A Day Late

“Blake,

I wish you’d get out of my head. Everywhere I go, everything I do, I always find someway to relate it to you. Why, Blake? Why do you find it necessary to torment me? You must know you’re doing it. Isn’t it so obvious the way you make my insides twist every time I see you smile at her?

For once Blake, smile at me like you smile at her. I wish you would. I wish you would hear a song on the radio and think about me. I wish that I would be the one that you would turn to…
But what good is wishing? You and I both know how pointless it is to raise false hopes, don’t we? Both of us go and wish on someone who won’t give us the time of day… I guess we’re more alike than you realized, eh?

Sometimes I convince myself that if I do something that you like, I’ll impress you with it, and so then you’ll be looking my way, instead of hers. That’s why I’ve been thinking of ways to put myself in the spotlight. But what’s the use when you’re never paying attention? How hard is it, really, to look away from her for just once? Because I know she isn’t looking back.

Yet, despite all these negative things I can find about you, Blake, I still find myself thinking about you. Even though your blind, I still find hope that one day you’ll see.

I really wish you could understand how truly miserable you make me feel. This was supposed to be a letter filled with my deepest and most secretive thoughts. And here I sit, thoughtless, trying to find what it really is that I wish to tell you, when I myself have no idea what that is. When maybe all of this doesn’t have to be as complicated as I’d previously thought. Maybe all I need to do is say what I’ve wanted to say since that day you took my hand and lifted me off that tile floor. (Don’t you remember that day?) I’ve wanted to say this since the day you let me ride on the pegs’ of your bike because it was too long to walk. I’ve wanted to say this to you since the day you took my hand willingly and let me teach you how to dance.

The time, though, that I really wanted to say this, was the first day we met. We were standing in that large circle of people and you tapped my shoulder. I turned to you and you said to me, ‘I like your outfit. Especially the shoes.’ When I asked you why you said, ‘Because they’re different.’

Blake, I love you.

~Katie

P.S. Don’t you find it funny that once I said that I didn’t really know what to say, I practically wrote out everything that was on my mind? Well, at least I do.”

I placed my pen next to the piece of paper on which I had basically just sold my soul. I read it over once. Then a second time just to make sure there were no spelling mistakes.

The paper fit into the envelope perfectly. I carefully licked it and smoothed out any creases. His name was signed on the front; I made sure it looked perfect, no smudges of ink, no teardrops, just the plain word of “Blake.”

Outside it was beautiful, not a cloud to be seen. It was the perfect day for me to seal my own fate. I bravely stepped outside and hopped onto my bicycle, flinging my backpack (with the letter safely inside it) over my shoulder.

The wind that flew through my hair as I rode gave me confidence as I grew nearer to the place where I was supposed to see Blake today. It wasn’t just Blake that would be there, many other friends of ours would be there too, but right now, the only one I could focus on, was Blake.

I arrived just in time. The sun was setting and I could smell the bonfire coming from the back of the house. I lay my bike down in the grass and ventured into the backyard where I was greeted by many familiar faces, but not the one I was looking for. So I asked around. Thankfully, no one thought twice about my determined search, so I was free of all suspicions.

“Hey!” I called after one of my closest friends. She stopped and turned around. “Have you seen Blake anywhere?”

She pointed over to the front of the house. The look she had on her face wasn’t a comforting one, but I came here with a purpose, and I had to fulfill it now.

This is it… I found myself thinking as I trudged through the dew-covered grass. After this, either everything would change for the better or for the worse… but it’s a risk I’m willing to take, because he’s worth it. He was worth every tear that fell and he’ll still be worth it after this.

I took my last breath before turning the corner. It would be the last breath I would ever have to take while being a prisoner of love. Within a matter of seconds, I would be free.

The corner was behind me now, and that last breath that I had just taken, got knocked out of me. There he was, standing there, with her. Not just with her, but with her. They were holding hands and rubbing against each other, they were doing everything that couples do.

“Did you hear something?” I heard Blake say as his head turned in my direction.

I gasped and turned back the corner and hid in the shadows, the tears welling in my eyes. They fell and hit the letter, each on smearing a bit of the ink. I looked down at it and placed it against my forehead.

How could I have been so naïve? Of course she had finally looked his way. It was only a matter of time before she saw in him what I see everyday. I just can’t believe it took her this long to realize it.

I took the letter and I ran into the backyard, not stopping for anyone or anything. At this point, not even Blake could stop me from doing what I was about to do.

I searched around for what I had smelled the minute I had arrived, until I found it. It was burning bright in the center of the yard, nearly abandoned, save for the sticks and marshmallow bag that surrounded it. My feet flew me over to it and they gave out as soon as they got there, dropping me to my knees besides the bonfire.

One last tear dropped onto the letter before I kissed it goodbye. Then, just like that, my letter burnt in the fire in front of me. But it wasn’t just a piece of paper, oh no, it was so much more.

I watched in tears as my life, my love, my hopes, my dreams, burned into dust right before my eyes. My head tilted up to the sky and I saw all of that, every single piece of my heart, fly away with the wind.