My Heart Yearns
Birthday
One week…one week.
One week.
"Ack, I'm going to be Mrs. Hatake in a week!" I screamed into my pillow. The family was gone for the weekend…leaving me. Alone. To think about anything and everything—especially the wedding.
I didn't bother with caring about what the neighbors thought about my family. I had finally gotten around to meet them. They were nice people…a little creepy in that judgemental kind of way. When I met their eyes I knew that they knew what I thought they didn't know but they really didn't know. Does that make any sense? My brain was too fried to care and I moved onto the next topic.
I was relieved that Kakashi was out of the house for the weekend—which I felt incredibly guilty for. I loved the man but he's been so distant lately. Sasuke's departure was finally starting to get to him. Either that or he's been holding it in. Both choices are just as bad. The thing that bugged me the most is that he tried to hide it. Psh!
Oh, Sasuke. Where are you? It's been so long since I've seen you. I've been afraid that I'd forget your face. If not for the picture of your team in Naruto's room I may have. How much have you changed since I last saw you? Has your hair grown out like Naruto's? Did you grow as tall as Kakashi?
Did you turn into a murderer? The thought made me shiver. I did not like thinking of him in that way. He is my Sasuke. It didn't matter if I'd never adopted him or had any legal right over him…it was just a fact. Yeesh, you're getting pretty old. How old now? Sixteen? Seventeen? I never did know the date of your birthday.
I pulled off of my bed, reaching for my coat and pulling it on. It was summer but sadly it was still chilly. Cold front, I assumed. I grabbed my wallet and exited to find some food and company.
All this alone time is driving my crazy!
~*~
(Sasuke)
I looked up to the sky, watching snowflakes fall from the grey abis. Never thought I'd see it snow on my birthday. Not that it matters in the country of cloud. It's always cold here. I pulled my cloak over my head. After this mission is over it will be warmer. Much warmer. I sprinted to the direction of the cloud village
I slipped in with ease. Next I sprinted across the many roofs to the main building. Inside sat the country's Kage. I didn't even know the man.
But that's what will make this easier.
It didn't hurt as much if I didn't know about the person. Just another face to the millions I've slaughtered. Just another face to haunt my nightmares. I put a hand to my forehead, feeling the foreboding of a headache. I need to focus. Kill the man. One step at a time.
I slid behind the man and brought my katana to his throat. "Sasuke Uchiha," the man breathed and my pulse quickened. He pushed away my katana with a katana of his own, shoving me back. I skidded, digging my feet into the floor. I brought my eyes up to meet his, sharingan flaring. "I've been expecting you."
I didn't bother talking as I ran to the man and met weapons with him. It made a clashing sound and we pulled away again. I pulled my katana up horizontally. His face flashed in my mind and I grimaced.
All for a reason—I don't have time for mercy. I'm an avenger.
I clashed swords again and dropped my sword, grasping his and pulling it out of his reach. Deep slashes appeared on my hands but I ignored the pain. I can hardly feel it anymore, anyways…
I then flipped his katana and slid it into the man's chest. He disappeared and I turned around, stabbing the real him with my katana. The man let out a small gasp. He obviously did not know the full affect of the sharingan. The ability to literally tell the future.
I pushed it in deeper before pulling it out and cleaning it off on the matted floor. The man made a gargling sound but no others. I pulled the chain and emblem from his neck—the ones that signified him being Kage. I sheithed my katana and carried the Kage's sword instead. Before I exited the room I murmured, "Rest in peace."
It was an odd habit I had fallen into. It had started with the nightmares. Not the ones of my family's deaths…I'd had those since the night they were slaughtered. The nightmares of the people I've killed. My first kills were the hardest. But their faces were blurry. Now, with my enhanced Sharingan, the faces of all the masses I've killed were engraved into my mind. I remembered every detail of every face. Every plane…curve…muscle….
Focus!
