Danger zone
seven
The next seven days for me have been hell. Pure hell. The addiction I could not quit left my body in pain. All I wanted to do was sleep. I hated having people see me like this. I hated being the subject of people's talk "She's the drunk" Or worse. My relationship is on the rocks again and I have no power to stop it. Better to say I am out of strengh to do anything about it. My Will to get clean now is unbearable. Or maybe I am just fooling myself and I do not know what I am doing.
He hasn't been home for a few days. I wondered what was happening. I never got a call. And they would not be on tour for a few weeks anyway. I managed enough to pull myself from the bed. I threw on a simple Grey dress and flip flops and decided to take a walk. I lit a cigarette as I steeped out into the cool air of the November night. This is one of the reasons I love California. It never gets cold. Only cool. like a fall day in new york in October. It's the perfect climate for me. Even though, it is no Iowa.
I walked down the streets wondering, looking for nothing in particular. Just wanted to walk. I heard a cat meow. I am allergic to cats but this one I found with Matt not too long ago, We gave him to a shelter, but I guess he got loose. It;s a good thing I found him. "Hello Theodore" The small black cat, more like a kitten, purred in my tattooed arms. I gave him a light hug and began walking in the direction of my apartment.
I set Theodore down right in front of my door step. I decided to knock on the door and surprise Matt. Since I heard his voice inside. I didn't want to come in yet. Theodore meowed at me when I knocked and began to leave "What is that" A female voice said from the apartment. I felt tears come to my eyes and I took off running from the apartment. I let the tears fall from my eyes. Something I haven't done in a long time. But I think now may be the right time.
I had no idea where to go. I didn't want to tell the band or anyone, as far as they where concerned, we where happy. I wouldn't want them to go after Matt and be angry. But, he could have said something. Or maybe he sent off signs and I missed them all. Maybe the not being here was the major one that I only caught on to when it was too late. I heart stung my eyes hurt. I wiped my face with my hand and shut my eyes for a second. I walked down the the beach, another thing I love about California. I always felt at home here. I stepped in the water, I couldn't swim. But that didn't matter to me, I only wanted to be ankle high. The water was warm for this month. Christmas was a little more then a month away. I stood in the water for about an hour before I got out and decided to go to Jenna's a friend of mine. I'll short this all out in the morning.
He hasn't been home for a few days. I wondered what was happening. I never got a call. And they would not be on tour for a few weeks anyway. I managed enough to pull myself from the bed. I threw on a simple Grey dress and flip flops and decided to take a walk. I lit a cigarette as I steeped out into the cool air of the November night. This is one of the reasons I love California. It never gets cold. Only cool. like a fall day in new york in October. It's the perfect climate for me. Even though, it is no Iowa.
I walked down the streets wondering, looking for nothing in particular. Just wanted to walk. I heard a cat meow. I am allergic to cats but this one I found with Matt not too long ago, We gave him to a shelter, but I guess he got loose. It;s a good thing I found him. "Hello Theodore" The small black cat, more like a kitten, purred in my tattooed arms. I gave him a light hug and began walking in the direction of my apartment.
I set Theodore down right in front of my door step. I decided to knock on the door and surprise Matt. Since I heard his voice inside. I didn't want to come in yet. Theodore meowed at me when I knocked and began to leave "What is that" A female voice said from the apartment. I felt tears come to my eyes and I took off running from the apartment. I let the tears fall from my eyes. Something I haven't done in a long time. But I think now may be the right time.
I had no idea where to go. I didn't want to tell the band or anyone, as far as they where concerned, we where happy. I wouldn't want them to go after Matt and be angry. But, he could have said something. Or maybe he sent off signs and I missed them all. Maybe the not being here was the major one that I only caught on to when it was too late. I heart stung my eyes hurt. I wiped my face with my hand and shut my eyes for a second. I walked down the the beach, another thing I love about California. I always felt at home here. I stepped in the water, I couldn't swim. But that didn't matter to me, I only wanted to be ankle high. The water was warm for this month. Christmas was a little more then a month away. I stood in the water for about an hour before I got out and decided to go to Jenna's a friend of mine. I'll short this all out in the morning.