I'll Try to Fix You

*Jimmy*

The guys all stared at me for a second, with disbelieving looks on their faces.

“Whoa, so wait?” Brian said as he held up his hand shaking his head at the same time. “She came through our practice today to join boxing? And Coach told her no?”

I shrugged. “He didn’t exactly say no, okay nevermind, yeah he did. But he told her it was too late in the season to join and that it wouldn’t be fair to all the other boxers and that she could ‘try out’ next semester. Everybody knows that boxing an open sport at our school and you can join whenever you want. Even her, she argued with him pissed him off and then that got her angry and she yelled at him that she will try out semester. She even got a little mad at me when I told her she was too skinny to be a boxer.” I laughed.

“Duuddeeee!” Johnny, who barely speaks anymore after his recent break up, yelled from the corner of the room. “That girl is so hot. He should have let her join so we could all drool over her.”

My mind wandered for moment. I had never really noticed her before, only the times when Matt had to pull Brian away from her and the other one. Though I guess she’s kind of pretty, if you’re into that.

“Yeah Johnny. Because we all get turned on by a sweaty girl getting the shit kicked out of herself.” Matt said sarcastically though was chuckling at the same time. Though I could see through it, he totally likes her. Maybe not a lot, but enough.

“Awwww my poor little Chandra!” Brian wailed. “I must console her tomorrow! Her poor heart must be busted in half!” His face full of stress.

I rolled my eyes and Zacky waded over to him and smacked him in the head. “Shut the fuck up Brian. Why are you so obsessed with this girl? Do you like her or something?” I narrowed my eyes at him scrutinizing his face.

He giggled. “It’s not like that. It’s just… She’s really, you know? Awesome, and then there’s some other stuff but I can’t really say. You guys know me and her are good friends, we hang out all the time.”

“Ohh…” I said. “So you can’t say… that you want to bone a pretty girl. It’s okay Brian we get it.”

“Yeah.” Matt cut in. “You can tell us, we’d get it, she’s hot.” Knew it…

“Maybe he’s secretly fucking her!” Johnny yelled.

“Fuck you guys!” Brian screamed stunning us all; everything stopped as he swam to the edge of the pool quickly. He pulled himself out and rolled onto the concrete before rising gracefully and turning back towards us. “You guys really don’t fucking pay attention do you?” He sneered before he turned and sprinted into his house soaking wet.

*Chandra*

I stood there for a moment. “What?”

Mr. Laython stared back at me for a few seconds and shook his head. “What don’t you understand there darlin’?” He smirked at me and I couldn’t help but falter.

“Um, what?” I repeated.

I could feel Jimmy’s eyes practically searing holes into my face. I was afraid to look over at him. What if he was laughing at me? Suddenly laughter erupted though it wasn’t Jimmy’s.

Mr. Laython stopped laughing at shook his head at me. “Look, boxing is man’s sport. You’re just a tiny little thing.”

“I am not! I’m at least 5’9. That is not tiny.” I argued.

“Wow.” I new voice cut in, making me whip my head over to Jimmy who was still relaxed in his seat. “Let me guess, you weigh like, 100 pounds.” He spoke smoothly as his eyes trailed up and down my body, checking out my body intently. I suddenly felt very self conscious.

“Um no. Actually I weigh around 120, or so..” I spat defensively and he laughed.

“Your tiny.” He deadpanned.

“Look darlin’ you’re just not going to fit in, you can try out next semester.” Mr. Laython drawled.

“Yeah.” Jimmy cut in. “After you’ve maybe bulked up a little, or gained some weight. God knows you need it, seriously you’re literally the skinniest tallest chick I’ve ever see..”

I shot daggers at him cutting him off. Before I turned back to Coach “Boxing is an open sport, you can join whene…”

“I said no!” Mr. Laython sighed angrily.

I rolled my eyes. “I get it. It’s because I’m a girl isn’t it. You knows that sexist right? I could get you suspened!” My eyes narrowed on the older man’s.

He began to stutter. “Um, w-wha uh...”

“We you know what? I’m going to come back next semester, and I’m going to try out whether you like it or not. You have no idea what I can do. Don’t underestimate me. If you know what’s best for you, you’ll keep your eye on me.” Then I stormed out of his office slamming the door behind me.

When I walked past the guys again they all were either stretching or goofing off. Brian called out me, and began running towards me. I didn’t even look at him as I raised my hand and flipped him off. I saw him stop out of the corner of my eye, just as I made it to the door. I flung it open and didn’t even cringe as it slammed into the wall. Cara was looking at me funny as I stormed up to her.

