Status: Active

Bruised and Beat Up

I Think I Could Love Him

My drive to school wasn’t slow, but I wanted to get there as fast as possible. I needed to talk to Brydan. I’ve felt the intense need to apologize to him, and I rarely apologize to anyone. I know that he’s important to me, I’m scared of how important he is. I let my smile grow at the simple thought of Brydan. Just as fast as my smile appeared, it left again. How angry will he be with me? I really hate when people get angry. It leads to yelling. I shook my head at the thought. I really don’t want to think about it. I slowly let my mind wonder to that Mikey kid. Who actually has the nerve to climb in someone’s car? Didn’t he know that he could go to jail or even get his ass kicked because of something like that? Apparently he didn’t or else he wouldn’t have so freely done just that.
I parked my car, and took a deep breath. The walk from my car to the building that I was supposed to meet Brydan in seemed a whole lot shorter than normal. I wanted time to speed up just so I can avoid him this morning. My wishes of course didn’t come true, because I made it into the building to see him already standing there. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he was leaning against the lockers. He wasn’t wearing the usual smile he did every morning, but instead how a scowl replacing it. I frowned. Brydan isn’t a boy who should be frowning. He needs to smile. He has to smile.
“Hey…” I nearly whispered.
“Hi,” He muttered, finally looking at him.
“You look like Hell,”
Brydan shook his head.
“I wonder why?” He replied sarcastically. “What you pulled yesterday had me up all night worrying about you, V. You just got out of a check-up that said your underweight, and then you go off and get high with God-knows-who? You really fucking scared me,”
I bit my lip.
“I know…” I trailed off. “Brydan, you know that I’m not good at keeping relationship up, right?” The boy simply nodded. “Then you must know how hard this is right now. I wanna say….I wanna say I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to worry you like that,” I stuttered my way though the apology.
His face softened before he rubbed his face with his hands.
“You’re a hard one to figure out, Raavi whatever-your-middle-name-is Hensley,”
I smiled and wrapped my arms around him tightly. I was terrified of letting go. I didn’t want him to run away once he realized how stupid he is for forgiving me. No matter how stupid it was, I’m incredibly happy that he made that mistake. He didn’t seem to care as he started his way toward his first period, walking backwards like he has done many times before.
“It’s Faye!” I called, smiling like an idiot, even though my brain was yelling at me to stop.
“Really?” He smiled widely. “You’re hard to figure out, Raavi Faye Hensley, but I love you,”
I bit my lip and waved before disappearing around the corner to go to my own class.
For all of the first period, my mind kept flashing back and forth between Mikey and Brydan. N one hand, I wanted to get a little reckless with someone who was practically a stranger. Mikey doesn’t seem like a bad guy. Maybe he’s misunderstood, but he’s most definitely not a bad guy. Sure he sells drugs, but he doesn’t look like a huge druggie or anything. He was strange, like me, but not a bad person, like me. I guess you could say that I’m pretty sure we’ve got that in common. Then there was my sweet, loving boyfriend who put up with my endless baggage. I don’t know how he does it or why, but for some reason he does. He’s even convinced himself that I’m in love with him. I may not be in love, but I do feel for him. I just don’t think that someone like me is capable of being loved by someone else. I can’t fathom it…at all. I think I could love him one day, but I don’t know when or how. I think…or know…that I’ll love Brydan someday. I don’t think anything my mom could say will break that thought about him.
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