I Will Always Reach to You

I was rocking Teddy to sleep when the moment I had been dreading arrived. I had hoped it would never come. After the most amazing last few weeks in which Remus and I had grown even closer and shared everything together, it was almost possible to forget the danger waiting in the real world. Remus walked into the room with a grim look across his features that soften when they regarded our child and me. I held Teddy tighter and looked to the left, biting my lips to keep tears from pouring out.

Remus was going to go fight—perhaps die—and I would not be there. After a long debate and countless angry words we had decided that when the inevitable moment that the final battle between Harry and Voldemort came I was to go to my mother’s with Teddy. We had decided that Teddy needed one parent to live through this war.

I felt Remus move towards me and gently lift our son from my arms. I glanced at the two and saw Remus swaying Teddy to sleep as he spoke softly to him. I could not hear the words but saw the love written on Remus’ face when he kissed our son’s forehead. Putting him in his cradle for a moment Remus then turned to me and took my hand in his, helping me to stand and then pulling me in the familiar embrace of his arms.

I could not say anything for fear of crying, I did not want to worry or upset him when he was about to go to battle. I would have to be strong for him. I angled my head up and he met my lips without any hesitation. We kiss like it was our last kiss. First, unbearably tender and then, breathlessly sweet before it turned to one that left us both panting in want. We broke apart and Remus laid is forehead against mine and for a few seconds we just looked into each other’s eyes without speaking, there was no need for words.

I took a deep breath in and loosened a little my grip on his shirt, “Be careful.”

“I will,” he whispered back. “As soon as I am gone go to your mother’s house, don’t linger.” I nodded in understand. “I love you Tonks with all my wretched soul and body I love you. The moments between us, even if they have not been enough, were the most peaceful and joyful of my life. I love you.”

I chocked back a sob and buried my face in his chest, “I love you Remus. You are my heart.”

Remus pressed his lips to the top of my head before taking a step away from me. Carefully he untangled my rigid hands from his shirt pressing a kiss to each hand before letting go. I walked over to Teddy who was watching us quietly and with huge questioning eyes. I lifted him into my arms and turned back to my husband, determination and love pouring from me. With a last embrace to the both of us Remus disappeared.

Without a second thought I apparated in my mother’s living room, startling her. She took one look at the tears running down my face and knew. I turned away, embarrassed she had to see me like this and went to put Teddy to bed. I didn’t leave him for the next hour, being away from him was torture since I had had to let go of his father. Teddy was my precious link to Remus. I watched him sleep while my mind played out horrific scenes of Remus’s death as well as the death of all my friends. This night would decide everyone’s fate, l gazed at the small innocent form of my Teddy sleeping, it would decide his future and what kind of world he lived in.

I stood abruptly. I should not be here, I thought to myself. My place was at my husband’s side fighting together for a new world for our son. I walked to my son’s side and pushed back his dark purple hair in affection before kissing his plump check.

“I love you Teddy and I do this for you,” I whispered. One of the hardest things I had ever done was walking out of that room but I had to. My mother knew my mind when I went downstairs, she hugged me and said to be careful. I smiled shakily at her and knew that if the worst should happen she would take care of Teddy.

I apparated at Hog’s Head and from there ran all the way to the castle by way of the tunnel. Utter destruction and death awaited me as I stepped out into the crumbling hallway of Hogwarts. It was sad to see the place that had been my home for seven years of my life in ruins but it was even more heartbreaking to see the dead bodies of students and Order members that I cared for. I took a calming breath and told myself that Remus was fine.

I fired spells at attacking Death Eaters as I rushed throughout Hogwarts looking desperately for Remus or a familiar face. After search for what felt like hours I encountered Dumbledore’s brother.

“Have you seen Remus?” I asked as I engaged in a fight with him against a powerful Death Eater.

When we had managed to knock him out together he turned to me and said, “I saw him dueling Dolohov.”

“Where?” He had barely lifted his arm before I broke out into a dead run in the direction he had pointed me to. I weaved through people and passed countless rooms before I spotted Remus. Dolohov was nowhere in sight as Remus helped get Luna to her feet and talked to Neville who was standing nearby. I let out a sigh of relief and walked towards him while still ready for danger to pop out. Remus was alive and whole, he was fine—

“Remus!” I shouted in warning as Dolohov suddenly appeared, his wand out and pointed…at Neville.

The next few seconds played out in slow motion in my mind as Remus looked up and met my frantic eyes because I knew my husband well…he was a protector. Sheer terror pumped through my veins as I ran to Remus and Remus ran to Neville. Remus curved his body defensively around Neville with his back to Dolohov and looked over Neville’s shoulder to lock gazes with me—his full of love and acceptance, mine with love and horror.

All he said was my name as the death spell hit him, I screamed as his body crumpled to the floor dead, feeling the blow as though I had received it as well. Without thought I lifted my wand and sent the same death curse flying at the murderer of my husband. I heard the crash that told me my curse had worked but my eyes were only for the man I loved and I felt no satisfaction at my revenge only coldness. I fell to the floor next to Remus sobbing, my whole body shaking from the force of my sorrow.

I threw my head back and screamed his name in anguish as I held his cold hand. How could he be gone? How could death have claimed the man I loved?!

I looked down at his peaceful face and laid my hand against his cheek, my heart broke when I kissed his unresponsive lips that had some warm and gentle only minutes ago. He was gone. I laid my head on his still chest and looked at his pale face wanting—needing—to die with him. When a Death Eater came out of nowhere, wand threateningly raised I did nothing to defend myself just moved even closer to Remus’ body. Neville stepped in front of me and battled the man and I wanted to tell him that it didn’t matter but had no strength left in my limbs, no will. I closed my eyes and intertwined Remus and I’s hands, uncaring of my environment. How could I go on without him?

“Remus,” I whispered in grief. “Please come back.”

“Tonks,” came the young voice of Luna. “We need your help.” I turned my face away and ignored her. “Please, do you think that Professor Lupin would want you to give up?” She touched my shoulder but I jerked away from her. “He would want you to fight, fight for the cause he died for and live for your son.”

Her words sunk in and I opened my eyes. I straightened and looked down at the face of the man I loved more than my own life and knew that what Luna was saying was true, Remus would want me to go on. I was disgracing his memory by acting like this. I had to think of Teddy, if for nothing else I had to fight for him. I wiped my face with the back of my sleeve and leaned down for a last kiss.

“I love you Remus,” I said against his lips. My heart still heavy and joy forever taken out of my life I stood on shaky legs and sent a powerful curse at the Death Eater that was dueling Neville.

“Thanks,” Neville told me before he took my hand and squeezed it. I knew that he was sorry for everything but it wasn’t his fault and I did not blame him for Remus’ death.

“Let’s kill some Death Eaters,” I replied emotionlessly. “For Remus.”

“For Remus,” Luna and Neville echoed.

That was exactly what I was doing when I came face to face with my aunt Bellatrix. Fighting for Remus and all that he believed in, fighting for Teddy. I did not want death when finally it arrived for me, I wanted to watch my son grow and find love. I wanted to be there to tell him about his heroic father. But that was not my destiny, I was meant to watch Teddy from above with his father.

Bellatrix stunned me off my feet and I landed hard on my back a few feet from her, my wand too far away to get to. I tuned out Bellatrix’s screechy voice and taunting words as I struggled to turn onto my front and began to crawl to Remus’ body. The death curse was coming and I wanted to be next to Remus when my end came. I reach out to his outstretched hand and clasped his.

“I am coming my love,” I whispered as the death curse pulled me into the darkness and into the waiting, welcoming arms of Remus.