Heart Means Everything

Walking down the halls of any high school is never easy. Six foot one senior, Jeremy McKinnon tries his hardest to blend in. He just wants to mix in with the crowd of his peers. He feels awkward-he's the only seventeen year old with a full grown beard at his school. He never wants anyone to take a second glance at him; it'd be weird to get attention from the stuck up snots that hang out at each other's lockers and gossip about every innocent passerby.

Jeremy had his own personal problems that no one but his close friends knew about. His dad was an alcoholic and a cheater, and when he left when Jeremy was twelve, it tore his mother up. Jeremy lost his relationship with his mother and could barely say "hi" to her without a fight. Then Jeremy struggled with depression when he turned thirteen. When his dad didn't call and his "friends" never showed up to his thirteenth birthday party, he locked himself in his room for two days. A few months later, he was hospitalized for self-harm.

To this day, those darker days haunted him silently. At any given time he'd have flashbacks of his dad in a drunken rage, or the nights he stayed up digging razor blades deep into his pale arms. Mostly these thoughts came back during Algebra 2 when he'd be spacing off, or when he was alone in his bedroom.

Jeremy walked quickly through the congested hallways, squeezing his way in between cliques of girls and the star quarterback of the football team. His best friend, Josh, had texted saying to meet their group outside of the cafeteria. Josh rarely texted anything, so it had to be important.
Jeremy saw his friends once he was halfway down the hallway that led to the cafeteria.

"Jer!" Josh called, waving a paper in his hand.

Jeremy jogged the rest of the distance between him and his best friend.
"What's up?" Jeremy asked.

"This," Josh said, handing him the paper. "Read it."

All of the guys formed a circle around Jeremy as they waited to see his reaction after reading the flier. Jeremy looked up once he finished.

"What's this about?" he asked, sounding a little confused.

"Dude, did you not read it? A band competition. Winner gets signed and gets free studio time," Josh explained.

"So?"

"So... You can sing, you can really fuckin' sing. I can play bass, Neil and Kevin on the guitars, Alex does drums. Please tell me this screams 'form a band' at you." Jeremy could see a look of desperation in Josh's eyes.

"I...I don't know, bro. I just don't like the idea of singing in front of record label managers, let alone our school."

"Dude," Neil started. "It isn't like we haven't heard you sing hundreds of times. You've got nothing to hide. In fact, you should be showing off."

The group said a collective 'yeah' as well as other words of encouragement and head nods.

Jeremy sighed. "You guys know how I am. I'm the quiet musician," he said as the one minute warning bell rang. "I don't know, I'll think about it. But I've gotta get to class."

Jeremy rushed off to class as a look of satisfaction spread across Josh's face. He knew he could easily talk Jeremy into forming a band.

***

"...And he jumped to his watery grave."

Fear washed over ever students' face as Danielle finished off her poem. The black haired, racoon eyed girl looked up from her paper and glanced at the teacher, Mrs. Rose. The cheerful forty-something teacher began applauding Danielle's piece as she made her way back to her seat.
The class forced themselves to clap out of kindness.

"Mr. McKinnon, would you like to go next?" Mrs. Rose asked Jeremy.

No, Jeremy thought.

"Yeah, sure."

Jeremy took his poem from his folder, stood up from his seat, and adjusted his red Vans shirt and gray beanie. He made his way slowly to the front of the room. He was trying desperately to kill time. If there were two things Jeremy hated, it would be: speaking in front of crowds/large amounts of people, and sharing his writings-the things he poured from his soul.

Jeremy stood behind the podium and cleared his throat as he looked out at his peers.

"When you're ready," Mrs. Rose said quietly.

"Let's all think back on what brought us here
This is my grasp on what is real
Don't tell me how I feel
With all that's passed I can't relate
With myself from day to day
why does everything seem so far away
to me

There's no turning back from here
I've got to get away from everyone who's left
Everyone who's left
I'll tell the saddest story
Of how we made it through this past year
I'll tell the saddest story
Of how we made it through this past year
They said we'd walk away
You'll never make it if you can't speak for yourself
they said we'd fade away."

Jeremy closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath, and swallowed hard. Not a single person made a sound. He tried his best to control his shaking and the blood rushing to his cheeks, coloring them a dark pink.

Suddenly, Jeremy heard someone start to clap, slowly and quietly. He looked up to see it was the new girl, Alix Saunders. To his right, he could hear his teacher joining Alix. Soon, the whole class was clapping louder for him than anyone else who had read.

Mrs. Rose shuffled over to Jeremy. "Do you realize how fantastic of a writer you are?"

Jeremy beamed. "I'm not that great..."

"Yes, you are. Stop by here after school's over. I'd like to talk to you privately."