Of Princes and Paupers

"Ah~!"

"Hahahah!"

"Haruhi. . ."

Tamaki had this dazed look on his face as he muttered such things in what I could only assume to be contempt.

Obviously, he was daydreaming about Haruhi.

No Tamaki was not a homo, because as you know I discovered that Haruhi is, in fact, a female which explains why "he" is oddly feminine.

"Looks like Tama-chan is enjoying himself~" Honey noted as we all stared at Tamaki.

"Actually he's pretty sad in my mind. . ." One of the twins mumbled.

Suddenly, Tamaki leapt from his chair.

"Don't be jealous, Hikaru!" he exclaimed, wagging his pointer finger back and forth in quite the twin-taunting manner.

"I knew all along this would happen. . .!" Tamaki exclaimed.

UH-OH! My Commoner-Senses are tingling.

A long-winded, over-dramatic speech is definitely coming on. . .!

"Even without all your jealousies. . ." Tamaki continued, now in full out rambling mode.

"I saw this result from the very beginning. . .!" He boasted.

And just what result did he see, exactly. . .?

Tamaki then threw his arms out, his face taking on the same dazed expression it possessed nearly moments ago.

"This anime is a school love comedy to begin with. . ."

"Actually, this fanfiction is a love comedy, Tamaki-kun." I added stiffly only to be whole-heartedly ignored.

"Haruhi and I are the main characters of this love comedy. . ." He stated, placing a hand under his chin in thought.

"And what are we. . .?" The twins questioned blankly.

"Obviously you two are homo side characters~!" Tamaki announced, pointing a finger at them.

Pulling a stick out of nowhere - well somewhere, although I'd rather not know where. . .

Tamaki drew a line between himself and the rest of the club.

"So don't cross this line!" He ordered promptly.

"I don't know about you guys, but this is pissing me off a bit. . ." I added, an anime-vein present upon my forehead.

"Oh, Mimi-chan! Don't worry! Daddy will allow you to be on this side of the line since you're not one of the homo side characters. . ." Tamaki trailed off.

He grabbed my hand and tugged me to his side of the line, resulting in me slamming into his chest… ~

Fighting back a blush I asked, "H-Honto? Then what am I?"

"The heroine's rival in love~" Tamaki called with a smirk.

Is he. . .?

Is he instigating that in this 'love comedy' I'm fighting Haruhi for Tamaki's love?

Psh. As if!

"Besides that. . ." One of the twins spoke up before I could lash out at Tamaki violently.

"Do you really understand, Tono?" the other twin finished.

"If they find out that Haru-chan is a girl, she won't be able to stay at the Host Club any more~" Honey said, clutching Usa-chan in his tiny arms.

Tamaki then stood frozen like a statue, dramatic music playing in the background.

It was one of those "Dun, Dun, Dunnnnn" moments if I ever saw one.

"But if Haru-chan wore female clothes, she'd look more and more cuter!" Honey mused.

"In Junior High School she walked around in girl clothes normally. . ." Kyouya added.

"So, she must have been popular amongst the guys, right?" Asked one of the twins curiously.

"Yes, according to my investigations. . ." Kyouya began.

"She usually received a confession from someone about once every month." Kyouya confirmed.

"Man, I wish that'd happen to me. . ." I muttered, feeling rather despondent.

"Ahh~ Then our lord won't be able to get close to her anymore!" One of the twins said in realization.

"Well, we don't mind since we're in the same class she is. . ." The other twin shrugged.

Tears sprang to Tamaki's eyes at the very thought.

"How can that be?" He exclaimed in utter disbelief.

I took this opportunity to move away from him.

"Sorry, I'm late!" Haruhi called as she opened the door.

Grabbing her by the shoulders, Tamaki announced "Don't worry, Haruhi!"

"At tomorrow's physical examination, your secret about being a girl will be protected by us!"

"So please stay as our very own princess~" Tamaki demanded looking into Haruhi's eyes.

Suddenly, I feel quite neglected. ;~;

Haruhi's eyebrows rose in surprise, "Say what?"

"It's true that we'd find it irritating if other guys spoke with Haruhi. . ." One of the twins admitted.

"Then, it's settled!" The other twin proclaimed.

Sighing, I plopped down on one of the red couches.

"I want no part in this. . ."



The Great Strategic Plan To Hide Haruhi's Gender~!

What a mouthful, huh?

