Life of Illusion

-Aline-

Jimmie was throwing up again. It made me jittery, I couldn't really focus. I tried busying myself with cleaning, but there really was nothing to do, I had already done all the dishes, cleaned the rooms up, and tidied everything while Jimmie had been trying to force something down to eat.

I didn't know which the vomiting was connected with, the pregnancy or the withdrawal. I didn't know if sickness could start this soon with pregnancy, so it was most likely the withdrawal. Right?

Besides that, the only thing she's really been able to keep down was the smoothies I had made for her. I had to once again to go the store for vitamin supplements and worried constantly about the baby. As I'm sure she was.

Sometimes, even though you couldn't even tell she had a baby growing inside her, I caught Jimmie biting her nails and holding her stomach. It made it easier to quit if you had something to do it for, I guess.

At least it was almost time for Will to come home...but with each seemingly loud tick of the clock hanging in front of my, I got more restless and itchy.

Unable to take the sounds of gagging and spitting any longer, I went upstairs quickly and into my room. I searched furiously in my sock drawer for the only white pair I had. “Come on,” I muttered, almost squeaking with joy as I plucked it out of the drawer, unfolding it.

The pills Jimmie had with her fell into my hand, its clear plastic sandwich bag looking crinkled and old. My pulse sped up, and I could feel it pounding against my skin. It was all I needed. It would calm me down a little, or at least take my mind from everything.

I tried getting rid of them, but at the last second, I decided against it, flushing the toilet even without the drugs. That moment of weakness was now taking its toll on me. Since then, when I was alone, or I couldn't sleep, it was the only thing I thought about.

I had held off this long, but now I couldn't stand it any longer. I needed this. I needed the comfort and familiarity of the drug coursing through my vein. It didn't matter what kind it was, I just needed something. Something to take me from this reality.

I picked one from the bag, but then decided I would need two. Just in case the first one didn't help all that much. I didn't even really know what kind of pills these were. I think Ecstasy. It would makes the most sense since that's what Vicky always had with her.

My hand shook as I lifted them to my mouth. As I placed them on my tongue, I heard Will's voice, “Aline? Where are you?”

Snapping from the temporary insanity, I spit out the two pills, dropping the bag on the floor beside them. Tears flooded my eyes.

What in the world was I doing? In that moment I felt so ashamed, appalled, and disgusted with myself. Jimmie was doing it, more complicated than I ever had, so why was I doing this? Why was I thinking, actually going to do, the most terrible thing I could imagine.

I was such a hypocrite.

I ran from my room, down the stairs, “Get rid of them!” I shouted, gesturing senselessly up the stairs. “The pills, on my floor, get rid of them, please, Will!” I pleaded, shouting and sobbing. Will's face was a mixture of concern and confusion, and Jimmie looked at me with pity.

I went to sit on the porch, rocking back and forth with my face in my knees and my arms wrapped tight around me. A couple minutes later, footsteps sounded and there was suddenly another body next to mine. “Aline?” Came Will's soft voice, “Are you going to be okay?”

“I almost took them, Will. I almost relapsed. I can't believe I was actually—I put them in my mouth!” I cried loudly. “I was going to do it, Will. I was.” I finished pathetically, my body shaking.

“But you didn't, did you?” He put a hand on my back for comfort, “You stopped yourself just in time, Aline. Be proud of that, okay? Because I'm proud of you.”

“You shouldn't be, I'm scum.” I mumbled.

Will's strong hands unwrapped my hands from around my legs, and pulled me to my feet. “Come on.” He urged, “Dance with me.”

“What?” I asked, utterly confused.

“Dance. As crazy as you want.” He instructed, flinging our arms wildly between us.

“Why?”

“Because it helps. You did this for me once, remember?”

“Yeah, but that was just some stupid thing, I didn't even know what I was doing. I just had too much coffee.” I explained.

“It was stupid and silly, sure, but it helped me.” He said, spinning us around. I reluctantly followed.

The more we ran around my yard, the more I could actually relax. And then I was laughing at all the weird noises Will was making.

Out of breath and panting a little, Will stopped and I followed his lead. Suddenly, I threw my arms tightly around him, “Thanks so much, Will.” I whispered to him. He held me just as tightly as I was holding on to him.

“It's what I'm here for, Aline.” He chuckled, the action rumbling deeply in his chest. It was then that I noticed neither of us had coats on, and it was close to 40 degrees outside.

I pulled away from him, my face still a little wet from the tears, smiling wide up at him, “It's cold out today.”

“Didn't even notice.” Will mumbled, wiping at the stray tears with his thumbs.

My attention snapped from Will to the next door neighbor's driveway as I heard a car door slam. James was getting in his car and pulling out, looking severely irritated. Why? I looked back up at Will as James' car started going down the road.

“You'll be okay, Aline.” Will reassure once more. “Because you're stronger than you were before. Everyone has a breaking point, and you just got past it. You can do it.”

I hugged him tightly once more before shivering slightly, “We should go back inside.” I whispered.

“At least long enough to get warm, and then we'll go to the library.” Will took my hand as we walked back inside.

“Oh!” I suddenly remembered our plans, “I forgot! Yes!” I cheered, practically skipping up the steps to my house, flinging the door open and rushing upstairs to get a sweater and my shoes.

“Ha.” Will let out some more laughter upon my return the the living room, “Ready to go, then?” He asked.

“Yes.” I nodded frantically.

We left Jimmie, who seemed to be doing a little better, and drove to the library.

I didn't really want to take ages in the library with Will there, looking a little bored to be honest. I guess he just didn't like books as much as I did. I hadn't even visited a book store out here yet, the baby book having come from a convenience store, and it was rather interesting to see all the different kinds of British literature.

“Ugh.” I groaned, slapping my forehead. “I just can't get away from this.”

“Get away from what?” Will asked, looking over my shoulder, “Twilight?” he asked.

“Yes, I hate it.”

“I thought every girl in America was supposed to like that.” Will pondered.

“Not this one.” I scowled, “I absolutely can't stand it.”

“I thought you loved all books....” Will baited, getting a kick out of my reaction.

“You do not want to get me started on this series, okay?” I said sternly, “I won't be able to stop for a couple hours.”

“That bad?” Will's eyebrows rose.

“Worse.” I said darkly before turning down another aisle of books and scanning the titles.

After picking out a couple books, we checked out and left. “I want to show you something, okay?” Will said as we got back in his car.

“What?”

“We're going to take a little drive to Birmingham, I don't believe you're really had a chance to go and site see...?”

“Not really, but we don't have to if you don't want.” I shook my head. “Besides, I don't have my camera.”

“I got it in the back seat.” Will jerked his thumb in that general direction and I looked back. Sure enough, my camera was resting on the seat, looking as shiny and perfect as ever. I loved that thing more than anything.

“You really thought of everything, huh, Will?” I laughed.

“So, do you want to go or not?” Will asked, keys in the ignition, but the car not running.

“Yeah, that's fine. Let's go be tourist in Birmingham.”

“You're the only tourist is this car, love.” Will chuckled, starting the engine and pulling out of the parking lot.