Life of Illusion

-Jimmie-

I bit my nails, they were getting to be down to the quick. My legs were shaking and I had a massive headache. I was glad they didn't drug test you before you got on a plane.

I couldn't help it. I needed it. But, now the pill's effects were wearing off. And I was a million freaking feet in the air. God, help me.

Even though I'm sure He wouldn't answer my prayers. I'm a lowlife druggie. No job, no money, and a baby with no husband or even boyfriend. I'm so screwed up.

Though my stomach was still flat, I put my hand to it, as if I could feel the baby growing inside me.

“We have landed in London, England. Please have you passports ready at the gate and enjoy your stay or welcome home.”

I doubt it. The things I looked up about detox and withdrawal. Ugly stuff, I did not look forward to it. I grabbed the carry-on bag that I had and patiently waited to exit the plane. My eyes darted to all the people, my heart racing.

I was doing this for the baby, I reminded myself.

I made it out to the terminal, faces passing in a blur. After getting my bag from the claim, I looked for Aline. I tried to focus on the people, but I couldn't. I needed to see Aline's face.

Then I saw her. She looked great. So strong, so recovered. I almost felt ashamed. There she stood, having beat the drugs, and here I was, having taken something not 12 hours ago. And she was holding the hand of a familiar looking boy. For a second, I thought it was Davis, but as I came closer, I realized it wasn't.

Of course. It couldn't have been. Davis was dead.

When Aline threw her arms around me, she didn't smell like the Aline I once knew, just as she didn't act like her. “I know it doesn't seem like it, but I've missed you.” She whispered. Her eyes were a little red, like she had been crying.

“This is Will...” She said, awkwardly introducing the Davis look-a-like next to her. He even had Davis' eyes. “He's a friend from work and Will...this is Carla, but we all call her Jimmie.”

She was happy. Clean and happy. We smiled at each other, mine a little fake, and began walking out to the car. I wanted to be like she was now.

It was quiet on the car ride back, I didn't know what to say, and apparently neither did Aline. I mean, there wasn't really much we could say to each other. All I know is, judging by the far away look on her face, she was remembering what it was like back then.

“I know it seems insulting, Jimmie.” Aline started softly as we carried my stuff up to the room I would be staying in. “But, I'll need to check your stuff. I mean, I know it probably wouldn't have gotten passed airport security, but I need to be sure.”

Crap.

“Okay.” I nodded, feeling ashamed I even tried anything.

Aline began going through my bag, unfolding every piece of clothing and pulling apart every pair of sock. Finally, she found it.

“How did this get passed?” She asked incredulously at the little baggy of white pills. I couldn't risk taking my drug of choice, heroin, because of the security checks. Pills were harder to detect.

“They only check a few bags.” Will said, coming in the doorway, “I ordered some pizza for us and I'm going to pick it up. Do you need anything else?”

“Uh, take this.” Aline said, pulling out some money. The strange European kind. “And get us some soda, I forgot earlier today. Thanks.” She sighed as he left again.

“Jimmie...” She started, “I know...I know how hard it is.” She started, eyes filling with tears. She always cried easily, I remembered. “But, you're going to have to be serious about quitting if you're ever going to succeed. And have a healthy baby.” She added the last part to get to me, I'm sure.

And it worked.

“I know, Linney.” I sighed, sinking into the bed. “It's hard.”

“I'm going to get rid of these.” She stood and walked from the room. A couple long minutes later, a toilet flushed somewhere in the house.

She came back, straight-faced and searched the rest of my bag, coming up empty. “Okay, ummm...” She rubbed her hands on her thighs, standing up. “I don't know what else to do. I guess I can show you around and help you unpack, but you've got mostly clothes in here...”

“It's fine. I'll just...” Except, I didn't know what to do either.

“I can get you a book, that helped me a lot while I was...rehabilitating.”

I shook my head, feeling tired and depressed. “I think, I'll take a nap.”

“Okay, if you're not up, we will save you some pizza.” Aline nodded, closing the door as she left.

She's been through this before, so she knows how I should be feeling, right? I don't want to be around people, and I just feel depressed. And it's only been twelve hours since my last pill.

I think it was Ecstasy I got from Vicky.

I curled up under the clean smelling bed, a headache coming on.

-Aline-

When Will came back with the pizza, I didn't eat much. I mainly just picked and the crust and sauce. I felt sick, guilty, and agitated. Almost like I was going through withdrawal again. Will didn't say much, but he turned on some music from my large CD wallet.

“I've never heard of Death Cab For Cutie before, I suppose they're an American band?” He mentioned, pressing play. Soon, 'Marching Bands of Manhattan' started playing.

Will sat beside me on the couch, tapping his fingers on his jeans, meanwhile I was slumped over, staring at my toes. “Why are you helping me, Will?” I asked softly as a new song started.

“I don't know.” He shrugged, “You needed it.”

“You have to know.” I turned my head to look at him.

“I guess...because you helped me.”

I was confused, “What do you mean, I helped you?”

Will smiled down at me, “Do you not remember the first day we met? How I walked you home?”

“Of course I remember.”

“What you said helped me, even if it was really cheesy and a little crazy.”

“Oh.” I said. What I said had been stupid. “Right.” I stood up from the couch, beginning to pace. I was anxious. I don't even know why. I guess I was just worried.

Even if Will looked like Davis, he felt completely different, I realized as he hugged me tightly. “Stop worrying so much, Aline, things will be alright.” I buried my face in his chest, holding him back.

“They better.” I laughed a little, giving Will a squeeze.