“Everything all right? How’d it go?” She said.

“Shitty. He won’t let me join now because I’m a girl. I have to wait until next semester.”

Cara scoffed. “That’s so sexist, we could go to the sports attendant with this, then he’ll have to let you join.”

I just smiled at her and shook my head. “Oh no, I’ll try out next semester, it’s only a few weeks away. I’m going to get better, and I know exactly how I’m going to do it.”

She looked at me confused though didn’t ask any questions. Which I was grateful for, because I didn’t really want to lie to her again.

I knew how I was going to get better. I was going get training. There’s only one person I want to be trained by, and it’s not going to be easy to convince him either. The only hard part really is asking. If I can even manage the nerve…

~.~

By the time Cara had dropped me off at home, I had lost all my pent up anger and instead felt sort of empty. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to push it away though it never works. It was almost like there was a hole in my chest that was sucking the bright light that harbors my very spark and life into it. My eyelids were heavy though I wasn’t tired and my movements slow and zombie like.

Every breath, movement, and thought hurt.

I wandered through my house aimlessly. All of the lights turned off, just the slight light from pre-dusk illuminating the dark space. I wasn’t surprised that my parents weren’t home; they never are.

I found myself on my way to my room. I entered, my feet slapping against the cool hardwood. I closed the door behind me, leaving the lights off once again. I made my way to my dresser, and sat down in front of it. I began to reach out to it but stopped myself. I brought my hand to my mouth instead biting my thumb nail anxiously.

My phone buzzed against my thigh making me jump. I grabbed it quickly reading the message from Cara. It was her reminding me that she is going on vacation for the next couple weeks.

I frowned before setting my phone in front of not replying to her. I reached out to my dresser again this time pulling the bottom drawer open slightly. I stuck my hand in blindly feeling around slightly until my fingertips came in contact with the cool metal. I gripped it tightly before pulling it out and closing the drawer. I set it down next to my phone.

I stared at both of them intently, weighing my options heavily. I could use the razor, or I could call someone; a certain someone.

I closed my eyes and slapped myself in the face a few times before reaching forward. With shaking hands I cradled my phone before I dialed a number that even though I’ve only dialed a few times, I knew it by heart. Just in case..

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Hello?” The voice said gruffly.

“Hey uh can I ask you a favor?” I bit my lip afraid of what would happen if the answer.

“Sure Chandra, anything.”

“Come over? To my house? I don’t want to be alo…” A chocked sobbed left my lips cusing me to cover my mouth with my hand in surprise.

He paused for a moment. “Can I stay the night?”

“Yeah my parents aren’t home.” I said quickly forcing through the tears silently begging for a ‘yes’.

“Then of course! We can have a sleepover and give each other makeovers!” He said excitedly.

I almost began to sob, though this time in happiness. “Thanks Brian.”

“No problem leaving right now.” I could hear his car start in the background.

“The door’s open…” I trailed.

“Okay, see you when I get there lovely.” And with that he hung up on me.

I guess you could say that Brian is my other best friend. Ever since he walked in on me cutting myself at school, we have kind of had a weird relationship. I call him when I need help, which oddly isn’t that often and he calls me when he’s bored, which is not surprisingly, very often.

~.~

I woke up, hot and sweaty, and my face shoved against something slick. I opened eyes and realized that I was on the floor lying with someone, or on someone to be exact. I lifted my head up as I recalled last night’s events and shook Brian awake.

He whined and rolled over covering his face form the light. I whined back and shook him harder. He whined again, and swung his arm blindly missing me by inches.

“Brian. Get up. I will go get a cup of water, and you know I will because I have before.”

Suddenly he rolled over, eyes wide. “I’m up. I’m up!”

I just smiled before getting up and walking to the bathroom. Brian always gets to shower first when he stays over somehow so this time, I refuse to let.

I showered quickly, making sure not to use all the hot water so Brian can have a decent shower also, I know by experience how he gets when he doesn’t get a good enough shower. He turns into a total drama queen.

When I came out he was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling with a towel in his hand.

“Took you long enough.” He fake glared before sitting up and getting off my bed. As he passed me he paused for a moment before he slapped my ass just like he had in the boxing room. “By the way, nice legs sweetheart.” He said referring to how they were exposed fully underneath the short towel.

