Life of Illusion

I stayed up all night. If she was serious about having the baby and getting sober, I was going to make sure it happened. When I quit, the hardest thing was leaving everyone behind in the lifestyle. I know I couldn't help unless they wanted, but it still hurt that I just left them. I bought her the plane ticket, using up the last of the money I had saved up, and made a list.

Once she was detoxed she would need a routine and a diet. Even if she didn't have and drug connections here, an experienced junkie knows. They're like experts at finding a way to get another hit. Especially when they're desperate.

She would have to quit cold turkey, while is more difficult than I did. I slowly weaned myself off and, as I started using only about twice a day, I checked myself into rehab. Where I did quit cold turkey. And even then, the withdrawal was horrible. I even relapsed a couple times.

And the cravings. And detox. I did not envy her. I wouldn't even have her go through with it if it wasn't completely necessary.

I still sometimes longer for a hit, but then I thought of Davis. It still hurt when I thought about him sometimes. I loved him so much. I still do. We loved each other. We always swore we'd get married one day. I didn't when we had the chance because I thought I was too young. I've regretted that ever since.

Even the two times I thought I might be pregnant, he promised he'd stay with me. I never was, and I regretted that, too. If only I had something more to remind me of him. Other than crappy photos I didn't want to look at anymore.

I never cheated on him, never even thought of it. And he was always faithful to me.

When the time came, I dressed in old clothes I didn't really care about and went over to the coffee shop.

“Goooooooood morning.” Will sang, smiling as I entered. He was already setting the tarp down to paint the other side of the room that we didn't get to yesterday. I barely heard him, my thoughts were too loud. “Earth to Aline.” He started again. “Hey? Is something wrong?” He asked.

I finally looked at him. His eyes...

They were the exact color as Davis' were.

I cleared my throat, nodding, “Yeah, just had a rough night.”

“Then how about I make us a pot of coffee and have some muffins left over from yesterday?” My stomach growled, liking that idea.

I sat down at one of the only tables left in the place, and pulled at my hair. Two years ago, it probably would have fallen out. Two years ago, I would still be passed out at this time, if I wasn't still partying.

Two years ago...I would have Davis.

Why was this just now surfacing? At first, I guess, I was trying so hard and staying focused on getting clean that it didn't even hit. And then I didn't ever want to think about it. Talk about a late reaction.

My eyes filled with tears again just as Will set a steaming cup of coffee in front of me, the largest size, and a chocolate muffin. “Are you crying?”

I wiped my eyes quickly on my sleeve, but the tears were still coming. “I'm a wreck.” I gave a chuckle that sounded more like a sob.

“What's the matter?” Will asked, kneeling in front of me, resting his hands on my knees for balance.

I wiped my eyes again, using my whole sleeve of the over sized sweatshirt. I shook my head, hoping that he got the point I didn't want to talk about it. He brushed my hair out of my face and over my shoulder. I haven't bothered even straightening my hair today, so it fell to the middle of my back in soft waves.

My eyes searched his, but it was too painful. His eyes....I didn't want to look at him. The chair toppled over as I flung myself into his arms. He lost his balance at my sudden embrace, but steadied himself quickly. I clutched him tightly, burying my face in his neck. He held me back even though he was probably really confused.

“Blimey, save it for the bedroom, would ya?” Oliver teased, entering the shop in worn out clothes.

“Where's James?” I asked, pulling myself from will, trying to at least sound put together.

Oliver looked behind him, then back out the door, “Probably decided he's too cool for manual labor. I, however, fancy painting large rooms.”

“Thanks a lot, Oliver, for your help.” Will got up, righting the chair I had knocked over and helped me up. “I'll get you a cup of coffee before we start.” He said, going back into the back room where we have moved all the appliances.

“So, I take it you're not doing any better than last night?” Oliver asked, seeing my face streaked with tears.

“Not in particular.” I chuckled, sniffling. “Once I start working, though, I'll be fine.”

“If you need anything...anything at all. James and I are here for you.”

“Thanks, Oliver.” I smiled.

I wouldn't though. I couldn't. They meant a lot to me. Even if I had just met them like...four...five days ago. Point it, I definitely didn't want them to think of or treat me any differently. But, I realized I would need help.

We were done painting the other half of the store and a second coat by four o'clock and Edward arrived. He announced that we could all go home, since he was having some people over to do repairs in the kitchen.

“Hey....Will?” I asked when it was just Will and I in the store, Edward in the kitchen. “Can I ask...er, well....I need help.”

“Anything, Aline.”

“We need someplace private...” I looked around, suddenly very nervous, “Do you mind coming over to my place?”

“Not at all, let me grab my jacket.”

I didn't say a word as we walked, and Will, sensing my discomfort and anxiousness, grabbed my hand. It was comforting. “Whatever it is, Aline, I'm...I'm here for you, and...I'll still like you.”

As we passed the Phelps' house, I smiled up at Will, giving his hand a squeeze. At the smile he gave me, I felt myself blush. He was so...like Davis.

I can't believe I'm just now noticing. I guess it's because I have been thinking about him a lot lately. I just...missed him.

He was nice, funny, and so...good for me. And I was good for him. But now...neither of us were good for anybody. I'm tainted and he's, well....dead.

When we got into my house, we both sat on the couch. I didn't even know where to start, or how much I should tell him. “ Okay...” I sighed, running my hands through my hair. “I...I need help.”

“You've said that.” Will said patiently.

“I...I have a friend in American who....who's pregnant and she...she's....” My eyes watered again and my voice shook. I stood up from the couch and started pacing. “She's on drugs. Has been since we were sixteen. And...she's coming here so I can help her quit. For the baby.”

Will looked shocked, “And...you want my help?”

“I'll understand if you say no...but...with the job and renovation....I just...I won't be able to help her as much.”

“When is she coming?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Blimey...um...” Will sighed, “I mean...yeah. I could help. Not that I know what to do.”

“You will?” My eyes filled once more with relief. “Oh, thank you, thank you!”

“It's not even a problem, Aline.”

“Ummm....” I got nervous again, “Do you...think you could stay here, too? Like, over nights? I mean, it's a long way back to Birmingham from here...I think”

“I make the trip daily anyway, it's only like 30 minutes...”

“But...it's just...easier if you're here. And comforting. I really don't want to be alone for this.”

“Aline, I...”

“I'll give you my room and Jimmie will have the guest. I don't have another bed, so, I'll make due on the couch. I just...I--” My ramblings came to a stop when I realized I had nothing left to say.

“Yes, Aline. I'll stay with you.” Will smiled.