I Will Wait
an orientation
I like to think of myself as the kind of person who isn't easily swayed by what others think about me. I've worked long and hard at becoming the kind of girl I am, and I'm not about to let someone who doesn't even know me make me feel bad about it. But I can't stop replaying what happened the other day at the restaurant with Freddie and Beth. I know she said what she said out of anger and mild discontent, maybe even out of jealousy and rage, but still.
I stare at the envelope on my desk. It's heavy, a white and blue crest in the upper corner. I applied to the University of Maine a few weeks ago because I had nothing better to do. I didn't even think I'd get in, and there wasn't an application fee anyway, so why not?
I hadn't been expecting all of this though - Isadora barging back into my life, Freddie being... well, himself, and Bethanny hating my guts - so I had applied under the impression that if I got in, I'd be an anonymous face on campus and that no one would know me. I could get my education quietly and peacefully without anyone catching on. That wasn't the case anymore, which complicated things.
If I stayed, bad things would probably happen. But if I left, other bad things would happen too, and I couldn't seem to figure out what to do. Which was worse? Staying and being tormented by Beth and ultimately Freddie too, or going back home, where everyone knew who I was and what I'd done?
There was a knock on my door. Before I could get up to answer it, Isadora poked her head in, smiling a little. I had asked her to come over earlier that morning. Maybe she could help me figure out what to do.
“Hey, Dolly,” she said sweetly. I smiled slightly at the pet name, waving her in. She shut the door and leaned against it. I picked up the envelope and opened it, pulling out the thick stack of papers. Isadora hummed as I skimmed over the first letter - we are pleased to inform you that you've been accepted as a freshman student for the 2012-13 school year... enclosed documents... orientation is on Tuesday, August 29, at 9 AM at... documents necessary... call the registrar at... “So, did you get in or what? C'mon! Don't keep me waiting!”
“I got in.” I tried to smile, a little, but the action felt foreign, so I just settled for staring back at my desk. She squealed happily, hugging me tightly as she went through all the paperwork they sent me. “We'll go to orientation together, right?” She was an art major, along with her boyfriend, but from what I understood, he was a sophomore at Colby, a whole three hours inland. At least where we were going was only about an hour and half away, including the ferry ride.
“Yes!” She glanced up at me, setting the papers down. “Is everything okay? I thought you'd be more excited?”
“I am.” I try to smile again, but it doesn't work out and she squeezed my knee. “I'm just... nervous, I guess. This is different. But a good different.”
“I know what you mean. That's okay,” she said reassuringly. “You're going to be fine—we're going to be fine, okay?” I nodded and she went back to reading over my acceptance letter again, squealing loudly. “And don't worry about Beth. She won't do anything. She's all bark and no bite, okay?”
I knew girls like Beth. I was a girl like Beth, once. A long time ago. I hummed, glancing at Isadora. It wasn't going to be fine. It was going to be the farthest thing from fine. I should have known better. I did know better, but said nothing.
“You're right,” I lied easily, biting my lip. "I guess I don't have much to worry about, do I?"
You better stay the hell away from my boyfriend. Even though I don't recognize the phone number, I know it's from Bethanny. Why wouldn't it be? I've been sorely tempted to ask Isadora about them - about why he would stay with someone who didn't seem to trust him very much - but decide not to. They are friends, after all, and she might, unknowingly, let something slip to Bethanny and I don't want to give her any more reason to hate me. So I sit in uncomfortable curiosity, staring at my ceiling and replaying conversations and glances and smiles in my head (even though I know better).
Registration dawns clear and warm, bright sun waking me up. It's not raining, for once, sky blue and deep without a single cloud for miles. I glance at my clock, sniffling as I run a hand through my tangled hair. A car door slams downstairs. It's probably my grandmother, and she'll never let me live it down if I miss this, so I get up, shivering as my feet make contact with the cold floor. I pull a sweater and jeans from my closet, toss them on the bed and walk across the hall to the bathroom.
I don't want to go to school today. I don't want to deal the possibility of running into Freddie or his girlfriend. What if she was really upset? What if they broke up? What if it was all my fault? What if? I try to take my time in the shower, but once I see Isadora's flurry of texts, mostly reminding me that I'd better not skip, I decide to hurry up. I pull over a dress and a sweater, just in case it gets colder later. I spot Freddie's jacket on my chair and decide to grab it. If I see him, I'll give it back.
