Forgotten Kisses.

”So what is it you’re trying to say?”

“I don’t know, Allison. There’s no way for me to express how I feel about him. He’s so different from all of the other guys I’ve ever met. He’s like everything I’ve ever wanted packed into one person.” I sighed, throwing myself back onto my bed.

“So, besides the whole acting completely cheesy like a love struck puppy, what’s the problem? Why is it so hard to tell him how you feel?” She questioned, her face smug as she watched me from her spot on the bed.

“Because he doesn’t feel the way I do! I just turned seventeen and he still hasn’t made a single move on me! I’ve dropped subtle hints, I’ve tried everything, he just isn’t interested in me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to be in a relationship because it would only happen in the summer. Once you’d go back home, he’d spend the entire year alone. Guys our age don’t exactly want that.” Allison stood up from her spot on the bed and walked to my closet, where she sifted through my large wardrobe.

“But we could still be together! Even if it only was for the summers, I’d take that any day over not having him at all. It’s torture to see him every day and have to pretend that I only want to be friends.”

Allison turned around, her blue eyes meeting mine. She sighed deeply, running a hand through her platinum blonde hair. “Lia, why do you care so much? I hate to be the dream crusher, but I’m your best friend, and I can’t have you going on like this. If he doesn’t show interest, why don’t you just move on?”

I groaned and stood up from the bed, walking towards my Mac where I sat down and stared at the photo of Josh and I from the previous summer, both of us sporting cheesy smiles from when we visited the zoo in London.

“I’m in love with him Allie. I don’t know what else to do. It’s impossible to move on, I’ve tried, but every summer, I moment I see him, I’m helpless.”

“If that’s how you truly feel,” Allison returned back to the closet, in search of a shirt to wear tonight. “It’ll work out. It might take a while, and you may start to think nothing will ever come out of this, but in the end, if you truly care about him the way you say you do, it’ll work out.”

&&

“And what exactly is the occasion for the beautiful dress, Lia?” Catherine appeared at my bedroom door, her usual perfect smile settling on her features. I smoothed my hands over the seven thousand dollar dress Alex insisted on buying for me.

I glanced at her through the mirror and returned the smile as I pulled my hair into a side twist. “Just a little dinner with Josh, to catch up.” I responded, pulling my hair a bit tighter.

“Here, let me help.” Catherine set down her basket and came up to stand behind me, gently taking the hair from my hands and I watched in awe as she effortlessly pulled my hair into the same style I had been trying at for about fifteen minutes.

She reached forward, picking up a few bobby pins and began to secure my hair in place. “I know.” She told me, as she carefully slid a bobby pin into place.

“Hmm?” I answered, my mind not completely on our small conversation, but instead on what tonight would entail.

“How you feel about him, Lia.” Her eyes bore into mine as she watched me in the mirror and I watched with horror as my calm careless demeanor fell, and was replaced with a look of shocked and terrified mixed together.

“What are you talking about?” She couldn’t know, there was no way. I was absolutely sure I had never let anything about my feelings for Josh slip, the only person who ever knew about my feelings was Allison, and she was all the way in America, so there was no way she would let it slip. I assumed my mother knew, as I did always speak about Josh in a way only a tortured lover would, as if I was stuck in a damn Jane Austen novel, but my mother never paid much attention.

“Lia, sweetheart,” she lowered her voice considerably and I assumed it was because we could hear movement from the room across, where my father had been watching a rerun of one of his many favorite shows. “I may not be your mother, but over the years, I’ve come to know you so well, I’ve paid attention to everything you do, without even realizing it. I’ve always known, Lia.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. What to do now? Come clean, and confess that it’s true; I’ve never gotten over him, and I never will, and this whole trip was merely a way to get back at him? Or simply deny her words and act as if everything she’s saying makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Hmm, what to choose.

The doorbell suddenly rang and my ears instantly perked up to the sweet sound. Saved by the bell. “I’ll have to go, Catherine. It’s cold out, it’s rude to keep people waiting.” I lamely told her, and she smiled, nodding her head gently.

“Wait here, I’ll get the door. It’ll make for a better entrance when you walk down the steps as he’s entering.” She gave me a quick wink, before she turned and left me to myself.

Whose side was she on? I thought she was absolutely ecstatic that I was marrying Alex? Now she was giving me tips on how to make a better entrance to impress Josh? Something odd had happened to everyone around me, and I couldn’t place what it was.

I heard from the hallway, that she had already let Josh inside and they were having a bit of small talk as they waited on me. I decided it was no time to ‘make my entrance’ as she had stated, and I would now put every one of Alex’s lessons on how to be a presentable gorgeous woman into effect. All those months of becoming perfect would now be put to the test.

I began to slowly walk down the steps, carefully placing one foot in front of the other, as I kept my eyes on Josh the entire time. The previous small talk they had been having seemed to have ceased as I came into view. Inside, I was literally jumping off of skyscrapers, and running into walls with excitement, but of course, as I had been taught, I had to keep my relaxed appearance. I couldn’t give off my true excitement.

My satisfaction only grew as I reached the bottom of the stairs and he merely stood there with his lips just slightly parted. I quickly darted my eyes to Catherine who was slyly smirking. She gave me one final wink before she descended towards the stairs to where I assumed she’d join my father.

“You, uh, you look really nice.” Josh sputtered out, his hand reaching up and scratching the back of his neck.

