselves out of their sockets.

Harper rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, okay? Why don't you get dressed? Everything will be okay."

I sucked in a breath and nodded my head. "Okay," I nodded my head and slid out of the booth and down the hallway. I slid into the bunk and grabbed some clothes out of the overnight bag I packed.

I soon found myself in the bathroom changing into a grey tank top with skinny jeans. I examined myself in the mirror and bit my lip. What if Garrett saw me today?

I rushed out of the bathroom and rushed back into my bunk. I pulled some black eyeliner and mascara and went back to the bathroom. I added a simple amount of the makeup- no more than I would wear to class during the year.

When I walked back to the lounge the bus stopped. I gripped onto the kitchen counter. "Shit." I mumbled as I almost lost my balance.

Harper looked up at me and chuckled.

The guys rushed towards the front of the bus despite the fact that they looked like shit. The bus door flew open, allowing sunlight to come in. Almost instantly, everyone was out of the bus.

Harper stood up and smiled at me.

"We're here."