"Well then, fellow team members~" Tamaki announced, standing before the gigantic white board with a black marker in hand.

"Please reconfirm your positioning in formation A for tomorrow's physical examination." Tamaki stated.

"Yessir!" The rest of the Host Club said, saluting our "fearless" leader.

"I see. . ."

Haruhi stared at them blankly before making a 'eureka!' expression.

"If they find out I won't be able to stay as a host, so I won't be able to repay my debt."

Turning to the window, Haruhi began to calculate.

"The amount remaining that I have to repay is 5,333,332 Yen. . ."

"Lucky!" I replied from my seat on the red couch.

Tamaki and the twins sweat-dropped at this.

"How about you think of some other method?" I asked lazily, cleaning my glasses with my soft pink hankercheif.

"Yes, I'll think of some other method!" Haruhi said in response as she began to laugh.

"Captain~" The Hitachiin twins called.

"The target herself has no will to do this at all!"

"What an uncooperative heroine. . ." Tamaki murmured in dismay.

"Do you hate being a host that much?" Tamaki inquired, pointing a finger at Haruhi's back.

"Do you hate this club that much?" He continued, shoulders slumping.

"Well if I had to decide, yeah." Haruhi said without hesitation.

Tamaki looked totally shocked at this.

"Well, what did you expect?" I asked him bluntly.

"The both of us were forced to join this club in order to repay a debt, not because we actually wanted to do so." I explained, pocketing my handkercheif.

Tamaki then retreated to his infamous little corner of woe.

Smiling cheekily and rubbing the back of her head, Haruhi said "But you really can't do anything about it if they find out I'm a girl!"

"What a way to decrease our motivation. . ." One of the twins mumbled, obviously discouraged.

"What we should take care of first is this lack of drive in Haruhi. . ." Kyouya stated, glancing at Haruhi who was merrily chuckling in front of the huge window.

"We should probably take care of that too. . ." Kyouya drawled, taking a quick glance in my direction.

I'll have you know, asswipe, I'm not a "that."

"You know, I can hear you. . ." I complianed, lightly glaring at him.

Naturally, I opted to reply with the nicer option.

"I intended for you to." Kyouya replied, completely unfazed.

"You should be helping out as well, lazy maid-san~" the twins chorused dully.

"I've helped out plenty~" I said with a grin.

"Oh?" Kyouya asked unconvinced.

"Hai! Did you here that suggestion I gave Haruhi earlier? That was a huge help!" I insisted.

"And I'm not lazy, I just don't want to take part in this scheme of his." I added, pointing to Tamaki who still lingered within his emo corner.

"Is that because you want Tono all to yourself?" one of the twins questioned with a smirk.

"Nani?" I asked.

"Ahh. You do, don't you? You really are Haruhi's 'rival in love'!" the other twin accused.

"N-" I began only to be interrupted by Mori.

"Ootoro."

Haruhi's laughter ceased as everyone looked deathly serious.

Ootoro? What's the big deal? It's just fatty tuna. . .

"Oh yeah. . ." Tamaki began, speaking for the first time in awhile.

"At our last dance party. . ." He drawled out.

"You didn't get to eat any, right?" He finished, looking in Haruhi's general direction.

"Did you know?" whispered one of the twins loudly to the other.

"That person there has never had a taste of Ootoro before?" the twin continued.

"Oh my, what a pitiful upbringing." Drawled the other twin as Haruhi and I sweat-dropped.

"You'd be able to eat all kinds of delicious foods if you stayed in this club. . ." Honey mused, examining Usa-chan as if it were some huge chunk of strawberry cake.

"W-What are you talking about?" Haruhi dismissed with a wave of her hand.

"Just because I'm poor, and just because I'll be able to eat Ootoro, aren't reasons to keep on hiding my gender. . ." Haruhi reasoned, although it was hard to tell who she was trying to convince. . .the boys, or herself.

"I'm not that gluttonous of a. . ." She began, a big smile plastered upon her face.

Opening her eyes, Haruhi sweat-dropped.

"Will I really be able to eat some?" Haruhi questioned skeptically.

Tamaki and the twins smiled adorably, little pink hearts floating above their heads.

Mori and Kyouya had their usual facial expressions plastered on and I face-planted; anime-style.

".God. She traded her dignity in for a slice of fatty freakin' tuna. . ." I murmured in disbelief.



