Forgotten Kisses.

Josh didn’t come to dinner that night.

He also didn’t answer my phone calls or texts.

Time went by slowly after that.

Alex had calmed down a bit since the incident of me sneaking out and everything seemed to be back into place as usual. Except that I was torn apart inside. I felt as if someone had taken a chainsaw to my insides.

When had my life gotten this complicated? When had life taken such a turn that I found myself wallowing in self pity with merely a few weeks until my wedding day? It was pathetic, really.

Before coming back home to Surrey, life seemed perfectly content. I was the perfect size, fitting into outfits I never thought I’d be able to, and actually looking good in them, I had a fiancé who was not only gorgeous, but cared immensely for me, I had made quite a few girlfriends around the neighborhood when I moved in with Alex, and most of all, I had pushed my life in Surrey to the furthest corners of my mind, and for a while ,it was almost lost, merely a faint memory of my childhood.

I don’t know what possessed me to do it. What was I looking for, really? In all honesty, I could’ve mailed each and every one of these invitations and that would’ve been perfectly fine. I would be back home in New York and I’d be perfectly content, molded into Alex’s side as we watched re-runs of Law and Order. But that’s not what I wanted. Something in me had snapped and I wanted to see him, wanted him to see me, see how different I was, how hard I had worked and how it finally paid off for me.

I softly shook my head. No. That wasn’t it, well not fully anyways. The true reason always bothered me. Since I was just a chubby girl spending her summers in Surrey with her father, I wanted it. I wanted to be loved by Josh. To have him hold me close and whisper sweet nothings like they did in the movies, for him to parade me around to our friends and talk about how much he was in love with me and how I was the perfect girlfriend. I wanted to wake up in the morning and feel beautiful when I saw my reflection in the mirror because I must’ve been something special to be able to snag a guy like Josh.

When he told me how he felt, when he finally said the words I had been waiting all of my life to hear, I expected to be filled with excitement and happiness and every positive feeling in the world, and for a moment, I was. But it was short lived when I realized the damage I had done. I shattered him. All this time, I had walked around aimlessly, believing that karma had an awful way of ripping apart my life, when Josh had been in front of me all this time, shooting tell-tale signs from his eyes. I had come back into his life, with the set intention of flaunting myself and making him miserable just because I was bitter for my self pleasure. He was a human being, with feelings, and that had somehow flown right over my head, but it was quite obvious that if the tables were turned and the same was done to me, I would’ve jumped from Alex’s 80 floor work building weeks ago.

Josh hated me now. That much was certain. After that little stunt in the grocery store, with me being a raging bitch when all he wanted was to talk, it was clear he wanted nothing else to do. The last thing I wanted to do at this point was hurt him, as it was obvious that any bitter feelings towards him had dissolved since getting here, and now, all that was left was falling more in love with him than I ever had before. But I was with Alex, our wedding was almost here, he was working hard to get deals done so that we’d have a comfortable life after we got married, he was growing worried over me being sneaky, I was being an awful fiancée and he didn’t deserve it. He had been so good to me, and I was awful about showing how thankful I was.

Yet, after all of this, I was still torn up about Josh and the fact that he hated me and ignored any type of contact from me sent me into such a depression, I feared I would never come out of it. When would life ease up?

“Lia, you look absolutely beautiful!”

I gave a small smile as I stepped out of the dressing room and into the open space where Catherine was sitting patiently. Her smile was so big as she had me do a little spin for her. The tears in her eyes were enough to warm anyone’s heart and I felt myself wrapping my arms around her when she came forward for a tight embrace.

“I remember when you were a little girl,” she sniffled, but held on tightly to me as she continued on, “and you and Josh would play wedding in the backyard. You always had everything so perfectly mapped out in your head and he just played along as if it were the simplest thing in the world.” She squeezed me tighter. “Now look at you, you’re all grown up. You’ve grown into such a beautiful girl.” She pulled back to rest her hands on my cheeks. “I love you, Lia.” I went to respond, but she continued, “I mean it, Lia. Not like those step moms love their step kids. I love you like my own daughter.” She shook her head, a tear rolling down her face, “You ARE my daughter.” She nodded, and now, you’re getting married, and I just-“ she began to let all the tears run down her cheeks and I hugged her closer to me.

“I love you too, Catherine. Like my own mother.” I wiped the tears from her face. “Actually, you’ve been more of a mother to me than my actual mother has ever been.” I smiled brightly, something I hadn’t been doing much of lately. “And that’s why I made you my maid of honor, because you’re that important to me. I want to spend this moment with you, just as much as I want to spend it with dad or Alex.”

She nodded, her smile spreading across her lips and she grabbed a tissue from her purse, wiping her face. I walked towards her but she quickly halted me with her hand, shaking her head. “Don’t let me get my tears all over that pretty dress! I don’t want to ruin it!”