“Thank you.” I smiled softly and my eyes caught onto his.

“The place I’m taking you isn’t all that fancy,” he glanced down to his shoes, “I feel bad because you dressed up so nice..” he trailed off, his eyes glancing any place but my eyes.

I shook my head, a smile surfacing on my lips as I watched him squirm before me. “I’m sure I’ll love wherever you take me.” Besides, it wasn’t about where we went; it was about how much I could make him want me.

&&

Twenty minutes in and it had been relatively silent between us except for the tasteless small talk, and the soft clink of the metal forks hitting the glass plates. A frown was settling on my features at the thought that I hadn’t seduced Josh, or made me him want me at all, I had merely bored him.

“I’ve missed you.”

My eyes shot up to meet his blue orbs at his words. “Really?” Maybe my plan was working.

“These past summers, I’d always look out the window, thinking you would just be coming later, that you’d eventually show up.” He pushed the small piece of steak towards the mashed potatoes. “All the guys have up hope, but I always believed you’d be back.” He gave me a forced smile, “And you are back...just under different circumstances is all.”

I nodded, noting how uncomfortable he got at the last bit of his sentence, and I held back a grin. “Any luck in the love department?” I asked him as I slid a bit of salad into my mouth. I didn’t really want to know the answer, especially if he currently was seeing someone. That would merely tear me to shreds.

“I was,” he told me, taking a sip of his water. “But my heart wasn’t in it, I couldn’t keep leading her on like that.” He confessed. I bit my lip at his words and I thought if what I was doing was exactly what I was pulling with Alex. No. I told myself. I was sure I loved Alex.

“Ah, such a romantic, Josh.” I joked, pushing the bit of dark hair that had fallen from the twist behind my ear.

He shook his head, his facial expression hard, “S’nothing romantic about it, Lea. I was with this girl for almost a year, giving her false hope, wasting her time, when I was in love with another the entire time.”

My heart dropped. “Who’s this girl you’re in love with?” nonetheless, no matter how bad that stung to know he loved another, I had to keep up my smiling facade.

His eyes still were glancing everywhere but my own. “It doesn’t matter, you wouldn’t know her.” He told me, and shoved a piece of steak into his mouth.

“Oh come on,” I leaned forward, grinning. “Tell me her name, maybe I do know her!” I tired; I needed to see what this girl looked like; what I was apparently missing.

“You wouldn’t know her because,” his piercing blue eyes caught onto mine. “She’s nothing like you.”

Immediately, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Maybe he hadn’t meant for it to sting like it did, or maybe he did, but either way, there was no way to hide how hurt his comment made me. I had done all these prepping all afternoon to look my best, to get his attention, and he had so easily knocked me down.

“Lia,” he said softly, his expression somber, “I didn’t mean it like-“

“I want to leave.”

“Lia, please-“ he begged, trying to get me to calm down.

“I said I want to leave.” I spat, my voice growing with each word.

He sighed deeply, and pulled out his wallet, dropping a few bills on the table before I stood up and began walking towards the exit, Josh quickly following behind in tow.

Seeing as we had driven here in his car, I decided to get home on foot. His words had stung deeply and I refused to ride in the car with someone who cared so little for my feelings. I had only been walking for about twenty seconds when I heard Josh’s heavy footsteps come up behind me.

“Leave me alone, Josh.” I growled, walking a bit faster.

“I’m not going to let you walk home alone, Lia.” He argued, catching up, and falling into step with me.

“What about your car?”

“I’ll come back for it tomorrow.”

It was silent between us after that, only the sound of our shoes hitting against the pavement. I hadn’t realized how cold it was until a slight shiver shot through me and I found myself wrapping my arms tightly around my torso.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Josh slide off his jacket and place it gently over my shoulders.

As much as I wanted to throw the jacket on the ground, and curse him out for being an asshole earlier, I couldn’t lie that it indeed was freezing out, and the jacket was quite warm inside and his familiar scent was strong and filling my nose. I quickly slid my arms in the sleeves and sighed softly.

“Thanks,” I barely said above a whisper. He nodded and then once again, it became silent. The house was finally coming into view.

“Lia, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He rubbed the back of his neck, and let out a deep sigh. “ I have missed you, and the last thing I ever want to do is push you away from me, especially since you’re not going to be here long.”

We stopped right in front of the house and he glanced down at me, our eyes meeting. “I don’t want you to be mad at me, Lia. I’m such an ass sometimes, and I hate that I upset you.”

He would be the death of me. That much was certain. From the moment he apologized in the restaurant, I had already forgiven him. When dealing with Josh, it was as if I had no self control whatsoever.

“I forgive you, Josh.” I smiled, tilting my head up to get a good view of his face.

He nodded his head gently and returned my smile. “You really do look beautiful tonight, Lia.”

At this moment, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, we both took a step forward, our bodies coming chest to chest, and I watched as Josh’s eyes glanced down to my lips. He slowly brought his eyes to meet my own, then ever so slowly he dipped his head down to level with my own and his lips inched closer and closer to my own.

“Goodnight, Lia.” He whispered softly. And I closed my eyes, leaning up slightly.

He kissed my cheek softly, and as quickly as his lips has been on my skin, he had pulled away and my eyes shot open to meet his. He gave me one last soft smile before he turned and crossed the street, walking up the steps to his house.