Ruthless blood

I sat up in the morning, feeling a slight amount of tugging on my stomach, I was careful not to move in a wrong direction. I walked to the bathroom and lifted my shirt to look at the small but deep gash, all sewn up, and I knew it would heal fast. The pain wasn’t that bad, so I dismissed the medication I was given, I slipped my Vans on and crept out of the bus only to be greeted by an apologetic Amy and worried Trent.

“I am so sorry I passed out, it was gross, you were like drenched and-“

“it’s okay” I cut her off “I’m fine now”

“Shit you don’t know how bad I felt” she apologised again “I’m taking you to eat”

“Don’t have an appetite” I shrugged.

Her phone rang and she answered it hastily, rolling her eyes and waving to me, blowing me a quick kiss before she walked towards olis bus.

Trent smiled his smile and looked at my stomach. I rolled my eyes and lifted my shirt.

“What is it with guys and scars?” I pushed it back down.

“That looks mad” he quietly said.

I laughed, which made my scar throb, but I didn’t care.

“As if you don’t have an appetite” he was in disbelief.

I shook my head, but told him I would come with him to get some breakfast.

“I don’t even know how I’m going to perform, my manager is gonna freak” I sighed, my hand placed on my stomach.

“Don’t worry you’ll be fine” he stuffed his mouth with the stack of pancakes “There aren’t enough pancakes” he sighed, swallowing.

“Sorry everything here isn’t American sized” I laughed; he smiled and looked as if he were homesick.

“Do you miss home?” I questioned, he nodded and told me how much he missed everything. What he said made me miss my home equally, and what he said also reminded me of my parents and that I had to tell them what happened.

“um” he said breaking the conversation “I’m really sorry about what happened the other day” he slowly and painfully delivered.

I made a disgusted noise “please don’t bring it up, its embarrassing for me” I hid my flushed face.

He laughed and shrugged “I just wanted to apologise, you looked kind of angry”

“I can assure you it wasn’t your fault”

“I know, you’re mad cause Oli told me” he laughed, I shot him a look and he instantly stopped laughing.

“He had no right” I said under my breath.

“I know” he stood up and entered back into Trent mode “C’mon you dirty hoe, lets get you dressed”

I laughed and nodded, agreeing that I should probably change my pyjama pants.

I did as he said; I showered, dried myself, and put on a t-shirt, tucked it into my high-wasited denim cutoffs, and tied on my vans. I was flinching as I buttoned my shorts and rested them on my stomach. I then pulled my hair back into a bun and tied a black ribbon into it messily. I was happy to feel clean, with no blood or tears anywhere.

The moment I stepped on the bus Hannah pointed to me and the rest of the band looked at me.

“you sod, don’t wonder off like that” she handed me my medicine and a new gauze to place on the stitches.

“I took it” I lied “and I put a new thing on okay?” I lifted my shirt showing her a cleaned and patched up wound. She seemed happy and nodded.

“Are you okay to sing today?” Hannah asked.

I shrugged, feeling fine but not knowing if that would be pushing myself too far.

Hannah twisted her mouth to the side and thought of calling the hospital, but being afraid of rejection left it, and told me to sing. I was more than happy to sing, I didn’t want this stoping me and ruining what the band worked so hard for.

We took the stage, right when the sun was at its highest, and when energy was at its highest too. People in the crowd had just started drinking and we were more than happy to help bring along their buzz.

Halfway through the set I rolled my shirt up and tucked it into my bra; I wiped the sweat off my forehead and sprayed water to the crowd, hearing the screams.

“Got a mad fucking scar last night” everyone yelled as I mounted the monitors, they responded to us, and finally we heard that sweet sound of our band name, being chanted again and again.

“I’m not supposed to be singing for you” they screamed “so I’ll scream for you instead” I lashed into our next song, hearing Hannah’s drumline shake the stage and feet trample to the beat. I could only see smiles on the faces of Jeremy, Hannah and Tom. Our crowd and stage may have been small, but our sound travelled and our energy was enough to make the crowd move to the sound.

“Thankyou” I yelled as I joined hands with the rest of the band and bowed.

I got off stage, feeling weak and my stomach finally started hurting. I grabbed a towel, dipped in the ice water and laid it on my stomach. I told Hannah I was going back to the bus to sleep, she nodded and offered to take me. I shook my head and walked there alone.

“Looks nasty” Oli caught up with me, walking beside me and looking down at my stomach.

I shrugged.

“Ame” he stopped me “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine” I took my wrist from his grip “Im sorry about your jacket”

He furrowed his brows “I forgot about that” he admitted.

It was pretty silent until Amy came along and smiled, taking Oli by the hand. I sighed and smiled back.

“You feeling okay?”

I nodded lying a little bit but dying to get out of the conversation so I could medicate myself and sleep the pain away.

They seemed to understand my urgency to escape, Amy easily walked away telling me she would come and check on me soon, while Oli hesitated, he looked at me, telling me he knew I wasn’t okay, but he followed Amy instead.

I pretty much crawled on the bus, saluting at Rob and walked to the bathroom to find the gauze had been bleed through, and I needed to sit and rest.

When the rest of the band came in a few hours later, I was perched on the front lounge, laptop playing old episodes of the OC, with a cold towel on my stomach. I wiped the tears from my eyes and they burst out laughing.

“It’s a sad episode okay” I blubbered on, realising how pathetic I had become.

