Forgotten Kisses.

I rolled over for the fourth time in an hour and glanced at the bedside clock. 3:21. Damn.
I was never going to fall asleep. I let out a soft groan and realized how hard it was to sleep when something was constantly running through your mind. I closed my eyes and sighed.

What had Josh been trying to say earlier? Nothing he ever said since I returned made any sense and I was getting to the point of frustration where I just wanted to bang his head against the wall. Then have sex with him.

I turned onto my right side and watched Alex as he slept soundly, his chest rising and dropping with each breath. How was it so easy for him? To just close his eyes and fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow? I had always been jealous of that with Alex and I never could understand why the same couldn’t apply to me.

After a few minutes of laying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to overtake me, I realized sleep was the last thing that was going to come to me by laying there. But I needed to sleep. I had a meeting with the wedding planner, and my dress fitting the next day. I couldn’t afford to miss sleep.

I let out a deep sigh as I turned on my left side for the nine time that night. This was getting ridiculous. I was exhausted, yet I sat here for hours and I still couldn’t seem to fall asleep. I knew it was only the summer, so there wasn’t really any need for worry, but being thirteen years old, everything worried me.

I finally pulled the sheets back and sat up, sliding out of bed and standing in front of my window to glance at the house across the street. All the lights were out and everything seemed to be pretty calm over there. I quickly slid on my slippers and tip toed down the stairs as softly as possible.

I quickly unlocked and pulled open the backdoor, seemingly satisfied with myself when I realized I had been successful in sneaking out without being caught. Once I crossed the street and was standing in front of the Franceschi house, I came to the right side of the house where the livingroom window sat. A window which was never locked, seeing as the hatch broke years ago.

I carefully slid the window up and pulled myself through, once again, I found myself satisfied with a job well done, and I headed up the stairs, careful not to make a creaking noise as I walked.

His room was pitch black, and I was barely able to find my way around to the middle of the room where his full size bed sat. I carefully slipped off my slippers and tip toed towards the bed. A glimmer of light shined through the window due to a random car driving past and I saw Josh’s sleeping face.

I carefully stood over Josh and I reached my hand out, grasping his shoulder when I began to shake him just enough to wake him. It took him a few seconds but he groaned and sat up, rubbing at his eyes. His attention finally landed on me.

“Lia?”

“Hi.”

“What’re you doing here? It’s the middle of the night?” At thirteen, his raspy voice, laced with sleep, set me on the edge and I was dying just from his voice alone.

“I can’t sleep.” I softly whimpered. I realized that he probably wasn’t too happy that I had woken him up in the middle of the night, and he was gonna send me back home.

He sat for a few minutes, but eventually slid over to the very edge of the bed and pulled the blankets back. Even in the dark, I could see his lazy smile and it brought butterflies. “Come on.”

I smiled and quickly slipped into the bed, the sheets, along with Josh’s body heat keeping me warm. It was silent for a few minutes and I thought Josh had fallen asleep. “Josh, you’re my bestfriend.”

“And you’re my best friend. Now go to sleep.” He reached forward, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to his chest.

My face flamed red and I smiled brightly to myself, not believing that this was actually happening. But the happiness lasted only minutes because soon my eyes began growing heavy and sleep overtook me.

I couldn’t help but realize how familiar this all was as I slipped in through the living room window. The nightly sleepovers I had been having with Josh since I was thirteen years old kept flashing through my mind as I tip toed up the stairs.

His door was cracked open and I slowly pushed it open to reveal Josh asleep, his shirtless torso exposed as the blankets had fallen below his chest. I knew this was a bad, no scaratch that, horrible idea, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

I carefully pulled the blankets back and slid into the bed. It felt as if I hadn’t been away for two years when my head hit the pillow. It was so peaceful. I even found myself beginning to grow tired. It was so nice to-

“Lia?”

My eyes shot open and I held my breath. Josh ran his hand along my body and stopped on my hips. “Lia, I know it’s you.”

I turned around slowly. “Hi Josh.” I murmured.

“What the fuck are you doing in my bed?” He sat up at this point, and even in the dark, I could tell that he was staring down at me with a hard expression.

I couldn’t stop the whimper that left my lips. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“You can’t fucking keep doing this!” He groaned, reaching up and rubbing his face. “You have a fiancé now, and you probably woke him up when you got out of bed.”

