You're So Infamous for Leaving Me a Mess

It's been a week and a half and I guess you could consider Jack and I dating now. He wants me to go on tour with him, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Couldn't tell you, honestly. For the past week it's been more questioning whether I want to be with Jack. I mean, don't get me wrong he's a super sweet guy. I guess part of me just wishes I could've known what things would have been like with Alex. Jack said things were different with me.. What did he mean? That Alex actually liked me...? 

Tonight we were going as a group to some picnic things the guys were setting up before tour. Tonight was also the night I told jack whether or not I'd go on tour with him. Most likely I would though, but I kinda wanna make sure, ya know? Anyway, at the moment Lanie and I were getting ready with Cassadee to go while the guys were either getting ready somewhere else or already at the park. We all dressed quite casually. I wore some red skinny jeans and a Blink-182 shirt. Cassadee wore some dark blue Jean shorts with a plaid button down. Then Lanie wore a pair of khaki bermuda shorts with a light pink off shoulder shirt. 

"Hey guys, aren't we supposed to be there soon..?" Cassadee spoke up. 

"Shit. We have five minutes." I began, "Lanie hurry up we'll be late!" I called up to Lanie who was still using the bathroom mirror. 

"Coming!" She ran down the stairs and we piled into my car, and drove to the park. Once we got there we easily found the guys. They were goofing off smack dab in the middle of the grass, earning annoyed looks by older couples. 

"Carter!" Jack ran up the moment he saw me and picked me up bridal style planting a kiss on my lips. 

"Hey Cutie." I smiled at him. 

"Hello Gorgeous." She kissed me once more, on the cheek and walked us over to the picnic area. I could tell this whole time that Alex's eyes were on us, but it didn't seem to bother Jack, so I didn't worry about it. 

"So.. What about tour?" Jack asked. 

"You just can't wait, can you?" I chuckled lightly. 

"No, now tell me!"

"Yes. I will go on tour, but if something happens I gotta come home, kay?"

"Yay! Okay, that's fair. Hey guys! Carter's coming on tour with us!" he was practically bouncing up and down. 

"We know, man. We're right here." Rian replied. 

"Let 'em be happy." Zack turned to Rian. 

"Yeah yeah."

"Let's talk and eat at the same time, because I'm starving!" Cassadee spoke. 

We begun to eat our food and man, was it good. I couldn't tell if it was the fact that I was insanely hungry or that the food was cooked well. Either way, it was amazing. Once we were done we began to talk when Alex 'excused' himself to the bathroom. It seemed like I was the only one who seemed to notice he was heading towards the river. 

"I'll be right back, I gotta do something." I said, but everyone was so caught up in conversation I don't think anyone actually heard me, so I just got up and walked to the edge of the water to find Alex skipping rocks. 

"What's up?" I asked, startling him. 

"Oh, hey Carter."

"What's up?" I ask once again plopping down next to him. 

"Nothin." he mumbled. 

"Why are we awkward?" I ask. 

"We aren't."

"Hell yes we are." 

"I don't think so."

"Well, alright . Uhm, what do you think about me going on tour with you guys?"

"I dunno."

"Well, do you care? Because if you don't want me there I won't go."

"No, it's cool."

"Alright." I leaned my head into his shoulder and felt him stiffen up. "Told you things were awkward." I laughed lightly. 

"I don't know, I guess. We haven't really talked since then." he said. We both knew exactly what and when 'then' was. 

"But why? I don't hate you."

"I dont know." he mumbled. 

"Come on, Lex."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Do you hate me ?

He looked at me like I was crazy. "No it wasn't your fault, obviously. I guess things are awkward because I still like you and Jack has you and I'm sitting here thinking that I could be in his position if I didn't have to go be a douche bag and screw things up." he said honestly. 

"Oh." That was all I could say. I didn't know what to really say, or how to handle it. 

"Do you think so?" 

"Think what?"

"That if I didn't mess things up we could be together?"

Yes.  

"Uhm. I don't know. Maybe."

"Oh." he went silent. 

"Look, Alex, I do like you, but you can't do that to people."

"I learned my lesson, Carter, I really have. I didn't even mean to do it to you, but it seemed like I had some connection with you."

"I know what you mean." I said quietly. 

"You had that connection too?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you with Jack?"

"Are you serious, Alex?"

"I'm damn serious."

"Because he's a good guy. He won't hurt me, and I do like him."

"I wont hurt you this time."

"I know, Alex."

"Did you ever like me?"

"Yeah, I did." 

"Do you still feel something for me?"

"No." 

"Liar." He said bluntly. 

"No, I'm not. That was then, this is now. Come on, we're adults, not children."

"Don't listen to the voices in your head, listen to your heart."

"Okay."

"What's your heart telling you?"

"Uh, I guess that I still like you.." I said in a barely audible whisper. 

"Exactly." 

Alex leaned down and I knew he was about to kiss me, but I didn't protest, in fact, by taking his advice I guess part of me wanted this, but another part of me knew how this was wrong. Eventually his lips reached mine and he kissed me sweetly, and I realized then that this is what felt right. Kissing Jack was great, and I thought it was right, but something about this made all the difference. Soon, my hands wrapped themselves around his neck and pulled him in closer, holding the kiss for a few more moments. Finally, we pulled away and just started at one another for a moment. 

"That was..." I said, trailing off. 

"Right." Alex finished for me. 

That was right...

"No. Alex, I'm with Jack and things are going great. I'm about to go on tout with you guys and the last thing I need it drama. I'm sorry."

"I gues I'm okay with it, but I don't get it. If you like me be with me, not Jack."

"I don't like you all that much."

"Then tell me the kiss didn't mean anything and I'll leave you alone.."

"I can't."