My Heart Yearns

Summer. It's the time when children play happily outside. When birds sing content in the trees. When flowers shine with the sun. It's my favorite season. Some might ask me why. Some might disagee with me, but I know, it's my favorite season. And always will be. Alot happened to me in this season. To much for some to take in, but, every moment felt like seconds. Every time I saw him butterflys would dance in my stumach. Call me crazy. Call me names... do as you wish, but I can happily tell you that I liked him. A lot.

"Hey," Said the boy. The boy I had come to like so much. Come to day dream about.

"Hi," I responded. He smirked a goofy smirk. Which was somewhat hidden, but I saw it.

"What?" I asked quietly. The smirk didn't waver at all.

"I just found out today that you're a girl," He said, the smirk stuck to his face. I fumed, he was always harsh to me. How come he couldn't be nice? Couldn't stop picking on me... atleast.

"I've always been a girl you idiot!" I yelled at him. He chuckled at my anger.

"Hana-chan, you're so inmature," He said. I glared at him.

"You're the one that needs help," I responded annoyed. He chuckled again.

"You're the one that everyone thinks is a boy," He responded. Did they really? Was I that boyish?

"Enough you two," Our sensei said. We both looded at him.

"Hana, please practice the jutsu again," He said. I nodded and did the hand signs. It came out right... mostly. He was laughing his head off. I went over to him, my face right in his.

"I hate you!" I yelled at him. He chuckled.

"Good, because I hate you too," He responded cooly. I stared into his eyes. Not showing how much it hurt me when he said that. Class was dismissed shortly after and I went straight home. Like I always did. I lived with my aunt. She had been raising me for a couple years now. My uncle also. Exept we didn't see to much of him.

"Welcome home Hana," My aunt said.

"Thanks," I responded before going up to my room. After getting to my room, and shutting the door, I broke down and cryed. I cryed as my back was against the door and it slowly slid down. Till I was sitting on the floor. I pulled my knees in and put my arms around them. My head crying into them. I fell asleep like that.

The next day no one saw me at training. Nor the day after that. The third day of me not going to training Minato-sensei came to my house.

"May I speak with Hana please?" He asked my uncle. He stared at him.

"You're her sensei, right?" He asked. He nodded.

"She's up in her room. She won't let anyone in," He replied. He nodded then followed my uncle up the stairs and stood outside of my bedroom door.

"Hana, may I come in?" He asked politely.

"No," I responded.

"Please," He asked. My uncle shrugged and went back down the stairs.

"No. I don't want to be a ninja anymore," I responded. He stood there, shocked.

"Never? Are you sure? What made you come to that dissision?" He asked.

"I'm sure. And I'm not ment to be one. I never was, I was just kidding myself all along," I resonded. The tears falling down my face. Luckily no one could see me like this.

"Is it because of what Kakashi said?" He asked. The tears were now coming down faster than before. It wasn't because of him... I think...

"No," I chocked out.

"Hana, your an exelent ninja, no matter what he says-" I cut him off though.

"It has nothing to do with that," I responded. He sighed.

"Training will be at the normal time... if you decide to come. Just remember, it's your choice, not anyone elses," He said.

"I know. This is my choice," I said. Then heard him go down the stairs. I hated just about everything that very second... and everyone.

~*~

That was fourteen years ago. His cold voice still lingers in my head. The way he said those words to me. The way they hurt me so badly... the way he didn't even know how much they hurt me... or even care if they did.

"Morning Hana," The lady replied. It had been thirteen years since those things happened. Like I said, alot had happened during the season. All leading me to quit trying to be a ninja. There was so many reasons for me to quit. There was two main reasons though. One was because Kakashi said he hated me. Even though I liked him so much. He hated me. The second, was because my aunt had died. It was a disease, that neither my uncle nor I knew she had. It was untreatable.

My uncle tried to chear me up... by saying how she died happy and content... but... we all know she didn't. She lost someone the day my parents died. She lost her own child. The day of the fire. I know she would've rathered her child lived than me. Her daughter was two years older than me. She had beautiful blond hair and green eyes to match. She was plain beautiful. And her mother loved her to death.

She wouldn't say it though... that she rathered her child lived. She said that she was so lucky that she had me. But we all knew I was just a replacement. That didn't matter to me though. She was all I had after my mother died. We some how completed eachother. Not completely, but enough to live through life. As long as we had eachother, we'd be okay.

