I Will Wait

I picked at my outfit in the mirror, making a face. I was wearing a pair of black jeans, a sweatshirt I bought at a show a few months ago, and some boots. I thought I looked okay, and it didn't really matter what anyone else thought anyway, because I wasn't going to be there for very long. Isadora was throwing her annual 'back-to-school' party and invited me. She was really taking the whole 'being-there-for-me' thing seriously. I didn't want to go—didn't want to see her friends or her boyfriend—but I decided that the least I could do was stop by and say hi, since she kind of went out of her way to invite me. I didn't want to be rude.

I sighed. I'd go in, say hi, and get out. A party was what got me into this mess in the first place, and I didn't want to be in that kind of position again. It wasn't like anyone but Isadora and her boyfriend really knew me anymore, so it wasn't like I'd awkwardly run into someone or something. Grabbing my coat off a chair, I made my way downstairs, pulling it on. My grandmother was clipping coupons out of the newspaper.

“Going somewhere?” I nodded, biting my lip.

“Isadora invited me to a party and I kind of wanted to borrow the car, if that's okay?” I smiled as she nodded, taking them off the hook on the wall. “I'll be back soon.” I thanked her and went out through the back door, racing to the car.

It was raining.

Again.

Thankfully, Isadora only lived a couple minutes away, in the same brick house with the same big tree in the backyard with a tire swing. I parked across the street and took a deep breath. It seemed like she invited the whole school, which knowing her, really wouldn't be that far fetched. She was pretty friendly and got along with most people—but the fact that her boyfriend was the captain of both the soccer and the swim team might have had something to do with that too. I pulled down the visor and looked at myself in the mirror. I dug some lip gloss out of my bag, putting it on hesitantly.

I wasn't going to be there for very long, I reminded myself. I ran across the street, but was still soaked by the time I reached her door. I flicked my wet hair out of my face and raised my hand to ring the doorbell, but thought better of it and just opened the door. It wasn't like they'd be able to hear me over the music anyway.

Isadora's boyfriend, Parker, was hanging out near the keg, which was near the door. He greeted me with a high-five, grinning.

“Long time no see, Lor!” he exclaimed. Parker was, like, the only person who called me that, and that was just because he wanted to. "How's it goin'?"

"I'm okay, I guess. I just came to say hi to Isadora." I smiled a little, feeling awkward as I stood in the doorway with my wet coat, watching the mildly drunk party-goers. "Do you know where she is?" I asked, pushing some of my wet hair behind my ear.

"You just got here!" He frowned. "Aren't you gonna stay and hang out for a bit? C'mon! We haven't seen you in forever." I smiled uneasily, biting my lip.

"Okay, just for a bit," I shrugged, taking off my wet coat. Parker shoved it in the coat closet as I pulled on my sweater sleeves, shivering even though it was kind of warm in there.

"Beer?"

"No thanks." I shook my head, following him as we squeezed through the hallway.

"You sure? My brother just got the keg."

"I'm sure." He shrugged as we stood in the doorway of the kitchen. Isadora was there, pouring a drink in a red party cup. A blonde girl sat on the counter next to her, twisting her hair as she sighed.

"—I mean, I know he loves me but I don't know, you know?" Isadora shot her a look, grabbing a straw from a cabinet. She turned and looked at me, grinning.

"You came!" Isadora exclaimed excitedly, hugging me tightly. "You're all wet."

"It's still raining outside," I explained lamely as she picked at my wet hair.

"Do you wanna dry off? I think the bathroom might be empty."

"Uh, hello," the blonde girl said, looking at us with her eyes narrowed. "I thought we were talking."

"Sorry, Beth." Isadora smiled, scratching the back of her head. "This is my friend, Dolores. Dolores, this is Beth." I waved and smiled a little. She hopped off the counter, eyes still narrowed.

"It's a pleasure," she said stonily, grabbing her drink and slipping away. I looked at her, frowning.

“Did I do something?” I asked, tugging on my sleeves again.

“What? No,” Isadora said, shaking her head. “She's just in a bad mood because her boyfriend's being stupid again.” She rolled her eyes. “C'mon. You're gonna get a cold.” She looked at Parker. “We'll be back.”

I followed her up the cramped stairs to the even more cramped hallway, trying to avoid the couples that blindly groped at each other. The line for the bathroom was kind of long, so we just went to her room instead. She locked the door behind us, smiling a little.

“I'm happy you came.”

“I'm happy to be here,” I replied awkwardly, sitting down on the edge of her bed. She tossed me an old t-shirt and I started to dry my hair off with it, watching as she pottered about her room.

“How are you feeling?”

“I'm okay.” I shot her a look. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me." She bit her lip, nodding. “Let's try to have some fun tonight, okay?” I asked. She tossed a sweater my way and some dry black jeans that I changed into quickly, pulling my wet hair over my shoulder.

