I Don't Want A Bloody Dad!

So You Read His Diary Then?

[a.n. theres a few large paragraphs in this chapter, but please take time and read through them. storyline here most likely won't make sense unless you read all of what Mikey says. thankies =] ]

I handed the woman some change and walked off with my coffee. It felt warm against my fingers and I could smell the vanilla wafting up my face. I closed my eyes and savoured the smell sweetly, taking my time about it too.
“Scarlet? What the hell are you doing?”
What the fuck? I opened my eyes and glanced around me to see Becky standing a few yards away with, for some reason, Mikey Way. I could literally feel the jaw drop on my face.
“Becky! What are you doing here?” I couldn’t take my eyes off Mikey, mostly because he wouldn’t take his eyes off me.
“I’m here because I’m here. I’m spending time with my uncle. What are you doing molesting that coffee though?” she laughed to herself and came over to me. I could have slapped myself; I forgot she was his niece. Such a stupid thing to forget eh?
I tilted my head down to my coffee, and then back up again.
“I’m not molesting the damn thing. I was savouring the smell.”
Becky laughed again, “Right yeah sure I’ll believe you. So what we’re you doing here anyway. On your own too I’ve noticed.”
I happened to swing my head over my shoulders to look around me at the time and when I looked back to the Ways, they were both laughing. Does this girl never stop laughing though?
Mikey regained himself long enough to say “So what …you actually had to check to see if someone was with you?”
I could feel myself blush “No! I was just looking around!”
“So, seriously though hun what you doing here on your own?” Becky was looking at me again. So was Mikey, which was making me slightly nervous.
“I just wanted out for a walk, and decided to come for a coffee.”
“Without Charlie?” Mikey said.
I looked at him in astonishment. How the hell did he know Charlie? I asked him that too.
“Because he was with you that day in Hot Topic. Remember you happened to have a close encounter with my brother in a clothes rack and he had to help you out.”
Fucks sake. One of the only moments I wasn’t thinking about that day and here he is reminding me about it.
“Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that.”
Becky looked slightly confused. “What day in Hot Topic? What close encounter? Why does noone tell me anything!”
Mikey put his arm around her comfortingly and said “Calm little bunny. We tell you nothing because you’d tell absoloutely everyone and embarrass your poor little friend here even more than we did that day.” And he smiled at me. Creep.
Becky pouted and crossed her arms. Mikey sighed and gave her some change from his pocket. “Go get yourself some coffee or something.”

Becky flounced off and left me standing with someone I’d rather not be left standing with. And I’m confused now as to whether that even makes sense.
Nope I don’t think its good grammar.
Aw for fucks sake it’s my brain it doesn’t need to have good grammar.
So I was standing in a little world of my own debating the grammar issue, whilst Mikey was apparently staring at me the whole time.
“Do you do this often then?”
I snapped out of it at his voice and looked up to him. “Do what often?”
“Sneak off into your own little world and chat to yourself.”
How does he know I do that?
“I can tell by the look on your face. It’s like you’re debating something with yourself or something.”
Crap. He can read minds too. This dude is scaring me, even if he is in one of my favourite bands.
“So what we’re you debating then?”
Why the fuck won’t this guy stop talking!
“Whether or not I make grammatical sense.”
He laughed to himself and said, “Really? That’s what you were thinking about? Weird child. You are a lot like Frank you know.”
I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster (Haha muster. Sounds like mustard. I don’t like mustard = [ yes well anyway …) and I began walking off. Mikey grabbed my arm and turned me around.
“Scarlet! Wait, are you crying?” Mikey looked worriedly into my face and tried wiping away the few loose tears that were sliding silently down my face, unknownst (sp) to me. Imagine, I was crying and I didn’t even realise. Stupid brain.
“Scarlet why are you crying? Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry.”
“No it’s not you. I’m not even crying. I just have … amm … allergies or something.”
He looked sceptical, but then he pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned Frank. I’m sorry I really am.”