"Physical examinations shall begin now. All students please proceed to your respective nurse's office according to your class!" Boomed a female voice over the loudspeaker.



"Since when were physical examinations so eccentric?" I asked Kyouya as we casually walked down the red carpet, nurses and doctors on either side of us, bowing as we passed.

"Everything is still about business, even though this is a school." Kyouya answered, pushing his glasses up with his inded finger.

"Ah. So this whole thing is basically for show." I concluded.

"More or less." Kyoua replied as we came across Haruhi.

"It's so glaringly obvious. . ." She muttered.

"What is?" I asked curiously.

In response, she pointed out Mori and Honey who were dressed up as doctors.

"Those two are there in case of an emergency." Kyouya stated, answering the question that Haruhi and I had yet to ask.

"And what's the point in their disguise?" Haruhi questioned.

"Just helping us create the atmosphere. . ." Kyouya elaborated rather vaguely.

Haruhi and Kyouya then got into a casual discussion about the physical examination and the plan which I pointedly ignored.

If you didn't know, which you probably don't, I've already had my physical examination.

Kyouya has as well, so that's why we were currently in class 1-A's examination section.

After a while, Haruhi was dragged away by a petite looking nurse, and almost exactly after that a familiar looking man in a doctor's coat bumped into Kyouya.

"I-I'm so sorry!" The man exclaimed.

"It's okay. . ." Kyouya dismissed.

"Hey-" Kyouya and I both began in unison, realization dawning upon us.

But it was already far too late as the man had walked swiftly out of sight.



"Kyaaaaaaaaaa~!"

That's right ladies, the Hitachiin twins were shirtless.

Of course they were supposed to take their shirts off behind the curtain. . .

But there seems to be no complaints from anyone. . .

Especially not me xD

Oh, and that scream? The twins were performing their yaoi-ness in front of the fangirls.

Whoosh.

Ooh, clever.

You see why the fangirls were distracted, Mori and Honey ran behind them and pushed Haruhi into one of the curtained rooms.

I presume this is part of the plan to protect Haruhi's dirty little secret, but who knows?

Definitely not me. . .

I wasn't informed of the plan since I blatantly refused to take part in it.

Haruhi's nurse then requested for him to take off his shirt behind the curtains and then come out for the chest measurement.

And to my and the fangirls surprise. . .

Tamaki pushed back the curtains adorned in a brown wig that resembled Haruhi's hair and an unbuttoned white shirt that showed off his bare chest quite nicely.

Unable to think logically due to Tamaki's exposed flesh, I didn't bother to ask why he thought he could get away with pretending to be Haruhi. . .especially since there were way too many obvious differences to account for.

"Fujioka Haruhi here. . ." Tamaki said softly.

All the fangirls sported sweat-drops and I was still lost to the world, my gaze fixated upon Tamaki without shame.

The twins sudden burst of laughter brought me out of my stupor, though.

"He really did it!" one of the twins exclaimed.

"Of course they'll know! Of course they'll know!" the other twin exclaimed in hysterics.

They were laughing so hard that they were literally crying.

Tamaki looked quite embarrassed as he threw the Haruhi wig to the floor.

"You guys! You two said they'd never find out this way!" Tamaki exclaimed grabbing one of the twins by the neck.

"This is just a little revenge for calling us the homo side characters. . ." The twin Tamaki was attempting to strangle replied cheekily.

Tamaki then tiptoed back to the curtained room with his tail between his legs.

"You have a bit of drool right there." Came Kyouya's voice suddenly as he pointed to my chin.

"How long have you been there?" I asked stupidly, pulling out my handkerchief and wiping the drool away.

"Long enough to see you drooling over our King." Kyouya stated nonchalantly with a smirk as he adjusted his glasses.

"I wasn't drooling over him! I just happen to have overactive salivary glands!" I replied furiously.

Tamaki then hurriedly left the curtained room with a scream,

"Well I suppose I should inform Haruhi of the real plan now." Kyouya said quietly as he started towards the curtained room.

"The real plan? What would the real plan happen to be?" I inquired blankly.

"All the doctors and nurses are from my family's hospital so I was able to arrange for Haruhi to meet with a 'special male student nurse' who has been informed of the situation in a private room." Kyouya explained as he continued walking.

"And let me guess. . ." I began coyly.

"The reason you didn't inform anyone of this in the beginning is because you wanted revenge for being called a homo side character as well, right?" I inquired.

