Life of Illusion

The next morning, I woke up to Jimmie screaming. I opened my eyes, flinging myself off of the couch, and tripping up the stairs. I burst into her room, trying to comprehend. “Linney, it hurts.” She sobbed, holding onto her head and sweating.

I went to sit beside her, trying to comfort her a little, and her skin was hot. I was scared, not going to lie, and I didn't know what to do to help her. Getting her pain medication seemed counterproductive, and the only other thing I could think of was ice. But you're not supposed to use that, it raises your body temperature because you start shivering.

“What's going on?” Will came in, still in his pajamas.

“Can....can you go get some-some wat-water, I should have some bottles in the fridge, she's burning up.” I panicked, before I even finished, Will was rushing down the steps and into my kitchen.

“Jimmie, I'm sorry. I can't do anything.” I shook my head, repressing tears. “Will's getting you some water. Are you hot?”

“No...yes...I don't know. Linney.” She sobbed, snot running from her nose. “I need something, please.”

“I can't get you anything, Jimmie. It's for the baby, remember? You're going to have a baby.” I pleaded with her. Will came back with the water, and I tried to get Jimmie to drink it. But she refused. “Jimmie, Jimmie, please.” I begged, “how about we take off your sweater.” I tried lifting it over her head, and flung the drench sweater off of her.

Needle marks shone on the junction of her elbow, standing out to my like they had neon signs. It made my stomach turn. I remembered what those were like, even if I didn't do heroin that often. I ripped my eyes away from her arm and tried to get her to drink the water.

Once I got her to drink the water, she seemed to calm down a little. “Jimmie, are you hungry?” I asked.

“No...my stomach hurts.” She mumbled.

“Is that the only thing?”

“No, my head, my hands, my whole body.” Jimmie listed.

I turned to Will, “I'm...I need to go to the store for some things...” I started, pulling him from the room.

“Do you want me to go?”

“No...I need...I'll go.” I was still a little traumatized. I don't think I ever went through something so severe as that while detoxing. It was scary. My eyeballs burned, “Can you stay and watch over Jimmie. Make sure she drinks plenty of water. If she starts vomiting, call me and I'll be back as soon as I can.” I instructed.

“Okay.” Will nodded, pulling me into a hug. “I can't imagine how you're feeling, Aline. She's your friend, right?”

“Best friend...at least...was.” But, if she came to me for help, she still considered me a friend, right? I know I still cared about her a lot. Will kissed the top of my head before releasing me. I felt a little better after that.

I got dressed from my pajamas into capris and throwing a jacket over my tank top.

Once I was outside, I took a deep breath. It was cold out, and I thought maybe that I should have put on some longer jeans.

Really, the cravings hadn't ever stopped. I was on cocaine since I was about...17, stopped at 22. Five years I was on it, and there was a condition that made you crave it for months afterward.

Sometimes years.

I really hope it stops soon. I don't know how much I can take. I shook it off as I started walking. Subconsciously, I started playing with the bracelet on my wrist. It was my 21st birthday present for Davis. It wasn't anything special, in fact, the 'diamonds' in it were most likely bits of glass and a couple were missing.

“Here. Open it.” Davis smiled, handing me a poorly wrapped square box. I glanced up at him, ripping off the paper.

I smiled wide, looking up at him, “Davis, you're the best!” I threw my arms around him after slipping it on. “God, I love you so much.” I gushed, kissing him deeply.

“Whoa, slow down, Ali, the party hasn't even begun.” Davis chuckled, pushing me gently away.

“Oh, right.” I smirked, “When is everyone getting here?”

He was the only one to ever call me 'Ali'. I didn't let anyone else do so. And especially after his death. I pretended to hate it when he did, and pull a sour face. But, I secretly loved it.

And he knew I did.

“Aline?”Susan asked. I hadn't realized I had stopped walking, and right in front of their house, too. “What are you doing?”

