Life of Illusion

-Jimmie-

The doorbell rang, but I wasn't sure if I should answer it without Aline here. Peeking out the window, I saw that it was just Oliver. I guess it couldn't hurt since I already knew him. “Hi.” I smiled, opening the door.

“Oh, hi Carla.” He smiled, I allowed him to step inside Aline's house.

“Linney isn't here right now, she went someplace with Will. I think it was the library.”

“Oh, it's okay. I didn't really come here for her anyway.” Oliver smiled, causing my heart to do a weird little flip. I was worried I was going to have to throw up again for a second. “Are you all right? You don't look too good.”

“Yeah, I'm fine.” I led him into the living room to sit down on the couch. “So, if you aren't here for Aline, why are you here?”

“To see what you were up to. Though, I thought Aline would be here, too.” Oliver explained. “So what were you doing?”

“Being bored out of my mind. Aline doesn't have a television to take my mind off things. All she has is books.”

“What do you need taken from your mind?” He asked innocently, and the look he gave me...god, it was so trusting and trustworthy. It made me want to tell him everything.

“Aline wouldn't want me telling you all this, but whatever. I'm going to say it.” I started, looking him in the eye.

“What does it concern Aline for anyway?”

“Because it's part of her past, too.” I said darkly, remembering how much of a mess we all were. How Vicky, Ash, and Craig still were. “You can't tell anyone what I tell you, and you can't tell Aline I told you. I don't think she wants you guys to know because she likes you both a lot. James more so, if you ask me.” I mumbled the last piece.

“She fancies James, eh?” Oliver smirked. “It makes sense.”

“What does?” I asked, confused.

“Why James is jealous. He likes her, as well, but he is too thickheaded to admit it. He's jealous of Will because he's been here the past few days.”

“That's only because Aline needs the support. I mean, it was tragic what happened to her, and I just bring up tons of bad memories.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if you'd let me explain instead of going on about James.” I teased, trying to make a joke before I got to the heavy stuff. Oliver was quiet and I took a deep breath before starting.

“So, we had this group of friends. I was in the group a little bit before Linney, but she started hanging out with us when she was about 16. And in this group of friends, we...” I clutched my stomach, feeling a little sick again, but I forced it down, telling myself I wasn't going to vomit. “We did drugs. A whole bunch of them, too. Aline was definitely no exception. I mean, we thought we were so cool.”

Tears filled my eyes as I remembered the group Aline and I was apart of, one of us no longer here. Forever gone. Oliver was beside me, already looking shocked. I hope he can handle the rest. It would be a shame to lose out so soon on him.

I already liked him a lot already.

“There were six of us together, three girls and three boys. Aline had a boy, his name was Davis, and I had Craig. The other two were together as well...still are. Anyway, Aline and Davis were always together, they even lived together once Aline was 18 since her grandparents had a pretty tight rope on her.”

I was rambling, I knew, but I didn't want to get to the part that would send Oliver running.

“And I was the same with Craig, you know. We were in love. In love with the lifestyle, each other. It was great. Until...” I took another deep breath. “Davis overdosed.” I choked up now. “It was a real shock to everyone. I mean, we had grown to be like a family in the six years since Aline came along. We were hardly ever apart. And then he just...died.” My voice cracked miserably, and I blinked away tears.

“The one affected the most, though, was Aline. She suddenly stopped hanging out with us, and she got clean. It took her six months to do it, she said, but she did it. And after she left, everything started to go downhill. Vicky and Ash also stopped coming around all that much, and our little family had been broken apart. Craig and I still were together, if possible closer than before.”

Here comes the big part, “Then I got pregnant.” Oliver, who had been silent the whole time, suddenly sucked in a sharp breath, “and Craig left me, too. He wasn't willing to get sober, or have a kid. So...I left and came here. Now I'm trying to get sober.”

Oliver looked at me, his eyes searching mine. “That means...it hasn't even been two years since Aline stopped doing drugs, right?”

“Yeah, that's why it's been so hard on her. I don't think the cravings ever really stopped for her...” I admitted.

“And...you...you're...” He stuttered, still comprehending the situation.

“I'm pregnant. Almost a month by now.” I nodded.

“It...you...what an arse.” Oliver let out, “How could he just leave you like that?”

“You don't understand how much the drugs take hold of you, Oliver, you've never been addicted.” I whispered. “Nothing else matters to you but getting high. Even your boyfriend or girlfriend, family, school, nothing matters anymore but the drugs. You only get a job for money to buy them, even.” I wiped tears away.

“But you...you've stopped for the baby, why couldn't he? And Aline, she stopped because Davis died, right? Obviously, not everything is less important than the drugs.”

“We're exceptions to the rule, Oliver.” I couldn't look at him while I cried, it was quite pathetic, really. “Some women on drugs don't even stop once they find out they're pregnant.”

“But you did. And Aline stopped, too. It makes you better than all of them, stronger, so don't start getting down on yourself and thinking I won't be your friend anymore.”

I laughed in surprise, “How did you know I thought you would run?”

“That's why Aline hasn't told us anything, right? Besides, it's written all over your face. I'll still be your friend, Carla. Because the drugs aren't a part of you anymore. It's in the past.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, sniffling. “You know, you'd be a good motivation speaker.”

Oliver laughed, “Believe it or not, you're not the first to tell me that.” He stunned me once again by wrapping his arms around me in a tight embrace. I hugged him back tightly.

“Thanks.” I mumbled when we pulled apart.

“For what?”

“I really needed a hug.” I laughed, my tears stopped and I felt so much better having talked it all out. For obvious reasons, Aline didn't want to talk about it. She just wanted to get me off the drugs and be done with it.

But, I wonder how she felt now that she almost relapsed. It was partly my fault, too. If I hadn't been stupid and brought the drugs, she wouldn't have been so tempted. Almost two years, and I almost wreck everything she's rebuilt.

I didn't want to tell Oliver about that, though. It was none of my business.

“How are you doing with the...recovery?” Oliver asked, as if unsure if that's what he should be calling it. Sounded good enough to me.

“I think I'm getting over the whole withdrawal thing...the pain is going away, and now I just have to deal with the sickness.”

“Do you think you'd be up for a card game?” Oliver asked, “Mostly since there isn't a television, books are meant for one person, and I don't think Aline would want you to come over to my place. She might freak if she comes back and you're not here.” He added to explain his odd request.

“What kind of a card game?” I asked.

“Do you know poker?” He asked.

I shook my head, “ But, I know Black Jack.” I amended.

“That sounds good to me. Do you have a deck of cards?”

“I'm sure she has some somewhere, but I have no idea.” I shrugged.

“Oh, well. I'll be back, I'll go get a deck.” He let himself out.

I sat back on the couch, relieved and frustrated at the same time. Nobody is that okay with an pregnant ex-junkie. I wonder what he really thought about the whole situation. I mean, he seemed sincere enough...

But, as I had just realized last night after our meeting, he was an actor...he could just be pretending to be fine with it. But, what kind of sense would that make? What possible reason could he have to pretend to still like me.

Since I didn't want to get a headache above all else, I decided to just accept it until I had a reason not to. What was the harm in trusting him if he's willing to be there for me? He could just be a really good person.