Cupid Can Kiss My Ass

I'm a hopeless romantic.

I can always see when two people are meant to be together. They are usually too shy or too naive to do anything about though, and that's where I come in.

I wouldn't call myself a busy-body. I really try not to get in other people's business. I just like to see people happy, and sometimes I have to dig around in a person's life to find out why they are unhappy in the first place. I may snoop, yes, but snooping to help and being a busy-body are two totally different things... right?

Well, anyway, I can tell that some people aren't as excited about love as I am - 'some people' meaning my new boyfriend Toby - and this really disappoints me. I mean, Valentine's day is almost here, and right now he's being as grinchy as he was when it was Christmas. I know he's not the most festive person, but shouldn't he be the least bit happier now that we're together?

Sigh...

Right now, I am watching Toby do his math homework in study hall. It's weird, he doesn't do anything cute like bite his pencil or scratch his head or get a confused look on his face, and yet I can't stop staring at him. He just breezes through his homework like he knows all the answers. Does he always have to be so calm and apathetic?

"Stop staring at me. You are being creepy," he said without looking up.
"I can't help it, you're fun to look at," I said without thinking.

I never think about what I'm saying before I say it - it all just falls out in an embarrassing mess.

He looked at me for a moment, then looked back at his homework.

A month ago, he would have punched me for saying anything that sounded like a compliment. I hope it didn't bother him anymore, now that we were together, but I get the feeling that he still isn't happy with himself.

"I was wondering if you wanted to do something next Tuesday."
"Tuesday? That's a random day to pick."
"Um... not really?"
He looked up, confused, then realized what day that was. "Valentine's Day." I nodded. "Well, no I am not busy, but I really had not planned on doing anything special."
My heart sank. "Why not?"
"I have never done anything for Valentine's day, so why start now?" I glared at him. "I am not saying that you are not a good reason to do something, it's just that I have never celebrated the holiday. I do not even count it as a holiday."
"Is this because of the whole 'I hate Christmas' thing?" I rolled my eyes.
He glared at me. "I thought you would understand that relationships have not been that fun for me, what with my father and Cyn."
"I know, but I thought you were getting over that."
"It still bothers me. But that is not why I do not want to celebrate Valentine's day. I do not want to because I think it is an unnecessary holiday," he said, gathering his things.
"It's a day meant for love! How is that unnecessary?!"
"I can show you how I feel about you any day of the year. Why do I need to do something special on a specific day?" he stood up.

I wanted to keep arguing with him, but I had yet to think of a comeback. He put his backpack on his shoulder just as the bell rang. He smiled at me and walked off to class.

Well that was highly irritating.

Is it so wrong to show some emotion?! He's always like this, either angry or neutral. He never gets emotional, and he doesn't enjoy things that other people do.

I guess I'm just worried that I won't be able to make him happy. After all, most of the time we spent together before now was when I was annoying him and we would fight. I know how he feels about me, but I wonder if he only feels that way because I was the one who helped him. When I met him, I knew he had gay issues, but I didn't expect him to turn gay. I really liked him, but I wasn't doing this for myself, I was trying to help him. But now it seems like all of the other gay/bi people at school don't like him, either because he used to be a gay-basher, or because of what happened with Eric.

I hope he isn't with me just because he thinks he has to be.

Toby doesn't really talk to anybody besides me. He's still friends with Tony, but Tony is always surrounded by his other friends and his girlfriend. Toby still hasn't patched things up with Cynthia, and I wonder if that's bothering him. It's stressful to think that I'm the only friend he has. But I don't even know if it bothers him as much as it bothers me.

Why does he have to be so apathetic?!

I really want to do something special for Valentine's Day. I love every holiday, but this one is one of my favorites. It's a day of love and togetherness. I feel giddy when I see couples together, and now that I am in one of those couples, I feel extremely giddy. But Toby does not share my enthusiasm. I'm starting to think that if I want something romantic to happen in this relationship, I need to do it myself.

That settles it - I am planning our first date, and he can't do a thing about it.

All during the school day, I planned out our date to the last detail. We would go to the school's Valentine's dance, and he would hate every minute of it, so I'd say we could leave early and go somewhere else, then we'd drive to the park and have a picnic date in the evening and talk and watch the sun set while music played on our iPod speakers. I know, I am a true romantic. Now the problem was getting him to agree to the date without letting him know what exactly I had planned.

I found him during lunch listening to his iPod and doing work again. I pulled out his headphones and sat next to him. He shook his head and turned to me.

"Can I help you?" he asked.
"Yes you can. You can help me set up for the dance on Tuesday."
He frowned. "Why would I do that?"
"Because it would make me happy."
He groaned. "This involves me being social and school-spirited, but for you, I'll do it."
I smiled. "Thank you." I kissed him on the cheek.