Well, we all see where that left me. Not okay. Misserable. Her child however didn't die in the fire. She died the same day, on a mission. A ninja mission. She had graduated from the academy early for her age. Then got up to Chunin with no problem. My aunt always told me how she didn't want me to be a ninja. She said she wouldn't know what to do if I died too.

My aunt died. She died. After that, I locked myself in my room. I wasn't okay. Not close. I made my choice, to not be a ninja. I didn't have talent. I would never get far, couldn't protect myself. Come to think of it... Kakashi's the one who always had to save me from dieing. So, given all the reasons... I quit. To start a new... happier life? No, it wasn't happier... it was just... different. Quieter, peaceful, kinder. Yeah, it was different, in a good way? I'm not sure.

I still lived in Konoha though. I hadn't see any of my team though. That was probably a good thing. I would probably have a break down if I saw one of them. Although, everyone knew my sensei had died. I missed him. Although I wouldn't say anything. His goof grin. His blond hair. I hadn't loved him, no, no way. He was like... an older brother? Is that the right way to describe it? Maybe. He was like a older brother, a mature older brother. Who always knew how to chear me up. Well... that didn't help my depression at all.

Right now I was working in a flower shop. I loved flowers. It was also summer.

"Morning Hana," A blond girl said to me. I smiled at her.

"Morning Ino," I said making a banquet of flowers.

"How was your weekend? Do anything fun?" She asked as she made on beside me.

"Nope, it was like every other," I responded. She nodded.

"How about you?" I asked her.

"Oh, I think Sasuke-kun likes me!" She squeled. I laughed. She had this fangirl like crush on him... well, maybe it really was just a fangirl thing. But... I guess I could've been Kakashi's fangirl... right?

No, I couldn't have. I was to shy to tell my feeling to him. Didn't follow him around, and my face always tried to turn red when we were sparing and we got close.

"Morning," Ino said chipper to a man that came into the shop. I finished the banquet and tied a violet string around the bottom. Smiling at my work. It was beautiful. Then I took the banquet over to a large vace and put it in. I stood back some ways away. Should I take it to my uncle? Would he like it? It's pretty... I'll bring it to him. I finally decided. I stepped forward and grabbed for the flowers when my hand brushed somone elses. I quickly retracted it and blushed. Then I looked at who had just reached for the same flowers.

I stared, mouth slightly open, eyes wide. I stared into one deep onyx eye. The one eye stared into my own dark blue ones. I stepped back to keep my balance. But I still stood there, just staring at him. Him doing the same... just staring at me. Ino walked by and looked at us. Back and forth. Then she squeked. Then went into the back of the store.

"K-k-kakashi?" I asked, finally getting ahold of myself. He stared at me, a questioning look on his face.

"Who're you?" He asked. I sighed. Good, he hadn't noticed me. That's what I kept telling me. But really, I was crying inside. He didn't even remember me.

"Oh, I uh... work here... would you like to buy that banquet? It'll be fifteen dollars," I said picking it up and taking it to the register. He followed me there.

"How do you know my name?" He asked. I gulped down. Trying to clear my throat.

"Who doesn't know your name? You're the famous... er, Kakashi Hatake!" I said in fake happiness. I think he buyed it though.

"Oh, yes, I am," He said paying for the flowers. I put on a fake smile as he picked up the flowers ready to leave. He turned but stopped halfway. Then turned back to me. I quietly gasped.

"Would you like to get some ramen with me? After your shift of course," He said. I shook my head.

"Uhm, I'm sorry, my shift goes really late and..." I drifted off. He just stood there, and slightly nodded his head.

"Your shift gets off at six! And anyways, you have to go with him Hin-" But I cut her off.

"Alright! I'll go, when will you pick me up?" I asked.

"Six," He said. I nodded then he left. I turned to Ino.

"What?" She asked.

"No matter what... don't tell him my name," I said sternly. She shot me a questioning glance but I ignored her.

"Great... I've got a date with the guy I used to have a huge crush on. He doesn't recognize me. He doesn't understand me and has no idea why I quit. He can not figure out who I am," I said quietly to the new batch of flowers in my hand.