“We’ve been looking for you all day” Hannah said as she climbed under the covers with me.
“Yeah” Jeremy and Tom agreed, getting in too. They pushed Hannah and I against each other, until we were shoved against the wall. I squirmed, laughing and trying to breathe.
I was laughing, until I felt my stomach develop a stabbing pain.

“Ow, ow, ow” I yelled, they all immediately rolled off the couch, causing me to laugh even harder.

“Sorry to interrupt” Oli and Amy came in, smiling. Amy jumped at the empty stop beside me.
“I can’t believe you’re watching this” she giggled.

“Shut up I can’t do anything else” I removed the cold towel from my stomach, to see the gauze.

“We’re gonna have dinner out somewhere tonight, wanna come along?” she invited me and the rest of the band. Jeremy nodded and so did Hannah, but Tom bowed out. I agreed telling her we’d meet her here in half an hour.

She nodded, kissed me goodbye and left, with Oli in hand.

It was strange how close I already felt to Amy, and this just confirmed how forbidden Oli was. I didn’t want to ruin a friendship for Oli.

I pulled a loose singlet on and slipped my jeans on, with great difficulty. I then slipped my patent heels on and a blazer. I sighed, patting the scar on my stomach. I then tucked the singlet into my jeans and shook my hair a little bit, only pinning it in a part in the middle.
Amy stepped onto the bus and called us all.

“10 seconds and we’re leaving without you” she sang.

I rolled my eyes and added a last bit of make-up; I then grabbed my phone and wallet, giving myself a last glance in the mirror. I didn’t love what I saw.

“You’re ass looks proper fit” Hannah smiled, searching her bunk for her left shoe. I took it from the bathroom and threw it to her.

“What would I do without you?” she smiled, slipping it on and getting her bag.

“I’m pretty sure I could say the same” I laid my arm over her shoulders and we walked out of the bus together, Jeremy separated us and hung his arms on our shoulders.

“I’m hungry” he mentioned.

Amy and Oli were standing, toe to toe she was making a face and he was just smiling, like she just needed to be infront of him to make him happy. I sighed, and Jeremy looked at me, feeling my body tense with the sigh.

“He’s not for you kid” he assured me, smiling and grabbing my cheeks jokingly.
“Jeremy stop it, I’m gonna fall over” I laughed, regaining my balance, as he grabbed me by the waist and tried to lift me. It was unsuccessful, but it took my mind off the depressing reality of the non-existence of Oli and I’s relationship.

Oli looked confused when he saw me; he bit his lip and then took Amy’s hand, leading her to the taxi bay, to catch one.

We travelled separately and arrived at a restaurant by the place I was only a few nights ago.
“Hannah, what if that guy is here?” I froze, sitting in the cab, holding her hand.
She looked around and looked at me “You’ll be fine” she assured. I still didn’t budge.
“What if I’m not?”

“You will be” she insisted.

Oli stepped behind her; Amy was far away already, walking with Jeremy.
“If he comes back I’ll take care of him” Oli was serious, and this moment of sincerity from Oli was all I needed to step out of the cab and down the street with Hannah and Oli to the restaurant.

We arrived and were seated straight away, I was awkwardly sat across Oli, and Amy next to him. I would place my head on my hand, leaning on my elbow and turning to Hannah constantly, to avoid eye contact.

The waiter was polite and served us fast, constantly eyeing Oli, Amy’s hand didn’t tense around his, it didn’t let go of his, and it just lay in his. Jealous was a feeling that looked like it has never taken over Amy. Another thing she was better at then me.

As I was looking at their perfectly intertwined hands I sighed and looked up to look eye contact with Oli, it was a few seconds before I broke it, to look at the drink she placed in front of me.
“Thanks” I smiled; I took a sip of the drink going back to my conversation to Hannah.
We ate pretty fast, and I would sit up straight and pat my stomach because of pain every now and then. I poked around in my bag for the small container of pills and couldn’t find them. I sighed.

“Hannah, I wanna sleep” I whined, she laughed and patted my head.

“Seriously dude” I laughed “SLEEP” I groaned, she huffed and agreed to take me back to the bus.

Everyone just followed us and decided to call it a night too. I felt pretty bad for making everyone go home, so I tried to make them stay.

“Don’t go back because of me, really guys stay out” I shooed them towards the throbbing music and smell of smoke and alcohol. They were all stern and assured me they were tired as well.
“Do you thing I wanna hang around at a place you got stabbed?” Jeremy joked, putting his hands on my shoulders.

I rolled my eyes and let him push me towards the taxi, I stumbled in, and he and Hannah followed.

“Jeremy do you mind taking care of her, im meeting someone” Hannah said, as she applied some mascara, looking into her tiny mirror.

“She’ll be safe” he assured, putting his arm around me and smiling his goofy smile “Let’s get ice cream” his face lit up.

“If we must” I chuckled. The simplicity of my relationship with everyone in the band was what I always needed to remind myself that Oli was just too complicated.

“You can’t just pull this shit on me again Oli” we heard a muffled and stern voice outside our tinted Taxi window. Hannah told the driver to stay for just a few moments. We looked out the window to see Amy and Oli having what looked like a serious conversation.

“Amy stop yelling” she was turned away from him, ready to walk away.

“Stop yelling?” she confirmed his request “I have the right to yell” she insisted “it’s not cute anymore, this whole break up thing isn’t cute, I’m fucking over it” she decided, she then crossed her arms and walked towards the place we were at the other night. Fear then struck me; I could be the reason for this, and what if she got hurt tonight, like I did, it would be my fault too.