I rolled my eyes as he took easy strides out of the room. When I was sure he was in the shower, I close my door and walked over to my closet. I had to try and look extra good today if I was going to go through my plan.

From what I can tell Jimmy’s favorite color is black… At least that’s what he wears everyday, do I figured I would start there.

I chose a red and black striped sweater, it was baggy, all my shirts were to ensure that the sleeves were long enough to cover my wrists and hang over just slightly to make sure that there was no chance for it to slip down.

I looked over the rows and rows of pants, most of them skinny jeans, though I did have some flare, which although I didn’t like as much were still cute. I picked the rattiest ones, thinking back to how Jimmy’s jeans are always tore up though most likely from doing ‘guy things’ with his friends unlike mine which are overpriced and bought that way.

Shoes were easy considering I only owned vans.

It’s kind of sickening, considering how I always promised that I would never change just for a guy and yet it seems as though all the things I do these days are based on Jimmy.

I shook the thought from my head as I threw the clothes on quickly, knowing that Brian would most likely be ending his shower soon. Just as I buttoned my jeans he burst through the door and I sighed in relief. I took in his appearance, how his hair was down instead of spiked and his toned shirtless body. If he wasn’t gay… I would totally be going for him instead of Jimmy. Especially since Jimmy doesn’t even look my way, or any girls way for that matter. But then again, there’s always Matt. Being truthful I’ve always had a mini crush on him. I think it’s his smile, the way his dimples cave in adorably when he shows joy. Or it could be just that he’s always so kind.

“Get out so I can change.” He smiled, bringing from my mindless state.

I flipped him off before leaving. I made sure to grab my makeup bag before he closed the door on me and made my way to the bathroom to start applying it. I took extra time today, once again, with Jimmy in mind. I needed to look as nice as possible if I was going to go through with my plan.

~.~

After I managed to apply all my makeup and curl my hair, I left the bathroom and went back to my room, surprised when Brian wasn’t in their anymore. I heard the faint noises of the television to I figured he got sick of waiting and went downstairs. I picked my backpack with all my book in it already up off my dresser. I took the steps two at a time down the stairs and almost biffed it at the bottom but caught myself before failing face first into the linoleum of my kitchen.

When I looked Brian was standing with the fried open, drinking greedily from the milk jug. Directly from the milk jug.

“Uh, I use that milk…” I said glaring at him.

He smirked before screwing the lid back on and tossing is carelessly on the countertop. “Well, there you go. Go ahead and use it.”

I rolled my eyes before picking it up gingerly and walking it back to the fridge and setting it inside.

I turned back to him to see him sitting on the countertop smiling at me.

Before I could say anything music started playing, coming from Brian’s direction. He pulled his phone out quickly and opened it before speaking. “What do you want Matt?” Brian’s face was amused but quickly changed to confused, before shock. “Are you kidding me? Where are you guys?” He suddenly looked annoyed. “Fine, yeah I’ll be there.” He rolled his eyes. “When I get there that’s when.” Then slammed the phone shut before shoving it in his pocket roughly.

I shifted a bit. “You okay?”

He smiled at and nodded. “Yeah, it’s just; we have to get the guys before we go to school. Johnny’s car broke down at my house when they went to get me and realized I wasn’t home.”

I nodded at his words not really thinking anything of them. “Okay, yeah. Should we go now then? Your house is a ways away and so is school…”

“Yeah, just let me go get my jacket from upstairs.” He ran up the stairs quickly leaving me alone in the kitchen.

My stomach growled and I sighed. I walked over to the cupboards and threw them open before gazing at all the random foods before me. I wasn’t really hungry for anything breakfast related so I guess junk food will have to do. I grabbed an unopened package of Oreos and walked back to the staircase to meet Brian at the bottom as he was already heading down the stairs.

He had his leather jacket on already and picked his keys up off the counter before picking up my bag also obviously going to carry it. I smiled at him as he gestured me to the door first.

I walked outside and squinted at the sun. I strolled over to his car and rolled my eyes as he quickly walked past me as to open the door for me. As he did I just shook my head at him.

“Hey.” He said. “I’m being a gentleman dammit. Thank me.”

I flipped him off and grabbed the door slamming it. He smirked before quickly walking around the car and hopping in. As he started the car I peeled the package of the Oreo’s open and picked one up with nimble fingers trying to avoid spilling crumbs all over Brain’s car. I took a bite leaving half of it in my palm as I chewed.

