Changing Your Stars

I could hear hushed voices all around me. While I couldn’t make out the words at first I understood the worried tone of them. Slowly I began to come around. The noise grew louder with each passing minute. Soon I could make out who the voice belonged too, it was Dani.

“Please Kinzi just wake up.” Her voice sounded broken and harsh like she had been crying. Why would she be crying? I struggled to think, to remember what had happened.

“She’ll wake up. She’s too big a pain in the ass to stay quiet for long.” Leave it to good old Jimmy to keep it real. But still his teasing held the slight tremor of doubt. Like he was hoping what he said was true.

“Jimmy!” Dani hissed.

“What? You know I’m right.” I could hear the smile in his voice. He was trying to make her feel better. But why was she sad?

“You know he does have a point.” I guess Brian was here too, wherever here was.

I felt someone take my hand. “Did she wake up at all yet?” Wow Cam sounded like shit too. What the hell was going on?

I opened my eyes blinking at the bright white light that blinded me.

Cam was the first one to notice my eyes. “She’s awake!”

My other hand was immediately taken by Dani. I looked at my two best friends, they looked like shit. Their skin was pale and they both had dark circles under their eyes like they hadn’t slept for days. Jimmy and Brian moved into my view as well. Damn they looked just as bad.

“What?...” Was all I could get out when I tried to speak. Damn my throat hurt like a bitch and my voice sounded like a man’s what the hell had happened?

“Sssshhh. Don’t try to talk, just rest.” Dani lifted her hand to my head moving hair out of my face. She was going to be a kick ass mother one day.

Of course I didn’t listen. “Where?” Okay this whole not being able to do more than croak a word out at a time was going to get annoying fast.

“You’re in the hospital.” I turned my head looking at Cam confused. The hospital? Why was I in the hospital?

I closed my eyes trying to remember. Can I just say it hurt like a bitch? It felt like a million bees were stinging me from inside my head. I opened my eyes deciding to take the easy route this one time and ask. “Why?”

Brian was the one to answer me. “You were in a car accident.”

I frowned trying to get past the bees so I could remember.

“Yeah a stupid fucking tree jumped out in front of you, but don’t worry you showed it!”

I looked over at Jimmy who was smiling like a loon. I guess only me and him thought it was funny based on the angry looks the other three were giving him.

“Good.” I tried to smile but was afraid it came out more like a grimace. Every moment I was awake I felt more. I swear there wasn’t a part of my body that wasn’t in agony. I mean even my fucking kidneys hurt.

Val and Matt walked through the door. As soon as Val realized I was awake she practically ran over to the bed. “You’re awake!”

I nodded cause it hurt less then talking, at least I thought it would, turns out I was wrong.

“How ya feelin kiddo?” Matt liked to call me kiddo since I was a whole year younger than
him.

“Like hell.” HA! I got out two words that time! Score one for me!

“Well you don’t look like it.” I gave Brian a drool look but inwardly I smiled. God bless me for having friends like them, even if they lied through their teeth to try to make me feel better.

A thought suddenly came to me. “How long?” I looked around at the faces of my friends.
Their smiles were gone again, they all knew what I was asking but no one wanted to answer.

Dani was the one to finally answer. “It’s been almost six weeks since your accident.”

I couldn’t breathe. Six weeks?! I had been in a coma for six weeks?! Everyone was silent while I digested this newest information. While I laid there looking at my friends my mind caught up and noticed who was missing.

“Mom?”

Cam squeezed my hand tight, a look of pity on her face. I didn’t need to hear the answer.
She hadn’t even bothered to come see me once. The little girl inside of me wept at the realization that I meant so little to her she couldn’t even come bother to check on me. But a larger part of me wasn’t surprised at all. I mean why should she start caring now?

I looked at Dani. “Dad?”

She gave me a sad smile. “He was here for the first few days but had to head back to New York. He’s in the middle of some really big project but promised as soon as it was done he’d be back.”

I closed my eyes and struggled for composure. Not even my almost death could put me above his work. Again it was expected so why did it hurt so much?

“Uncle Will?”

“Has been here every day. Hell he even gave me off work so I could be here every day after school.”

I looked up at Jimmy when he spoke. At least one of my family members gave a damn about me. I lay there silently for awhile again. My mind was turning with the information I had been given. I couldn’t remember it but I had been in a car accident, which led me to being in a coma for six weeks. My mother hadn’t even pretended to care enough to stop by once. My father did show up but not for long, work always came first. My uncle and friends were the only ones who visited me daily. Something was bothering me. A thought I couldn’t grab.

My friends…

It suddenly hit me.

“Zacky?”

I swear no one even breathed as they stared down at me. What? What was I missing? Why would me asking for my boyfriend get this kind of reaction? And why did even thinking his name bring a sharp pain to my heart? Had we had another fight? I struggled to remember but couldn’t get past the angry swarm of bees still living in my head.

“I’m here.” He was suddenly at the foot of my bed as if by magic. Obviously he had just been hanging back out of my sight. A feat that wasn’t hard since I was surrounded by everyone.

He looked horrible, way worse than anyone else. The bags under his eyes were so dark they were purple, almost like he had a black eye. His usually vibrate eyes were dull, full of pain and regret. He looked skinnier, his clothes slightly baggy on him now. What had happened to him while I was asleep? Surely this couldn’t be because of me. Could it?
No one spoke as we stared at each other. Okay well I was staring at him but his gaze wouldn’t meet my eyes. He looked embarrassed or ashamed of something, but what? I fought the stinging bees in my head trying to remember what had happened. Something very bad had gone down; I could feel it in the tension filling the room and it had nothing to do with me almost dying.

I remembered…crying. I had been crying when I had my accident, but why? I thought harder desperate to figure out what everyone else already knew. I squinted my eyes shut as the swarm intensified in my head.

A party, I had been at Val’s Halloween party. Something bad had happened there. The bees silenced as my heart broke.

I remembered.

I wished I hadn’t.

The image of Michelle on top of him, the look of anger on his face from being interrupted, her smirk of triumph, was too much. The machines hooked to me started going off like crazy. Nurses rushed into the room as everything started to go black.

“EVERYONE OUT!” One of them ordered.

As they rushed around me in a flurry of activity I let myself drift. I wanted to go back to sleep. I didn’t want to remember anymore. I didn’t want to hurt. I wanted to be with Neily. Maybe it wasn’t too late.

Even as I thought it I knew it wouldn’t happen. My fate was one of heartache; death would be too easy for me.

I was destined to be alone.

Forever unlovable.

Just like my mother had predicted.