Life of Illusion

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“You know, I will meet your roommates one of these days.” I teased Will as I opened the door to my house. It was already dark, but I soon realized Jimmie wasn't alone on the couch, laughing. One of the twins was with her.

“What about you doing here?” I asked safely to avoid confusing either James with Oliver or Oliver with James.

“I figured I would accompany Carla. It gets lonely.” He, Oliver, shrugged, “So we're playing card games.”

All I could think about is what they might have conversed about while I wasn't there. But, I wouldn't talk about it to Jimmie while Oliver was here. “So, how are you feeling, then, Jimmie?”

“I'm feeling a lot better, right now. The pain is going away slowly too. I'm not shaking so badly, and my stomach isn't queasy. But, then again, I haven't really attempted to eat anything either.”

“Do you want another smoothie, or something that isn't liquid?” I asked, feeling a little relieved that she was actually getting better now, getting over the initial withdrawal symptoms. I had a hard time believing she would fully get over the cravings just like that. Since I was still struggling with it.

“Naw, can we go out for burgers?”

I smiled, at least she had an appetite. “Will and I can go pick some up for you, if you want.” I suggested.

“Sure.”

“What do you guys want, then?” Will asked, leaning against the door behind me. Orders were taken, and I started to follow Will out the door. “Hey, Aline, why don't you stay here. I got it. And, I can tell you're tired.” He stroked my cheek, thumb brushing under my eye which no doubt had bags and possibly dark circles.

“Are you sure?” I asked, looking up at him. “I could help, you know.”

“I know that, Aline. You always want to help.” He smiled.

“It's just fast food.” Okay, now I was a little confused.

“No, I'll be fine.” William shook his head, turning back to the door.

Still confused, I rejoined Oliver and Jimmie in the living room. “Oliver, why do guys always act so weird?”

“Are you talking about James?” Oliver asked.

“Huh? Well...yeah, but I was mainly talking about Will. Though, James has been acting weird lately, too. Do you know why?”

Oliver smiled in a secret way, and stated, “Yeah, I know why he's acting strange.”

“But I don't get to know.”

“We went over this before.” Oliver nodded once and went back to playing cards with Jimmie.

I was still holding the books Will and I had gotten at the library, and setting all but one on the stand, I sat down with the new one and opened to the first page. Among the books I had checked out, Sense and Sensibility was the one I was most excited to read. I have always meant to, but never got around to it.

Usually, reading always calmed me down, and right now I was feeling very anxious for some reason. I couldn't quite place it, but even as I set down to read, my mind wouldn't calm down and I felt like I couldn't sit still.

I stood up, looking around me for a moment, setting the book back down on the coffee stand. “I'm going to make some cookies or something, any requests?”

“You okay, Linney?” Jimmie asked, peering at me strangely from over her cards.

“Yeah, for the most part. I just thought I'd make some cookies.”

“You always bake when you're upset, what's wrong?” Jimmie inquired. Really, I had no idea she knew so much about, especially when I didn't even realize I tended to do that when upset.

I glanced at Oliver, who was watching the scene with mild curiosity. “Got it, secret girl talk.” He smiled. “I have to go see how James is doing, anyway. Last I checked he and Rupert were going to the golf course. I wanted to see if they were back.” Oliver set his cards down.

“It won't take ten minutes, promise.” I said to him as he got up from the couch. “Will should be back by then, too, and we could have dinner together.”

“Yeah.” Oliver smiled, and went to the door. Jimmie and I waited to hear it close before she came over to me to talk.

“What's wrong?” She asked.

“I'm just really anxious and...I don't know what to do, honestly.” I sighed, leaning against the counter. “I really like James and Oliver, they've become good friends, I-I I don't want to keep them in the dark. But, what if...what if they don't want to talk to me anymore?”

Jimmie put her arm around me, “I told Oliver part of it, he didn't run. James won't either.”

“How can you know that? They may be twins, but they're two completely different people.” I pointed out, “Plus, that's not just want I'm antsy about, either. It's--”

“Your birthday tomorrow.” Jimmie finished for me. “It's hard to believe it's been two years, huh?”

“It feels like just yesterday, because of the pain. But...at the same time it feels like it's been so much longer because of how badly I miss him.” Jimmie's arms tightened around me. “I want him back.” I mumbled pathetically.

“I know, Linney...but he can't come back.” Jimmie told me straight up, “And you're going to have to get over him eventually.”

I tried to keep my tears in, but it wasn't happening. “I'm going to tell them both the whole story tomorrow.” I vowed, pulling away from Jimmie. “Everything. I can't have a friendship with this baggage. It almost feels like I'm lying to them.”

Jimmie smiled with a twinge of sadness, “It will be fine, Aline.” She reassured.

“I'm...I think I'm just going to go to bed.” I told her, wiping my eyes from the tears that wouldn't relent.

“You sure? It's not even 8 o'clock yet.”

I nodded, already halfway to the stairs. “I'm just...tired. You can tell Will he can go home if he wants.”

When I got to my bed, I curled up in the sheets. I closed me eyes and imagined that Davis was still beside me. A warm breeze startled me awake from an almost dreamlike trance, and my heart sank when no one was beside me.

No one meaning Davis.

A couple hours had passed since I had come up and it was now almost ten at night. I looked around the room once more. My eyes felt swollen from crying myself to sleep, and once again the tears were starting up again.

I stared at my hands, folding together tightly in my lap, and released them. My knuckles turned from white back to their fleshy color. I don't know what was wrong with me, I was beginning to become delusional.

Davis hadn't been there, he would never be there again.

It's been two years, it shouldn't hurt anymore, I needed to get over him. But...it was so hard. I may have been high half the time I was with him, but he still meant more to me than anything else. Because he was there for me.

Except, now he isn't...