Secret Valentine

Castiel sat quietly on Lydia’s old, floral print couch. His hands were folded in his lap, and he looked curiously around her apartment’s small living room. In the corner, atop a small, dark table, sat a small television. The coffee table in front of the couch was covered in stacks of books and sheets of notebook paper. Cas leaned forward and peered through the doorway into Lydia’s very small, very green, kitchen.

Her back was to him, and she stood at the stove, attending to something on the burner. Cas looked back at the papers on the coffee table, leaning toward them slowly, trying to read the words without attracting any attention. He reached out to grasp a page that had Angels of the Lord scrawled across the top in large, clear handwriting that he recognized as Lydia’s. As he brought the paper toward himself, his elbow bumped a stack of rather large, heavy, leather bound books, and they toppled sideways, falling off the table and onto the floor with a loud thud. Cas sat quietly, still grasping the paper, staring at the books with a bewildered look upon his face. He waited, listening for Lydia’s footsteps.

“Cas, you okay?” He heard her voice call out from the other room, but try as he might, he could not find the words to answer her.

Her heard the slap of her flat soled shoes on the kitchen’s tile floor, then the creak of a floorboard as she stepped through the doorway and into the living room. Cas turned to look up at her, an apologetic look on his face.

“I am… sorry.” He looked back at the books on the floor for a moment, then turned back to Lydia. “I was curious as to what you were researching.”

Lydia’s mouth hung open for a moment, and a deep red blush spread over her cheeks. Her reaction confused Castiel. If this had happened around Sam and Dean, Cas knew that Dean would have been angry with him, and Sam would have cleaned up the mess. But Lydia was neither cleaning nor angry. In fact, she looked embarrassed. Castiel looked at her quizzically for a moment. Then he turned back to the page he held in his hands.

“You are researching angels.” He stated flatly, his eyes scanning the notes that Lydia had transcribed onto the page.

He heard her footsteps on the floor once more, but didn’t look up. He felt a light weight settle on the couch cushion next to him, and suddenly Lydia’s hand was on the page, grasping the corner and pulling it from his hands gently.

“I wanted to try to learn everything I could about you.” Her voice was quiet as she placed the page back in its place on the table. “Ever since I started having the dreams. I wanted to learn about you so I would be prepared if I ever met you.” Cas turned to face her and she smiled sheepishly. “I guess I kind of failed at that part though, huh?”

“I do not think you failed.” Castiel answered, glancing back at the coffee table. “Maybe you did not contain your excitement well, but you found me. Does that not make your efforts a success?”

Lydia smiled a small smile and leaned forward to embrace Cas again. He readied himself, still unsure if he liked her embraces or not. Before she could get her arms around him, however, a loud whistle rang out through the entire apartment. Cas looked around in confusion, unsure of how to react or where the whistle was coming from. Lydia laughed quietly and rose from the couch. As Cas watched her, she crossed the living room swiftly and re-entered the kitchen.

She made her way back to the stove and reached out. Cas heard a small click and the whistling’s pitch lowered, then stopped altogether. Lydia bustled about the kitchen, opening cupboards and retrieving cups, spoons, and a strange small, rectangular box. Cas furrowed his brow as he tried to understand what she was doing.

She made a final trip back to the stove, then returned through the doorway, carrying two cups with handles attached. The spoons had found their way into the cups, and the strange box was nowhere to be found. She crossed in front of the coffee table and made her way back to the couch, settling herself back down next to Cas. She handed him one of the cups. It was green and had a small chip on the edge. Cas took it slowly and brought it close to his face. There was a strange, paper bag floating somewhere near the bottom, and the mirky water gave off an earthy scent. He looked up at Lydia questioningly.

“Am I to drink this?” He moved the cup in her direction as he asked the question, as if he wanted to be sure that she knew what he was talking about.

Lydia smiled and blew at the surface of the liquid in her cup before taking a small sip.

“Yes, silly. It’s tea.” She replied with a smile. Cas stared warily at the strange liquid, still unsure. “Won’t you try it?”

Cas considered her question for a moment. He looked up into his face, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“I will try your tea. If you will tell me about these ‘dreams’ you spoke of.”

Lydia bit her lip and chuckled quietly. Cas raised an eyebrow. He was not sure what it was about himself that Lydia found so amusing.

Lydia shook her head and placed her cup atop one of the books had been untouched by Cas’ elbow. She pulled her legs beneath her Indian style and leaned toward Cas.

“Alright, I’ll tell you.

“About two months ago, I started having these dreams. They weren’t really… Detailed, at first. Just a voice. And, at first, I couldn’t understand what they were saying. But slowly, over time, they grew stronger. I began to hear complete sentences in them. It said things like:

“You are chosen, Lydia.
You have a gift.
A gift from God.

“At first, I thought I was going crazy.” Lydia paused and laughed. A sad, quiet laugh.

Castiel found that he could not help himself. He reached out and placed a hand on Lydia’s shoulder. She smiled up at him and cleared her throat before continuing.

“I thought I was losing my mind. But the dreams bean to get more and more real. I began to see events from my life. And the events would happen. The very next day.

“It wasn’t long after that that I started dreaming about you, Castiel.” She looked deep into his eyes before blushing and looking away.

“And what did you dream, about me?” Cas asked quietly, caught up in the wonder of her story.

She opened her mouth to answer, but no words came out. Cas waited patiently for her to find her voice.

“I dreamt about wonderful things. And painful things. I saw you as you were in Heaven. And I felt your pain when you were punished.” Her eyes were still averted, staring off at the rug beneath the coffee table. “And through it all, I felt a kinship with you. A bond.” Finally, her eyes met his.

“I fell in love with you, Castiel.”

Cas inhaled sharply. Although she had written I love you to him many times, it had never struck him that she actually felt that way. Until her words had entered his ears. But there was something even stranger than that revelation stirring inside Castiel. He could not quite put words, or even thoughts to what it was.

Lydia sighed and brought his full attention back to their conversations.

“And, after you… fell in love with me?” Castiel leaned a bit closer, his eagerness to learn more beginning to show.

“That was when I started writing you the notes.” Lydia smiled up at him, and reached across to straighten the collar of his coat.

“How did you know where to find me?”

Lydia’s face turned serious, and she straightened up.

“I didn’t.” She stated flatly. “The voice told me what to put on the front. How to fold the paper.

It told me to write anything, everything that I wanted to say to you on a piece of paper. Then to fold it in fourths and write your name, Castiel, across the face. All I had to do was leave it on my doormat every night and you would get it in the morning.”

Castiel leaned back for a moment and studied her. He could clearly see that she was telling the truth. And what reason did she have to lie? He had received her numerous letters. Cas did not have an explanation for why this had happened, but, somewhere deep inside, he was glad that it had.

Somewhere, deep inside, a small part of him felt attached to Lydia.

Felt love for her.

He smiled an understanding smile and looked deep into her eyes. What stared back at him, was the purest, most unadulterated joy he had ever seen.

“Well, I am glad that you saw me.
And I am glad that you found me.”

This time, it was Castiel who reached out and took Lydia’s hand.
It was Castiel who leaned forward and looked into Lydia’s eyes.
And it was Castiel who took that greatest of chances, and pressed his lips to Lydia’s.

_________________________________________________________________

Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you.