Like You and I are Finally Gonna get it Right

I threw my bag over my shoulder, pressing my phone against my ear. I shut my locker and rolled my eyes, spinning the dial before sighing. I turned around and started towards the exit of the school, I hated how my brother always had to argue with me.

“No Matt.”

“Please, come on. I know that you and Alex have your differences, but the rest of us would love to have you Cam.”

“No.”

“Wouldn’t you rather be on tour making money as a mercher than at home with mom and dad trying to get you to work at some stupid store?”

I paused, trying to get him to believe what I was selling, “I dunno, Matt. Don’t you have Vinny?”

“Vinny fools around too much, hold on...”

I brushed my bangs from my eyes and placed my sunglasses on my face, glaring up at the Maryland sun. I continued down the sidewalk, my finger on the end button as I heard arguing on the other line. The moment I recognized the second voice I pressed the button, knowing I would end up getting yelled at for it later.

I was about to put my phone in my bag when it went off again, the vibrations causing my bracelets to jingle. I growled at the caller ID and shoved the phone in the depths of my purse, how dare he have Alex call me! He could not fix his mistakes now, too damn late.

The boys had four years on me, I was going into high school when they left it... So I entered my high school career alone. The boys were always on tour, they were never home. I never got to see James, he’s like my best friend, even though we have our sibling quarrels. No one really understands why I’m so mad at Alex, I don’t even think he himself gets it.

I was introduced to Alex by my brother, I thought he was cool. I didn’t fall in love with him at first sight, I wasn’t that pathetic. He and I used to hang out all of the time, he enjoyed acting like a little kid sometimes. It wasn’t until I was towards the end of my eight grade year that I realized just what that clenching feeling in my chest was every time I saw Alex with Lisa.

They ended up breaking up before he went on their first tour, she said she was too afraid to think about what could go on that she didn’t want to always be worrying. I’ll never forget that night, Alex didn’t even look upset, which bothered me; I always thought that they were for each other, they were always attached.

I pulled him aside in the den, a couple rooms over from where the rest of the gang was hanging out. I grabbed him by the arm, trying to catch his eyes. He shook my hand free and placed his fingers gently against my cheeks. My breath caught in my throat as he leaned closer to me, I felt my eyes shut. It felt wrong, I knew Lisa wasn’t that far away and that she loved him, but my heart was fluttering in argument. I wanted to lean the rest of the way over and kiss him, to embrace him, but he tightened his muscles when I started to teeter.

“Camryn, can I ask you something?” his voice was so soft, I wasn’t sure that he’d actually said anything.

“Hmm.”

“What would you do if I told you that I have feelings for you as more than a friend?”

I remember being quiet for what seemed like the longest time. Alex tilted my face so he could look into my eyes. I swallowed, covering his hands with my own.

“But Lisa--”

“I told her I thought I had feelings for you, that’s why she broke up with me. Please tell me it wasn’t a waste?”

“I do like you,” the words came out rough, my mouth felt so dry.

I felt like I was walking on some forbidden grounds. I should have told him that he did so he could go back to Lisa where he belonged... but I didn’t I was selfish. I still could feel his lips against mine if I thought about it, but nothing good came out of it.

I wish someone noticed us disappear. I wish someone noticed that we had locked ourselves in the den. I wish I was never so foolish as to trust him with everything I promised to never give until there was a ring on my finger.

I thought he and I were actually going to be something, but he ended up making up with Lisa over the phone or she visited him when All Time Low was on tour... I don’t know, I never got that side of the story. All I know is that he never filled me in, he just left me hanging like he never kissed me. Like he never screwed with my head.

I couldn’t forgive him.

I got so excited for nothing. I turned down a couple guys over the summer that I had liked thinking that I had the most amazing guy. I never got a second chance with them. I grew bitter as the boys detached themselves from me. I became a loner.

I was a block away from my house when my phone went off again, I heard it buzzing against the bottom of my purse. I pulled it out and flipped it open. I didn’t say anything, I waited until I heard my brother speaking.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Why did you hang up on me?”

“I’m not talking to Alex. I’m not going on tour with you guys. I’ll see you when you come home for my graduation.”

“Oh, about that--”

“You’re not coming huh? Too busy being a tour manager to be a big brother?”

I snapped my phone shut again, he was definitely on my last nerve.