A Little Brown Journal

Hinata sat at the edge of a bed, her feet dangling off the side. She had a hand to her chest. Why did it hurt so intensely? Her hand clutched at her skin, like an itch was beneath. It itched so badly that it hurt. She pushed herself back onto the bed.

She had expected little to no sympathy from the Uchiha, and that was what she got. He let her stay in his house, but he did not speak with or hang around her. He was always out busy doing something, and Hinata kept herself in the room for most of the time.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she heard Sasuke swear from somewhere below her. His voice was always annoyed and easily recognizable. He came back every other night, cursing up a storm. She assumed he fought with Naruto again.

During the morning Sasuke would help her fill out applications for local jobs, in exchange for her doing house work and cooking during the day. Often days, Sasuke would get upset at the repetitive questions.

Hinata lifted herself from the bed and fumbled her way down the stairs. She strained to hear where Sasuke was. Her loss of eyesight struck her harder than she had imagined. Something clattered to the floor and she heard his signature curse, "Fuck!"

"S-sasuke?" she whispered into the darkness of her vision. Everything became sickly still and Hinata hugged her arms around herself.

"Fuck," Sasuke hissed a second later. "What?" Hinata bit her lip as she poked her index fingers together.

"D-did you get any l-letter f-for me?" she asked quietly. The darkness made her feel utterly alone, even with Sasuke in the same room. The Uchiha gave her no comfort. His body only vital in her life because of his eyesight and house. Soon she would be on her way to somewhere—somewhere far, far away from the hidden leaf village. Neither Sasuke nor her past will matter there, she thought as a smile flickered to her face.

A new beginning, she sighed. A place where no one will know her. Maybe she could even lose her stutter? Perhaps she will find someone that it will not hurt to love. Someone she can give her heart, and be sure that he will keep it safe; unbroken. But was it not already broken? Already damaged from her past?

"Are you even listening to me?" Sasuke spat. Hinata jumped out of her thoughts. She heard him open a drawer and throw some objects inside before slamming it again. "I said, 'no.'"

"N-not even one?" Hinata whimpered. Well, who would want someone who could not even see? She bit her lip again. I will not let my esteem go down the drain like that. I will not let myself be put down.

Sasuke did not respond, knowing that Hyuuga already knew the answer. He lifted himself off of the seat and excited the room, hearing the Hyuuga head up the stairs again. He plopped himself onto his couch and lifted from the cushion a now very familiar book. He sighed as he opened it to a page that was kept open by a kunai. Recently, all of the girl's entries had become short. Some of them were a paragraph, or even a sentence.

He figured it must have been a difficult time in her life. Many of the entries were depressing or even suicidal. Some were happy, but short lived. It upset him when the person would say how inferior she was, or how nothing mattered. The person he had been reading about was not shallow. She should not think of herself as inferior. Just because the world did not accept her, did not mean she should not live! She deserved to live just as much as the Hokage! She let people boss her around and she believe every word they said.

Who could be so insecure? He wanted to pummel every person he read about…every person who had ever hurt her. Her father, mother, sister, family, and friends all deserved this cruelty. Not her. Why did even complete strangers treat her so poorly? People who did not even know her would so quickly judge her.

What is left for me? What is left after the harvesters do their jobs?

Nothing but the poor crops, not even worth carrying to the barn.

Is that all that I will receive? Or is that what I am?

Did the world do so excellent on others that it had to do so inadequately on me?

The entries were not even addressed to her mother or signed. It was as if she had given up all false belief that her mother was still alive. That she still cared. That's what happened to Sasuke. He had to come face to face with the truth. His family was gone—dead, never to return. There was no afterlife, no heaven or hell. Just the end. They did not watch over him.

Sasuke's brother was also gone. Killed by his own hands. What had revenge brought him? Certainly not his family or love. It had not taken the pain of the hole in his chest. It had not saved him from his nightmares or his pain. He had ached for them…for some sort of sign that they were proud of him. But they were gone. He was left as broken and used as before. Only with more deaths on his hands.

Would it be considered suicide if I were to not save myself from death?

Sasuke frowned and brought his hand to his knotted forehead, already feeling the ache of another nightmare.

---

"What is it, Granny?" The blond figure asked as he entered the large office. A vein appeared on the Hokage's head and she growled at the young adult before her.

"How many times must I tell you not to call me that?" she screamed at him. Naruto sighed and leaned over her desk.

"That's all you called me for?" he asked slightly annoyed. Sasuke must have been rubbing off on him.

"Obviously not," she barked at him before pulling out a scroll. "Sasuke has been burying himself and wasting his time in books and research. It's uncharacteristic of him."

"So?" Naruto whined loudly. "Why should I care if he suddenly likes reading?"

"Because, you idiot, he's planning something!" The blond blinked several times.

"What?"

"Well, what else would he be up to? Something has changed, I don't know what it is, but it has. Have you seen him wandering around aimlessly lately?" she asked, knowing full well what his answer would be.

"Well no, but that doesn't mean—"

"When he first got here he wandered around in that park or on the streets, only actually having something to do when he would pick a fight with you," she said as worry cross her brow. "When is the last time he picked a fight with you, Naruto?" He stood motionless. He couldn't even recall the last time. Days? Weeks? It could not have been so much as a month, could it?

"Naruto, I want you to follow him and find out what he is up to. Report to me every twenty-four hours."

"Yes, Gra—"

"Naruto!" she fumed.

"—Granny," He finished before disappearing from the room.