So I was standing there, Mikey Way with his arms around me, and I wasn’t even hugging back. Many girls would dream about this, and yet I’m not even hugging him back. So just to be polite I hug him back and then pull away.
“It’s not Him. I just have an allergy that’s all.”
Mikey sighed and said, “I know you don’t like him, or have any intention at all of saying more than two words to him, but I wish you’d just give him some sort of chance. He’s a really great guy, he wouldn’t hurt you in anyway I promise.”
Who does this guy think he is? Frank Iero’s official spokesperson or something?
“He’s really broken up about all this. We’re all worried about him. He’ll barely talk to any of us, and he won’t eat anything except skittles. It’s amazing. He’s going through about 37 packets a day now. All he does is eat skittles, and make all these little weirdo noises. And cries too.”
Mikey’s voice began to waver a bit. I look up at his face and I could see some tears forming in his eyes. Oh god, don’t tell me hes going to start crying on me.
“We’re all so worried. He cries himself to sleep at night. Calls your name in his dreams. I wish you’d just talk to him. He means the world to us, and we just want our old Frankie back. It’s like he’s not even himself anymore.”
He can’t be serious. He walked out on me, and He’s crying over me? What the fuck sort of behaviour is that like?
Mikey looked at me and sniffed a bit. “Please. I know you’d love him, if only you gave him the chance. And he loves you with all his heart. Hasn’t stopped loving you since the moment you were born. I know, I was there.” And he lowered his head.
So, wait. This dude saw me when I was born? I shaked my head, kind of freaky bananas but I can’t do anything about that.
But wait, if he saw me when I was born, then he must have known my mom too.
He looked up and his eyes told me to continue with what I was saying.
“D-d-did you know my mom too?”
Mikey’s face made a sort of growl, and then he answered me. “Yeah, I knew her. We all did. Frank was crazy about her. When you were born, we thought our Frankie couldn’t have been happier. And he couldn’t. He and your mom were engaged and everything. He proposed when you were about 2 But then one night he and your mom had a huge fight, and he came to Gerard’s house and got piss drunk with us.
Your mom got all her stuff together, and disappeared with you in the middle of the night. Next morning when Ray went to leave your dad back home, and found you both were gone, he just broke down. He couldn’t stop crying. Ray phoned us over and we managed to pull Frank together and after that he went crazy. He was all over the place, searching for you. He never loved your mom after that. He hated her. But he loved you with all his heart, and couldn’t deal with the fact he might not see you again. He was calling your mother every bloody day begging her to bring you back. He actually found out where you both were at one point, but when he got there, she’d moved you both. He followed you both halfway around the country for a year until Gerard managed to convince him to stop. He was tearing himself apart. He didn’t care about anything at that point except you.” Mikey stopped for a breath for a while.
I just stared in shock. He could not be serious like.
He honestly did love me. If he didn’t he wouldn’t have gone through all that bother to find me.
If he did go through all that bother.
Mikey might just be saying that to get me to talk to him. Could be lying.
But right enough, He told me the exact same thing, more or less, when he came to the care home.

“…and we finally convinced him to go to see a shrink. It took a while but after a few months, he was able to resume some sort of a normal routine. After about a year he was able to concentrate on music again. And a few months after he did that, he never mentioned you again.
“But I did see him talk about you. To himself. I went to wake him up one morning, and I found him lying awake on his bed writing in his diary. I knocked and told him breakfast was ready and we had to go. He hid the book and walked out. I stayed behind and got the book out. I knew it was wrong I know but I couldn’t help myself.”
“So you read his diary then?”
I wonder what it said. Probably stuff like he’s never been happier since he denied the fact that he had a daughter.
“Yeah. He was writing letters. Ones I knew he’d never send.”
“What’s the point in that? If your not going to send them why bother writing them?”
“His shrink told him too. He was still seeing her, even after 2 years. Still was until about 2 and half years ago. Never told us what she said though. I knew he would never send those letters, because he had nowhere to send them to.”
Mikey just stared into my eyes, looking for some sort of reaction obviously. But I was confused. That didn’t mean anything to me so why say it.
Mikey sighed yet again and said, “He was writing the letters to you Scarlet. He wrote them to you, begging you to forgive him for giving up searching, for letting Gerard convince him to give up on you. His innermost feelings were sprawled over those pages. There were thousands of them I’d say. Some of them tells you what he was up to. How we were all doing. What we were planning for the future, for the band. But all of them had something about how he was feeling guilty, about how he loved and missed you. About his depression.”
I never knew I would have this much of an impact over anyone. It was kind of awe inspiring.
“He was depressed for years apparently. Not that we ever noticed, because we were just thick bastards. And he’d never talk to us about you, wouldn’t even mention you or give any hint to anyone that you existed. Except for the photo he kept on his bedside table of you and him, and your teddy beside it. We thought he was just getting on with things, trying to put you behind him and move on. Apparently not. His shrink told us, years later, that he was in depression. Guilt ridden. Resentment. He actually hated Gerard with a passion for a few weeks because he convinced him to stop looking for you. Apparently, even until that care home dude phoned him about you, he never stopped looking. He told me in confidence one day, about 4 years ago that he thought he saw you on the street. Not that he knew what you looked like, you were probably around 11 years old, but he was convinced it was you. It was the first time in about 6 years he’d mentioned you to anyone except his shrink. I thought he was going to relapse, and I hoped to god he wouldn’t because we we’re just starting the band up for good and I didn’t want anything to wreck it. I just sat him down, and told him that it had been 9 years since he saw you. You could look like anything. And he cried, and he cried. But then he got over it and never mentioned that again either. Noone knows about that except me and him. And now you.”
Mikey glanced my way, but I was too busy absentmindedly fiddling with my full coffee cup.
If what Mikey’s saying is true, then I’m being I complete bitch. I just roared and screamed at the man, and all this time he’s been in depression and guilt trips and going crazy over me. Kind of hard to believe. It’s either he really has gotten over me or he’s really really good at hiding his feelings, because he didn’t show any of those sort of emotions when I saw him. Not really. And now I just feel guilty for being a bitch.