"Precisely." Kyouya replied with a smirk as he entered the curtained room.



"It's true!" a girl exclaimed in hysterics causing Kyouya, Mori, Honey and I to stop walking and turn around.

"There was a doctor that grabbed my shoulders-" continued the same girl.

"And tried to do something improper!" she finished as a nurse patted her back in attempt to comfort her.

As she sobbed she added, "And I tried resisting!"

"My, how scary!" another girl added.

"I wonder if it's a pervert?" questioned the other.

"We need to be careful in early spring!" announced another girl.

"So I was right after all. . ." Kyouya said, bringing a hand to his chin.

"After all~?" questioned Honey curiously.

"That guy we just saw?" I questioned more to Kyouya then anyone else.

Nodding he continued, "Although he was wearing a white coat, he definitely wasn't from our hospital. . ."

"So I did think it was weird. . ."

"Then say so already!" The twins interrupted, feeling a bit perturbed no doubt.

"Oh well, security guards will get him right away!" Kyouya said without worry.

"And where did this pervert head?" asked a guy in concern for the girl.

"Ahh. He went towards the special male students nurse's office. . ." The traumatized girl replied.

The special male student's nurse's office?

Isn't that where. . .?

"Haruhi. . .!" The Host Club members and I all chorused.

"Tama-chan kick!" Tamaki exclaimed, leaping up and kicking open the curtains that held Haruhi and the pervert behind them.

In result, the familiar looking guy in the white coat (aka the 'pervert') went flying into the wall.

"One. The beautiful looks that attract attention. . ." The Hitachiin twins chorused causing Haruhi to look up in shock.

"Two. The fearless rich men. . ." Kyouya continued coolly.

"Three. The gentleman-ship that. . ." Mori added, actually making use of his vocal chords for once.

". . .Cannot overlook evil in this world." Honey finished Mori's sentence as he looked scary and oddly serious.

Tamaki then threw his white shirt over Haruhi's head, "We, the Ouran Host Club. . ." Tamaki continued loudly.

"Have now come forth!" He and the rest of the club finished.

"Um, go team?" I added since I felt I should say something.

Yeah, that was a total moment killer right there. . .

But even so, the "pervert began to tremble in fear.

"P-Please, spare my life!" he exclaimed bowing low to the ground.

"I run a small clinic in the neighboring town." The man began sadly.

He seemed to look more and more familiar and I was sure I knew someone who also ran a small clinic in the neighboring town. . .

"My name is Yabu. . ."

"Yo! His name is Yabu, man. Yabu!" one of the twins exclaimed.

"Wow. . ." The other twin murured.

"They really exist, don't they?" Continued the very same twin.

Quack?

Ahh. I know who he is now!

"Dr. Yabu!" the twins chorused glancing at each other.

"Yeah. I really just wanted to see my daughter who left the house with my wife last month. . ." stated somberly.

"So I came all the way to school!" He added proudly.

"Why did your wife and daughter leave you?" Haruhi questioned him with wide eyes.

"Yeah. That's because. . ." began.

He then went in to a detailed explanation of how his wife and daughter left him, of course I already knew that so I didn't pay much attention.

"And basically like that. . ." He began.

"I am really bad at managing my clinic. . ." He continued.

"And I can't say no to other people. . .so they got tired of a life filled with debt. . ." He finished, bowing his head in apparent shame.

Everyone else was like "W.T.F."

"I just. . .want to see my daughter once more, and so getting hit by rain. . .and getting lost. . .and finally reaching this school . . ." He rambled rather pitifully.

"But for some reason they've mistaken me for a physical examination doctor. . ." He said, kind of confused.

No, now why would people do that?

"Well duh, you're wearing a white coat." One of the twins mumbled.

"Anyone would mistake you for a doctor." The other twin agreed.

"And in the end. . ." He began as he had a flashback about that girl mistaking him for a pervert.

"When I asked for my daughter, she screamed. . .!" He ended as he cried.

"-And I ended up being a fugitive!" he added, still crying.

"Oh, how unfortunate!" Tamaki cried, feeling sorry for the doctor.

I've had enough of this. . .

"Baka!" I exclaimed, crossing my arms over my chest.

Of course that caused everyone to look at me.

"You've obviously come to the wrong school." I concluded.

The doctor stared at me for a moment, probably thinking that I was familiar to him.

