Changing Your Stars

It was another two weeks until they let me out of the hospital. Evidently I had died like twice, once at the scene and another on the operating table. I was bruised from head to toe, a broken left arm, a broken left leg, a collapsed lung, oh yeah and suffered head trama. They said my brain swelled enough they almost took out a chunk of skull, thank God they hadn’t.

As it was they weren’t sure how much damage had been done. I was having problems with my memory, like pieces seemed to be missing at times. My dreams of being a professional dancer had gone out the window as well. It was a miracle I was able to walk according to the doctors. As it was my broken leg was being held together by more pins then even Hellraiser had. Not to mention screws and plates and all that jazz. I was told to expect to have a slight limp from now on. Fun stuff huh?

But yeah I guess if it was a slight limp or a wheel chair I’d pick the limp any day. A knock on my bedroom door pulled me from my thoughts.

Uncle Will popped his head in my door. “You have a visitor. You feeling up to it?”

I had already talked to Cam via video chat, Dani over the phone and Val and Matt had stopped in earlier. Maybe it was Bri or Jimmy? “Yeah I guess. Who is it?”

“I’ll tell him to come up.” He said avoiding my question.

“Uncle Will?” I called out since he had quickly ducked back out. A second later he was back in looking like a guilty kid. “Who is here.”

He stood up to his full height, not a good sign. “Zack.”

My heart squeezed in the vise yet again. I swear you would think I would be getting over this by now. I shook my head no furiously. “No. I don’t want to see him.”

“I think you need to give him a chance to explain. He’s been through hell too.”

My jaw clenched. He’d been through hell?! HE FUCKING DESERVED TO FEEL LIKE SHIT! HE FUCKING CHEATED ON ME AND BROKE MY HEART!!! Did I say any of that? No, of course not, I did however scream it in my head. “I don’t care. I don’t want to see him, ever.”

He frowned at me. “He was at that hospital every day. I had to force him to leave your side every night. I know he blames himself for all of this. So I don’t know what happened between you two but he deserves a chance to explain, apologize if nothing else.”

I huffed. What did it matter if he was there every day? I felt my heart thawing away my anger at the thought and I quickly reminded myself why I was so mad at him. I would never get the picture of her and him together out of my head. It was branded there and no amount of sorrys would ever make it disappear.

I guess Uncle Will took that as an okay cause he suddenly disappeared from my sight. I pulled myself up on my bed so that I was resting against my head board. Without thinking I grabbed my mirror and checked my hair, it was a rat’s nest for sure.

I was in the middle of trying to tame it with my brush when Zacky came in. He stood barely inside the door when he stopped. He wouldn’t look at me; instead his eyes were scanning my room. Guess that was normal seeing as how he had never been in it.

Finally his eyes settled on me. “Hey.”

Really? Hey? That’s what he had to say? I tried not to look at him too long. If I did I noticed the dark circles under his eyes, his sunken cheeks, the complete lack of life and humor that had always been my Zacky. Not to mention his once beautiful green eyes were now pale, almost haunted.

I opened my mouth to be a complete bitch and couldn’t. I cared about him too much to kick him while he was down. So instead I opted to follow his lead. “Hey.”

He shifted from foot to foot as he looked back around my room. “This doesn’t fit you at all.
Have you even unpacked?”

I looked around the sparse room. All of the walls were still white, the carpet a light beige.
The only furniture in my room was my bed, a dresser, my desk which held my lap top and mountain of homework, and a night stand. The one wall still had boxes I had yet to unpack piled in front of it. I guess I knew this was only temporary so there really was no need.

Shrugging I answered him, “Didn’t want Uncle Will to have to repaint when I left.”

His head whipped around so he was staring at me. “You’re leaving?” He sounded almost upset at the thought of me being gone. I wasn’t sure he would care anymore.

I took a deep breath, I hadn’t told anyone yet of my parents decision. After my little ‘stunt’ as they referred to my accident, they had decided that I would finish this school year out with uncle Will but then I was moving back to New York for my last year. That was granted I passed summer school or it would be my final two years of school. “I’m moving back to New York.”

