The Bride

“It’s so weird seeing you working out, and on the beam again,” Maria commented from my patio outside of the house. Maria, Julie, and Kendra were all keeping me company while I worked on a few easy workouts. I didn’t want to strain myself, but I didn’t want to nearly die from when I went back in tomorrow. It was going to be long and hard…but it was going to be worth it, to me. I just haven’t exactly told John yet.
“It’s weird being back in a leo,” I admitted. I did a split stretch, which hurt like hell, but I forced myself not to think of the pain. “But it feels…right,”
“Have you told John that you’re going back into gymnastics?” Kendra asked me next.
I huffed, and shook my head at them.
“I’m going to tell him tomorrow or later tonight before the rehearsal dinner. I didn’t get a chance to tell him last night or this morning.”
“Why not?” Maria looked seriously confused.
“He stayed out with Jared and the Rocket boys,” I rolled my eyes. “I guess it was like one last hoorah before he gets to be my husband.”
“Oh…” Julie trailed off, making Kendra giggle.
“Alright, time to tumble.” I stated. I started with simple flips like cartwheels and round-offs before I started the handsprings, walkovers, and tucks. It was hard, and I could already feel my body getting sore. I had to keep telling myself that it would all be worth it tomorrow. I kept repeated I get to go back to the gym. I get to go back to the gym.
That was my driving force for putting my body through pain. I walked over to my already prepared beam. My hands traced the wood slowly. I know it sounds weird, but I feel a weird, almost magnetic, pull toward it. It’s was basically begging me to get back up on the beam. I took a deep breath before I picked myself back up on the beam. I only started with simple routines, getting used to being up there again. It wasn’t that hard, but I had gained some weight due to eating In-N-Out and stopping my daily work-outs. Being back at the gym would be good for me, no matter what anyone else says.
“Just like riding a bicycle,” I laughed the second I landed from my double back, which has proven to be my favorite dismount.
They all smiled and clapped, but I heard something else. Someone cleared their throat, and I looked over at the back door, finding John leaned up against it.
“I’d say,”
“Hey…” I trailed off, feeling awkward. I don’t know why I was becoming slowly shy. By the way John looked, I was in the doghouse.
“We’re going to go now. We have to get ready for tonight,” Julie stated, standing up with Kendra and Maria following her. They hugged me, and went out of the gate to get in the cars that they drove over her.
“Nice leo…” John trailed off.
“Um…thanks. It’s uh…new.”
“Why?”
“I’m…” I walked closer to him before I continued. I was almost right in front of John and he hasn’t moved from his position. “I’m going back to gymnastics.”
His face didn’t soften.
“When?”
“Tomorrow,”
“Tomorrow?!” He nearly yelled. “Why am I just now finding out about this?”
“I just sort of happened yesterday, John. I was going to tell you,”
“Did you not think about how this is going to effect me?”
“It’s not your choice to make. It’s mine,” I huffed.
“It’s a couple’s decision to make, Dia.”
“Since when is my career a decision?”
“Ever since I put that ring on your fucking finger,” He replied, standing up straight now. “We’re getting married in less than three days. Don’t you think it would’ve been nice to at least see how I felt about it?”
“I honestly didn’t know how you would take it, but I never thought that it would bother you this much. It’s never done this before. Why is it so different now, John?”
“It’s always bothered me, Dia! Don’t you understand that?” He asked me, his brows furrowing. “Of course you didn’t. You were always stuck up Robby’s ass trying to prove what a great gymnast you are.”
“Well excuse me for wanting to be the best that I could be,”
“You’re missing my point,”
“Am I?” I nearly yelled. “What the fuck is your point, John? I would just love to understand,” I said sarcastically.
“Gymnastics has always ruled your life, Dorinda. You were never allowed to do anything because you were always so fucking busy being a gymnast. I went through most of my life wishing that you would give me as much time of day as you did that sport. You’re so loyal to it that sometimes it hurt to think that you chose forcing pain on your body to flip rather than be my best friend. You were always so wrapped up in gymnastics that you didn’t see how much I adored, no loved you. You were oblivious. It took until I fucking proposed!
“You didn’t see that you loved me back until I had proposed to another woman! The day of my wedding, you fucking finally did something about it! Do you not realize how fucking bad that hurt me? It was the best and worst feeling in the entire world. I was actually front and center of your mind. I nearly died of happiness the day you retired. So excuse me for fucking not wanting you to go back to gymnastics.”
“You can’t tell me what to do,” I replied in almost a whisper. “Would it be fair for me to tell you that you couldn’t go on tour? Would it be fair for me to say that you have to quit The Maine because I could miss you too much? John’s this is a two-way street. Gymnastics helped me cope with the loss of my mother just like writing music and poetry helps you cope with everyday life! You can’t tell me to stop gymnastics and expect me to not say something about your mother fucking music. I realize that it’s important to you. Why can’t you see that gymnastics is just as important to me?”
“I do see that! Why in the hell do you think I never said anything about it before?!”
“It sure as hell isn’t stopping you from saying anything right now.”
“This is different. We’re about to get married! We’re walking down the aisle Saturday. I’m putting off tour to be with you, because I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone before. I’d go through hell and back for you, which this feels a whole lot like that,”
“And you think that I wouldn’t do that for you?” I asked, feeling my throat tighten.
“I’m not so sure anymore.” John huffed before he turned around and walked back into the house, leaving me on the patio. I watched the way he stormed away from me, and in the distance, I heard his bedroom door slam. He wasn’t happy with me, but that didn’t mean that he had to blow up the way he did. I love John to death but sometimes he was the worst temper. He needed to cool down.
I walked back inside, and felt tears start to slowly fall. There were no doubled-over worthy tears, unlike the last time I cried over him. This time, the tears were slow, and sad. I was confused. I didn’t know what to do. I love John with all of my heart, but I also love gymnastics. This isn’t any easier than I thought that it would be.
I’m pretty sure I almost, maybe, just lost John.
And that hurt more than the thought of him marrying someone else.