I pulled my newly aquired sword and slaughtered ninja after ninja…person after person….and child after child. I trully am a monster. A small girl with wide eyes stood in front of me, shock holding her in place. I couldn't help but let it trigger a memory. The memory of that night. Suddenly the curse mark was burning at the base of my neck. I brought up my left hand to it.
I need to finish this quickly.
I closed my eyes and silenced the girl before I could second guess myself. Her scared face remained behind my closed eyes and I sighed.
How much like him am I becoming?
…I hate my birthday.
~*~
(Kakashi)
I entered the house, dragging myself in. I hadn' t been able to focus and had ended in injuring myself. I'm happy that at least my team was not hurt because of my mistake. Hana was cooking in the kitchen. I had missed her terribly. I missed her touch…feel…voice…but she was not the only one I was missing. I was missing Sasuke. I wouldn't say we were particularly close but I'm not particularly close to anyone and neither was he.
I, of course, didn't feel the same about Sasuke as I did about Hana. But I had the same family protectiveness. They were my responsibility…and I had failed Sasuke. Failed. Again. I had let him slip away just as I had Obito.
"Kakashi!" Hana said happily and ran up to hug me. I didn't move at her greeting and her face became downcast. She stopped right in front of me and didn't say anything. I loved her…I missed her…and oh, how I loved her. But I couldn't let her see me like this—weak, broken. I just need some time.
I turned from her and walked to the room, closing the door behind me. I ignored Hana as I did so. I knew it hurt her to ignore her, but I couldn't just let her see me like this. It's humiliating.
I stripped out of my dirty clothes and stepped into the shower, letting the cold water pelt down onto my skin. Did she hate me? She deserves to hate me. I failed her. I let my emotions fade away with the water; down the drain and off into the world. When I finished showering I pulled on a clean pair of boxers and pulled myself into bed. The blankets smelled of her. It made me miss her more but I inored it and bolted my eyes shut.
This is my punishment.
~*~
(Tenten)
I arrived home early from my mission, bidding the members of my ANBU team farewell. I hadn't told anyone of my new placement, but why would I? It would not be a secret if everyone were to know. When I entered the house a barage of emotions hit me. It's not like I could literally read peoples' emotions, but I could read their chakra fairly well.
Hana sat at the table plunged deep in thought. A pot of food was burning on the stove. Was I the only one in this house aware of all the drama going on? Kakashi was upset over something and punishing himself for it. Hana was upset over Kakashi being upset and pushing her away. Naruto had a huge crush on Ino and was completely oblivious to everyone else. Me? I was stuck with Neji drama—nothing unusual about that—but I was also stuck in the middle of all this drama.
I turned off the stove and began to repair the noodles as best I could. When I noticed that the noodles were indeed burned to the bottom of the pan and obviously were not going to unstick anytime soon, I began a new batch. I snuck a peak at Hana and saw that she was still deep in thought. I then proceeded to throw the burnt noodles into the trashcan. If anyone questioned it I would just tell him I cooked it. No one would question that. My cooking was horrid.
When I finished the noodles I added the chicken broth and cooked up the chicken. Then I added it all together. It wasn't perfect—as I said, my cooking stunk—but it was decent enough to call a meal. I put a bowl down in front of Hana and she broke from her trance-like state.
"Hey Tenten," she breathed. I let a small smile form on my face for her. I could trust her, so I let my heart out.
"Hey Hana," I said and poured myself a bowl. "Having wet feet?"
"Huh?" Hana's face was torn in confusion.
"Having doubts about the wedding?" I rephrased. I sometimes forgot that Hana and I grew up in very different environments. She grew up in some far off place, being taught to be prim and proper. It made sense if you looked at the way she held herself. She had a grace of a ninja which most of us had, but she also had another hidden grace that came from something more like…well, dancing or something. Nothing I knew about obviously. Unless you counted footwork on a battle field, I thought with a smirk.