Mikey was staring at me now. I was about to say something, but then I changed my mind and closed my mouth again.
“No Scarlet, what were you about to say?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Tell me. Please.” He was begging now. That’s just great ain’t it.
“It’s nothing okay”
“Scarlet, as your second godfather I demand you tell me?”
“What the hell? You’re my godfather?”
“No. Your second godfather. Technically you have 4.”
“You’re not serious are you?”
“Totally. In official records, Gerard is down as your legal godfather, but you have four. Gerard is your first, I’m your second, Toro is your third, and Bob’s your fourth. Frank couldn’t decide between us.”
“Interesting story Mikey.”
“Yes isn’t it?”

Right, now what am I going to do? In answer to that question ( I swear I really do think that guy is psychic or something) Mikey held out a piece of paper.
“Take it.”
“What is it?”
“Just take it. Please. And think about it.”
He pressed the paper into my hands, and I unfolded it. It was a cell phone number.
“This isn’t what I think it is, is it?”
Mikey laughed a bit, “No it’s not his number. It’s mine. Call me sometime or something. I’d like to get to know my goddaughter better, even if she’s still refusing to see her dad. Surely you won’t refuse to see me too?”
One look into those big brown puppy dog eyes and the warmth was amazing.
“Okay okay. Stop pouting now please,” I laughed, “I’ll call you.”
“Yay! And you definitely have GOT to meet the other guys properly. You’ll love them!” He was getting all excited. It was kind of cute, until his words sunk in.
“Wait, the other guys? You didn’t say anything about the others.”
“Oh. Oh please Scarlet! You don’t have to see Frankie, I won’t make you. Although I really think you should. But just meet Gee and Toro and Bob. Well I think you already got introduced to Gerard,” laughing again, “but all the same. Please come. You’re all we’ve been able to talk about lately. Not when Frankie is around obviously but all the same please come!”
How could you say no to a face like that eh?
“Yeah okay Mikey. I’ll think about it.”
Mikey started doing this little, well, I think you could call it a dance.
“Can you not just talk to Frank though. Even just on the phone. Not a whole big conversation like, just a little chat. Exchanging words. Anything. Talk about Nightmare Before Christmas or skittles or something. That would get him started definitely, and then you wouldn’t even have to say anything because he’d do all the talking then. He’s obsessed.” Mikey nodded in agreement to his own words.
I giggled a bit, and then sighed. Mikey picked up on this.
“What’s wrong Scarlet?”
“I love Nightmare Before Christmas and skittles too.”
The look on his face was priceless. It was like a face you would get when you saw the Andrex puppy on TV. The AWWWWWWW face.
“Really? That’s sooo cute!”
Nothing fails to impress this boy.

“Okay Mikey. I’ll talk to him again. On the phone mind you I don’t want to see him in person. And I’m only doing it because it’s a favour for my favourite godfather.”
Mikey threw his arms around me and lifted me off the ground. “Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Finally we might get our Frankie back! Oh you definitely won’t regret this; you’ll love him just like we do. Maybe even more so because you’re his daughter and stuff, but all the same you’ll love him and we can be one big happy family and you can come live with him and go on tour with us and it’ll be sooooo….”
What the hell was he yattering about now? Hyper much?
“Okay Mikey calm down I can’t understand a word you’re saying now.”
“Oh right yes. But it’s a promise ain’t it?”
“What’s a promise?”
“That you’ll call me and you’ll talk to Frank. So I can tell him and get him prepared and stuff.”
“Amm… yeah sure whatever.”
May as well. From what Mikey told me, I need to give the guy a chance. That is, if half the stuff Mikey told me was true.

“Hey bitches! I’m baacckkk!”
Becky came skipping over to us, coffee cup in hand. That reminded me about my own coffee; I lifted it up and looked in the cup. The drink was ice cold now and a film thing was forming over it. I growled and threw it in a nearby bin.
“You owe me a coffee,” I grumbled in Mikey’s direction.
“The next day we see each other eh?” Mikey giggled.
I shook my head and looked to Becky, who was slowly sipping her coffee. “What took you so long chick?”
“Oh the queue was dreadful! And then I saw a really really cute puppy on my way back and I just HAD to stop and play with it ya know?” she laughed and went back to drinking her caffeine.
“Yeah well guys I’ve got to be going. Care home rules and all that jazz. I’ll see you in school Becky.”
Becky threw her one coffee-less arm around Scarlet in a hug, “Bye hun. See you soon.”
Mikey stretched out his arms, expecting a hug too. And since I’m a polite girl (Haha) I gave him one. Couldn’t leave him hanging like that.
“Bye Scarlet. Call me okay? Please?”
“Yeah Mikey. I’ll call you soon.”
“Gerard was right. You really do have bright eyes.”
I looked up at Mikey from my position in his chest, “Huh? What are you talking about?”
“Gerard told me, that that first time he saw you, in the clothes rail in Hot Topic, he thought you had really bright eyes, “Mikey nodded to himself, “He was right. You do.”
Oh. Okay then. I guess so.
“Thanks. I guess.”
“No problem bright eyes.”
Is this my new nickname or what?