“Oh...uh, Got lost in thought and forgot how my feet worked.” I answered, forcing on a smile, “I just need to go to the store to pick up a few things.”

“Who's car is that in your driveway?” She pointed, “It's been there since yesterday.”

“Oh, my friend Will's. He's staying for a couple days.” I explained. “I really have to get going though, Mrs. Phelps, I'll talk to you later.” I waved and started walking again before she could start more conversation.

When I came back, a couple bags of fruit, yogurt, and a new book, Will looked relieved. “Good, you're here. Dad called a little bit ago and I was afraid I was going to have to leave Jimmie here alone. Something happened, and he needs a little bit of help from me.”

“Oh, okay. How has she been?” I asked, putting away the groceries.

“She's shaking a lot, and still has a little bit of a fever, and is in a lot of pain, but it's the best we can expect, I guess.” William reported, peering at me curiously. “Are you all right? You looked a little panicked when you left.”

“Yeah, I just...get anxious sometimes. I don't know...seeing Jimmie like that...I guess it just brought back memories.”

“I don't want to pry...but...you speak like you've gone through this before, too. Did you used to do drugs?” He asked hesitantly.

I heaved a sigh, “I mean...I was really young and...and...yeah.” I nodded, not wanting to make up anymore excuses. What I did, I did because I was trying to be cool, I knew that it was bad, but I still did it. I can't blame my youth. “But I stopped.”

I didn't want to tell him it hadn't even been two years since I've been clean, I just let him assume whatever he wanted. Because I didn't want him to be weird. I mean, he still could be, but if I told him the truth, I'm too scared that he definitely would treat me different.

Just then, Will gathered me in a hug, and honestly, I was a little surprised. Usually, once people, particularly employers, find out you used to have a drug problem, they treat you different. And sometimes try to find a way to get you fired. I hugged back as tightly as I could manage.

“I told you before, no matter what, I'd still like you, Aline, so don't even worry about me being weird around you.” He could tell all that just by looking at me? I must be easier to read than I thought. “You will be okay, and so will Jimmie.” He muttered.

“I hope you're right.” I mumbled as he released me.

Once he left, I went up to check on Jimmie, “How are you?”

“I hurt all over.” She groaned.

“I bought some fruits and stuff, which is supposed to help...do you want me to make you a smoothie?”

“Yes. Do you have eggs?” Jimmie answered, I nodded and she smiled a little, “Good. I don't feel hungry, but all I can think about is a peanut butter and egg sandwich.”

I scrunched up my face to show my disgust, “Gross.”

“I know!” She agreed. At least she was acting somewhat normal now.

“You're pregnant, all right.” I rolled my eyes, smiling for what felt like the first time in days. She followed me slowly down the stairs, sitting on the couch. I couldn't really see her from the kitchen, but it wasn't like I needed to watch her like a hawk 24/7.

I made her the sandwich first, and as I was bringing it out to her, the doorbell rang. I figured it was Will still being she and polite in my house, but I was a little bit surprised to see Oliver and James.

“Hiya.” Oliver greeted, James only waved with a tight smile on his face. I peered at James shortly before smiling at Oliver. What was James' problem?

“Hi.” I said, “What brings you here?”

“We just wanted to see if you were busy.” Oliver said pleasantly.

“Uhhhh...” I trailed off, looking down at the sandwich in my hands, the twins seemed to just now notice it as well. “Kind of.”

“What kind of sandwich is that?” Oliver asked, leaning down to look at it.

“Peanut butter and....egg...” I admitted, looking at it.

“Are...” Oliver gave me a weird look, and James' face finally moved from his slight scowl into the same expression his brother was wearing. “Are you insane? That's disgusting.”

I cleared my throat, “Yes, I'm busy, I can't...I won't be able to hang out with you guys for a little bit...I'm sorry.” I apologized.

“Okay...let us know when you can.” Oliver said cheerily, giving me a wave.

“Bye, James.” I called as he just started to walk off. Geez, who peed in his cheerios this morning?