"Oh no!" She squeaked out quickly. She looked around anxiously. "I am just thinking—that's all." I frowned at her. She needed a budge.
"About what?" I asked innocently…and like that the dam broke.
"I really don't know Kakashi that well. I love him, I love him so much. But I don't know him, know him like some do," she said and I raised a brown eye brow. She sighed. "I don't know his favorite food. I don't know about his parents or family. I don't know why he lies, avoids, and pushes me away. I don't know! I just don't know!" Suddenly she was crying and holding onto me. I awkwardly put a hand over her and patted her back. This was all kind of new to me.
"Does he like my cooking?" She plunged onward. "Does he want to be left alone? Should I go comfort him or give him some space? What should I do? I feel like he's a stranger to me. There's this huge chunk of my heart just for him—Kakashi. But who exactly is Kakashi?"
"He's a strong ninja with a big heart…a big heart that he's given to only you, Hana," I said awkwardly but forcefully. "He's asked to share his life with you twice now. He…he loves you and maybe he regrets some decisions in his life. Maybe he does need alone time. Maybe he's too much of a man to admit to needing your help. Or maybe…maybe he just needs you to hug him and love him and be there for him." Hana was baffled and so was I. Had I really just spewed all this romantic love crap? Wow. My whole tough girl reputation could be ruined.
Shit.
"Just…just don't tell anyone I said that," I said quickly, trying to cover my tracks. "I have a reputation to uphold." She giggled and I smiled, happy that my odd tactics had the desired affect.
"Being a caring person is nothing to be ashamed about, Tenten," she said as she happily took a sip of soup. I knew it didn't taste well but Hana was nothing if not a lady and made a sound of content.
Hana, you're too nice for your own good.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," I said dismissively and trudged off to my room. Maybe that would diminish some of the drama. Maybe it'd cause more. Who knows? It had made Hana's "frown turn upside down." Hah! That's a smart saying! Because like a frown…and a smile…and—never mind. Ignore that.
Training…training…training. Less girly crap.
One week.
"Ack, I'm going to be Mrs. Hatake in a week!" I screamed into my pillow. The family was gone for the weekend…leaving me. Alone. To think about anything and everything—especially the wedding.
I didn't bother with caring about what the neighbors thought about my family. I had finally gotten around to meet them. They were nice people…a little creepy in that judgemental kind of way. When I met their eyes I knew that they knew what I thought they didn't know but they really didn't know. Does that make any sense? My brain was too fried to care and I moved onto the next topic.
I was relieved that Kakashi was out of the house for the weekend—which I felt incredibly guilty for. I loved the man but he's been so distant lately. Sasuke's departure was finally starting to get to him. Either that or he's been holding it in. Both choices are just as bad. The thing that bugged me the most is that he tried to hide it. Psh!
Oh, Sasuke. Where are you? It's been so long since I've seen you. I've been afraid that I'd forget your face. If not for the picture of your team in Naruto's room I may have. How much have you changed since I last saw you? Has your hair grown out like Naruto's? Did you grow as tall as Kakashi?
Did you turn into a murderer? The thought made me shiver. I did not like thinking of him in that way. He is my Sasuke. It didn't matter if I'd never adopted him or had any legal right over him…it was just a fact. Yeesh, you're getting pretty old. How old now? Sixteen? Seventeen? I never did know the date of your birthday.
I pulled off of my bed, reaching for my coat and pulling it on. It was summer but sadly it was still chilly. Cold front, I assumed. I grabbed my wallet and exited to find some food and company.
All this alone time is driving my crazy!
~*~
(Sasuke)
I looked up to the sky, watching snowflakes fall from the grey abis. Never thought I'd see it snow on my birthday. Not that it matters in the country of cloud. It's always cold here. I pulled my cloak over my head. After this mission is over it will be warmer. Much warmer. I sprinted to the direction of the cloud village
I slipped in with ease. Next I sprinted across the many roofs to the main building. Inside sat the country's Kage. I didn't even know the man.