He blushed, making him look even cuter. I heard someone say 'aw', and Toby bit his lip, burying his face back into his textbook. I wrapped my arms around him.

"Stop embarrassing me." He muttered.
"How am I embarrassing you?" I whispered into his ear, making him shiver.
"You're making me feel like a girl."
I rolled my eyes. "Can't you just enjoy being with a guy without feeling unmanly?"
He didn't answer me. I kissed his cheek again, then his ear lobe, then nibbled on his ear. He let out a moan before shrugging me off of him.
"Not at school." He said coldly.
I sighed. I had a feeling this relationship would take some getting used to for him.

After school, I went over to his place. He was going to have 'the talk' with his mom, and even though he said it would be extremely awkward if I was there, he didn't tell me to stay away either.

We walked into his house. His mom sat on the couch with a man I hadn't met before. I assumed this was her boyfriend. She was leaning on him, his arm wrapped around her shoulder, her legs folded up on the couch. I looked at Toby and sighed. He would never hold me like that.

Maybe I'm asking too much, after all, he is just recently gay, and the last relationship he had wasn't so good, but the last relationship I had was very intimate and I'm used to showing affection. I guess that's just something I'll have to forget about for now.

He went over to his mom and asked to talk to her. I could already see he was getting uncomfortable - he ran a hand through his hair and he started fidgeting. I stood next to him, holding his hand. His mom smiled up at us and sat up.

"What do you want to tell me, boys?"
"Uh, well number one, Angel and I are dating."
She grinned and shook my hand. "Congratulations."
"Thanks." I smiled back.
"And number two... uh... well... uh..."
"Maybe I should talk to your mom." I told him. He shook his head.
"Is something wrong?" She asked.
"No, it's just-"
"We're intimate, mother." Toby blurted out.
She stared at him. "Intimate? You mean..." she looked at me, then back at him. "Are you...?"
"We haven't gone that far, but I want to make sure you are okay with this before anything happens." He said.
"Well, I can't say I'm thrilled about the idea of you having sex, but I'm glad you came to me. Toby, are you sure you want to do something this big so soon?"
"What do you mean? You already know that I am..."
"Yes, I know that you and Cynthia... were intimate. But what I mean is, you and Angel have only been together for a short time I assume. Why would you take your relationship to the next level so soon? And are you sure you'll be comfortable with that? I mean this is all new territory for you... maybe I should call your father-"
"NO!" He shouted. "I don't want to speak to him."
"Like it or not, he's still your father, Toby."
"Don't call him that." He growled.
She sighed. "I know you don't like him very much, but I do have to thank him. He's given me a home, a wonderful son, and a chance at real love." She leaned closer to her boyfriend. "I was hoping you would get over this, but I can see that isn't going to happen. I think you need to meet with your father."
"What?!"
"I've been talking to him recently, and he feels sorry for what happened. I've forgiven him, now it's time for you to try. I'm not asking you to forgive him, I'm just asking you to hear him out and try. Can you do that for me?"
He glared at her, then stormed off upstairs. I frowned, then offered a weak smile to her. "I'll talk to him."

I ran off after him, finding him sitting on his bed staring at the window.

"When my father ran off with that man, I did not know what to think. I did not understand how he could go from man to woman, but the part that mattered to me was that he left us, and my mother was devastated. Seeing her with Jerry now, well I am glad that she is happy, but I can not get over what he did to us. It was like, his whole life was unimportant to him, and all that mattered was his new boyfriend.

He did not try to talk to me or see me, and whenever he talked to my mother, she would get really depressed. I had to grow up seeing her sad, forgetful, lonely. Sometimes she would forget to pick me up from school or make dinner, or she would not even feel like getting out of bed. I did not have time to think about how he had hurt me because I was too busy taking care of my mother. I have not gotten over what he did because now is the first time that I have realized how it's affected me.

I do not have a problem with gay people anymore, and I have you to thank for that, but I honestly do not know how long it's going to take for me to accept my father again."

I nodded and sat down next to him. "I understand. You're mom is very important to you. When your dad left, she was all you had left. You spent so much time worrying about her that you didn't take care of yourself. But right now, I think the thing that will make her happy is if you try to make yourself happy. I can only do so much to cheer you up - there are some things that you have to do on your own."

I gave him a hug. He relaxed and leaned into my chest, falling into my arms just as his mom did with Jerry. I smiled and held him close. Maybe I could get through to him. Maybe I just needed to use a less aggressive approach than before. Maybe I just needed to be there for him.

There is, after all, no place I would rather be.