I walk down to the ferry, bag heavy with all the items they asked me to bring in the letter, my lunch, and a book or two. I'm planning on having a nice, quiet day of lying low, and that doesn't include making friends. I sit down near the window on the practically empty ferry, pulling an orange out of my bag as another passenger boards, sitting on the opposite side.
I smile as I start peeling the skin, sighing.
I'm standing in the registration line, happy to be inside. Sunny days never last in Maine, and today is no exception. It started to pour as soon as I reached the campus, but I managed to find shelter and not get too wet. The campus is busy, and despite the fact that there are a lot more people here than I feel comfortable with, I'm trying hard not to let it get to me. I'm only here to register for classes, and then I'm going home. I'm looking down inside my backpack, reaching around blindly for my phone.
As I grasped it, I found myself almost tackled to the hard marble floor by none other than roses and honeysuckle - Isadora, of course.
"Dolores! Hey!" I try to smile but I'm still unsettled. She doesn't notice in any event, shaking the water out of her hair as she puts her umbrella in the side pocket of her bag. "How long have you been here?"
"I came early. Sorry I didn't text you earlier," I say, shrugging as I finally pull my phone out. "Did you just get here, then?"
"Yeah. I kind of woke up late, though. No worries." She shrugs, ringing some water out of her hair before turning to me. "Did orientation start yet?"
"We're still getting schedules." Isadora nods, glancing down at her phone.
Registration goes smoothly, for the most part. I'm registered for all my classes, which seem easy enough. I applied as a physics major, before everything happened. I remember passingly that Freddie's a physics major too, but we probably won't take the same classes, and even if we do, the lecture halls are big enough that we probably won't even see each other. I try to smile for my student ID but it comes out looking painful. I hope that I don't have to use it for much.
I only have one class with Isadora, a Calculus class. Not too bad. I like math. After we get registered, we go to pick up our books at the library. It's a nice place, high ceilings, lots of desks, lots and lots of books - and most of all, quiet. I think I'm going to spend most of my time on campus here when I'm not in class or in a lab. My books aren't too heavy, and I can pile most of them into my bag without much difficulty.
There's supposed to be some sort of welcoming pep rally for the incoming freshmen on the football field, but I'm not really wild about going. Isadora whines and wheedles until I finally groan and say I'll go. I glance across the busy quad at the bustling students, following Isadora blindly. And then, for a few moments, I spot Freddie with his friends and, of course, Beth. He smiles and I wave, stupidly wiggling my fingers. It's a nice moment, until Beth sees me too and scowls, tugging Freddie away.
I glance down at the jacket hanging out of my bag, sighing. So much for that.
The field is loud, busy with buzzing students and teachers. I feel ill at ease as Isadora and I take a seat smack dab in the middle of the bleachers, setting our things down on our laps. Parker calls her as she pulls an orange out of her bag. She passes it towards me with a smile, laughing as they talk.
Isadora is happy with Parker, and I can't begrudge her that happiness. They're special because they're so different - Parker is your average, happy-go-lucky kid and Isadora is anything but average, but they still make it work somehow. They bonded over their love of art and 90s grunge, and she still talks about him as much as she did when they first met.
I look away, eyes wandering to the quad where the football and cheerleading team was assembled, squinting when I spotted Freddie. Beth was hanging off him, pressing sloppy kisses to his cheek as she laughed with his friends. I felt confusion and curiosity as I stare at him, unsure of myself.
It’s not that I don't think he's a nice kid or anything. And it's not like I thought he wasn't as annoying as everyone else. It wasn’t even the fact that he was Parker’s best friend. To the contrary, I found him kind of…intriguing and interesting in his own quirky way and that’s what got under my skin. He was just like everybody else—somewhat naïve, bright-eyed, hopeful, and so on. I didn’t know what made him different or what made him stick out like a sore thumb—but I didn’t like it, and I was going to figure it out somehow.