“Feed me.” He said still facing forward, both hands on the wheel though his mouth was hanging open ready for a cookie.

I smirked and put the half eaten cookie in his mouth. I waited for his reaction which not surprisingly didn’t come. He never reacts badly to anything.

“I don’t care that you took a bite out of it.” He smirked. “You don’t have any germs and besides it makes the cookie easier to chew.”

“Good.” I said. “Because half eaten cookies are all you’re getting.”

He chuckled and looked over to me shaking his head as he pulled up to a stop light.

“So, who do you have to pick up?” I said genuinely curious taking another bite of a cookie before shoving the rest in Brian’s mouth.

“My group of friends, you know. Matt, Zacky, Johnny, and Jimmy.”

I almost chocked on my cookie when he said Jimmy’s name. I pounded my chest as I hacked and Brian looked over concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Just uh.. That’s four people, and there are already two of us. How are we all supposed to fit?”

He paused for a moment. “…Shit. Well, you’re skinny you can maybe sit on one of the guys’ laps.”

I panicked. “Can I sit on Matt’s lap?”

He waggled his eyebrows. “Ohhhh you like him don’t you?? You have a crush on Mattie boy!!” He yelled making me blush.

“No. NO! It’s just, it’s not that he’s like ugly or anything; I mean he’s a good looking guy. Hot even, a lot of girls think he’s sexy. So yeah kinda, wait no! Ignore that, I didn’t just say it. I like someone else more. And well, he’s the only one of your friends that talks to me and is nice…” I avoided eye contact.

“So you kind of like him, but you like someone else more?” He said completely serious.

“Yeah, basically. Like, I like Matt. I mean he’s dead sexy and nice and just all around a sweet guy. But there’s another guy who I can’t get out of my mind. It’s like a disease, and he slowly taking over my entire being. Like I’m being possessed or something.

“Well, who is it?” He was still looking forward, I noticed. His house was coming up as I had recognized the streets.

“Nooooo. I can’t tell you.”

“Why not!?” He semi yelled.

“You’ll tell them.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Chandra, I would not tell anyone who you like. You’re one of my best friends. Unless of course it’s one of my other best friends… Wait, is it one of them?” He looked over to me his eyes bugging slightly.

I looked over shocked before turning away avoiding eye contact. “…No.” Nice one Chandra. Really smooth. You’re cover is officially blown and all hell is going to break loose.

Like I suspected Brian wasn’t fooled. “It is isn’t it? Which one is it? I know it’s not me, and I know it’s not Matt because you already admitted that one. So that leaves three more. Is it Zacky? He’s handsome, and nice. I bet it’s him isn’t it!”

“Um nope.”

“Oh god it’s Johnny isn’t it? You have to be kidding me! He’s not even four foot! Chandra I am so disappointed…”

I looked over to him frowning. He narrowed his eyes before getting it.

“Oh… Chadra…” He said completely serious, pity etched into his chiseled features. “It’s Jimmy. Isn’t it? You know Jimmy doesn’t date...” He said softly obviously trying to break it to me easy.

“I know Brian. I know he doesn’t date. I know that he turns down every girl that even looks his way. I know that he has never even taken a second look at me and thinks I’m a joke.” I buried my face in my hands close to tears. “He would never want me.”

We pulled into the parking lot of his house just behind a car that already had guys in it. I assumed it was his friends. He put in park before reaching over to me and wrapping his thick arms around my tightly. “Look, it’s not that Jimmy doesn’t like girls and want to date. He just, he’s different okay. There’s shit going on in his life that makes it hard for him to commit for something that could lead long term.”

He pulled away and smiled at me while pinched my cheek. I swatted his hand away and glared at him. He stuck his tongue out at me playfully. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see his friends getting out of the car they were all in. Brian noticed too and quickly threw his door open before running around to my door and pulling it open dramatically and offering his hand out to me. I rolled my eyes and gripped tightly as he pulled me roughly from the car catching me in his arms before I face planted.

“Hey guys.” He said still holding me from behind.

“Um hey Brian..” Matt silky voice said in an almost confused tone, though I couldn’t really tell because his eyes were hidden behind aviators. Like always..

He gripped me tighter and leaned down and whispered in my ear. “Matt is totally jealous right now.” Before he lifted his head spoke to the guys. “You guys know Chandra.”

Most of the guys had part shock, part confused faces, except for Jimmy. His face looked as it always did; completely blank.

