Lost In Pacific Time

We were at Logan International Airport. As we were waiting for the others to get there I was browsing the gift store. It was 5 am but the store was still open I immediately found myself browsing GQ. Out of the corner of my eye I see Amber on the cover of an InTouch Magazine.

I grab the issue and begin to browse through.

“Looch we’re boarding,” Tuukka Rask yells into the store.

I look down at the magazine in my hand “Go ahead, I’m buying this.” I tell him. Tuukka shrugs and decides to leave without me. I ignore the look the clerk gives me and throw down the five dollars necessary.
______

I’m becoming one of those bosses. The kind that lets her staff do all the work while she only comes into the office to collect her paycheck, except I’m not nearly that bad. I sit into the makeup chair and close my eyes letting Evan the makeup artist do his job. I’m scheduled to appear on the Ellen Show today and my camera man du jour is Tyler.

“So Amber how are you feeling about this?” asks Evan.

“Nervous, I’ve never been interviewed on TV before”

“So what do you think Amber?”

I open one eye than the other and see an unrecognizable person in the mirror. “I think I look kind of like a drag queen.”

“Relax Amber, I’m a professional. I have to apply all this makeup to make sure you don’t look washed out on TV.” Evan looks at his watch “Okay, you’ll be on in about fifteen minutes.”

“We’re the fake lashes really necessary?” I ask Evan as I hold my hand two inches from my face, blink, and I feel the lashes brush against my palm.

“Trust me you look fab,” Evan says as he opens the dressing room door for Tyler and I.

Tyler and I are sitting on a leather couch in the green room helping ourselves to the fruit platter they have set out. I look at myself in front of the mirror, I guess the makeup doesn’t look as harsh as it did in the dressing room, especially since the lights are brighter here.
The hair stylist curled my ebony tresses and I was wearing my honeysuckle Alice + Olivia, above the knee dress, six inch tall silver sequined Louboutins, and rose gold Cartier bangles on my wrist. I wish I could say that I just threw it on this morning but I had to wake up extra early to decide on an outfit.

The producer comes in to get me “Okay Amber I’ll bring you up the door and when it opens all the way you can walk out” he says pointing to the end of the hard hallway.

“Hang tight Tyler,” I say getting up to leave.

“Good luck Amber,” he says picking up another watermelon cube.
Standing in front of the door I can hear a video clip of me and my assistants out to lunch.

“Oh my god, I swear I just saw Justin Timberlake.” Ivy says.

“Where?! Where?!” Greg shouts.

“Anyway, we’re doing his house next month”

“What!” Greg and Ivy both shout simultaneously.

“I’ve decided to appoint Jasmine as project manager”

“What when did this happen?” asks Ivy.

“Within the last few seconds. Anyway moving on…”

The video clip cuts off and Ellen DeGeneres begin to introduce me. “You know her from Decking Out Tinseltown with Ambrosia Li. Please Welcome Ambrosia Li.”
The audience claps, the doors begin to open and Say It Right by Nelly Furtado begins to play. When I see that the doors are open the entire way I begin to walk out. “Hi Ellen,” I say when I reach the armchair.

“Hello Ambrosia” she says and we both begin to sit down “So you’re looking spiffy these days,”

“Oh thanks,” I say tossing my hair around and looking into the camera with a faux come hither look.

“I brought you a gift.” Ellen says reaching behind her for a medium sized bag.

“Do you want me to open it?”

“Yeah”

“Okay,” I pull away the tissue paper and reach in to find an Ellen branded maxi dress. I laugh “I love it, I had no idea the maxi dress was my signature thing”

Ellen laughs and begins talking to the audience “Ambrosia redecorated my home two years ago and literally every time she showed up she was wearing a maxi dress. Every time.” the studio audience laughs “so the audience just saw a clip where you and your assistances are having lunch and having seen you guys work first hand before the whole reality show came along and I can honestly say that it is always like that at Ambrosia Li Interiors. So where’d you find them?” Ellen asks the audience and I laugh.

“Well most of them came to me as interns right as a part time thing when they were working their way through art school. This was really strange to me at the time because I was about nineteen when I first began receiving the really lucrative design jobs and my interns were like twenty one. I loved them so much that I decided to hire them after their internships ended.” I explain.

“Congrats on the show by the way,” Ellen says and the audience claps “fifteen million viewers last week” the audience gets louder.

“Yeah, its really grown beyond what I would’ve ever imagined.”

“So what is it about this show that you think appeals to everyone?”

“Well I think it’s the cast, we’re all really grounded and were not going to pretend that we’re something we aren’t, which is refreshing for reality television. In summary we’re just a bunch of twenty something misfits.”

“So speaking of the show, we don’t really get to see much of your personal life.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t really think it was necessary for the full effect of my job to see me at home, especially since I don’t have all that much of a social life and all you’d see is me making dinner and painting my nails.”

“So you just got out of a relationship right?”

“…According to who?” I ask and the audience laughs like it’s the funniest thing ever.

“According to the latest InTouch Magazine.” Ellen says and on the giant screen behind her I see the cover: it me and Milly leaving Barneys New York on Wilshire Boulevard and in bold yellow writing it says “AMBER’S SECRET”.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. “Oh.” is all I say and its one of the few times I’m speechless.

“So in the article it Milly Parker says you and her were in a long term relationship and that you and her ended on good terms”

“Well, when you’ve known someone for as long as we did you want to stay friends” I say turning to a cliché answer.

“So are you seeing anyone lately?” Ellen asks

“As of lately? No but I’m not really looking for one right now. I’m just going to try and focus my attention on my job.”

“So tell me was coming out to your parents hard for you?”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat “Well I never really had the best relationship with my parents growing up,” and the audience makes the “aww” sound. “They didn’t really encourage my creativity so we don’t really talk anymore.” I add.

“So now they know,” Ellen says like it’s the greatest thing ever.

“Yeah, now they know” I say.

Ellen looks right into the camera “Up next we have Mariah Carey performing the number one single in the country” the camera zooms away and Ellen and I make small talk before. I go backstage. Tyler is waiting for me in my dressing room with a stack of facial tissues to wipe away my makeup.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tyler asks and this is the first time he’s been the one to initiate the conversation. When I look at the camera in his right hand I can see that the blinking red light that is usually on is off.

“No that was a disaster,” I say pouring baby oil onto the tissue “I’m not gay, you know that right?”

“I do now” Tyler says “I’m sure James the Producer will be pleased”

“I mean there isn’t anything wrong with it. I’m just really mad at myself because I didn’t have the guts to tell Milly the truth from the get go. I’m such a horrible person” I say and tears begin to form in my eyes. I wasn’t really crying because the world was going to think I batted for the other team. I was crying because there was no way for me to clear this misunderstanding up. “I know this will do wonders for our ratings” I lean in closer into the mirror to get my under eye area. “I can’t believe this all blew up in my face.”

“Everything’s going to be fine, we just have to wait until someone: dies, cheats, steals, gets arrested and you’ll be old new.” He says throwing away some old tissues into the garbage can.

“There is no way to lead someone on and make it sound good without hurting some feelings. I just want to come clean without people thinking of me as a heartless bitch.” I say as I remove the last smidge of blush.

“They won’t” Tyler says pulling me into a hug before we leave the Warner Brothers Lot.