But that's what will make this easier.
It didn't hurt as much if I didn't know about the person. Just another face to the millions I've slaughtered. Just another face to haunt my nightmares. I put a hand to my forehead, feeling the foreboding of a headache. I need to focus. Kill the man. One step at a time.
I slid behind the man and brought my katana to his throat. "Sasuke Uchiha," the man breathed and my pulse quickened. He pushed away my katana with a katana of his own, shoving me back. I skidded, digging my feet into the floor. I brought my eyes up to meet his, sharingan flaring. "I've been expecting you."
I didn't bother talking as I ran to the man and met weapons with him. It made a clashing sound and we pulled away again. I pulled my katana up horizontally. His face flashed in my mind and I grimaced.
All for a reason—I don't have time for mercy. I'm an avenger.
I clashed swords again and dropped my sword, grasping his and pulling it out of his reach. Deep slashes appeared on my hands but I ignored the pain. I can hardly feel it anymore, anyways…
I then flipped his katana and slid it into the man's chest. He disappeared and I turned around, stabbing the real him with my katana. The man let out a small gasp. He obviously did not know the full affect of the sharingan. The ability to literally tell the future.
I pushed it in deeper before pulling it out and cleaning it off on the matted floor. The man made a gargling sound but no others. I pulled the chain and emblem from his neck—the ones that signified him being Kage. I sheithed my katana and carried the Kage's sword instead. Before I exited the room I murmured, "Rest in peace."
It was an odd habit I had fallen into. It had started with the nightmares. Not the ones of my family's deaths…I'd had those since the night they were slaughtered. The nightmares of the people I've killed. My first kills were the hardest. But their faces were blurry. Now, with my enhanced Sharingan, the faces of all the masses I've killed were engraved into my mind. I remembered every detail of every face. Every plane…curve…muscle….
Focus!
I pulled my newly aquired sword and slaughtered ninja after ninja…person after person….and child after child. I trully am a monster. A small girl with wide eyes stood in front of me, shock holding her in place. I couldn't help but let it trigger a memory. The memory of that night. Suddenly the curse mark was burning at the base of my neck. I brought up my left hand to it.
I need to finish this quickly.
I closed my eyes and silenced the girl before I could second guess myself. Her scared face remained behind my closed eyes and I sighed.
How much like him am I becoming?
…I hate my birthday.
~*~
(Kakashi)
I entered the house, dragging myself in. I hadn' t been able to focus and had ended in injuring myself. I'm happy that at least my team was not hurt because of my mistake. Hana was cooking in the kitchen. I had missed her terribly. I missed her touch…feel…voice…but she was not the only one I was missing. I was missing Sasuke. I wouldn't say we were particularly close but I'm not particularly close to anyone and neither was he.
I, of course, didn't feel the same about Sasuke as I did about Hana. But I had the same family protectiveness. They were my responsibility…and I had failed Sasuke. Failed. Again. I had let him slip away just as I had Obito.
"Kakashi!" Hana said happily and ran up to hug me. I didn't move at her greeting and her face became downcast. She stopped right in front of me and didn't say anything. I loved her…I missed her…and oh, how I loved her. But I couldn't let her see me like this—weak, broken. I just need some time.
I turned from her and walked to the room, closing the door behind me. I ignored Hana as I did so. I knew it hurt her to ignore her, but I couldn't just let her see me like this. It's humiliating.
I stripped out of my dirty clothes and stepped into the shower, letting the cold water pelt down onto my skin. Did she hate me? She deserves to hate me. I failed her. I let my emotions fade away with the water; down the drain and off into the world. When I finished showering I pulled on a clean pair of boxers and pulled myself into bed. The blankets smelled of her. It made me miss her more but I inored it and bolted my eyes shut.
This is my punishment.
