With a Lack of Wanderlust

That morning, Niall had continued to flip his fork off the table as he ate, in an effort to assure me that I would be safe with them if I stepped out of the confined area of mine and Liam’s houses. Even if the utensil went flying off to the side, he still managed to grab it mid-air, and persistently flung it quicker and quicker each time. It was a very convincing argument of how well he and his friends would be able to shield and protect me, obviously.

“You’re going to drop that soon, Niall, just you watch!” I said with a laugh, getting a part of the egg that I had finally decided to eat on my own fork.

“Nah,” he responded, distracted, violently pounding his hand against the fork’s end, it flying in the air for what I assumed could have been the 25th time.

“I’ll bet you will!”

Waving the caught item in his hand like a wand, he got up and walked over, resting his free hand on my chair and looking down on me, “Is that a challenge, Miss Isabelle?” I hadn’t known what I had gotten myself into with a simple statement. I shook my head. “I’ll make you a deal.” He said, now knelt down with his arm around my shoulder.

“What’s that?” I turned to look at him as he stood back up.

“If I catch it this time, you have to…” He paused a moment, pondering.

“No, none of that!” I stopped him before he could continue, causing him to raise an eyebrow at me, “I don’t get myself into those situations anymore!”

“Well you’re going to now!” He had obviously made up his mind, “If I catch it, you’ll tell Louis you fancy him.”

I felt myself go beat red at his statement, my cheeks growing hot. I wasn’t even certain enough to tell Louis this on my own will, let alone make a bet about it in which I seemed to be at a definite disadvantage of. I couldn’t tell him and I wouldn’t, especially since it may not have even been the truth yet. I’d hardly known Louis and we could have easily encountered conflicts that would cause me to see him as less great than I’d already thought as my time in Birmingham progressed.

I shook my head, “I don’t.”

“Sure you do.”

“What are you trying to do, Niall?” I laughed and it came out sounding nervously. He just shrugged. I, being the pushover that I was, let out a sigh, “And what if you don’t catch it?”

“Oh I will.” He smiled wide at me, to which I responded with a stern look. He held up his hands in defense, “Fine. If I drop it I‘ll tell your mum I fancy her.”

“You like my mother?!” I whisper-yelled, glancing at the stairs that she had just walked up only moments earlier. I was on the verge of bursting out in laughter. Once I did, Niall gripped my shoulders, laughing too.

“No!” he let out in a huff, “If you don’t like Louis and you’re going to tell him, then I’ll tell your mum.”

I nodded in understanding, giggling a little. Niall grinned at me and set the fork down on the table. He stared at me for a moment, giving me a look of intensity, “Are…you…ready?!”

“Mhm,” I was still laughing. He slammed his hand down and the item went flying into the air quickly. He went to grab it and soon, he scrunched up his face as it turned red, grabbing his hand in pain and simultaneously dropping the fork.

“I grabbed the prongs…” He finally said, “But you still have to tell Louis.”

“No way! You dropped it!”

“No! I grabbed it and then dropped it!”

“You still dropped it!”

“I still grabbed it!”

“But the bet was if you dropped it or not!”

Before he could respond, my mom came down the stairs again and I turned to Niall with a smirk. He sighed and mouthed, “I’m not gonna.” I just kept looking at him expectantly.

When he still said nothing, I spoke up, “Hey mom?” As I said this Niall slammed his head down on the table.

“Yeah?” She asked and looked over at him, concerned.

“If Niall and I made a bet if he dropped the fork, I won, and if he caught it, he won, and then he caught it but dropped it right after, who won the bet?”

My mom stood there for a moment, thinking, her hand placed on her hip. I’d realized only then exactly what she was going to say, being the type of person that she was. And only then was I sorry for asking. “It seems like you both did.”

Niall’s head shot up at this and he pointed at me, “HA!” he exclaimed with a smile, then turned to my mother. “Isabelle’s mom, you light up my world like nobody else.”

“That’s not enough.” I said and my mom looked at me, confused. Niall sighed, and looked at me with pleading eyes, as if to say ‘c’mon!!’ I shook my head at him, “If I were to say that to Lou, it wouldn’t be enough and you know it!”

