Bruised and Beat Up

The next morning, it took me forever to actually get up. It was probably a combination from the pain pills and the lack of sleep I’ve been getting lately. It’s all been wearing me down too much for my own good. Not to mention I’m apparently underweight? What the fuck ever. I don’t care if I am underweight. It’s not like I can do anything about it. I have to take care of my mom. She comes first, no matter how hard she hits me. She’s still my mom. As fucked up as it may seem, she’s all I have left. I know that I have Teddy and Brydan, but that’s still not enough for me. I feel selfish, but I still need my mom. I don’t know my father, and I really don’t care to know the bastard, but I make dew with what I have.
My legs nearly gave out when I walked to my closet to pull out some jeans and another long sleeve shirt. I took note on how low I was getting on long sleeves. I really need to catch up on my laundry soon. That might be another thing that would make my mom feel better. She does get pick when the clothes aren’t washed and the house is a mess. That’s something I could do to maybe make her a little less harse. I doubt it will, but anything is worth trying, right?
I tried matching my outfit, the best to my ability. I wanted to look cute, but not too much. I didn’t want to over-do it, but I did want to look good. I wanted to look good for Brydan. He has put up a lot with me over the last month or so. He deserves a girlfriend who looks good, or at least tries. Since I have a long sleeve shirt on, no one can see my cuts. It’s a win/win situation right now. I get to hid them, and Brydan get’s a cute-dressing girlfriend.
I went down the stairs slowly, only to see that my mother was awake in the kitchen. This wasn’t very usual, so I took the chance to see what was going on. When she’s drank and passes out, she’s not usually up until the afternoon, or doesn’t sleep at all. I really hope that she’s just not drunk period. So, I rounded the corner in time to find her making some eggs for breakfast and pancakes on the table.
“M-mom?”
“Yes, dear?” She replied with a cheery voice.
“W-what are y-you do-ing?” I stuttered.
She turned around, looking at me and laughed.
“I’m making us breakfast. What does it look like?” She asked with that sweet smile of hers. It just made my stomach churn. “You look cute, sweet pea.” I felt my eyes go wide. She hasn’t called me a name like that in…forever. She has called me anything like that since before Eve died, actually. The sound was so foreign to my ears that I thought I was hearing things. “Baby doll, are you okay? You look a little flustered,”
“I’m fine, mom,” I nearly whispered, staring at the woman standing in front of me. “Are the uh pancakes for me?”
“Of course, silly,”
“Okay…” I nodded before sitting down at that table. I started to eat the pancakes slowly. I was eating so slow that it would be faster not to eat them.
“What’s wrong, sugar? They aren’t gonna bite.” She laughed lightly, setting the plate of eggs down on the table. “Don’t forget to say Grace,”
I furrowed my brows.
“What the fuck has gotten into you?”
“Raavi!” My mom scolded. “That’s not nice.”
“I’m serious, mom. This isn’t like you…this…this is like the old you. The one before Eve died.”
“Why is that such a bad thing?” She asked me curiously.
“I-I…it’s not. I’m j-just surprise,” I stuttered again before stuffing my mouth with the pancakes. After one, I couldn’t eat anymore. I forced some eggs down before I grabbed my purse and stood up from the kitchen table. “That was great, mom. Gotta go.”
“At least take some for lunch!”
“Okay…” I nodded before grabbing an empty container and sliding the rest of my pancakes into it. I kissed her temple. “Love you, bye,”
“Have a good day, sweetheart!” She called before I slammed the door.
Something isn’t right. Nothing can ever be that right when she’s…that sweet. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Even on her good days, she doesn’t act like that. She must have something up her sleeve or something, because that is just…I can’t even begin to explain how horrible that was, even though she was nice. My mom and nice shouldn’t go together. Especially not like that.
I quickly slid in my car and started the long drive to my school. It looked like it was going to start raining today, but I didn’t really care. It reminded me of how I felt today. Sure, I looked slightly happy on the outside, but gloomy on the inside. Am I doomed to forever feel this way? I’m starting to believe so. Nothing ever seems to turn out right, so why be happy. I used to think that my future was brighter than my present, but lately, I’ve been questioning that. My mom is getting worse every day. My future isn’t looking so good. I guess it was a pipe dream anyway. I’m just not meant to be happy.