“Do you wanna meet some of my friends?”

I nodded, tossing the damp shirt into the basket in the corner. I followed her downstairs and tried to avoid Beth's glare as Isadora led me to their friends. She followed behind us, sulking as she crossed her arms over her chest. Isadora's friends were playing beer pong with Parker. I watched with her, feeling awkward as I leaned against the wall.

This guy with brown hair high fived Parker, cracking up as he chugged a red cup. He wiped his mouth on his hand and Beth rolled her eyes, annoyed. He glanced at her and frowned, but said nothing.

“So you already know Beth and Parker,” Isadora said, smiling. “This is Freddie. Freddie, this is Dolores.”

And he smiled, and I smiled, and for a small little while I feel warm and I don't know why - I don't know him - but it's nice. Or at least it is until I remind myself that a boy with a pretty smile was what got me into this mess into the first place. I felt my smile fade as I looked away. Beth narrowed her eyes at me, even more annoyed than she was before.

“How's it going?”

“I'm great,” I said quietly, trying to avoid Beth's death glares. “I'm just going to go get a drink,” I mumbled, trying so slip away. I feel myself shaking as I slip through the crowded kitchen. It's too warm, I'm hot and I'm cold and dizzy and I just want some water, and then I'm leaving. I came to the party. No one said I had to stay. I grabbed a water bottle out of the pantry and made my way back out through the living room.

After narrowly avoiding getting sucked into what looked like a weird drunken conga line, I make it outside. And it's raining, still, but I'm okay now. I can breathe. I start looking through my phone again - but it's not like I have any missed calls or messages because no one but Isadora and my grandmother have my new number. I lean against the beam that holds up the roof of the porch and watch the rain. A small part of me wants to stay at the party, but I should probably leave.

But I don't. I just stand there and watch the rain, watch as the occasional car drives slowly down the street. Swans Island is a sleepy little place in the middle of nowhere and I guess I like it. Anything's better than Berkley. I glance at my phone again, biting my lip, before heading down the steps to the sidewalk.

“Hey!” I turn around and it's Freddie. He's a little drunk, but not really, and his shirt's getting wet. I almost feel bad. Almost. “Where are you goin'? The party's inside.”

“Home,” I laughed, scratching my head nervously. “You should probably get back to the party, don't you think?”

“Actually, no,” he says, shaking his head. “It's pretty lame—”

“You looked like you were having fun,” I said, feeling around for my keys. I grab them in my pocket and feel a little better. He stumbles a little and I try to steady him. “Are you okay?”

“I'm cool, I'm just - I'm just tired, you know?” he asked. I nodded awkwardly, squeezing my fingers around my keys. “Can't I convince you to stay, then?”

“Nope,” I said, shaking my head. “Maybe next time, yeah?”

“I'll hold you to it,” he said with a laugh. The front door opened, Beth's silhouette in the doorway. I frowned a little - what was her problem? I didn't even know her and she seemed to dislike me for some weird reason. Whatever.

“Freddie!” she exclaimed, waving at him from the stairs. “Where are you going?”

“Nowhere,” he said, almost annoyed. "Bye, Dolores."



I don't see Isadora or any of her friends for a few days, but that's mostly because I spend most of my time sleeping, reading, and taking out the dog. But still, despite all my efforts, the Thursday following Isadora's party, I find myself running into Freddie on the mainland. I'm going grocery shopping for my grandmother, and since the store is mostly empty, I think I'm okay. And then I decide that I'm going to get some melons, and when I reach for one on top, who else but Freddie does too?

“Hey,” he said, smiling a little. “Long time no see—”

“Freddie! Freddie, look!” A little boy with brown hair ran down the aisle, waving a big blue box of cereal around. “They've got Captain Crunch!” The boy tugged on his pant leg, making a face. “Freddie, look,” he said, nudging him with it.

“This is my little brother, Spencer.” Spencer glanced at me and waved, then tossed the box into the cart. “Captain Crunch it is, then.” He laughed. “So, how've you been?”

“Okay.” I shrugged, looking around at the fruit as I bit my lip. What was he doing? “What about you?”

“Oh, I've been better, I guess,” he said as he shrugged. He frowned, looking past me. “Careful, Spencer.” I turned around, only to see Spencer trying to grab an orange from a display he couldn't reach. “So… you're staying on the island, then?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said hesitantly. “I'm visiting some family.” I bit my lip. What was he doing? Why? I didn't understand. It wasn't like I didn't trust him, I just... didn't trust him. I couldn't. I couldn't trust anyone anymore. "It's only for a few weeks,” I amend.

"Yeah?" I nod and he smiles. “Guess we'll just have to make the most of it then,” he laughed, dimples pressing into his cheeks. "C'mon, Spencer. Let's go get some ice cream."

I wondered idly what he meant by that as I kept shopping, crossing things off the shopping list. Make the most of what? I'd be finding out soon enough.