Status: It's Complicated.

*Ding* *Dong* went the doorbell as I sat in the living room re-reading Invisible Monsters. Such a great book. I could hear someone open the door:
"Yes?" Said... I think Alice's mom.
"Mail for someone by the name of Ryan Ross."
My ears perked up. Mail, for me?
"Oh Ryan dear, you have mail." Alice's mom said.
Quickly I got up from the couch to get it. "Thanks." I said. I then went back to the couch. The address read: 200 Bloomfield Avenue, West Hartford, CT. My heart stopped. Wait, wasn't this from the University of Hartford? Oh my god. I opened it. It was a letter that said they would be accepting me since I had enough collage credits. My mouth dropped open. Oh my god I can finish collage now. Was this a dream? I just kept on looking at the paper in front of me in disbelief. I then read the rest and it said that in this year many would be accepted, but only a few would get in, so if I really wanted to go I would have to reply to them soon. Quickly, I filled out the paper. I had to get in. I HAD to. As soon as I was done filling everything out I wanted to tell Brendon the news. I mean he really was the only other friend I had here, besides Alice I guess. Quickly, I grabbed the letter and ran upstairs. Before I opened the door to the room I heard talking. This is how it went:
"I never got to know why you liked Ryan."
"Oh, um, well... a lot of reasons actually."
"Okay... what are a few of the reasons?"
"Well. For one, he has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. Uh, two, his smile warms my heart. Three, whenever he laughs I get butterflies."
Wait, Brendon was talking about how he liked me? And considering what he was saying... this meant he actually had a crush on me. I kept on listening:
"He is probably the most attractive man I have ever come across in my personal life. His jaw line is just gorgeous. And those fingers."
He thought I was the most attractive man he had ever come across? I had never gotten that from anyone before. Then I looked at my hands. Wait... what about my fingers? No no no no wait: BRENDON LIKED ME.
He actually fell for someone like me? I didn't even know he was attracted to men. That was the one thing he never talked about. I froze. Someone like him fell for someone like me. I didn't even know what to think. In the back of my heart... I actually did feel something for him. I had never fallen for one of my friends before, but there was something there. There was something in those dark brown hypnotizing eyes that just caught me like a cold. I didn't have to hide it from myself anymore: I liked Brendon. Ever since the first time we were alone together in that room. I remember I had raging butterflies clawing (if that was even possible) at my stomach. I remember when I told myself I thought he was hot. Ever since we got into that fight I hid my feelings. Now, since Brendon liked me back, there was no reason for them to be hidden anymore. I then looked down at the letter I had in my hand for Hartford. Shit.
I ran downstairs into the living room again and looked at the letter. I had to think about this. If I sent this I would most likely be able to get into the collage of my dreams and finish learning everything I need to know for a good job. If I didn't send it I could stay here longer with Brendon. Well think about it this way: What's more important? Brendon or collage? A crush or Hartford. Laughing or learning. Not getting an education or getting an education. Hartford was way more important. I couldn't just stay in this house for the rest of my days realizing I had a chance to finish collage. I knew I liked Brendon and that he liked me back, but I couldn't. I had to move on. I mean by the end we would be going to different collages anyway. Right now it would just be too risky for my heart if I didn't leave soon. Sure I might be a little upset, but maybe Brendon should just be a friend to me, nothing more. He was a great friend... but then I thought about what he said about me. He loved my smile, my laugh, he thought I was attractive, and he even liked something about my fingers. Okay I didn't understand that part too much. Brendon really really liked me. If I just left it would break his heart. Sure, I had a small crush on him but school was way more important. But it was Brendon and I did like him. What if he was the one. That one special person just for me. The one that I knew I was going to be with for a long time. I swear he probably was the one. I then looked back at the letter. I felt frozen. Brendon or Hartford. Learning or Loving. I needed an education, but at the same time... I needed Brendon. Him in my life made everything brighter for once. But I needed to finish collage. What was I going to do? For the first time in my life I had never felt so stuck before. I just sat there staring at the letter. I couldn't move. I could only think. I had to make up my mind... if that was even possible at this point.
Hours went by and it felt like days. The days felt like weeks. I then made up my mind. Without even thinking I picked up the letter from the table. I held it in my hands tightly. My eyes shut. I felt my way to the middle of the letter. I held my breath and tore it. As soon as I opened my eyes the letter was in two. I bit my lip so hard I swear it was about to bleed. I then ripped the pieces again and again. and let the scraps flutter onto the table. What have I done? I bit my hand hard trying to hold back tears. That was my only chance to go to collage and I just tore it up and the pieces now lie in front of me. I then stopped myself and thought again. No, it was going to be okay now. You made your choice. You could be with Brendon now. There would be more opportunities to finish collage, but there wouldn't be for finding that one special person in your life. You made the right choice, Ross, calm down. I then pushed my palms up against my forehead. Then I felt someone rub my back and say, "Is everything alright?"
