Bruised and Beat Up

“This is so much harder than it looks,” Brydan complained.
I rolled my eyes.
“I realize this, but once you get up, you’ll never want to stop. Trust me,”
“We’ve been out here for two hours, and I haven’t gotten up on a single wave. I want to give up, but I don’t. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, that’s how it always is. Just take a deep breath and don’t think about it too much,”
“That’s easier said than done, V.” Brydan sighed, moving his hands slowly in the water. “You’re so fucking good at this that it isn’t even funny. I’m terrible at it!”
“I’m not that good, Bry.” I laughed. “And I can help you get better. It just takes patience, and practice.”
“Fine.” He groaned. “Just tell me when to paddle?”
I rolled my eyes. I laid down on the board, and started to paddle further out into the water. Brydan followed me, and we watched the waves. They weren’t that big.
“Okay, so you have to go with your gut. Trust the water.”
“Trust it?” Brydan looked confused. “How in the fuck can you trust water?!”
“Look at the wave, and you’ll know that it’s right.” I answered. Brydan looked un-easy. We waited a few waves before he was turning around in front of the wave. “Paddle, paddle, paddle! Come on, Bry! Stand up!” I yelled after him. He followed my instructions just the way that I had called them out. I felt insanely proud when he actually stood up on the board, and headed toward the shore. He came to a slow stop in the shallow water, and jumped off. I threw my hands up in the air and yelled. I was beyond excited for him. It took him a few hours, but he actually got up on the board. That’s more than most people can do.
I quickly caught the next wave I could. I didn’t do any tricks like I normally would have. Instead I rode the simple wave into the shore where Brydan was smiling. I jumped off of my board and attacked him. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, and kissed him sweetly. He smiled widely at me before setting me down in the shallow water. He looked more than happy, and I felt my own mood lift with that.
“I did it.” He laughed.
“I know. I told you that you could. It just takes some time,” I replied. “You actually got up!”
“I can’t believe it!” He shook his head. “I never thought that I would be able to do that in my life. I never thought that I would be here in California in my life either, but hey…shit happens. Just so happens that this move turned out pretty great.”
“I’m glad that your family decided to uproot your entire life from New York,” I stated, jokingly. “I never thought that I would care about someone as much as I care about you,”
Brydan blushed a little bit before he kissed my forehead. He picked up his board, and I followed his actions. Side by side we walked up on to the sand, and dropped them.
“So I say that we take a break and walk the beach a little bit. Is that okay with you?” He asked me. I nodded, and grabbed his hand with mine. I slipped on my flip-flops, and we started to walk along the water while everyone splashed around us. So many people came out today. When we first arrived, not many people were here, but it’s doubled since then. It was nice having the beach to ourselves, but eventually we did have to share it. I just wish it could’ve been ours longer. “How about we get to know each other a little better? We’ve been dating for a while now, and yet we haven’t learned a lot about each other. Care to share?”
“What do you want to know?” I questioned.
“Okay um…what’s your biggest fear?”
“Sharks,” I stated.
Brydan laughed.
“You’re terrified of sharks yet you surf? How does that make sense?”
“Well, shark attacks don’t happen as often on this beach, and we don’t surf too far out. I’ve been surfing since I moved here and met Teddy and Reef. I’ve always been terrified of sharks. Hell, I’m still scared to get in the water sometimes. If it’s a high tide, I’m no where near the water. I can’t go to aquariums, and I still can’t watch the first fifteen minutes of The Little Mermaid.”
“You can’t watch the first fifteen minutes?”
“Yupp. That damn cartoon shark freaks me the fuck out. Those red eyes…ew.” I shuddered. “I hate watching Finding Nemo to.”
“So you’ve never watched Jaws?”
“FUCK NO.” I nearly yelled. “I’d die of a heart attack.”
“Okay, so no sharks. That’s a good way to scar you for life.”
“Exactly,” I nodded. “What about you?”
“Don’t laugh okay…”
“Okay…” I trailed off.
