Mind Suicide
suic
Mom watched me a lot more. She invites me out to eat and to movies. I tell her I’m hanging out with Perry. That we’re going to the arcade or to his house or anywhere that she’ll think I eat.
I need to get her off my back. Maybe I could eat one meal. A big one right in front of her—maybe that will get her to stop worrying. I could just throw it up right after. But she might hear.
Maybe that could be the one meal I keep down.
No no no no I can’t give in. I can’t eat because when I do that means I’ve lost and I can’t lose. I need to control my life. I need to control something. I won’t keep that meal down. I lie. I lie and go for a walk and throw it up in the park.
I’ll do anything.
I need to get her off my back. Maybe I could eat one meal. A big one right in front of her—maybe that will get her to stop worrying. I could just throw it up right after. But she might hear.
Maybe that could be the one meal I keep down.
No no no no I can’t give in. I can’t eat because when I do that means I’ve lost and I can’t lose. I need to control my life. I need to control something. I won’t keep that meal down. I lie. I lie and go for a walk and throw it up in the park.
I’ll do anything.