The football players sat on the first few rows of the bleachers that seemed to be cordoned off especially for them. I stared at the back of Freddie's head, trying to figure out what made him so much more different. The cheerleaders put on a pep rally of sorts, I guess, and it really was nice, what with the marching band and the confetti and cheers, but I couldn't shake Beth's sullen stare as she waved her pom-poms and yelled about school spirit.
I stare at the envelope on my desk. It's heavy, a white and blue crest in the upper corner. I applied to the University of Maine a few weeks ago because I had nothing better to do. I didn't even think I'd get in, and there wasn't an application fee anyway, so why not?
I hadn't been expecting all of this though - Isadora barging back into my life, Freddie being... well, himself, and Bethanny hating my guts - so I had applied under the impression that if I got in, I'd be an anonymous face on campus and that no one would know me. I could get my education quietly and peacefully without anyone catching on. That wasn't the case anymore, which complicated things.
If I stayed, bad things would probably happen. But if I left, other bad things would happen too, and I couldn't seem to figure out what to do. Which was worse? Staying and being tormented by Beth and ultimately Freddie too, or going back home, where everyone knew who I was and what I'd done?
There was a knock on my door. Before I could get up to answer it, Isadora poked her head in, smiling a little. I had asked her to come over earlier that morning. Maybe she could help me figure out what to do.
“Hey, Dolly,” she said sweetly. I smiled slightly at the pet name, waving her in. She shut the door and leaned against it. I picked up the envelope and opened it, pulling out the thick stack of papers. Isadora hummed as I skimmed over the first letter - we are pleased to inform you that you've been accepted as a freshman student for the 2012-13 school year... enclosed documents... orientation is on Tuesday, August 29, at 9 AM at... documents necessary... call the registrar at... “So, did you get in or what? C'mon! Don't keep me waiting!”
“I got in.” I tried to smile, a little, but the action felt foreign, so I just settled for staring back at my desk. She squealed happily, hugging me tightly as she went through all the paperwork they sent me. “We'll go to orientation together, right?” She was an art major, along with her boyfriend, but from what I understood, he was a sophomore at Colby, a whole three hours inland. At least where we were going was only about an hour and half away, including the ferry ride.
“Yes!” She glanced up at me, setting the papers down. “Is everything okay? I thought you'd be more excited?”
“I am.” I try to smile again, but it doesn't work out and she squeezed my knee. “I'm just... nervous, I guess. This is different. But a good different.”
“I know what you mean. That's okay,” she said reassuringly. “You're going to be fine—we're going to be fine, okay?” I nodded and she went back to reading over my acceptance letter again, squealing loudly. “And don't worry about Beth. She won't do anything. She's all bark and no bite, okay?”
I knew girls like Beth. I was a girl like Beth, once. A long time ago. I hummed, glancing at Isadora. It wasn't going to be fine. It was going to be the farthest thing from fine. I should have known better. I did know better, but said nothing.
“You're right,” I lied easily, biting my lip. "I guess I don't have much to worry about, do I?"
You better stay the hell away from my boyfriend. Even though I don't recognize the phone number, I know it's from Bethanny. Why wouldn't it be? I've been sorely tempted to ask Isadora about them - about why he would stay with someone who didn't seem to trust him very much - but decide not to. They are friends, after all, and she might, unknowingly, let something slip to Bethanny and I don't want to give her any more reason to hate me. So I sit in uncomfortable curiosity, staring at my ceiling and replaying conversations and glances and smiles in my head (even though I know better).
Registration dawns clear and warm, bright sun waking me up. It's not raining, for once, sky blue and deep without a single cloud for miles. I glance at my clock, sniffling as I run a hand through my tangled hair. A car door slams downstairs. It's probably my grandmother, and she'll never let me live it down if I miss this, so I get up, shivering as my feet make contact with the cold floor. I pull a sweater and jeans from my closet, toss them on the bed and walk across the hall to the bathroom.
I don't want to go to school today. I don't want to deal the possibility of running into Freddie or his girlfriend. What if she was really upset? What if they broke up? What if it was all my fault? What if? I try to take my time in the shower, but once I see Isadora's flurry of texts, mostly reminding me that I'd better not skip, I decide to hurry up. I pull over a dress and a sweater, just in case it gets colder later. I spot Freddie's jacket on my chair and decide to grab it. If I see him, I'll give it back.