“Why yes we do.” The smallest one of them said; Johnny. His voice was suave as he looked me up and down.

Matt punched him in the arm, causing Johnny to wince. Johnny gave him a ‘what the fuck?” look and Matt just glared back disappointed.

I giggled. Matt looked over to me and a smiled played on his pierced lips. My heart stopped and I stared wide eyed until he smiled wider though gave me weird look before turning away.

“Let’s go if you want to get to school on time.” Brian said annoyed at the sudden silence.

“Can I drive!?” I said excitedly.

“No!” Bran said quickly causing me to stare at him wide eyed. “I mean.. no. You’re the smallest you’re going to have to have sit on someone’s lap.”

I laughed. “Alright.”

“Okay so since I trust Matt the most, will you let her sit on your lap?” He said to Matt who suddenly looked torn. I glared over to Brian knowing exactly what he was doing.

“I have a Home-Ec project due today… I don’t trust any of the guys except Zack to hold part of my brownies..” He frowned.

“She can sit on my lap!” Johnny screamed.

“No, no, no, no.. No. No way. No.” Brian said making Johnny frown and cross his arms over his chest pouting.

“Yeah Johnny.” Jimmy started. “I don’t even trust you.. She can sit on my lap Brian.”

“Okay thanks Jim.” Brian nudged me and winked inconspicuously.

I looked at him in disbelief. He just gave me knowing look.

“Alright let’s go.” Brian walked over to the driver’s door getting in quickly slamming the door.

Matt was the next to move. He walked back to Johnny’s car and opened the back door and picked up a large tray covered in foil. Zacky walked over and took it from him. He pulled another out and walked back to Brian’s car. He walked to the back of the car pulling the door open and getting in stopping in the middle.

Zacky called shot gun and hopped in front with Brian making me smile because it’s completely obvious that Brian likes Zack.

Johnny walked past me and looked at me longingly until Jimmy said “Go.” and pointed to the car.

I looked up to Jimmy who looked back bored and gestured for me to go towards the car. The only seat left was in the back directly behind Brian’s seat, right next to Matt. Jimmy opened the door and got in slowly before he looked to me questioningly. I shuffled uncomfortably before I turned around and started to back up into the car awkwardly.

I heard Jimmy sigh before I felt his hands grip my waist tightly as he pulled me back. I lost my footing and slammed down onto his lap almost slamming my head again the top of the door as well.

“Oh my god. I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?” I turned around to Jimmy whose face was literally only an inch away causing me to stare doe eyed at him as I couldn’t help but look down to his lips. If he noticed it didn’t show.

He smiled. “No, you’re really light. I barely even felt it.”

I could feel my mouth starting to drop so I acted fast. “Well it’s a good thing I didn’t eat anything last night.”

He gave me funny look and I just turned around and mentally bashed my face in with a shovel. I saw Brian’s face in the rearview mirror; he was laughing, though trying to hold it in.

Jimmy’s lap was soft and I suddenly got worried that I might have too bony of an ass and be hurting him. I bit my lip and shifted my eyes.

Jimmy’s arms wrapped themselves around my waist. He pulled back slightly obviously urging me to sit back. I complied and lied back against him letting my head fall back onto his shoulder. I looked to my right and saw Matt looking straight ahead, still having his shades on. I inhaled and was greeted with Jimmy’s scent. It was even better than I ever imagined and I couldn’t help but breathe deeply a few more times before I started to get used to it as it wore off.

I felt a weight on my shoulder and looked out of the corner of my eye to see Jimmy’s head resting on top of my shoulder. His eyes were closed and he let out a sigh. I couldn’t help but smile widely and turn forward to see Brian still looking at me threw the rearview. I widened my eyes and smiled even wider feeling my face stretch to its limits.

I wasn’t sure if Jimmy was asleep or not, but when his hands suddenly started to move I knew he wasn’t, though he never stirred in any other way.

I could feel his finger softly drawing circles against my stomach. Every so often he would play with the fabric of my sweater rubbing it between his fingers or pulling it gently. I let my head fall back again on his shoulder not caring that he was fondling my midsection.

He didn’t stop; in fact he kept going this time rubbing harder making the hair on my neck stand up. I shifted in his lap, snuggling deeper into him which he didn’t reject.

I let my eyes flutter closed listening the faint chatter of Brian and his friends, lulled to sleep by Jimmy’s soft hands while my mind was consumed with by him.