~*~
(Tenten)
I arrived home early from my mission, bidding the members of my ANBU team farewell. I hadn't told anyone of my new placement, but why would I? It would not be a secret if everyone were to know. When I entered the house a barage of emotions hit me. It's not like I could literally read peoples' emotions, but I could read their chakra fairly well.
Hana sat at the table plunged deep in thought. A pot of food was burning on the stove. Was I the only one in this house aware of all the drama going on? Kakashi was upset over something and punishing himself for it. Hana was upset over Kakashi being upset and pushing her away. Naruto had a huge crush on Ino and was completely oblivious to everyone else. Me? I was stuck with Neji drama—nothing unusual about that—but I was also stuck in the middle of all this drama.
I turned off the stove and began to repair the noodles as best I could. When I noticed that the noodles were indeed burned to the bottom of the pan and obviously were not going to unstick anytime soon, I began a new batch. I snuck a peak at Hana and saw that she was still deep in thought. I then proceeded to throw the burnt noodles into the trashcan. If anyone questioned it I would just tell him I cooked it. No one would question that. My cooking was horrid.
When I finished the noodles I added the chicken broth and cooked up the chicken. Then I added it all together. It wasn't perfect—as I said, my cooking stunk—but it was decent enough to call a meal. I put a bowl down in front of Hana and she broke from her trance-like state.
"Hey Tenten," she breathed. I let a small smile form on my face for her. I could trust her, so I let my heart out.
"Hey Hana," I said and poured myself a bowl. "Having wet feet?"
"Huh?" Hana's face was torn in confusion.
"Having doubts about the wedding?" I rephrased. I sometimes forgot that Hana and I grew up in very different environments. She grew up in some far off place, being taught to be prim and proper. It made sense if you looked at the way she held herself. She had a grace of a ninja which most of us had, but she also had another hidden grace that came from something more like…well, dancing or something. Nothing I knew about obviously. Unless you counted footwork on a battle field, I thought with a smirk.
"Oh no!" She squeaked out quickly. She looked around anxiously. "I am just thinking—that's all." I frowned at her. She needed a budge.
"About what?" I asked innocently…and like that the dam broke.
"I really don't know Kakashi that well. I love him, I love him so much. But I don't know him, know him like some do," she said and I raised a brown eye brow. She sighed. "I don't know his favorite food. I don't know about his parents or family. I don't know why he lies, avoids, and pushes me away. I don't know! I just don't know!" Suddenly she was crying and holding onto me. I awkwardly put a hand over her and patted her back. This was all kind of new to me.
"Does he like my cooking?" She plunged onward. "Does he want to be left alone? Should I go comfort him or give him some space? What should I do? I feel like he's a stranger to me. There's this huge chunk of my heart just for him—Kakashi. But who exactly is Kakashi?"
"He's a strong ninja with a big heart…a big heart that he's given to only you, Hana," I said awkwardly but forcefully. "He's asked to share his life with you twice now. He…he loves you and maybe he regrets some decisions in his life. Maybe he does need alone time. Maybe he's too much of a man to admit to needing your help. Or maybe…maybe he just needs you to hug him and love him and be there for him." Hana was baffled and so was I. Had I really just spewed all this romantic love crap? Wow. My whole tough girl reputation could be ruined.
Shit.
"Just…just don't tell anyone I said that," I said quickly, trying to cover my tracks. "I have a reputation to uphold." She giggled and I smiled, happy that my odd tactics had the desired affect.
"Being a caring person is nothing to be ashamed about, Tenten," she said as she happily took a sip of soup. I knew it didn't taste well but Hana was nothing if not a lady and made a sound of content.
Hana, you're too nice for your own good.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," I said dismissively and trudged off to my room. Maybe that would diminish some of the drama. Maybe it'd cause more. Who knows? It had made Hana's "frown turn upside down." Hah! That's a smart saying! Because like a frown…and a smile…and—never mind. Ignore that.
Training…training…training. Less girly crap.