"Yes, could it be. . ." Kyouya began, drawing attention to himself.

"That the school you're looking for is the public school Ourin High School?"

"Yes, and?" asked the doctor completely clueless.

"This is Ouran Academy!" I exclaimed in a "duh" tone.

"-Not your daughter's school." Kyouya continued for me.

Dr. Yabu looked utterly shocked.

"You didn't even know what school your daughter goes to?" Kyouya questioned in disappointment.

"Maybe they got tired of that aspect of you, instead of the debts." Kyouya concluded.

"Kyo-chan~! You actually figured out he was looking in the wrong school!" Honey said, obviously impressed.

"There's no way a daughter from such a small clinic-" began Kyouya.

"Could attend this school, right?" he asked.

At that, Haruhi and I glared at him.

"But also. . ." One of the twins stated.

"How is it that Maid-san figured it out as well?" the other twin said curiously.

Everyone turned to me for my answer.

"It's because Megumi-chan's his daughter, ne?" I replied vaguely.

At this the doctor turned his full attention to me.

He studied me for a moment and then, "Ahh, Would you be. . ." He began searching for a name.

"Mamimi-chan?" He guessed finally.

"Mimi-chan." I corrected with a nod.

"So what, you know each other?" One of the twins inquired.

"My records show that Mimi-san attended Ourin high school before she came here." Kyouya answered smartly.

"So you went to school with his daughter, ne Mimi-chan~?" Honey asked cutely.

"If I remember correctly, she's my daughter's good friend." said, bringing a hand to his chin.

"One of her only friends. . ." I mumbled, a bit forlorn.

"What do you mean?" inquired.

Oh great, it's my turn to ramble now.

"Megumi-chan gets made fun of a lot because of him." I said, pointing at the doctor.

"Having a father who's known as Dr. Quack isn't too good for your popularity, you see. " I continued.

"But I stood up for her and became one of her only friends. . .her other friends being Mika and Daichi." I finished swiftly.

Dr. Yabu then looked even more depressed at that.

"It's no use! She's surely given u-" began the doctor quite downcast.

"Okay then~" Tamaki began as he stood up, rudely interrupting Dr. Yabu.

"Kyouya, please prepare a map with directions to the public school in the neighboring town for this person." Tamaki requested, pointing at Doctor Yabu.

"Very well." Kyouya complied.

Haruhi, Dr. Yabu, and I all looked stunned.



From the window, The Host Club and I waved at 's retreating form.

"You sure this is fine?" One of the twins asked with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Because. . .even if they meet, he's still given up on by his daughter." The other twin continued.

"I don't think so. . ." I muttered quietly with a smile, recalling how much Megumi seemed to love her parents, even if her dad did embarrass her and make her life hard at times.

"After all, that's something for him to ascertain himself." Tamaki stated, surprisingly thoughtful.

Haruhi gasped a bit as a white kite above the clock tower rose higher and higher in the sky.

"Excuse me, everybody. . ." Haruhi called a few minutes later.

"Could you get out please?" She finished a bit rudely.

The guys looked stunned, like they didn't realize that Haruhi needed to continue her physical examination.

"Haruhi? Are you still angry at me?" Tamaki exclaimed as he backed up a bit.

"Don't tell me you're going to quit the Host Club?" He questioned in disbelief.

"I have to continue my physical examination, right?" Haruhi questioned sweetly.

Looking back at the guys, she smiled and said "As a male student."

Tamaki was shaking, it seemed as though he was going to cry - perhaps tears of joy?

"Ah, but I'm not doing this for the food." She added in reassurance.

"But because I want to repay my debt. . ." She finished with a smile.

A splash of pink coated Tamaki's cheeks quite suddenly.

That moment seemed content, or it did until-

"Haruhi, you're too cute~!" Tamaki exclaimed, hugging her tightly.

"You just really want to eat Ootoro. . ." Tamaki said slyly, still hugging her.

Not that I cared or anything, though.

Tamaki can hug whoever he wants, honestly.

"-But that part of you that's hiding this fact is. . .kind of awesome!" Tamaki exclaimed over-dramatically as per usual.

"Please stop it!" Haruhi shrieked angrily.

"Ahh! Don't touch those places!" She ordered sternly.

"Give him the red card!" The twins snickered.

"This guy. . .!" I began, growing an anime vein.

"He's the real pervert!" The twins finished.

"Who cares? Just. . . GET OUT!"