Your Body Is a Wonderland

Okay, so remember that episode of Spongebob when he had the suds and he was sneezing up all those bubbles. And when they piled up in his house until they all popped, leaving, for about five seconds, those two bubbles in the back of his pants.

Im bringing this up for a good reason. You made me watch that show when I was sick for like a week and a half, and you'd stayed home to take care of me. Claiming that along side some Robutussin, hot tea, and a little chicken noodle soup that laughter was the best medicine. I protested so hard when you turned the TV onto that yellow sponge and his pink idiot friend. You made fun of me 'cause I ended up liking it more than I thought I would and it was upsetting.

Anyhoo, I bring it up because those two bubbles in the back of Spongebob's pants. That's your butt! Only on a larger, 3D scale. And when I say larger I do mean larger. Your butt is so big, It's like someone blew two huge bubbles, froze them, covered them in muscles and then glued 'em to your backside with skin.

It's so perfect, not to muscly and not to squishy. It makes me laugh that Sam's pants kind of hide it, but your own jeans accentuate it so heavily, like you buy those particular jeans so I'll drool around the house after you like a lost puppy dog, like Harley and Sadie do when we're not chasing them around outside.

Which brings me to the non superficial side of this letter. So yes your butt is ridiculously large, but do you understand how close it's brought us? Which I know might sound crazy but it's true.

It's brought us closer together because it gives us a chance to get out together. I love being in public with you. When we have to buy you new jeans 'cause your old ones shrunk in the wash. I always remember shopping for jeans ith you because it's hard. Not only do we have to find a pair long enough, we have to find a pair that's big enough to fit over your butt. Which usually means that the waist will be bigger than yours, so then we have to buy a belt an such and so forth.

The point is, when we go shopping together it's the most amazing experience. Watching you try on your jeans is like a private little show just for me. Shopping together gives us a chance to get out away from set and away from an unplanned date. Gives us time to just be together. I get to buy you things, even though you insist that it's foolish since we both make the same amount.

I just love being with you in that aspect. It makes us seem like even more of a real couple than I know we are.