He seemed to have a hard time letting it out, his mouth hanging open. He finally let out a sound, but it was insignificant. “Um…” He said.

With this, I was reminded of one of my favorite classes that actually led me to think a lot of the time. It came with plenty of bad memories involving the very person that was in my dream, but for the first time, being reminded of it did not cause me to shudder, or tense up, only to laugh.

“Geez, Niall, if my teacher were here he’d say you can’t put a sentence together!”

He just rolled his eyes at me, his smile never fading. “Isabelle’s mom, will you marry me?”

My mom simply laughed at this, probably figuring it was part of the bet. I knew she wasn’t going to just let it go, though. My mom had always loved to embarrass people if she knew she could. I may or may not have gotten that from her, even being the shy person that I was.

“I’m sorry?” She smiled.

“I-I think you’re perfect. You‘re absolutely lovely.” I could tell he was struggling to keep a serious face. He turned to me with a smug look, “And I fancy you.”

My mom walked over to me and put her hands on my shoulders like Niall had earlier, and I’d half-expected her to give me a massage, something she tended to do randomly back in California when I was upset. Instead, she spoke. “Are you sure you aren’t talking about my lovely daughter?”

This was what she enjoyed doing most: asking people trick questions. He was in a rut now. If he said he was mistaken and talking about me, my mom would continue to taunt him. If he said he wasn’t, well, he could probably tell that my mom would lecture him then, too.

As if being a savior, someone knocked on the door. Niall’s eyes lit up and he stood to get it. “OH!” He said as he opened the door, “LOOK WHO IT IS.” I turned to where he was standing and Louis was awkwardly there, probably wondering why Niall was so pressingly saying these things.

It didn’t matter what Niall did, though. I wasn’t going to tell him. I had too many experiences with that; too many bad ones. So many that I simply used inductive reasoning every time I ever liked someone. The pattern of the boys I liked being dicks to me led me to the conclusion of every boy I liked was going to eventually be a dick to me.

“Hi Louis,” I waved with a small smile.
---

The rest of the morning consisted of Niall nudging me and Louis looking uncomfortable. We’d spent a few hours hanging out in the kitchen and along with the nudging, Niall would also ask lame questions that he thought would get me to eventually speak up, such as “So, Isabelle, who do you fancy?”

I would only respond with “No one.”

They both seemed disappointed at the constant two-word phrase.

Once they left, I was somewhat relieved that I didn’t have to continue to think of the reasons why that morning made me hate myself. For one, I couldn’t live up to the bet. And for two, I was probably imagining that Louis liked me, anyway.

I’d dreaded the night’s meeting with Louis the whole rest of the day, but once it finally got there, I’d tried my best to pretend that it wasn’t as uncomfortable as it felt.

“What’s up for today, boss?” I looked up at Louis as he stared off down the street.

After a moment, he looked down at me with a smile, “I want to take you somewhere.”
I’d begun to feel my stomach knot up at the very thought and my chest felt heavy as I shook my head, “You know I don’t like to do that,” I said, looking down at my feet and scraping them against the pavement.

With that, he grabbed my hands and I looked back up at him to see that he was the most serious I had ever seen him. “Look, Isabelle,” He began, “The fact that you have a past, I understand, and you have things going on in your mind that no matter how hard I try, I fail to comprehend.” He flipped his hair out of his eyes and I saw that they were shining, “But you can’t keep doing this to yourself, scaring yourself like this, convincing yourself that something bad is around every corner.

“Most of the time, there’s nothing but good. And if there is something bad, I promise you I won’t let it lay a finger on you. Just please, please, let me try and break you out of this. I just want to take you on a walk. It’s the middle of the night, there are barely any people out, and we won’t go far. I promise.”

There was just something about his voice and the way that he said these things to me that made me want to cry. No one had ever seemed to want to help me as much as he did, and although I didn’t think it was possible to even fix me, I couldn’t deny his offer after that. I may have even been able to live up to the bet at that time as well, but I didn’t.

“Alright” was all I said, my breath visible in the air.