I jumped a little as I looked to see that it was Alice, "Um, yeah. Everything is fine." I tell her.
Quickly, I throw the scraps away. As soon as I sit back down there is a concerned look on her face:
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. It was nothing. Just annoying junk mail." I get out
"You get stressed over junk mail?"
I laugh a little, "No... I'm just a little tired." I lie
"Oh."
"Maybe I should go take that nap." I tell her as I get up and leave. Alice can't know anything about this.
"Alright, see ya." I hear her say up to me.
I then quickly go into the room to find Brendon just looking at one of his many magazines. I couldn't look at him the same, though. Not after what happened. Now it just feels like the first day again except I already know so many things about him. I sit on my bed as he looks over to me, "Hey Ryan." He says. His face lights up as he gives me a smile.
"Hi Bren." I say as I look at my nails, pretending to be preoccupied.
It had been an awkward two minutes as I look back over to him. He is thoroughly examining Rolling Stone. God, he is so damn cute. I wasn't afraid to tell myself that anymore. Then I started to ponder on why I liked him. For one he was really attractive, probably the hottest guy I had ever seen in my life. Two, his smile is almost intoxicating. His voice, honestly gave me goosebumps like when we sang together for the first time. His eyes were so perfect and dark I could just get lost in them. Honestly, there was so much. Then I thought to myself: How was I going to tell him I liked him? I couldn't just say it; that's ridiculous. Then a crazy idea popped in my head: What if I gave him a kiss? Like one quick peck on the lips. That would tell him. Plus, in the back of my head I always sort of wanted to kiss him. His lips were so big, plump, and perfect.
I didn't want to just go over to him and kiss him because just thinking of it got me nervous. I had to do it when he isn't expecting it. After a few minutes of thinking I had the perfect plan.
I got up from my bed and sat down next to him on his, "So what cha lookin at?" I ask.
"Just reading an article about different types of venues they had in the 1970's"
"That's cool." I say, "Hey I got my scholarship recommendation."
He looks at me, "Really? That's great!"
"Yeah." I reply.
We then just sit and look at the magazine for a while. I wasn't just gunna go in for the kill so fast. After a while he finally got to the last page and as I looked at the time I knew we were going to have dinner soon. As he set the magazine to the side I said, "Brendon?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I give you something?"
His eyes narrowed, he almost looked like he was suspicious or something, "What is it?" He smiles a little.
"Close your eyes." I tell him.
He then does so as he says, "What ever you give me better not freak me out or anything."
I laugh a little, "No, it won't. It might surprise you though. By the way... you will get the hint on when to open your eyes"
"Okay..." He says quietly, probably waiting in anticipation. As soon as his mouth stops moving as his lips start to look so much more inviting I make my way in slowly. I then place a hand on the side of his face and as soon as I do I press my lips to his. The kiss gets a little deep, but just for a moment as a shiver ran up my spine. The taste of his lips just about drove me crazy even though it had only been 5 seconds. I then remove myself from him, trying to not get too carried away.
Brendon opened his eyes slowly and looked at me in disbelief, "Ryan."
"I heard you and Alice talking about me and I know those weren't just friendly comments."
His face started to turn red as he bit his lip, "You heard all that?"
"Practically. But that's okay because I like you too Bren."
He then started to look a little disappointed, "You won't be staying for long though. You have that scholarship rec."
I went closer to him, "Brendon, I ripped it up."
He sat up and looked into my eyes with all seriousness, "Ryan that was your chance. Why did you do that?"
"I don't want to leave you anytime soon Brendon." I then went in and hugged him.
"You did that to stay with me?"
I looked back into his eyes, "Yes." I almost felt like crying again.
"Ryan..." He pauses for a moment and looks down at my lips, "kiss me again." He says with a smile.
I then do so. The kiss lasts even longer this time. Then I stop.
"Brendon?" I say.
"Yeah?"
"We can't tell Alice."
"About us... together."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I don't really trust her. Plus she is such a loud mouth, she tells her friends everything. What if she tells her parents are something. I just think we should keep this to ourselves."
"Okay." He says, "But she hangs with us all the time. We won't be able to have much time to ourselves."
Alice was our friend, but sometimes you have to sacrifice more than just a scholarship.
"Then we will just have to ignore her."
Brendon shakes his head, "I don't want to do that to her-"
"Brendon listen, this is the only way." I look desperately in his eyes.
He shakes his head and looks away from me, "Okay, but she will be so pissed at us."
"No one can know, Brendon."
"I know."
"Plus if she just gets the hint that we want to be alone she won't bug us."
"Alright alright. We won't tell Alice. We will practically ignore her. But we will have all the private time in the world." A smirk plays on his lips as I snuggle into his side, "You know... maybe it's not such a bad idea." He finishes saying as his fingers brush through my hair.