I watched as Zacky opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. He cleared his throat and tried again, his voice was suddenly harsh, like he had been yelling for a long time. “What about school?”

I looked down at the cast on my leg picking at the top of it, anything to keep from looking at him. I felt like my heart was breaking all over again. I didn’t want to leave Cali, my friends, him. “I’m finishing out this year here but come summer I’m moving back.”

He was quiet for so long I had to look up to make sure he hadn’t left. I wish I hadn’t. The
pain in his green eyes was killing me. I blinked faster trying to keep the tears at bay.

“Don’t go.”

His simple plea broke me. The tears I had been trying to avoid started to slowly leak out. “Do you really think I want to go? That I want to leave my friends, that this was my decision?” My voice came out all shaky, you know how it sounds when you’re trying to hide that you’re crying and like fail miserably.

He shrugged. “I thought maybe you would because of me.”

“I wanted to die because of you.” Now you have to understand I only meant to think that not say it aloud.

Zacky’s head snapped up as he stared at me intensely. “What the fuck did you just say?”

I shook my head as I wiped away tears trying desperately to control my emotions. “Nothing.”

“Bullshit that was nothing.” I could hear the anger in his voice. I had managed to piss him off something good.

All of a sudden he was in my face. His eyes were a vivid emerald green again, yep he was really pissed all right. Good job Kinzi. “Did you try to kill yourself? And damn it Kinzi you better not lie to me.”

I found myself struggling under his angry gaze. “No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Zacky sat down on the bed beside me. “Fucking hell Kinzi. Don’t you realize what that would do to me, to your friends, your uncle?”

I shrugged. “No one would care.”

He grabbed a hold of my chin so I was forced to look at him. “We all love you Kinzi, we would be fucking devastated without you.”

Did he really just say what I think he said? I blinked up at him shocked and wandering if I had heard him wrong. “What did you just say?”

I saw the indecision in his eyes, watched the battle that was going on in his head. After a minute of silence he moved his hand so he was less holding my chin and more cradling it in his palm. “I think I might fucking love you.”

Fuck me but I couldn’t help but smile. Yeah he was a dick and had cheated on me, but he loved me. No one ever loved me not really. I had heard the words before but they hadn’t meant it, but he meant it, I was sure of it. Suddenly the image of him and Michelle was front and center in my head, erasing the smile from my face. “Then why did you sleep with Michelle?”

A deep sigh left his lips. “I was drunk and high, not that I’m using that as an excuse, cause I’m not. But I was waiting for you and she came in without turning on the lights. Bottom line is I thought it was you. If I knew it wasn’t you I wouldn’t have touched her.”

He watched my face anxiously as I took it all in. He was telling the truth, I knew it but it didn’t erase the fact of what had happened. “I told you she would try shit given the chance.”

“I know and I’m so fucking sorry for not believing you, for fucking everything up, for causing you pain. Shit babe I never wanted to hurt you and I don’t want anyone fucking else. Just give me another chance and I’ll prove it. I mean shit you’re moving away this summer so max is you’ll waste a few fucking months.”

I couldn’t help but smile as he rambled. He was laying his heart out to me. This was my Zacky I was seeing again and Lord help me but I loved him. I laid my finger over his mouth, stilling his lips. “Kiss me.”

When he hesitated I pulled him down to me. I wasn’t really good at the whole starting things but it didn’t take him long to dominate our kiss. My heart took flight as our tongues intertwined. Too soon he was pulling back from me. “I should probably head out. I bet your uncle is pacing outside your door.”

As if on cue there was a loud knock on my door. “I think you’ve visited long enough Zack.”

Zacky pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “I’ll call you later." He whispered before he got up and walked over to the door. “Night Will.”

I watched him leave my room smiling for the first time in what felt like forever. He was only gone like fifteen-twenty minutes before my phone vibrated. Sliding it open I read the message from Zacky.

Miss u already.

I clutched my phone to my chest. It was going to be hard to take this as slow as I knew we needed to.

But we were on our way to being happy again.

Best of all he thought he might fucking love me.

I couldn’t stop smiling…

Cause I think I just might fucking love him too.