The shop clerk Ashley came up to us with a small smile and gave me a nod of approval when she saw me in the dress. “You look quite lovely in that, miss.” I thanked her and she came forward a bit, giving Catherine a gentle pat when she saw the tears. “This is a big day for you,” I nodded, looking at myself in the mirror. I was about to begin a new chapter in my life and leave behind everything else I had ever known. Not that I was being forced to, but because I needed to. That was the only way to get my life on track. But the idea of that tore me apart inside even further.

I excused myself to change back into my regular clothes and I began gnawing at my bottom lip. What was going to happen after this? Was it really going to be that easy? To merely push all of my memories, and friends to the back of my mind and never visit that part of my life. Or was I going to be miserable each and every day because someone would be on my mind, reminding me of such good times in my life, and bringing back the deep feelings I had for him?

“Lia?” Catherine knocked gently on the door to the dressing room and I snapped out of my thoughts, pulling open the door. “You alright, darling?”

“Yeah,” I nodded reassuringly, trying to brush off her concern. “I was just having a bit of trouble with the zipper, that’s all.”

She didn’t seem convinced at all, and I reminded myself that she knew me well. She’d seen me in my depressed stages since I was ten years old. She knew when something was up. She didn’t say a word, just reached into her purse and held out some bills.

“I’ll take of the dress, and if your father or Alex are wondering, you’re having an emergency meeting with Tasmin about the dress.” She gave me a knowing look and I felt relieved that she was so in tune to my feelings. “O’Reiley’s is open right about now.”

As I sat alone at O’Reiley’s bar for the past hour, only one thing was flooding my head. And it couldn’t be hard to guess what it was. God, it had only been a fucking week and a half, but the finalized tone in his voice, the way he completely ignored me now, it was all I could ever fill my thoughts with. I tried to shake them off, I had to be thinking of the wedding, thinking of life with Alex after the wedding, but I couldn’t.

When I thought about the future, it was never Alex that was standing beside me, it was Josh. It was Josh that would help make the baby bottles and feed our daughter, it was Josh that would go outside even in the scorching heat and teach our son how to play baseball. He was the one who’d be sitting beside me in the rocking chairs, looking out at the ocean when we were well into our seventies, and we’d still be as in love as we’d ever been.

He’d lean over to me, and say quietly, “There’s no one else I’d rather share this scenery with.” And then, his soft lips would touch the wrinkled skin of my cheek and it’d still blush like a mad woman at his actions.

I took another shot once I realized how delusional and pathetic I was. Daydreaming about such bullshit was getting me nowhere. I was simply digging myself a deeper hole to lay in. I looked up at the clock sitting by the bartender and wondered if Alex had texted me wondering where I was. I checked my phone.

Nothing. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but it wasn’t really him I was hoping had texted. I sighed.

“Dahlia?”

I turned around at the sound of my name, and my brows furrowed at the unfamiliar accent. I came face to face with the guy’s mate from Sheffield, Oliver, I think his name was and he had a smug look on his face as he took the stool beside me. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“It’s one of the only pubs in town,” I reminded him, “It’s not that surprising,”

He only smirked and motioned for the bartender to bring us more shots. “I didn’t pin you for a liquor kind of girl,” he glanced down at my appearance. “You look a little prissy.”

“I’m not prissy!” I exclaimed, and for the first time that night, I felt the beginning workings of the alcohol I had consumed.

“Okay, okay! No need to get defensive, birdy. I was only teasing.” He chuckled. “You’re a feisty little one, I see why he likes you.”

My eyes shot to his thin body beside me and I narrowed my eyes. “You can see why who likes me?”

He didn’t answer me, just simply tossed back his shot than ordered another round. “So, I hear your wedding’s coming up soon.” I nodded, “Dear old, Mattie get’s an invite, but not sweet little Oliver? I think that’s a bit wrong.”

I rolled my eyes and glanced at the clock. I stood up and placed down a few bills on the counter. “I have to get going, my fiance will be wondering where I am.”

He nodded and stayed quiet, taking another shot. I grabbed my purse and headed towards the door. “I guess I’ll be taking Josh’s invite then.” He called out to me, and I walked out of the pub hastily, a deep searing sensation in my heart.

+

“How did the fitting go?” His arms effortlessly wrapped around me from behind as I sat at the vanity in my room, combing out my wet hair. He pressed a soft kiss to my neck and I smiled softly.

“Good,” I nodded, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “I got a dress picked out and everything.” He nodded, seemingly satisfied with my answer. Once I was finished combing through my hair, he motioned for me to come towards him with his finger.

“Let’s go to bed, Dahlia. We’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow. We’re making the final decisions for the wedding. We need you well rested, so you can look your best.” He pressed a kiss to my temple once I had settled into his left side.

I had begun drifting off to sleep when I felt his phone vibrate. I watched through hooded eyes as he glanced down at the phone, seeing the sender of the message, then turning away from me a bit, shielding the message from me.

He’d been acting similarly odd the past couple weeks with his phone whenever he got certain texts and I began wondering what it was all about. But my mind didn’t stay on it for long. Sleep was fast on it’s way, and the only thoughts that ever filled my mind were those of a dark haired blue eyed boy who was just across the street from me, so close, yet so far away.