Life.

I woke up with a horrible hangover. The sun was filtering through the blinds of my room. I looked down and saw what I did last night. To think the last batch of cuts were bad. I shook my head and started a warm shower. I got in and let the hot water hit my body.

What was I doing with my life? Where was I going to end up?

I felt my breathe hitch and tears instantly escaped my eyes. My body was shaking as I broke down. Nothing was right. Before, I at least had my brother. But now I was alone. I slid to the bottom of the bathtub and cradled myself.

I felt so lost and empty. It was more like a feeling I just couldn't get a hang on.

After my crying subsided I washed my body and hair, then wrapped a towel around me. I dried off and threw on an outfit for the day and decided I needed to get away.

So I grabbed my keys off of the table and made my way outside. The sun blinded me at first but I made it to my car before becoming too dizzy. I rested my head on the steering wheel and let out a small moan in pain. Everything was throbbing.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I looked up to see Alex standing outside of my car, no smile relevant on his face. I rolled down my window and looked him in the eye. He looked rather sad. I just sighed. I was sad...

"Hey."

"Hi."

"What do you want, Alex?"

He shook his head and bent down into the car and looked me over.

"Just wanted to see what you were doing, that's all."

"I'm going to get coffee."

A smile appeared on his lips and he jumped over the front of the car, then opened the passenger seat and sat there. I looked at him in disbelieve. Did he really just do that.

"What? I took that as an invitation."

I shook my head at the smirk that was on his face, but started my car and drove to the small coffee shop. I exited out of my car to see him following closely beside me. Every few seconds he'd let his hand brush mine. I mumbled random curse words and ordered two large coffees for the both of us. We sat down in silence until the waiter brought us our coffee. He winked at me before he walked away. I sat there, dumbfounded.

"Oh my gosh Caitlyn. That boy totally wants you."

I shook my head and coughed as I took a sip of my coffee.

"Yeah and I'm a fucking snow man. Shut up, Alex."

I groaned and rested my head on the window. The heat from the sun came down on my head, which kind of felt good. Alex smirked at me which made me groan again.

"Aw, what's wrong sleeping beauty?"

I raised my eyebrows.

"Life."

His whole attitude he had disappeared quickly and his hand was holding mine. I blinked my eyes as the water works were starting up again. I cursed in my mind. Crying didn't help shit.

"Caitlyn, what are you hiding from me? You know you can tell me absolutely anything and I won't tell anybody. I promise, babe, please just talk to me."

He seemed desperate for an answer. I stirred my coffee and looked up at his sad eyes. They were begging for me to answer him. I sighed.

"I just, I-" I sighed again, frustrated. "I just feel so empty. I keep fucking everything up and I can't stop. I just, I feel like giving up. I don't want to be here anymore with this constant feeling in me... I just feel so sad and so tired all of the time... I don't want to be here anymore. I don't know what to do, Alex."

His breath hitched and his eyes connected with mine that had tears filled up to the rim.

"I can help you, Caitlyn. You don't have to feel like this all alone. I can be there for you every single day and help you. Separating yourself from the world isn't helping the feelings that you have. You're not helping yourself. I want to be there for you, but you keep pushing me away."

The tears finally came out. He gently wiped them away. I turned away and grabbed my coffee, before standing up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cry. I feel so stupid. I'm gonna just head home now, so come on."

I motioned for the door so he followed behind me. I felt myself wanting to cry, but I stayed strong and held it all in. The drive home was silent. I pulled into my driveway and we both exited the car. He looked at me before pulling me into a hug. I pushed him away.

"Stop, Alex. Please."

He grew angry by my words.

"All I'm trying to do is break down your fucking walls and get close to you so you won't feel so fucking alone, and all you do is fucking push me away! All the fucking time, you know. Why the fuck wont you just let me be there for you? I went through the same fucking thing, don't you understand? I know what it's fucking like and I know how you fucking feel. Let me fucking be there for you. Please."

I started crying again, but I kept my strength and looked him in the eye. I tried to say something but my mouth was sewn shut. I started walking away back to my house but he caught me by my arm, yes the one with the deep fucking cuts. I yelped and fell to my knees.

"Oh my gosh, shit."

I yelled out, cradling my arm to my chest. His mouth formed a straight line and his eyes went darker than I had every seen. He pulled me up and reached out for my arm. I tried so hard to get out of his grasp, but it was too late. My sleeve was up and my secret was exposed.

"Caitlyn..."