“I’m terrified of those people in those human size costumes. When I was little, I cried in Disney World because Mickey Mouse scared the shit out of me,”
“Awe,” I cooed, looking at him. “That’s kind of sad.”
“I know it is. At least you’re scared of something that can eat you.”
I shook again.
“Pleas stop reminding me,”
“I’m only kidding. No more of the ‘s’ word.” He mocked. He started to swing our hands. “What are your parents like?”
I chewed on my lip nervously. It was like all of the sudden, I remembered that I actually have an abusive mom. I have a dead-beat dad. I have two dead sisters. I have virtually nothing but my friends. I have Brydan and Teddy. Sometimes I have Reef, but he has no idea of what is going on. I can’t break his heart by telling him. He’s like a little kid.
“My dad is off somewhere in the world making music, and my mom isn’t the best in the world.”
“Come on, there’s got to be more.”
“There really isn’t. Both of my sisters died, and my dad left when my mom was pregnant with my little sister. I don’t even know his name.”
“Shouldn’t he have the same last name as you?” Brydan asked, confused.
I shook my head.
“My mom gave me her name when we were born. My dad and her were never married, and he has some other last name. I’ve never met him, and part of me hopes that I never will.”
“What about your beliefs?” He questioned, pressing a small kiss to the back of my hand before he dropped them.
“There was a point where I didn’t believe.” I answered. “But I have to believe that everything is going to get better. There has to be a reason that everything was created, and so forth. I just…I’m not the biggest or best Christian, but I do believe. There’s too much beauty in the world not too.”
Brydan smiled at my answer.
“I grew up in Catholic.” He answered. “But I’ve sort of stopped believing their beliefs. I’ve really detatched myself from that religion. I’m more into reading The Bible other than going to someone to confess my sins. I’d rather pray and be forgiven that feel condemned.”
“Very nice answer,” I smiled over at him. “What about your parents?”
“Religious, but not in that ‘you’re going to Hell if you miss church’ sort-of way. My mom is the best mom in the world. She will do anything for anyone if they asked. My dad is big on business. He owns a couple companies around the world, and he runs all of them. He has assistants, but he’d rather work on his own. That’s just the way that he rolls.”
“That’s kind of cool, I guess,” I shrugged. “If you’re into that sorta thing.”
“He definitely is,” Brydan rolled his eyes. “I’ve only lived in one other place before here, and that was New York City. I lived on the Upper East Side. It’s true what they say, it’s the rich part of Manhattan. It’s over-price, and ninety percent of the people are stuck up,”
“How did you get to be so kind?” I mocked.
Brydan rolled his eyes at me.
“I got lucky I guess.” He replied. “What about you? Why are you so mad at the world.”
“I feel like I have every right to be,” I answered.
“Why’s that?”
“Cause,”
“But why?” He smirked.
“Just cause, Brydan.” I retorted with a small smile on my face. “I have my reasons for hating life sometimes,”
“You actually hate life?”
I nodded, and looked down the sand as we walked slowly.
“I used to wish that I was dead a lot of the time.” I replied. “Sometimes I still do,”
“What?” Brydan asked, stopping us. “Raavi, look at me….” He pleaded, pulling my chin toward him. “Why would you say something like that?”
“Why would I not if it’s true?” I countered. “You honestly don’t know a lot about me, but I really do sometimes. I wish that I could’ve given up as easily as Eve did. I wish that I had the guts to do something that stupid, but honestly…I don’t. Not yet anyway. You make me too happy to want to die.”
Brydan’s arms wrapped tightly around my body. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip to stop myself from screaming. My ribs were throbbing, and I wanted to get out of his grip. At the same time I wanted to hold him closer to me. He’s the reason why I probably haven’t taken the plunge yet. I want to be around him more. I want to spend forever with him, even if he doesn’t know it. I want to tell him everything, but I just can’t. I can’t tell him anything yet, because I’m really a coward. I’m a huge coward. Underneath my tough exterior, I’m just as fragile as a piece of glass.
I think that Brydan finally understood that.