I shook my head, but wondered if he could even see me doing it. “He’s a deep sleeper.”

“Dahlia, you need to go.”

I was a bit thrown off by the sound of my full name. “You never call me Dahlia.”

“Isn’t that your name?” he asked me softly and I found myself wondering why it bothered me so much.

“Josh, please let me stay.” I begged. “I’ll set an alarm on my phone and everything. I’ll be gone by six, at the latest.”

He groaned and I felt a smile break out onto my lips, knowing I had won. He finally settled himself back into the bed and I scooted closer to him. I was barely touching him, yet I could feel how utterly tense he was.

“Relax, Josh.” I whispered. “It’s just like old times.”

He seemed to relax, just a bit after that and I began closing my eyes, willing sleep to overtake me. I couldn’t help but smile when I felt his hand come up and lay across my stomach. It was just like old times.

&&

I pushed my face further into the pillows when I felt the sun hitting me from behind my eyelids. Wait. Sunlight. My eyes shot open and I glanced at the time on the bedside clock. It was seven thirty.

Josh was still asleep, judging from the arm that was still resting around my midsection. As much as I would’ve loved to stay there in his head, laying in his arms, I knew I had to get out of here before Alex noticed I was gone.

I carefully removed myself from Josh’s arm and I slid on my shoes and shot down the stairs, not worrying about Josh’s parents, knowing that they, along with my father and Catherine, had already left for work.

I slowly turned the doorknob and pushed open the door to my house, praying that I wouldn’t wake Alex up with any sudden movements. Once inside, with the door shut, I turned to place my shoes down by the door.

“Where were you?”

The color drained from my face at the sound of his voice. I slowly turned around to face Alex. There he stood, right outside the kitchen with a stern look on his face. I had no idea how to respond? I mean, what was I going to say? Could I lie and say I’d only been out for a bit, or had he been up this whole time and then not only would he find out where I was, but also catch me in a lie.

“You don’t have to sound so worried, I was only out for just a bit.” Little white lie it was.

He smiled and for a brief moment, I thought that it wasn’t really as big of a deal as I made it out to be. He came forward and placed his right hand on my chin. His hazel green eyes peered into my own and I gave him a soft smile.

His smile instantly dropped and his hand gripped my face harshly, causing my lips to jut open. “No, no, no, baby. You know better than to lie to me.” He shook my head from side to side slowly. “It’s not lady like.”

“I swear, I-“

His hand grasped my face tighter. “Now, don’t you swear to me, Dahlia. You’re already caught in your lie, don’t try and swear to assure me otherwise.”

I watched his eyes turn slightly darker and I let out a barely audible whimper. I knew I shouldn’t have lied.

He pulled my face closer to his and held my face tightly in place. “Now tell me, what the fuck were you doing in the middle of the night until just now?”

“I-“

The front door opened and Alex immediately let go of my face, stepping a few feet away to where his cup of coffee was sitting on the island counter.

Catherine stepped in and I heard her footsteps as she came closer. Once she stepped into the kitchen, she gave us both a smile as she picked up a manila folder she had sitting on the counter. “Can’t sell a house without this!” she giggled.

“Oh, Lia, darling.” She turned to face me once she was already back at the front door. “I almost forgot to tell you. I invited all the boys to dinner here tonight.” She smiled. “I thought you’d like to have a home meal with all of your friends. I mean, it’s getting close to your wedding in a few weeks, then it could be a while before you guys all see each other again.”

I gave her a soft smile and nodded. “Thank you,” she watched me carefully, her eyes glancing over me slowly, before she shot one final smile to both of us and headed out.

I quickly turned to Alex once the door was shut. “I have to get ready, I have a meeting with the wedding planner.”

He nodded, but his expression still was stern. “Fine.” I turned and walked towards the stairs. My foot was on the first step when he grasped my arm tightly. “This conversation isn’t over.”

+
As I pushed the shopping cart through the grocery store, picking up a few items Catherine needed to cook dinner tonight, my entire focus was on returning to that house and having to deal with Alex. I knew I shouldn’t have lied. I knew that I should’ve jut come out with the truth. But I just couldn’t. I couldn’t imagine explaining that I innocently slept with Josh in his bed last night. That was worse.

And now I was stuck. When I returned, and I’d have to deal with the conversation again,what would I say? Would it be smart to tell him what really happened, or would it be best to just come up with an understandable excuse now, while I still had the time.