I walk down to the ferry, bag heavy with all the items they asked me to bring in the letter, my lunch, and a book or two. I'm planning on having a nice, quiet day of lying low, and that doesn't include making friends. I sit down near the window on the practically empty ferry, pulling an orange out of my bag as another passenger boards, sitting on the opposite side.
I smile as I start peeling the skin, sighing.
I'm standing in the registration line, happy to be inside. Sunny days never last in Maine, and today is no exception. It started to pour as soon as I reached the campus, but I managed to find shelter and not get too wet. The campus is busy, and despite the fact that there are a lot more people here than I feel comfortable with, I'm trying hard not to let it get to me. I'm only here to register for classes, and then I'm going home. I'm looking down inside my backpack, reaching around blindly for my phone.
As I grasped it, I found myself almost tackled to the hard marble floor by none other than roses and honeysuckle - Isadora, of course.
"Dolores! Hey!" I try to smile but I'm still unsettled. She doesn't notice in any event, shaking the water out of her hair as she puts her umbrella in the side pocket of her bag. "How long have you been here?"
"I came early. Sorry I didn't text you earlier," I say, shrugging as I finally pull my phone out. "Did you just get here, then?"
"Yeah. I kind of woke up late, though. No worries." She shrugs, ringing some water out of her hair before turning to me. "Did orientation start yet?"
"We're still getting schedules." Isadora nods, glancing down at her phone.
Registration goes smoothly, for the most part. I'm registered for all my classes, which seem easy enough. I applied as a physics major, before everything happened. I remember passingly that Freddie's a physics major too, but we probably won't take the same classes, and even if we do, the lecture halls are big enough that we probably won't even see each other. I try to smile for my student ID but it comes out looking painful. I hope that I don't have to use it for much.
I only have one class with Isadora, a Calculus class. Not too bad. I like math. After we get registered, we go to pick up our books at the library. It's a nice place, high ceilings, lots of desks, lots and lots of books - and most of all, quiet. I think I'm going to spend most of my time on campus here when I'm not in class or in a lab. My books aren't too heavy, and I can pile most of them into my bag without much difficulty.
There's supposed to be some sort of welcoming pep rally for the incoming freshmen on the football field, but I'm not really wild about going. Isadora whines and wheedles until I finally groan and say I'll go. I glance across the busy quad at the bustling students, following Isadora blindly. And then, for a few moments, I spot Freddie with his friends and, of course, Beth. He smiles and I wave, stupidly wiggling my fingers. It's a nice moment, until Beth sees me too and scowls, tugging Freddie away.
I glance down at the jacket hanging out of my bag, sighing. So much for that.
The field is loud, busy with buzzing students and teachers. I feel ill at ease as Isadora and I take a seat smack dab in the middle of the bleachers, setting our things down on our laps. Parker calls her as she pulls an orange out of her bag. She passes it towards me with a smile, laughing as they talk.
Isadora is happy with Parker, and I can't begrudge her that happiness. They're special because they're so different - Parker is your average, happy-go-lucky kid and Isadora is anything but average, but they still make it work somehow. They bonded over their love of art and 90s grunge, and she still talks about him as much as she did when they first met.
I look away, eyes wandering to the quad where the football and cheerleading team was assembled, squinting when I spotted Freddie. Beth was hanging off him, pressing sloppy kisses to his cheek as she laughed with his friends. I felt confusion and curiosity as I stare at him, unsure of myself.
It’s not that I don't think he's a nice kid or anything. And it's not like I thought he wasn't as annoying as everyone else. It wasn’t even the fact that he was Parker’s best friend. To the contrary, I found him kind of…intriguing and interesting in his own quirky way and that’s what got under my skin. He was just like everybody else—somewhat naïve, bright-eyed, hopeful, and so on. I didn’t know what made him different or what made him stick out like a sore thumb—but I didn’t like it, and I was going to figure it out somehow.
The football players sat on the first few rows of the bleachers that seemed to be cordoned off especially for them. I stared at the back of Freddie's head, trying to figure out what made him so much more different. The cheerleaders put on a pep rally of sorts, I guess, and it really was nice, what with the marching band and the confetti and cheers, but I couldn't shake Beth's sullen stare as she waved her pom-poms and yelled about school spirit.