~*~

He did as he promised. Well, almost... he came to pick me up at six thirty. How like Kakashi.

"Sorry I'm late a black crossed my path and so-"

"That crap doesn't work on me," I said quietly, yet loud enough to be heard.

"Alright then, to the ramen bar," He said. I followed him quietly. After working at the flowershop earlier, I changed into a light blue summer dress. It went a little shorter than my knees and had noodle straps.

"I like your dress," He said nicely. I scoffed under my breath. If only he knew who I am! He would be yelling at me.

"Thanks," I responded. And tormenting me. Well, I guess I do dress like a girl now. I hated how he always teased me about lookin like a guy. Just because I hadn't matured yet didn't mean anything! I was just late. But no! He had to yell at me about everything! And torment me to no end...

"Chicken ramen," He said.

"Miso ramen, PLEASE," I said to the man, he nodded and started cooking our food.

"So, tell me about yourself," He said. I bit my lower lip. Crap, I was nervous.

"Hey, I uh, just remembered I have something to do tonight! I'm so sorry, I have to g-" But he cut me off. The nerve of the guy!

"No, you don't. You're just making up excuses," He said. Crap, how come he always could read me so easily?

"Sorry..." I said putting my head down. He shrugged.

"So, what's your hobbie?" He asked. Well, hobbies couldn't be that bad. Before when Minato-sensei asked me it was annoying Kakashi and cooking with my aunt. Both I hadn't done in thirteen years.

"Anything to do with flowers," I responded putting the chopsticks into the bowl, "You?"

"I have many hobbies," He said calmly. I wanted to snap his kneck. We kept eating quietly untill he interupted the silence, one again.

"What's your favorite flower?" He asked. I thought for a moment. Smiling when I found my answer.

"A daisy," I said.

"Wasn't expecting that," He said. I looked over at him.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Most girl's say roses," He said. I sighed.

"I'm not like most girls..." I said. He chuckled.

"Yeah, I figured that out," He responded.

"Daisies, they are so beautiful. Yet, they are so delacit and need just the right amount of sunshine and water," I paused, "And they are wild. Living where there seeds take them," He looked at me after I said that. I cleared my throat. I just lost myself in my own dream world again. Crap, gotta stop doing that.

"hmm," He said simply getting back to his ramen.

"What's your name?" He asked. I gulped. Then stood up from my chair.

"Y'know I really have to be getting home and-" I started to walk away but he pulled on my arm and brought me close to him. My head into his shoulder. Then he put his arms around me.

"Just tell me a name. Any name, just something I can call you," He said.

"Uindo," I replied after a pause, "like the wind" He smiled at my response. Aleast I think so. It's so dang hard to tell with that stupid mask on. I want to rip the thing off and smack him hard in the face. But I restrained myself from doing so.

"You already know my name," He said and paused,"but, I'll tell you something else... my favorite food is sesame chicken" I wanted to rip him into pieces. I already knew that! I know just about everything! I could name three awful habits of his off the top of my head! I could name his favorite things off the top of my head! In order of how much he liked them! I wanted to scream that. Tell him who I was. But when I thought about it. I didn't... I wanted to get to know him. Not the thirteen year old him, but the... twenty six year old him.

Wow, we must be old. Wait, I'm not old, I'm not even thirty yet!

"Thank you," I chocked out.

"Can I walk you home?" He asked.

"Sure..." I drifted off. Then it hit me. He would recognize my house! Crap! Crap crap crap crap! Mega Crap!

"I mean, uhm I'm not sure that'd be a good idea..." I said.

"Well, then give me a number to reach you by," He said.

"It's uh..." I started, I can't tell him my number either. That'd be way to obvious! Crap!

"Here, I'll give you the number to the flower shop. I'm almost there anyways," I said writing it down on a piece of paper. He shrugged. He most likely knew I was hiding something. Oh well, I mean, I'm trying my best here!

"Alright," He said taking it. Then he waved to me. I quickly ran off toward my house. When I got in I slammed the door behind you and locked it. Then let my back slide down the door so I was in a sitting position. Pulled my knees so my chest and put my head into them.

"Kakashi, how come you always make me cry?" I asked into the dark room. Receiving no response, I just cryed. I wanted so badly to tell him the truth... but I didn't want to be hurt, again.