A hand grasped my upper arm and I immediately flinched, whipping around to find the culprit.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I looked at him for a few seconds then grabbed my cart, pushing into the next aisle.

He chuckled and I could tell he had followed me. “So, what, you’re going to ignore me now or something?”

“Please just stop,” I mumbled and pushed my cart further down the aisle, trying to find useful ingredients.

“Stop what, all I’m doing is being your fucking friend.”

I ignored him and continued on to the next aisle. His arm grabbed my cart, stopping me. “Let go.” I spat.

“Lia, what the fuck is going on with you? Last night you fucking break into my house and sneak into my bed, cuddling up to me like it’s nothing, telling me it’s just like old times, then now, I see you at the grocery store, think, why not say hello to a friend, and you fucking act like you don’t even know me? What the fuck sense does that make?”

I tried to push the cart, put he simply held a tighter grip on it. I was starting to get severely frustrated. I needed to get away from him. He was the reason for my trouble anyways. I pushed again. It didn’t budge. “Don’t you understand that I’m trying to get away from you?”

“Don’t you understand that I’m trying to talk to you?” His blue eyes were staring holes into the side of my face, I could feel them as I stood, staring ahead, trying to avoid his stare for as long as possible.

“What do you have to say, Josh? There’s nothing to talk about.” My voice was harsh, and I felt awful for how hard on him I was being. But I couldn’t back down. I couldn’t keep falling into this trap. It had finally caught up with me. I was foolish to think Alex would never start suspecting anything. But it was clear I had more feelings for Josh than I let on.

Josh let out a bitter laugh and my heart fell. I had hurt him. “I can’t believe I ever wasted my time.” He spat.

It was my turn to finally look up at meet his eyes. His usually light orbs were darkened and I felt my heart tearing from the expression on his face. “What, Josh? What the fuck did you waste your time on?” My voice only seemed to be getting tougher.

“What did I waste my time on?” His voice was getting louder. “What did I waste my fucking time on?” Thank god we were in a secluded aisle in the back of the store where no one was around to hear us. “On you.”

“What the hell does that even mean? Do you hear yourself when you talk, Josh?” I knew my face had to be red from working myself up so badly.

His eyes about bulged out of his head and he brought a hand up to that mess of hair. “How are you so fucking blind?”

I was not in the mood for this. “If you’re just going to sit here and insult me-“

“Twelve.”

“Excuse me?” Now this idiot was just fucking rambling out random shit to cut me off.

“Twelve. That’s how old I was when I realized I was in love with you.” My heart stopped. What? “Fourteen. I had my first wet dream about you. Fifteen, I punched a hole in my wall when I found out you were going on a date with Derek Wincester, the fucking bloke from your science class. Sixteen, you had a growth spurt and filled out your body perfectly. I fell more in love with you. Seventeen, I broke my hand. I told you it was from when I fell and used my hand to catch me, when in reality, I punched another hole in the wall when I saw you and Max hard started getting closer. Eighteen, I started dating Hanna when I realized there was no way in hell you would ever see me in the same way I saw you. Nineteen, the first summer you didn’t come to Surrey; the first time I felt heartbreak. The start of many songs written about you.Twenty one; I’m standing in front of the woman I’ve been in love with my entire life, and I finally realized that I’ve wasted my time.”

I couldn’t breathe. My heart. It was literally repaired itself, only to shatter to pieces again, all in the matter of a few minutes. He was staring at me with such intensity. His blue eyes were watching me in a way I’d never seen before and I didn’t know what to do. Should I hug him? Smile? Cry? Dance around the store celebrating the fact that the one thing I had always wanted was actually what was going on the entire time. Or, the obvious, tell him my feelings.

“Josh,” this was it. I was doing it. I was finally- wait, where was he going? Why was he walking away? “Josh?”

“I have to go.” He mumbled and walked out of the aisle and towards the exit.

“Josh please.” I followed behind him, trying to catch up. To anyone watching, I looked like a fucking moron pushing a cart and trying to chase after the man I’d been in love with since I was a child.

“Lia, just stop.” His voice called out . “I’m fucking done with this.”

I halted my movements at his words. He finished the walk to the front of the store and quickly exited leaving me standing in the middle of the produce section. For the first time in my life, I felt truly alone.